


Called To Be A Rock

by therumandcokediaries



Series: Frostiron and Spiderson [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Communication Issues, Crushes, Depression, Domestic, Domestic Violence, Eating Disorders, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Family Dynamics, Father-Son Relationship, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Illnesses, Light BDSM, Light Dom/sub, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Loki is Soft, M/M, Medical, Mental Health Issues, Minor Violence, Miscommunication, Other, Panic Attacks, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Swearing, Teenager stuff, Thor likes to interfere, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Unrequited Crush, bedroom stuff, domestic abuse, summer stuff, tony in dad mode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-13
Updated: 2018-08-15
Packaged: 2019-05-06 03:52:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 127,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14633538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/therumandcokediaries/pseuds/therumandcokediaries
Summary: (I’m very out of practice as I haven’t written anything for ages, anything for a well-known fandom in even longer, and something potentially multi-chapter in about five years)Frostiron feat. Spiderson AU fanficOverall description: May is away working and travelling for an extended period of time, and Peter is staying with Tony and Loki.Peter is thrown in at the deep end right from the start. It isn't long before he starts to see Loki as a friend, and also as someone to protect. His naivety doesn't serve him well, but good intentions go a long way, even in the face of great adversityUPDATEIn light of recent comments on chapter 6, I have been notified of themes of domestic abuse in my work. While this theme was not an intention of my writing, (nor is it my view of the content) , it has come to my attention that some readers do see it as abusive. Out of respect for my readers, present and future, I have added a domestic violence tag for this work. I apologise for any inconvenience caused by this oversightEDIT - emotional abuse tag also added my request, along with mental illness





	1. These Apartment Walls Are Paper-Thin

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter 1 - Tony is busy a lot of the time and initially Loki isn’t too sure about having someone else in the house, and doesn’t really feel like making friends. Peter makes it his challenge to get the god to open up to him.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony is busy a lot of the time and initially Loki isn’t too sure about having someone else in the house, and doesn’t really feel like making friends. Peter makes it his challenge to get the god to open up to him.

Loki glanced up from his book as he heard the click of the front door. He registered the presence of Tony and Someone Else, but returned to his book without much thought.

“Loki?” He didn’t respond to Tony’s voice. “Loki. This is Peter. You know, I told you about him”

“The spider” Loki said, disinterested.

“Erm. Yeah” he walked over and took Loki’s book from him. “Remember, I said he’d be about for the summer”

Peter himself jumped in, approaching with caution and interest the man he knew by name and sight but hadn’t had the opportunity to meet up until now.

“Hi, Mr Loki, sir. Um, Mr Stark said I should try not to talk too much around you. He said you think a lot, and that you’re not who a lot of people think, that you’ve changed. Yknow, Mr Loki, sir, since the time you attacked New York-”

Loki suddenly looked up, finally looking at the boy for the first time and shooting a warning glance at him. “I see you haven’t heeded his advice”

Peter took a few steps back, turning his worried attention to Tony. “I’m sorry. Mr Stark, I said the wrong thing, didn’t I? OK so maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned New York-”

Tony’s phone starting ringing and he put a finger up, cutting Peter off mid-sentence while he answered it. He listened for a moment, sighed, and lowered the mobile.

“I have to take this. Keep an eye on the kid, ok?” Tony handed Loki’s book back.

“Mr Stark, I’m not a child! I don’t need babysitting”

Tony wasn’t listening. He ignored him and exited the room to continue his phone call.

-

Peter didn’t know quite what to do with himself. He wasn’t quite scared, but he certainly felt on edge. Loki had returned to his book and had paid no further attention to him. It was as though he was invisible. He looked towards the door, where he could hear the faint buzz of Tony’s voice. He bit his lip, looking back over at Loki. He couldn’t help but think he didn’t look happy - but he hoped that was just down to whatever book he was reading, and not to the presence of a new person. Ah. The book. Now, that seemed like it could be an ice breaker…

“W-what are you reading?” Peter asked, slowly approaching again. He waited a moment or two, and when he received no recognition, he tried again. “Cool window seat. Looks comfortable. I’ve never seen one before. I didn’t expect Mr Stark to have one”

“I needed somewhere to read” Loki said, turning a page.

“Oh, he made this for you? That’s, that’s cool. Do you read a lot, then? Are all these books yours?” he gestured to the bulging bookcase beside them.

Loki glanced at it briefly. “None of them are mine: I just happen to be the only person who reads them”

“O-oh, ok…” he stepped back a bit, swallowing hard. Loki didn’t seem to be very receptive.

Peter looked over at the door again. He could still hear the buzz of the phone call. It sounded like it was going to be a long one. He swallowed again and sat down cautiously at the other side of the window seat. Loki shot him another look, but remained quiet, and resisted the sudden urge to knock him off.

-

Peter could hear his heart beating in his ears. He didn’t want to disturb Tony’s phone call, or risk wandering off and getting lost in the big building, so staying here looked like his only option. He noticed a small pile of books next to him. He picked one up, noting the broken binding and wrinkled pages. It was definitely ‘well-loved’, as they say.  _Anne of Green Gables_. Peter read the blurb and quickly decided it was the last book in the world he’d expect someone like Tony to own, and someone like Loki to read. He had a look at the other books. They were all old classics and a bit tattered too. They weren’t what he’d expected to see. He looked at the book in Loki’s hands. It looked to be in a slightly better condition than the others. It was a grey hardback, quite old and heavy-looking. Loki was sat with his legs bent up, obscuring the front cover so the title couldn’t be seen.

“What are you reading?” Peter asked again.

Loki raised the book for a moment so he could see.  _Oliver Twist_.

“Oh, I saw the film of that once. It went on forever. Looks like the book does too. Is it good? I can only really remember the scuffles and stuff from the film”

“Is that why you’re here then?”

“What?”

“To scuffle”

“Oh” Peter thought about it for a moment, a little nervous of the connotations. “Well, partly its because my aunt is out of town. But I think Mr Stark was going to help me a bit. Yknow, to train. Fight, and stuff. I mean, I’m good, yknow, at fighting. But I could be better. Yknow?”

Loki put his book down and stood up, making Peter jump and scramble to his feet too.

“Come on then”

Peter looked a little taken aback. Loki was even more intimidating now, stood in full Asgardian leather before him. The teens heart thumped even harder. 

“What?”

“You said you’re a good fighter” Loki flashed him a quick smile. “Why don’t you demonstrate that for me?”

Peter was certainly scared now. The room was big, but it was quite full too, and he didn’t want to break anything. He didn’t really want to get hurt either, but now that he’d finally gained a response from Loki, he felt he didn’t have much choice. He didn’t want to lose the breakthrough by refusing his request.

-

It was certainly hard going. Peter kept as far away from Loki as he could for as long as possible. He wasn’t used to using his skills in such confined spaces, and his nerves of breaking things and the quite real possibility of Actual Bodily Harm hindered him a bit.

The gap between the two was bridged. Peter had originally thought - or more, hoped - that Loki’s like smile was because he was impressed. But now they were closer, he realised the smile was spiteful more than approving, and it was a little worrying.

“Mr Loki, I think-”

He was forced back into the fight before he could finish his sentence. He noticed straight away that Loki wasn’t holding back quite as much as he had been, and it was hard to keep up with it.

Peter was out of breath, and in the moment he took to try to regain it, he made the mistake of letting his guard down, and Loki suddenly had an arm round his neck, pinning the boy against himself. Peter clawed at Loki’s arm, trying to break free. Loki held him with seemingly no effort. He looked down at the struggling figure in his arms. And this was the boy Tony was so fond of? Obviously it wasn’t his battlefield demeanour that had won the scientists affections.

“You know, you can’t always be on the attack” Loki said, summoning his dagger to his free hand.

Peter’s eyes widened at the sight of the dagger. He watched with bated breath as Loki turned it over in his hand a few times before seizing the handle properly. For a moment he was too scared to so much as blink, but as soon as the knife was raised a scream escaped him and with a sudden burst of adrenaline and strength, he managed to break free.

It was a short lived victory, as he was very quickly grabbed again by the upper arm and pulled back towards his opponent. He looked up into the God’s glittering eyes with his own pleading ones.

“Sometimes” he said, calmly. “You have to defend”

He raised the dagger again. Even with his attention drawn to the weapon, Peter could still see the spiteful look in Loki’s eyes, still feel his pulse under Loki’s fingers holding so tightly to his arm, feel the uncomfortable stick of the leather against his skin. For a moment, time seemed to stand still. In a flash, the knife plunged, Peter ducked his head, screaming - and there was a loud bang as the door was flung open.

“LOKI!! What the FUCK do you think you’re doing?!”

Loki stopped, the knife inches from his victim. Tony snatched Peter, pulling him to safety. He turned him round, gripping his shoulders.

“Are you ok??” he asked desperately. “You’re not hurt, are you?” Peter was trembling, too shocked to even look at him properly, let alone reply. “Ok. Sit down”

He pushed him down into a chair and turned back to Loki, slapping the dagger out of his hand and kicking it out of reach once it hit the ground.

“What the hell were you playing at? Have you gone mad?!”

Loki maintained his cool exterior. “He wants to improve his fighting. You ought to teach him how to defend himself: he hasn’t a clue. I was helping him train”

“Oh, is that what you call it? For God’s sake, he’s just a kid!”

“He’ll have to learn some time if you want to him on the battlefield”

“No. No, not like that, not like that! What made you think it was OK to pull your dagger on him like that?!” Tony was trying very hard (but failing) to hide how angry he was.

“I wouldn’t have actually stabbed him”

“That’s not the point!!” he suddenly exploded, shoving Loki hard.

Loki wasn’t expecting it and it caught him off guard, making him stumble. Peter looked up. He was still shaking, still in a cold sweat, but he was still willing to jump in and defend his mentor if he had to.

Tony was breathing heavily, watching and waiting for Loki’s attack.

It never came. Instead, he merely corrected his posture and looked Tony straight in the eye.

“I wasn’t going to hurt him”

Tony could see he was being sincere, but he was still too riled about it to offer full forgiveness just yet.

“Go away, Loki. Go and put some normal clothes on or something”

-

Tony pulled a chair up and sat in front of Peter, taking him by the shoulders again.

“Are you sure he didn’t hurt you? You’re still shaking”

“I thought he was going to kill me for a minute there… Do you think he would’ve done it? If you hadn’t’ve been here?”

“It doesn’t bear thinking about” Tony said firmly. “I wouldn’t have left you with him if I’d known he’d start a fight”

“I-I think he was trying to help. In a way..”

Tony wasn’t convinced. “Go and sit and watch TV for a bit or something. I’ve got stuff to do. And don’t get into another fight with Loki, ok? You won’t win”

-

The rest of the day was uneventful. Loki kept to himself. He stayed in his window seat with his books, refusing to acknowledge Tony when he came and asked him to join them. He didn’t see Peter again that night.

-

Most of the next morning was spent in the workshop. Peter was like a kid in a sweet shop, asking endless questions about endless objects and projects. Tony was feeling patient enough to answer most of them, but he was still feeling a bit funny. There was no hiding the deep bruises on Peter’s arm where he’d been grabbed the previous day. He hoped there’d be no repeats.

-

A little later on when they were sat in the lounge - Tony on his laptop and Peter watching telly - Loki made his appearance. He was wearing black jeans and a plain shirt, and looked a lot softer and smaller because of it. He didn’t say anything, just plonked himself down on the sofa beside Peter and got his book out. Peter noticed it was the same book from yesterday, only whereas the last time he’d seen it it had barely been started, now it was very nearly finished.

“Wow, you read fast” Peter said. “How have you read so much so quickly?”

Tony watched them over the top of his laptop screen, wary of another incident occurring. As it so happened, Loki didn’t respond, leaving Peter feeling quite dejected.

Tony’s mobile started to buzz, and he answered it, sighing in annoyance. “Hello? What do you mean, 'now’? Can’t it wait?.. Fine.. Ok, bye”

He hung up and snapped his laptop shut in frustration, moving it aside and standing up. He had no choice but to lay some trust back on Loki now.

“Mr Stark?”

“I’ve got to go out: somethings come up” he sighed. “No rest for the wicked and all that”

“What is it? Anything I can help with?”

“It doesn’t concern you”

Loki hadn’t taken his eyes off his book since he’d entered the room. Tony grabbed him under the chin and lifted his head so he could kiss him. Loki’s eye twitched with irritation. Why did people always feel the need to interrupt his reading?

“You’re in charge of the kid again. Don’t pull your dagger out this time though, ok? Promise me you won’t”

Loki nodded, and Tony breathed a silent sigh of relief and kissed him on the forehead. “I don’t know when I’ll be back”

-

Not long after Tony had left, Loki slammed his book shut, making Peter jump.

“Finished?”

“No” Loki said. “But the epilogue is too dull to read” He stood up, going over to the liquor cabinet. “What are you having?”

“Oh. Um, I’m not old enough to drink, Mr Loki, sir”

“Who’s going to know?”

“I don’t think Mr Stark would be too happy about it”

“Suit yourself” Loki shrugged, pouring himself a large brandy and returning to the sofa.

“Um, should we go out and explore or something? I don’t really know this part of the city too well” Peter suggested.

“Neither do I. I don’t go out much”

“Really? Why not?” Loki’s silence at the question was enough of an answer. “Come on, it’s gotta be better than staying in here all day. We could, I don’t know, go to a bookshop? Or try to find something to eat? I’ve been here since yesterday morning and haven’t seen you have anything. Aren’t you hungry?”

Loki could see he was going to persist. He drained the rest of his brandy and stood up, making for the door. Peter jumped up and followed him down the hall.

“Where are you going? I really do think it’d be good to go out for a bit”

Loki opened the door to a bedroom, which Peter was surprised to see was virtually next to the one he’d used last night.

“Woah, is this your room? I thought you shared with Mr Stark. It’s so fancy in here" 

"You’re not supposed to barge into people’s rooms uninvited, you know” Loki said, sitting down on the bed to pull on a pair of brogues. 

“Ooh, so we are going out then?” Peter said. “I need to get my jacket" 

 -

It was a cold day, but a bright one all the same. Loki stopped for a moment once they stepped outside. It was only then that he realised quite how long it had been since he’d been out:- he’d almost forgotten what the bite of a cold wind felt like. There was something oddly liberating about the crisp fresh air. Peter zipped his jacket right to the top, shivering. 

"It’s colder than I thought it was. What do you want to do, Mr Loki, sir?" 

"You choose. I can’t say there’s anything I want to do” he replied, lighting up a cigarette. 

“You shouldn’t do that, you know: it’s bad for you. I didn’t know you  _did_  smoke. I didn’t see any ashtrays about" 

"I don’t smoke inside. Usually” he offered the packet to Peter, who declined. “Tony doesn’t exactly approve" 

"So why do you do it? Doesn’t he try to stop you?" 

"Of course he does. But it’s not his decision: he’s my partner, not my master”

 - 

Peter still wasn’t quite sure what to talk about with Loki, but he was growing more comfortable around him, despite the previous days events. The fresh air had mellowed Loki considerably, so much so that he found he could talk about anything that came to mind and mostly get some form of reply. It was quite a reassuring development. 

“It’s nearly two o'clock now. Are you hungry yet? I know I am. There’s always loads of food stands in the streets here, so we can find something you like. What about a burger or hot dog? Or churros! Have you ever had churros?" 

"I’m not hungry. You can get something for yourself if you need to, but I won’t have anything” Loki said.

“Are you sure? I still think you should have something too” Peter persisted. 

“I said, I’m fine" 

Peter decided not to push it. 

 - 

They found a stand Peter liked the look of, and Loki stood back, people-watching, while Peter got what he wanted. The boy came back over to him, hands quite full, and held a takeaway cup out to him. 

"I said I didn’t want anything” Loki grumbled, raising an eyebrow. 

“Will you just take it?" 

Loki did so reluctantly and followed him over to a nearby bench to sit down. 

After a few minutes, Peter piped up; "You haven’t had any of it yet" 

Loki sighed and took a quick sip - and was visibly taken aback by it. 

"What’s up? Is it bad?" 

"Well, no” Loki said, slowly. “I was just expecting coffee" 

"I read somewhere that the calories in a hot chocolate make it equivalent to a small meal” Peter explained. “So I thought that would be better" 

Loki set the cup down on the bench between them, a little irritated that the boy seemed to think he needed looking after. Peter looked a little upset.

"Please drink it" 

"Stop pestering me” Loki said, lighting up another cigarette. 

Peter looked at him for a while, at his long coat and smart shoes, at the contrast of his pale complexion and jet black hair. There was something intriguing about him. He looked at his brooding eyes and the way he held the cigarette, like a model on an album cover. He seemed to blend in and stand out at the same time.   
Loki could sense himself being watched, but Peter quickly looked away when he turned to look at him. He sighed and took up the hot chocolate cup again. He drank for the teenagers sake, and eventually felt better for doing so.

 -

Later that evening, after Tony had returned and Loki had retired to his window seat, Peter sat down in the workshop with his mentor. Somehow, everything that he’d found so interesting the previous day failed to capture his attention.

“Mr Stark, do God’s need to eat?" 

"Yes” Tony replied, too busy mending a broken helmet to pay proper attention.

“Are you sure? When did Loki last eat? Just, he hasn’t had anything since I’ve been here" 

Tony paused for a moment, thinking. "Three days ago" 

"Is that normal? Doesn’t he get hungry?" 

"Of course he does” he put down his screwdriver. “He’s got something on his mind. He stops eating when somethings really bothering him" 

"What’s bothering him? Can’t you help him with it?" 

"I could ask a million times and he’d wouldn’t tell me” Tony moved the helmet aside and looked over at Peter. “He never tells me. And because of that there’s nothing I can do. I usually just wait. I know he’s over it when another plate appears on the draining board” Peter went to respond, but Tony stopped him. “I wouldn’t take any notice of it if I were you. There’s no benefit in bringing attention to it" 

"But I don’t get it. Don’t you find it hurts when you go too long without eating? Doesn’t he get hunger pains like we do?" 

"Of course he does. And if you’re with him for long enough you’ll notice him wincing when it gets bad. That’s what the books are for, I think: to distract him from it” he stood up, looking down at Peter, hands on the workbench. “Don’t you  _dare_  breathe a word of this conversation, alright? It’s none of your business and you shouldn’t be thinking about it, let alone worrying about it" 

"I-I won’t tell anyone, Mr Stark, I promise!" 

"Good” he sat down again. “That being said… If you  _are_  worried, another way to check progress is to keep an eye on the dolphin bowl in his reading nook”

 - 

Peter soon discovered what this meant. Late that night, he snuck into the room with the window seat - and got the fright of his life to find Loki there. Both parties jumped quite violently. 

“What are you doing here?!” he squeaked, clutching his chest. 

Loki gave him a look as if to say; 'I could ask you the same question’. He set his book down. “It’s three o'clock in the morning. Shouldn’t you be in bed?" 

"Well, maybe, but that’s not the point! What are you still doing up?" 

"Reading" 

Peter approached, picking up Loki’s book.  _Of Mice and Men_. 

"Is it good?" 

"No" 

Peter put the book down, and while doing so noticed the MP3 player on the cushion. "What are you listening to?" 

Loki restarted the track and adjusted the volume. Peter climbed onto the window seat. 

"Wha-" 

"Shut up" 

Peter did so. He looked at the screen to see what was playing.  _AURORA - Through The Eyes of A Child_. It soon became apparent why Loki didn’t want him to talk. The quiet, eerie serenity of the track seemed to change the whole atmosphere of the room. Loki hadn’t returned to his book:- instead he was sat back with his eyes closed, allowing himself to be consumed by the music. Peter didn’t know what kind of music he’d expected Loki to listen to, but it wasn’t this. But, after watching him for a while, he concluded that he understood why it spoke to him.

- 

Loki slowly opened his eyes after the track at finished. He let the next track play, but turned the volume down a bit. 

"Why are you here?" 

"I wanted to ask you something" 

"You’re lying" 

Peter was quite surprised. "Ok, so that’s not my first reason. But I do have something to ask you" 

Loki folded his arms over his chest and gestured for the boy to continue. 

Peter swallowed. "Were you really going to stab me?" 

"No” Loki said. “Tony cares about you too much. And like he said: you’re just a child, really" 

Peter decided not to protest the child comment this time around. He was quiet for a moment or two. "Mr Loki, Sir? You’re real sad, aren’t you?”

Loki picked his book back up. “You should be in bed" 

Peter sighed and stood up obediently. He quickly located the dolphin bowl Tony had mentioned. It was full of wrapped biscuits and sweets. 

"Goodnight, Mr Loki" 

He received no reply. 

 -

Tony snuck up behind Loki in the kitchen early the next morning, wrapping his arms round his waist. 

"Morning gorgeous. What are you doing up so early?" 

"I haven’t been to bed yet” Loki said, stirring his tea. 

“Idiot” Tony let go and forced Loki to turn round and face him. “What’s up, lolly?”

“Is it so much to ask that I can make a cup of tea uninterrupted? I’m fine. Don’t you have some mentoring to be doing?" 

"It’s 6am: he’s not up yet. It’s just us” he picked up Loki’s mug. “Come on" 

He took Loki to his room, set the mug down, pushed him down onto the bed, and joined him. 

"Come on baby” he kissed him forcefully. “The kid’s still in bed. How about some grown-up time~?" 

"Tony…" 

"He’s not going to barge in. Stop the bashful act" 

He kissed him again, pressing up against him and seeking out his hand to hold. Loki put his free hand on Tony’s shoulder, very nearly pushed him away, but then relented. He let Tony get on with it but made no effort to kiss back. It didn’t take long for his reluctance to be recognised. 

"What’s up?” he asked, pulling back and looking at him. Loki didn’t make eye contact. 

“Can you get off me, please?" 

Tony did so. "What’s the matter with you? Are you feeling alright?" 

"I’m fine. I’m just tired” he lied, sitting up. “I just need to have my tea and rest a bit. You know how it is" 

"I’m going to be out for the most of the day, you know” Tony sighed, passing Loki his mug. “Kid’s coming with me, of course" 

"I don’t need wrapping in cotton wool" 

"I know, I know. I’m just telling you before you get your head down. I don’t know when we’ll be back yet" 

"I’m sure I can find some way to entertain myself" 

Tony smiled and kissed his cheek. "You know I love you, don’t you?" 

"I know” he allowed the hug that followed, but neglected to return it. 

 -

Peter was in his element all day. “This stuff is amazing!! I can’t believe you made all this! Well, I can, obviously, but I can’t believe you made so much! Think any of this stuff would work for me?”

“I don’t think you’d have call for most of this. Lasers and blasters aren’t exactly your forte”

“Aww, but they’re so cool! Don’t you think they’d just enhance it? Yknow, the whole Spiderman thing?” 

“You need to focus on what you’ve already got” Tony said. “Before dancing off into other territory. Perfect your existing technique first. You don’t need any of the stuff here. Work with what you’ve got”

“Don’t you think it’d be better having more powerful stuff?” 

“This isn’t all about being cool and powerful, you know” Tony said, placing a hand on Peter’s shoulder. “You’re allowed to enjoy it, but be realistic about what you actually need to continue doing what you’ve done so far. You’re doing well: you just need a bit of fine tuning here and there”

*


	2. In His Anger And His Shame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki is getting used to having Peter around and is becoming more friendly towards him. However, bad decisions and clumsy communication leads to a bit of an incident

When Tony and Peter returned home in the evening, both feeling worn out after their long day, the house was dark. Tony switched the lights on and went to seek out his partner, who was found, as expected, in his window seat. He had his nose buried in another book and had his music playing through the speakers beside the dolphin bowl. 

“Evening” Tony said, sitting down beside him. “Good book?” 

“Not especially” Loki replied, setting it down. “Good day?” 

“Long day. It’s been a bit full on” he nodded towards Peter. “We’re going to order a Chinese. What do you fancy? Just the usual?” 

“Thank you, but I’m not hungry” As he said it, his stomach growled for everyone to hear. His cheeks flushed pink despite himself. 

“Liar” Tony laughed at him. “C’mon, aren’t you ready for something to eat yet?” 

Loki shook his head. “I don’t want anything” 

He picked his book back up. Tony raised an eyebrow at Peter. “Alright, well, if you’re sure”

-

“You should order it anyway” Peter said, once they’d left Loki and were sat in the kitchen. “What does he usually have?” 

“What does it matter? There’s no point buying something that’ll go to waste” Tony said, putting the takeaway menu down. 

“It won’t go to waste. I’ll make him eat” Peter said determinedly. “I got him to have that hot chocolate, didn’t I?” 

“I think that’s a different ball game” Tony mumbled, raising an eyebrow. “Fine, we’ll order for him too, but I think it’ll be a waste” 

“I’ll make him have it, I swear” 

Tony sighed. “If you manage to get him to eat, I’ll give you fifty dollars” he placed the wager, knowing his money would be safe. 

Peter nodded. “Fine. Get your wallet ready”

-

Once the takeaway arrived, Peter took his and Loki’s order to the room with the reading nook while Tony stayed in the lounge with his laptop.

Loki was a little irritated when the door opened, and irritated more still when Peter climbed onto the window seat with him. The teen pulled open the takeaway containers, pushing a couple with a set of cutlery towards Loki. 

“Here. Chicken fried rice and chow mein. Tony said that’s what you usually have” 

“I said I didn’t want anything” Loki snapped. “You’re an interfering little wretch, did you know?”

“Well you’ve got it anyway, so eat it” Peter said, ignoring his scathing remark and sitting back with his own food. He gestured towards the speaker with his fork. “What are you listening to?” 

“Well, maybe if you’d shut up you’d find out” he grumbled. 

Peter sighed, returning to his meal for a while. Before too long, Loki’s stomach growled again, causing him to suck his breath with the pain of it. Peter moved his stuff aside and grabbed Loki’s fork and chow mein. 

“I swear to God, I will feed you like a baby if you’re gonna keep being silly” he said.

“You most certainly will not!” Loki scoffed. 

“Well, I’m gonna have to if you won’t do it yourself” he knelt up properly, raising the fork. 

Loki grabbed his wrist quickly, and then grabbed him under the chin. 

“You” he growled. “Are a  _pest_ ” 

He let him go and snatched the fork and container from him. He started to eat with the main intention of shutting the boy up. Peter sat back triumphantly. He’d just won himself $50.

-

Peter took the empty containers out to the kitchen and then went off to find Tony. When he found him, he gave him a poke. 

“Right, pay up. I’ve won the bet” he said, proudly. 

“You’re joking” Tony said in disbelief, looking up from his work. “How the hell..?” 

Peter grinned at him. “I said I would”

Tony reached for his wallet and somewhat reluctantly handed over the promised fifty. 

“You’re something else entirely” 

He meant it as a compliment, and Peter took it as such.

-

The next day, Peter bumped into Loki in the kitchen getting himself a drink. 

“Hello, you” Loki said. He was in a much better mood today. “I thought you were going out”

“Yeah, we decided against it today. Mr Stark has got a lot to do, yknow, emails and stuff” 

“He never stops, that man” 

“Mr Loki, sir? Can I have a look at your dagger”

Loki was a little surprised: the request seemed to be a little random. But even so, he took out his dagger and handed it over. “Don’t cut yourself” 

“Woah. I didn’t realise how big it was. It’s pretty cool” he turned it over in his hand, looking carefully at all the different markings. “This is so cool”

Loki passed by him to put the juice bottle back in the fridge. He heard something out in the corridor and went to investigate. Finding it to be clear, he returned to the kitchen, deciding his mind was playing tricks on him. His presence went undetected. He went up behind the boy, who was still busy looking at the knife.

“So-” 

Peter jumped violently and spun round quickly with a half-scream, arm jerking - and the dagger plunged deep into the left of Loki’s stomach. 

They both stopped in shock, as if in freeze frame. 

“Ok..” Loki seized the dagger, and in a moment of error, pulled it out. “Oh. I shouldn’t have done that-”

The dagger dropped to the ground with a clatter, and Loki very nearly followed it, but caught himself with the help of the breakfast bar before he could fall. With difficulty, he pulled himself up onto the stool by the counter, clutching himself.   
Peter broke out of his current state of shock. 

“I-I-I’m so sorry Mr Loki! I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you, I didn’t mean-” he gabbled, half screaming, looking around frantically. He grabbed a tea towel and pressed it against Loki’s stomach, trying to stem the bleed but shaking too much to do any good. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry! Mr Stark!! Mr Stark, help!”

“I thought we were starting to get along” Loki said. He placed both hands over Peter’s, pressing hard.

“I swear I didn’t mean to hurt you!” Peter was now in tears, trying to make sense of what had just happened. “You made me jump, it just kind of happened!”

“I’m fine. I’ll be fine” Loki said, but he was quite obviously not. He’d started shaking worse than Peter, and had turned deathly pale. 

Peter started to really panic as he felt Loki’s grip on his hand weaken and noticed his pale waxy pallor.

“MR STARK!” he screamed at the top of his voice. “MR STARK! MR STARK, PLEASE!!”

The message carried, and within moments Tony burst into the kitchen. The first thing he saw was red - the bloodied dagger on the floor, the bloody hand prints on the breakfast bar, the blood soaking Loki’s shirt and shorts. 

Loki.

For what felt like an eternity, Tony didn’t move as he tried to comprehend the scene that greeted him. When he came to his senses, he sprung into action. 

“What have you done!?”

“I-it was an accident!” Peter cried. 

Tony pushed him out of the way and quickly clamped his own hand down over the blood-soaked tea towel against the gushing wound. Peter stood back, trembling, looking at his bloody hands. 

“What were you thinking?! Didn’t anyone ever teach you not to play with knives? How could you be so stupid?!” 

“T-Tony” Loki cut in. “It wasn’t his fault… I’m fine” 

“No you’re not!” Tony shouted. “Why do you always say that at times when you’re so obviously not? I need to call Banner. I need to get him down here. You’re gonna be ok, you’re gonna be ok” 

“Mr, Mr Stark, should I call 99-”

“Get out of here” Tony interrupted. “You’ve done more than enough” 

“But Mr Stark, I-”

“I said get out! You stupid, reckless kid! You can’t help here. Get to your room: I’ll deal with you later” 

-

Peter slammed into his room, falling back against the door once he’d closed it behind him. He slid to the floor, staring at his hands. What had he done? What had he  _done_? He wanted to scream. He wanted to scream and shout and cry. How could he have done something so horrible?

He struggled up, going to the sink and turning the taps on. He felt sick as the water turned red while he washed his hands. He scrubbed until the water ran clear again before turning the taps off. He looked round the room. Nothing felt real. He felt like he’d stumbled into a dream. It had all happened so quickly. Everything was playing over in his head: Loki’s face, the blood, the screaming (all of it his), and Mr Stark… 

“ _You stupid, reckless kid!”_

The words echoed in his head. He sunk onto the bed, head in his hands. Things were never supposed to turn out like this.

-

Peter woke with a start as the bedroom door opened. He sat up quickly, and the afternoons events came flooding back when he saw Tony’s face. 

“Is he ok?” he asked desperately. 

Tony nodded grimly. “He will be” 

Peter let out a sigh of relief, but tensed again when Tony closed the door and came over to him. 

“What were you thinking? You’ve done some reckless things in the past, but never anything like this. You shouldn’t have had the dagger in the first place. Why-”

“Mr Stark, it was an accident!” Peter cut in, fighting back tears. “He just made me jump, he made me jump and I spun round and I had the dagger and it just, it just happened! You can’t really think I did it on purpose!”

“I think you’re deliberately missing my point” Tony said severely. 

All of a sudden he started really laying into him. Peter was shocked, having never seen him like this before. It soon became frightening and overwhelming, and he couldn’t help crying, burying his face in his hands.

After a while Tony grabbed him by the shoulders, making him put his hands down and look at him. Still, he couldn’t bring himself to make eye contact.

“I need to know that you’ve understood what I’ve said” 

Peter nodded. “I understand, Mr Stark…”

Tony looked into the boys tear-stained face. He sighed and pulled him close. “You’re a good kid really, I know that… But you made such a dangerous mistake. I can’t ignore that” 

Peter twitched a bit, and finally returned the hug. He couldn’t bring himself to say anything else. He felt so drained, emotionally and physically. But, the hot heavy feeling in his stomach was easing.

-

Later that evening, Peter’s door opened again. 

“Loki?! Sh-should you be here?” he asked, shocked. “I-I mean, shouldn’t you be resting or something?”

Loki left the door ajar and leant against the chest of drawers. He was still very pale and a bit shaky.

“Tony won’t be happy when he finds I’m out of bed” his voice quavered. “Are you alright? I heard him shouting at you” 

Peter swallowed. “What about you? Are you ok? I’m so sorry, you don’t even know” 

“Well. I’ve been better. But I’ve been worse too” he smiled at him. “It was an accident: don’t worry about it so much”

Peter stood up shakily and approached him. He hesitated for a moment, and then wrapped his arms round Loki, careful to avoid touching where he’d been hurt. Loki was a little surprised. 

“I’m still sorry”

A figure appeared in the doorway. 

“Loki, you shouldn’t be up” Tony said gently, coming over to them. “You were stabbed, remember? You shouldn’t be pushing yourself” 

“I’m fine”

“Come on, you need to rest” he carefully detached Peter from him. “That goes for you as well” 

-

By morning, everything from the previous day finally took its toll on all three of them. Peter was exhausted by emotion and didn’t feel like doing much. Tony felt quite the same, and he stayed with Loki, who was feeling very sore and tired. It ended up being a lazy day, and the one that followed, followed the same pattern. 

-

Three days after the dagger incident, things started to seem a bit more normal. Everyone was up and about, and Tony and Peter made themselves busy in the workshop all morning while Loki contented himself reading.

-

Around midday, Peter ventured back upstairs to find something to eat. He was soon distracted from his task by a loud thump down the hall. Upon investigation, he found Loki on his knees in the bathroom.  
He knelt by him and rubbed his back while he was dreadfully sick. His shirt was damp with sweat. It was a very raw and pained display, and for a moment it felt it would never end.   
But it did, and once it had, Loki pushed Peter’s hand away. 

“Do you want me to get Mr Stark?” 

“I don’t need your help” Loki snapped, hauling himself to his feet and pulling the chain. He held on to the sink to support himself. “Just leave me alone”

“I don’t know, Mr Loki, you seem awful sick”

“I said I don’t need your help” his grip tightened on the sink. He could feel himself shaking, could hear his pulse in his ears, and the pain in his stomach was getting worse. 

“I’m gonna get Mr Stark” 

“No you’re not! I don’t need-” he gasped, clutching his stomach. His legs gave out and he crashed to the floor, breathing in gasps. 

“Mr Loki! Are you ok?!” Peter asked frantically, kneeling beside him. 

Loki pushed him away. 

“This is bad. I’m getting Mr Stark. Stay here”

-

Peter burst into the workshop, startling Tony.

“Mr Stark! Mr Stark, we need your help”

Tony looked up. “Why? What have you done?” 

“I haven’t done anything! But it’s Loki, he’s real sick” 

“How sick?” Tony stood up, turning off the soldering iron. 

“Really, really sick. He’s been really sick and he’s all sweaty and shaky and he can’t stand up properly” 

-

Loki had managed to prop himself up against the bath. The room was spinning and he felt so cold and sick. He wasn’t happy when he received company. 

“Oh sweetheart” Tony said sadly, seeing just how bad it was. He sat down beside him. “You poor thing. You’ve not had much luck recently, have you?” 

Loki didn’t try to speak. He was trying not to be sick again. The room stopped spinning quite so much, and as Tony put an arm round him he started shaking violently. 

“Alright lolly. I think you need to go back to bed” 

Loki shook his head, pushed Tony away, and, using the edge of the bath as support, tried to pull himself to his feet. He nearly made it, but a pain like he was being stabbed all over again pierced his stomach. It was so sudden, and the shock of it knocked him back to the floor. With virtually no warning, he was sick again. He tried to cover his mouth with his hand, but it wasn’t enough. He was furious with himself for letting it happen. 

Tony helped him to sit back against the bath and grabbed a flannel. 

“Lets get you sorted” he said gently. 

Loki continued to shake as Tony tended to him. “It’s so cold in here…”

Tony suddenly remembered Peter, who was stood in the doorway, biting his thumb. “Go and fetch the quilted blanket from his wardrobe, would you?”

Peter nodded and was back in a flash. Tony threw the flannel aside and took the blanket from Peter, wrapping Loki up in it. 

“Right, lets get you up off this floor. We’ll get you settled on the sofa and then we’ll call Banner, ok?” 

Loki agreed reluctantly, feeling too weak to argue. He had to lean heavily on Tony when they stood up, and even then it was a struggle, but they managed to get him to the sofa. 

Loki lay down on his side, burying his face in the back of the sofa and pulling a cushion over his head. He felt truly horrible.

-

Banner had a bit of a journey so it was an hour before he arrived, armed with his medical bag. Loki had gone very quiet, shivering in the quilted blanket and shielding his face from the light. Tony was very relieved when Bruce finally arrived. 

“I’ll do some obs but I’m pretty sure I know what’s wrong already” 

He took the pillow away from Loki, who whined and tried to grab it back, flinching in the sudden light. He didn’t take kindly to being disturbed. Banner pulled back on Loki’s ear and inserted his tympanic thermometer. Loki squirmed and tried to move away, with little success. The beep put him on edge and while he was relieved when it was removed, he still tried to push the doctor away.

“You need to stop moving or it’ll only take longer” Banner said, pulling Loki into an upright position and taking his wrist. “I’m just gonna take your pulse, alright?” 

Loki gave in, covering his face with his arm. The light was making his head hurt. Peter noticed this, turning and pulling the curtains across so the worst of the glare was blocked.

“He needs to see what he’s doing” Tony said, frowning at him. 

“There’s enough light in here” Banner said, getting out his blood pressure monitor. “Obs aren’t great so far”

Loki winced as the cuff tightened on his arm, and tried to take it off. Tony grabbed his hand to stop him. “Leave it”

Tony kept hold of him until Banner had finished. He didn’t look too happy. 

“Ok, I’m just gonna look at the wound” 

He pushed Loki’s shirt off and carefully peeled back the dressing. 

“Gross! is it supposed to look like that?” Peter said, looking in appalled fascination at the nasty looking cut, swollen and weeping. 

“No, not a bit” Banner mumbled, prodding the wound with his gloved hands.

The pain of it made Loki start, and he hit out, catching Banner’s shoulder. It was a weak hit though, and didn’t make much of an impact. 

Banner stood up, turning to Tony. 

“He’s got a bad infection, but it’s nothing too major - as in, it’s not sepsis as I originally thought. He’ll need antibiotics though”

“Can you get hold of some?” 

Banner nodded, opening his bag. “I grabbed some on the way over here. I knew it would be some kind of infection when you told me on the phone. It’s IV though, so I might need your help a bit to get started” 

Tony sat down on the arm of the sofa, taking Loki’s hand in his. “Just need to stick a needle in your hand, alright? It’ll make you better”

“I don’t want it” Loki mumbled, pulling the quilted blanket back round himself.

“Tough” Tony said, pulling the blanket aside and grabbing Loki’s hand. “It’ll only hurt for a minute" 

He hugged him tight, letting him bury his face in his chest. Banner nodded in appreciation and sanitised the back of Loki’s hand. He was quite glad that he was too weak to try to fight him off now. Tony watched closely as Banner readied the needle, and he squeezed Loki as hard as he could without hurting him. Loki didn’t take it well. As the needle pierced his skin, Loki jumped and bucked, and Tony held him tighter still, shushing his gasps as the needle was secured in his hand.

Banner hooked up the drip and patted Loki awkwardly. 

“Done. You’ll have to have a couple more bags after this but with it being IV, it’ll work a lot quicker than pills. Now, I need to clean and redress your wound” 

Tony helped Loki lie back down and kept hugging him while Banner got to work. Peter edged closer to see what he was doing. 

“Why’s it like that?” 

“I can’t say” Banner replied. “It’s not always obvious why wounds get infected. It’s always a risk, no matter how careful you are and how many precautions you take. I think it’s partly a game of luck” 

Loki tried to ignore them, clinging to Tony and trying hard to fight back tears. It was very difficult - he felt worse than he ever had before, he couldn’t control his shivering, and now his hand was throbbing and having the wound cleaned hurt so much more than he ever expected it to. It wasn’t long before he lost the fight and let out a muffled sob. 

“Oh sweetheart” Tony gave him a squeeze. “I know, it’s not very nice at all”

-

Loki was very relieved when Banner had finished with him. He was feeling too weak to move and he was still shaking quite violently, the pain making it worse. He was still whimpering quietly. Tony wrapped the quilted blanket round him, and Loki pulled it up over his face. 

“I’d keep an eye on him if I were you” Banner said, putting the last of his equipment back in his bag. “He’ll probably have a bad night but you should see some improvement in the morning. Let me know if you don’t - might mean a trip to hospital is in order”

Tony didn’t look happy. 

“Shouldn’t he have gone to hospital in the first place?” Peter said. “I mean, why didn’t you call an ambulance?”

“I’m not taking him to any hospital” Tony said firmly. “We’ve got all the resources we need right here”

Peter wasn’t convinced, but he sensed it wouldn’t be right to argue with him.

-

Once again, Tony’s work required his attention, so he was stuck pacing the corridor on the phone. Peter took it upon himself to keep an eye on Loki, even though it wasn’t really too necessary, as the God had been asleep since Banner had left. The whole situation was making him feel very odd. He couldn’t help but feel responsible, and Loki was so pale and still that he almost seemed dead. It was quite unnerving. 

He was a bit startled when Loki woke up. He’d grown still while he slept, but now that he was awake, he’d started trembling again. Peter rushed to his side. 

“Are you alright? How do you feel? Are you getting better?” he gabbled. 

Loki looked at him. Try as he might, he couldn’t speak. So he just looked at Peter, glanced to the side, and then looked back at him. 

“Oh! You want me to get Mr Stark?” 

Loki blinked at him, and Peter nodded. “Ok, just a sec”

-

Peter managed to pull Tony away from his work and bring him back to the living room. 

“Hey you” he sat down on the edge of the sofa. “How are you doing?” 

Loki still couldn’t muster up any words, so he just made a vague little noise. He just about managed to take Tony’s hand. Tony stroked his cheek gently. 

“Poor old lolly. Alright then, let’s get you to your room, fella” he looked over at Peter. “Help with the drip and doors, ok? He’s not up to walking so I’ll have my hands full”

-

Loki soon fell asleep again once he was in his room. Tony sat with him for a bit, holding his hand and silently willing him to stop shaking, while Peter stood in the doorway biting his thumb. It was starting to become a habit. 

“Mr Stark?” he approached the bed hesitantly. 

“It’s not your fault” he looked up at the boy. “You don’t need to be here. You’re young: you should be enjoying yourself. Why don’t you go out for a bit?”

“I don’t know. I don’t feel like I should go” Peter said. 

“Go. You’ve got that $50. Go and explore”

-

The house sounded dreadfully empty when Peter returned. He’d stayed out a lot longer than he’d intended. It was dark now - outside and inside. It was deadly silent. He walked along the corridors cautiously, feeling oddly like a criminal. On the way to his room he noticed a dim light under Loki’s door. Without knocking, he opened the door. 

“It’s gone eleven o’ clock, you know” Tony said. 

“I know. I was gonna come back earlier, but I got distracted” 

Tony gestured for him to come over, so he did so, climbing carefully onto the bed. Tony was sat to the centre of the bed, with Loki lying at his side. He was still shaking. 

“Is he asleep?”

“Only just. He’s not doing great. His fevers worse”

Peter looked at the both of them for a moment. “You’re really worried…”

“So are you. But maybe for different reasons” 

Peter wasn’t sure what to say to that, so he remained quiet. He kept watching Loki, trying to work out what he was feeling. Loki soon woke up, blinking a bit. He looked up at Tony. 

“You’ve only been out for about twenty minutes” Tony said gently, resting a hand on Loki’s head and gently rubbing his cheekbone with his thumb. 

Loki looked quite visibly distressed, but also rather absent. 

“Why can’t he sleep?” 

“Have you ever had a really bad fever?” Tony asked. Peter shook his head. “It keeps you up. Everything hurts and you’re too cold and too hot at the same time. They’re not nice to have. Sometimes they make you hallucinate”

“What, really? Has it happened to you?” 

Tony nodded. “Once. I didn’t realise that was what it was until afterwards. I just remember trying to count and add things up and forgetting all of the answers, and telling myself I needed to ask the manager how many people we needed to get into the meeting room. And then there was a bit where I was tossing and turning and getting aggravated because I couldn’t get all of the cash registers out of the bed” 

Peter looked at him, not sure weather to laugh or not. Tony noticed this. 

“I know, it’s pretty weird. It seemed to make perfect sense at the time. It was only afterwards, when I was better again, that I realised it was some sort of illusion”

Peter nodded. “Do you think Mr Loki is hallucinating?” 

Tony looked at Loki, who was still awake but didn’t seem to be paying any attention to them. 

“I’m not sure. I don’t think he’s fully comprehending what’s going on right now, at any rate” 

The mobile on the bedside table started buzzing. Tony sighed. 

“Who the hell’s ringing at this time?” he asked himself, climbing off the bed and grabbing the phone. He squeezed Peter’s shoulder as he left the room to take the call. 

Peter watched him go. He looked back at Loki, who seemed to be looking at nothing with his tired eyes. He turned his head, and noticed a book on the bedside table, with Loki’s silver snake bookmark peeking out of the top of it. He picked the book up. It wasn’t something he’d ever heard of, but nevertheless he opened it to the bookmarked page. He was relieved to find it was the start of a new chapter. He moved the bookmark aside, cleared his throat, and began to read. 

After a few sentences, Loki’s eyes moved to look at him. Peter glanced up, oddly pleased to find Loki seemed to finally be focusing on something. After a couple of pages, after he’d gotten used to the writing style, Peter started to get into the story properly himself - he was very nearly enjoying it. 

-

Tony finally finished his phone call. He was ready to flop, but he stopped in the bedroom doorway, his presence going undetected. He was surprised by what he saw: Peter sat crossed-legged reading, and Loki curled up listening. His heart swelled with love for both of them. The atmosphere in the room had completely transformed. It felt so calm. They looked so comfortable together. Loki had even stopped shaking. 

Tony waited for Peter to finish the chapter before making his presence known. He squeezed Peter’s shoulder. 

“That’s enough for tonight. It’s late” 

Peter nodded, replacing the bookmark and setting the book back on the bedside table. He pulled the blanket up over Loki. 

“Goodnight, Mr Loki”

Tony walked with him to the door, suddenly stopping him when they reached the hallway. Peter was a bit surprised, and even more surprised when he was pulled into a hug. He was eager to return it - he felt they both needed it. 

“You’re a good kid” he squeezed him tight and then stood back, clearing his throat. “Now go to bed”

*


	3. The Love In Your Brother's Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki is still recovering, and Thor comes round to check on things

Peter slept late into the morning, finally dragging himself from his bed around 11am. He stumbled across Tony and Loki in the living room. 

“Don’t you go making too much noise” Tony said, looking up from his laptop. “He’s finally settled and I don’t want to risk waking him up”

Loki was asleep on the sofa opposite Tony, wrapped in the quilted blanket. He still had the drip in his hand, but he didn’t look quite so ill anymore. 

“Is he getting better?” 

“He still has that bag of antibiotics to get through, but he’s looking better… He had a pretty rough night” Tony admitted. “He did sleep for a few hours after you left, but when he woke up again his fever got really bad and he couldn’t settle; tossing and turning and whimpering and all that horrible stuff. So of course I stayed up with him, even though there wasn’t much I could do beside hold his hand and dab his forehead with a cold flannel. It was a long night. He really struggled. He didn’t manage to sleep again until about an hour ago” 

“Did he start seeing things, do you think?” 

Tony nodded. “I think so. It was like he was trying to fight off something that wasn’t there, so it’s possible. But I could be wrong” 

“But he’s ok now?”

“Well, not quite. But I think he’s getting there. I should check his temperature, really” Tony moved his laptop aside and got up, grabbing the tympanic thermometer that Bruce had left him. 

Peter watched what he was doing. 

“Why do you have to pull his ear like that?” 

“Opens the ear canal so you can get a better reading - gives better access to the tympanic membrane” Tony explained. 

Loki twitched a bit when the thermometer beeped, and Tony held his breath - but thankfully he didn’t wake up. 

“Well, his fever’s broken, so that’s a good sign” 

“Can I try?” Peter asked. 

Tony paused. “Not on him: you might wake him up. You can try it on me though, if you really want to”

Tony changed the probe cover and handed it over. Peter looked at it, trying to work out the buttons. 

“So just this one here?” 

“Yeah, hold it down till it beeps”

Peter nodded, and copied what he’d seen Tony do to take the temperature. 

“Huh. It’s quick, isn’t it?” 

Tony nodded, rubbing his ear awkwardly. “They’re meant to be the best way to take a temperature. They’re not too comfortable though” 

“How do you change the cover?” 

Tony took it from him, explaining the release button and showing him how to put on a new probe cover from the box inside the thermometers case. 

“Right, let’s take yours then”

Peter let him do it. He found it quite uncomfortable and he didn’t like the beep. He told Tony as much. 

“I don’t think anybody does” 

- 

Tony fell asleep on the sofa for a while. He was awoken quite suddenly by someone thundering into the room. 

“Thor? What are you doing here?” he rubbed his eyes. 

“I saw Dr Banner earlier, and he told me Loki wasn’t well” Thor said. He spotted Peter. “He said you stabbed him”

“I-it was an accident, I swear it!” 

Thor just laughed. “I don’t doubt it! You’d have a hard job doing it on purpose”

Loki had woken up, but kept his face buried in the back of the sofa, pretending he was still asleep in hope that he wouldn’t be disturbed. 

No such luck.

Thor shook him gently by the shoulder. Loki whined and shrugged his hand off. 

“What do you want?” he grumbled, glaring up at him. 

“To see how you are, of course” 

“I’m fine. Right, you can leave now”

“Not a chance” Thor laughed, grabbing him under the arms and hauling him into an upright position. 

“Oww! Watch it, you big idiot” Loki snapped, even though he hadn’t really been hurt at all. 

“Don’t be so dramatic” Thor said, sitting beside him and wrapping his arm round Loki’s shoulders. “Nice blanket” 

“Thanks” he tried to pull away, but Thor held on, and after a minute he gave up and let himself lean into him. 

Peter went and sat next to Tony on the other sofa. 

“Do they - do they get along?” 

“Mostly” Tony replied. “But Loki likes to pretend otherwise” 

Peter saw what he meant. Thor was chatting nineteen to the dozen, and Loki wasn’t responding and was pretending to be annoyed - but he looked content enough to be there. He wasn’t shaking quite so much either. 

-

Thor was interested to hear Tony and Peter’s sides of the story. The whole thing made Peter feel dreadfully uncomfortable, but Thor never tried to make him feel bad about the whole incident, which was a welcome surprise to him. Loki didn’t try to give his own version of events: he’d grown dizzy and rested his head against Thor’s shoulder, his eyes closed. 

“Well” Thor said when they’d both finished accounting the last few days for him. “Worse things have happened at sea” He gave Loki another little shake. “Don’t you go falling asleep on me” 

Loki opened his eyes again. “Are you leaving yet?” 

“You’re not fooling anyone. Are you hungry? Have you eaten anything recently?” he looked over at Tony. “Has he been doing his self-starving act again?” 

“Oh for the love of-” Loki pulled away from him, even though it took quite a lot of strength and sapped his energy to do so. “Can’t you just leave already?” 

“He’s been too unwell to have anything since he’s come down with this infection” Tony said carefully, choosing not to admit to his most recent ‘too-sad-to-eat’ episode. 

“You should really have something, brother. What do you want?” 

“To be left alone” Loki clipped, pushing himself up from the sofa. 

This was a mistake. He still had virtually no strength, and the sudden movement made his head rush. Thor was quick to grab him as he fell. 

“Woah there” He set him back down on the sofa. “Not so fast”

Loki pushed him away, feeling pretty annoyed and rather embarrassed too. Tony decided now was a good time to intervene.

“Right, leave him alone now: you’re disturbing his rest” he came over and gave Loki a cuddle. “He’ll eat when he’s ready. He needs a bit of quiet for now” 

“Has he even had anything to drink?”

Tony stopped. His silence was enough of an answer. 

“You’re supposed to be looking after him”

“Hey, the last few days haven’t been easy for me either, you know” Tony scowled. “Things get missed”

“It’s a big thing to miss. You know I hate to criticise, but I want my brother to be looked after properly when he needs it” 

“Right, ok, I get where you’re coming from, but you’re not the one who was up all night with him while he was running a 40° fever. You’ve got no place to tell me what to do” 

Thor looked at him apologetically. “I didn’t realise. But I’d still rather he had something to drink all the same” 

-

Thor came back from the kitchen with a large glass of water. Loki wasn’t at all happy to be pulled upright again. 

“Get off me! Can’t you see I’m a bit busy here” he growled. 

“Nonsense. How can you possibly be busy?” Thor grinned at him, sitting beside him and holding the glass of water out to him. “Here”

“I’m not thirsty” 

“I don’t care. You need to drink anyway” 

“I need to sleep. Why are you still here?” 

Thor raised an eyebrow. “Why do you think? Come on, stop being difficult. You can be such a pain sometimes” 

Loki tried to wriggle away, but Thor held onto him so he couldn’t escape. 

“I’m not leaving until you’ve had the whole glass” 

“Stop treating me like a baby” 

“Stop acting like one then” he held the glass to Loki’s mouth.

Loki tried to pull away, but couldn’t, on account of having his head against his brother’s shoulder with not much moving room. Thor persisted, and eventually Loki had no choice but to give in and let himself be watered. 

“You’re brother’s a hard man to bargain with” Peter said, who had been watching the scene play out for a matter of moments. “I had to guilt him into a hot chocolate a few days ago” 

Loki rolled his eyes at no one in particular. 

“He’s stubborn. Stubborn as anything. He’s very much his own man” Thor said, smiling fondly at his brother. “But he does need a bit of looking after some of the time. Not that he’d ever admit it”

“Why not?”

“He’s proud as well as stubborn” he set the empty glass down and hugged Loki properly. “Better?” 

Loki merely grunted. Thor hugged him harder and kissed his flushed cheek. 

“You know I worry about you” 

“You know I don’t care” Loki snapped. He looked at Peter. “Where’s Tony?”

-

Tony was hiding in the back room, trying not to be angry with Thor. He was certainly angry with himself for forgetting to give Loki a drink, and he hated being called out on his mistakes at the best of times. When Peter came to call for him, Tony sent him away, saying that unless it was an emergency, he was busy. He didn’t want to risk another confrontation. 

-

Loki eventually managed to convince Thor to let him lie down again. He was feeling a lot better than yesterday, but he was still tired and dizzy. It was a huge relief to be able to lie down properly. His head stopped spinning quite so badly and he let his eyes close. 

“Mr Stark is busy” Peter announced upon his return. 

“Never mind: I think he’s going to sleep now anyway” 

-

Tony waited until he was certain Thor had left before making an appearance. Peter was watching telly, and Loki had his eyes on the screen too, although he didn’t seem to be paying much attention. Tony knelt down on the floor beside the sofa. 

“How are you doing?”

“I can’t sleep” Loki replied weakly. “And my stomach hurts” 

Tony stroked his cheek gently. “Is there anything I can get for you?” 

“I don’t think so” 

With some difficulty, Loki turned onto his side, facing the back of the sofa. Tony squeezed onto the sofa with him, putting an arm round him gently. He kissed his shoulder, and held his hand until he fell asleep.

*


	4. Present All Your Pretty Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki’s recovering steadily. Tony finds himself entering dad-pep-talk mode after Peter has a question for him

Loki was very relieved to have the needle taken out. It left him with a nasty bruise on the back of his hand, but it meant, at least, that he was getting better. Banner had come round to check on him and had found he’d made significant progress. He left some oral antibiotics for Loki to continue to take for the next week, a box of ibuprofen, and a tired reminder to change his wound dressings regularly. 

By the evening, Loki was feeling well enough to move about a bit, and after a long bath, he settled down and slept soundly until morning. 

-

Loki was still feeling a bit groggy when he woke up. He went and had a long cool shower and afterwards pulled on a pair of black jeans and one of Tony’s old t-shirts. He kept a towel round his shoulders to keep his wet hair from dampening his top.

Tony smiled at him as he walked into the kitchen. “Good to see you with a bit of colour back in your cheeks: you’re looking better”

“I’m feeling better. Mostly” Loki replied sleepily, switching the kettle on.

“Here, sit down - let me do that” Tony said. “I don’t want you pushing yourself too hard”

“I’m not so weak that I can’t make a cup of tea” Loki said, but he smiled and sat down next to Peter at the breakfast bar. 

Peter shifted a little. “I- I’m glad you’re feeling better now” 

“So am I”

“What tea do you want?” Tony asked, opening Loki’s cupboard and taking down his mug. 

Loki thought for a moment, rubbing his eyes. “…Lapsang”

“Huh? What’s that one?” Peter asked. 

“Lapsang souchong” Loki yawned. “Chinese. It’s a smoky tea”

Tony left the tea to brew and came over. “Your hair’s still soaked” 

He took the towel from round Loki’s shoulders and started towelling his hair dry. 

“Do you really  _have_ to do that?” Loki grumbled, pretending to be annoyed.

“Yes. I don’t know why you don’t do it yourself. Have you got one of your combs in here?” he sighed, still rubbing gently but firmly. Loki was trying very hard to make it look like he wasn’t enjoying it. “You could do with a bit of a trim, really. It’s starting to get long again. You want it cut back into the neck again. You look cute when it’s shorter”

“There won’t be anything left to cut if you keep rubbing at it like that” 

“Stop being a baby” he left the towel draped over him like a shawl and went to finish the tea. He brought it back over, setting it on the table for him and rummaging in one of the pigeon holes in search of a comb. 

As always, Loki thoroughly enjoyed that first blissful sip of tea. He closed his eyes for a moment, feeling the heat of it on his face. 

“Can I try it?” Peter asked. 

Loki nodded, setting the mug back down. As he did so, Tony grabbed him by the shoulder and started dragging the comb through his hair. 

“Owww! You don’t have to  _attack_ me!” Loki protested. 

“Don’t be such a drama queen” Tony smirked, giving him a tap with the comb. “It’s all knotted. It’s all that tossing and turning that’s done it”

“I rather think it’s your doing rather than mine” 

“Hey, what did I just say? Stop being a baby” 

Loki gave up and let him get on with it. Tony soon moved to stand in front of him. 

“I like this bit, personally” he said, tugging the little lock of hair that had fallen down over Loki’s forehead. “Cute”

Loki raised an eyebrow at him, and Tony laughed and combed it back into place. He put the comb down and kissed him on the nose. 

“That’s better” he said, going over to the coffee machine. 

Loki looked at Peter and nodded at his mug. “What do you think?”

“Oh-” he hadn’t tried any yet. He picked up the mug and took a few sips. “Well, it’s like no tea I’ve ever tasted”

Tony joined them at the breakfast bar with his own mug. “It wouldn’t be my drink of choice”

“It’s not  _bad_ : just different” Peter said. He handed the mug back to Loki. “Suits you though. It smells like you”

“What?” 

Peter nodded. “Yeah, that kinda dark, smoked smell” 

Loki furrowed his brow. “You think I smell like tea?” 

“Well, yeah. At least, you smell a bit like this tea… But not just that. Kinda also like mint and cigarettes and old books”

Loki looked at Tony, who nodded. “He’s not wrong. I like it: I think you smell nice. Like home”

“Don’t be so soppy” Loki said, but you could tell he was pleased.

-

Loki settled in his reading nook with another cup of tea (chai this time), while Tony and Peter went down to the workshop. 

Initially they were quite busy, and because of this, the hours seemed to fly by. When there was a lull in proceedings and they were sat on opposite sides of the workbench working at their own pace, Peter decided to ask what had been on his mind throughout breakfast that morning.

“How did you know you loved him?”

Tony looked up. Peter still had his eyes on his work, but he’d paused, obviously waiting for an answer. Tony looked back to his own work. 

“The same way I knew with people before him” 

“I don’t think that’s really what I meant” Peter said, still not looking up. “I mean, how did you two get together?” 

Tony hesitated. He was half-tempted to tell him to mind his own business. But, helped along by knowing Peter wasn’t the type to judge, he ended up giving in. 

“I took a risk. It had taken me long enough to come to terms with in the first place, so I decided there was nothing else to lose. It was difficult when I finally admitted to myself that I had feelings for him” Tony admitted. “I’d never in my life experienced anything like it. I’d never once considered the possibility of falling for a man - and much less a man like Loki. Well, less a man, more a God. And someone as perfectly flawed as myself… I tried to ignore it initially. Once we’d gotten to know each other a bit, we hit it off. It wasn’t long before we started hanging out without Thor. Once he’d started to trust me and open up, he was so easy to talk to, and he made me laugh. For quite a while, we spent every Friday night sharing a bottle and basically just messing about. I used to look forward to it all week. So we did become good friends, and we got closer. That was all I thought it would ever be, and I was happy with that”

“So what changed it?” 

Tony knew the answer without having to think. “Our first hug. I mean, we’d done the whole arm-round-shoulders-type hugs plenty, but one night when he was leaving he put his arms round me properly, and I hugged him back. And I felt something there. I remember catching myself grinning like an idiot after I’d shut the door after him, and then I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I still kept telling myself I just liked him as a friend, that I was overthinking things. But it was in my head all that week, and about an hour before he turned up the next Friday, my heart was thumping with nerves and I had this stupid fluttery stomach ache, and I was suddenly nervous when he did get here. That’s when I knew, but I didn’t accept it properly for about another three weeks”

Peter had so many questions, so many comments, but he couldn’t choose how to word them. There were so many possibilities. In the end, he simply asked: 

“So how did you tell him?”

“I didn’t, not really. Not with words, anyway” he set his tools down, thinking back somewhat fondly on the memory. “I knew I was going to have to let him know. I’d finished fighting with myself over what I was feeling, so now that I’d admitted and accepted it myself, I thought it best to let the other party know, even if it made a mess of things. I was a bit scared, to be honest. I was facing two levels of rejection: firstly that he might not like me back, and secondly that he might not like men at all. So it felt quite pressured. I didn’t plan how to do it. I went over hundreds of different ways to tell him. It didn’t go to plan. 

So one night, he was over, and we were laughing as usual, with our drinks on the coffee table. And I knew I was moving closer to him, and he didn’t seem to really notice, but he kept giving me these little glances.. I can’t really remember what the conversation topic was; I just remember it was one of those ones where we were laughing so hard we were in tears. But anyway, we were calming down from one laughing fit, going a bit quiet, and I couldn’t stop looking at him. And he noticed, and he gave me this funny look. And I realised how close I was to him, but I didn’t care. I just moved closer and knelt up a bit, and he gave me another look, like he was about to ask what I was doing. And then I had my hand on his cheek, and he gave this  _other_ look, kind of scared and kind of confused at the same time, glancing at my hand and back at me. It was only a split second. I’d gotten too far to be able to back out, so I just kissed him”

Peter could picture the scene clearly in his head. He’d put his own equipment down to pay proper attention. “How did he react?” 

“He froze, at first. It felt like time stood still as I looked at him. I let my hand drop and I felt like an idiot. I just wanted to turn and run. Loki just  _looked_ at me, and then he looked away and pulled back and I felt like I could just disappear on the spot. It was only a matter of moments, but it felt like hours… But then he looked back at me and then his lips were against mine again, and nothing had ever felt so right. It said more than words ever could. It was all said with that kiss; just that he felt the same. And I could never describe how relieved I was, and how good it felt” 

“And the rest is history?” Peter said, suddenly feeling quite fuzzy inside himself. 

Tony laughed. “Well, not quite! It was a bit longer before we made it official. When you open a door like that, you get another layer to a person, and you need to get to know each other in a different way. It was a case of talking about our feelings and all that soppy grown-up stuff until we were sure we could make a go of it. Music became very important during that time” 

“Music?” Peter said doubtfully, thinking about the type of music Tony usually had playing in the car. 

“Not the stuff on my usual playlist” Tony said, reading his mind. “We just put YouTube on and listened to whatever came up. We ended up listening to a lot of stuff I’d never have chosen. Lots of Take That and Abba, and a load of one-off tracks from various artists. Sounds a bit sad and embarrassing, but it’s a good way to make sense of things, giving it a soundtrack. Sometimes the most unlikely songs say the most perfect things” 

“So do you have a song? Like, one that’s yours? Did you just sit and listen or did you talk about the songs too?”

“A bit of both” Tony said. He shook his head. “We don’t really have a song that’s ‘ours’. We’ve got songs with memories attached to them, but not a proper ‘this is our song’ song”

He sat back thinking about those early days. They were both suddenly so nervous of each other after that first kiss. The music gave them an excuse to get closer. “Just like in the club” Tony had said. He thought about how, especially at first, neither of them were sure who should make the first move, and there was a lot of clumsiness. But as time went on, the hand-holding turned into cuddling, the little pecks turned into proper kisses, and the carefully chosen words turned into complete open honestly. 

Tony shook his head slightly and looked over at Peter.

“Right, that’s your little Tony Stark World of Love Pep Talk” he said, trying to revert back to serious-mentor mode. “Don’t be expecting another one any time soon”

*


	5. Flawed By Fear Of It All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Following his conversation with Tony the previous day, Peter decides he wants to hear Loki’s side of the story. Unfortunately, the rest of the day doesn’t follow such a loved-up theme

-

“Mr Loki? Mr Loki!” Peter gave him a shake. “Wake up!”

“Wha’ are you doing?” Loki grumbled, pushing his hands away. 

“What do you think I’m doing? I want to talk to you” 

Loki sat up reluctantly, rubbing his eyes, and Peter climbed onto the bed beside him. 

“What do you want?” 

“It’s about something Mr Stark said” Peter started. “I’ve got a question for you” 

Loki sighed. “What is it?” 

“How did you know you loved him?” 

For a moment, Loki just looked at him, a little taken aback. He lowered his hand. It wasn’t the question he’d expected. Finally, he responded: 

“When I started wanting to put more effort into my appearance before seeing him” 

Peter blinked. “Did you know he loved you too?” 

“Not until he kissed me”

“You’re being very brief” 

“And you’re being very nosy” Loki said. 

Peter huffed. “Well Mr Stark told me stuff. I want to know if it was all different for you. So give me a better answer” 

“You’re persistent” he said tiredly, raising an eyebrow. “I didn’t know what he felt for me. I knew he liked me, platonically, of course. But even that I was unsure of. None of the others were so ready to get to know me, much less accept me. I did wonder if he was just spending time with me to study me, using me as a project of some sort. I always wondered what all those glances were about, all the looks he gave me when he thought I wasn’t looking. I always just assumed the worst. It wasn’t the greatest feeling to have, but since that was always my conclusion, I was stuck with it”

“Why did you find it so hard to believe that he actually liked you?” Peter asked. 

“Who could ever like someone like me?”

Peter felt a pang Loki’s reply. He wasn’t sure how to respond. He sensed it wasn’t the right time to point out that he himself liked Loki. “Was it the kiss that changed everything, then?”

Loki nodded. “I think so. I thought it was a joke at first, some sort of game. Until I saw the look on his face when I didn’t return the first one…”

“Ok, so then you knew. I know you didn’t get together straight away though”

“No. We had more things to work through before we could take the next step. I never expected it to work. How could it? I convinced myself we’d maybe last a month, if that, but at that point I wanted it as much as he did, so I was willing to grab at anything I could get. Six months down the line, I turned to him and told him I didn’t think we’d get that far. And he said he didn’t either. I still worry something is going to ruin it”

“I think you’re just being paranoid” Peter said. “I mean, you’ve been ill most of the time I’ve been here, but even then, I’ve seen how well you two work… So what was it like? Getting together?”

“Terrifying. I had no idea what I was doing. Love turned out to be a very scary thing” he looked at Peter, suddenly worried that he was being mocked. He was relieved to see that the boy seemed genuinely interested in the story and what he had to say. It was reassuring, and made it easier for him to open up. “I did get very anxious at times, which is another reason why we took our time getting together. I couldn’t help but panic, and Tony used to get scared when he accidentally upset me. It’s all been a lot of hard work, getting to know how we work and what’s good and what’s bad, and then building a life together. It’s a strange one” 

“But is it worth it?” 

“I hope so” he looked at him. “I’d never had anything like this before. I know there’s things Tony wants to do that I can’t. We’ve had quite a few arguments about it. We can both be really nasty when we’re upset. I know we’re not perfect. Every couple fights” 

“Like, proper fights?” Peter suddenly felt a bit anxious. He wasn’t sure he liked the idea of Loki and Tony going at it hammer and tongs. 

“Well. Just shouting, really. And when he gets really riled, he does grab hold of me and give me a bit of a shake. But he’s never hit me. I’ve sometimes thought he was going to, but he never has. I respect him for that. I know he’d never hurt me deliberately”

Peter thought about it. He knew there was various sides to Tony that he hadn’t seen, but he felt like he was getting an insight into some of them. He wanted to understand the situation from both perspectives, even though he did feel a bit like he was prying. Still, he was too curious to back down.

“Why do you two work?” 

“He’s always listened” Loki said. “When Thor started bringing me about with him, the others tended to just nod at me and then blank me. I spent a lot of time daydreaming at Thor’s side in hopes of staving off any anger until afterwards. It wasn’t a great time. I had a lot of silent, miserable days. But Tony joined one of these little get-together’s one day, and when he saw me, he didn’t just nod and move on: he shook my hand and asked how I was. And then he sat down next to me. None of the others had sat next to me before. I wasn’t sure what his game was. He quickly proved there wasn’t one: he was just happy to accept me. He made an effort to include me in the conversations that day. I quickly decided I liked him. 

After that, he always sat and talked to me, and soon I started talking to him properly, too. And we became friends. We always ended up in a discussion completely separate to what everyone else was talking about, so he invited me over one night, which I accepted. And then he asked me again the next week, and it soon became a regular thing. He didn’t care about my past mistakes, and I found I didn’t care about his, either. We grew close because he never made me feel like I shouldn’t be there, and we could talk openly with each other. It set up our romantic relationship rather well”

“Don’t things start getting gritty when you talk a lot?” 

“They can do. We were quite careful with our topics for quite a while. After we made things official, that’s when we started talking about the  _really_ gritty bits. We had some really difficult conversations, but having them made us stronger” 

Peter watched him, noting how he’d been staring at his hands for a while now, looking quite nervous. “So how did you tell people?” 

Loki finally smiled, still looking down. “Well, we didn’t, not exactly. Not with words, anyway. We made it official between ourselves, and we talked about how to let people know, but we had a hard time trying to find the words. So eventually we decided not to. Or more,  _I_ decided not to. But anyway, Thor dragged me along to one of those get-together’s, and Tony was late so I was on edge until he arrived. And he came over to me and kissed me, and I mean a proper kiss, too. I was mortified. I didn’t want people knowing, at least not then. But I didn’t want to cause any more of a scene, so I let him do it. And then he smiled at me and pushed my hair back behind my ear. He sat down and he was a bit pink, and I knew I was red in the face too. Everyone was looking at us. It felt like hours before someone broke the silent. Bruce called Tony a sly dog and Thor asked me why I hadn’t told him. And they all had a bit of a laugh about it, and Tony laughed too. I didn’t. I was still feeling pretty embarrassed and a bit annoyed, even though no one had anything negative to say to us. It was odd, because they’d still mostly ignored me up until that point, but this had got them talking”

“That’s so cute! You’re like a rom-com scene” Peter said. 

Loki looked at him. “It didn’t feel like it at the time. It took me quite a while to stop feeling so het up about it. He did apologise to me when we were alone again, but he said it was good to get it out of the way so it wasn’t hanging over our heads any more. He meant well”

“I still think it’s kinda cute” 

Loki gave him a little push. “Can I go back to sleep now? I’m shattered”

-

Later that day, Loki found Tony out on the bench on the balcony. He sat beside him. 

“Your son came to talk to me this morning” 

“He’s not my son” Tony said. “What did he want?” 

“He was asking me about how we started out” 

Tony put his glass down. “He asked me the same last night. I told him”

“So did I. He’s got into my head. I’ve been thinking about it all day. About us” Loki looked over at Tony, who in return offered a concerned look.

“What’s the matter?” 

“…I’m fine”

Tony sighed irritably. “You never talk to me like you used to. You used to tell me when something was wrong, but now you just pretend you’re ok and do your whole, ‘I’m-not-hungry’ thing. You’re doing it again now” 

“Why did you talk to me when no one else did?” 

“Because I’m not a twat. Well, not in the same way” Tony said. “We all need to be given another chance sometimes” 

“Why do you put up with me?” 

“Because I’m in love with you. You knew the answer to that one already” 

Loki nodded. “I like to be sure” 

“I know” he squeezed Loki’s hand. “I know you do”

Loki looked at their clasped hands. “I need to get away” 

“You need to relax” Tony retaliated. “Go out a bit. Watch a film or something. Take up crochet. Play with the kid. It’s not good for you, spending so much time zoning out in your reading nook. You need to keep yourself busy” 

“It’s not as easy as all that”

“Yes it is. Pick a hobby”

“I like reading”

“Another hobby. Something more active. Go bird watching or cycling or make your own beer. Just do  _something_. You’re driving yourself mad, being so inactive. I want to see you smile again” Tony kissed his hand. “Just pick something to do, ok? Take Peter out for a bit, clear your head. Tell me your choice when you get back”

“I’d really rather not” Loki said.

“You’ll do as your told. Come  _on_ , lolly; you’re making yourself ill. You really do need to do something, anything. You’re so distant when you’re not well. You haven’t slept in my bed for over a month now, you’ve barely eaten, you had that week where you didn’t say a single word… It isn’t good, and you know that”

“And you think going out will change all that”

“Of course it will! Keep yourself busy: it always helps. It’s not a cure, but you’re a lot better when you’ve got stuff to do”

Loki knew he meant well. He didn’t really agree with him, but he knew his intentions were good. He held his hand tight. 

“I’d better go and take Peter out then” 

“Good man. Go and enjoy yourself… Oh, and Lolly?” he stopped him just as he was going back inside. “Behave yourself”

-

Loki pushed open Peter’s bedroom door. 

“Hi” Peter said, looking at him over his shoulder. 

“I’m going out for a walk if you’d like to join me”

“Ooh yeah, sure!” Peter jumped up, grabbing his jacket. “Just give me a minute to find my shoes first, ‘kay?”

Loki nodded. He wanted nothing more than to be back in his reading nook, listening to his music and pretending to read. The thought of going out sounded about as inviting as entering the lions den. 

Peter knotted his trainers and bounded up to Loki, grabbing his arm. 

“Where are we going, huh? Anywhere good? Anything you wanna see?” 

Loki detached Peter from his arm. “We’re just going for a walk”

-

Peter was happy bouncing along at Loki’s side as they walked down the street, chatting nineteen to the dozen even though he wasn’t getting much in the way of replies. He spotted something in the window of a shop they were passing and stopped suddenly. 

“Woah, Mr Loki, look at these!” he grabbed him by the arm, pulling him over to the window. “Look! Don’t you think they’d really suit you?” 

Loki looked at what he was pointing at so excitedly: it was a pair of formal bright red crocodile print shoes. They were certainly a statement piece. 

“Not at that price” 

“Aww, come off it” Peter said. “You’re dating a billionaire, remember? These aren’t even that expensive compared to a lot of shoes. Don’t you think they’re cool? I think they’d suit you. Y’know, get your black jeans and white shirt on, get some white socks and a red tie, stick these shoes on - it’d be eccentric! Electric! I don’t know what word I’m supposed to use here”

“I think both words are descriptive enough of your idea” he wasn’t feeling in the most agreeable mood and so acted disinterested, despite rather liking Peter’s idea. “Do you plan on standing in front of this shop all afternoon?” 

Peter pouted at him. “You’ve gone all grumpy and sulky. Is it because you’re tired?”

“Yes” Loki replied, deciding to agree with him rather than argue. 

He moved on, and Peter had to jog a bit to catch up with him. He carried on talking to his less-than-captive audience just as enthusiastically as before. Loki chose not to hear him, focusing instead on lighting a cigarette. 

“You shouldn’t do that, you know” Peter said, interrupting himself. 

“You say that every time you see me smoke” Loki sighed, a little irritated. 

“Yet you still do it”

“That’s my prerogative” he gave Peter a prod, scattering ash down his shirt as he did so. “Stop interfering”

Peter brushed the ash from his top and grumbled to himself.

-

Peter’s silence didn’t last long. Loki ignored him for a while, but before too long he was started to get a headache and didn’t appreciate the incessant rambling.

“Hey, are you hungry? I am; I kinda forgot to have lunch today. I was distracted. Shall we get something to eat? Y’know there’s this new stall I saw the other day, it has-”

“Oh. My God” Loki interrupted. “Can you  _please_ just, shut up? Just for five minutes, could you just, not speak?”

Peter felt a little hurt by that. “There’s no need to be rude about it”

“Oh for the love of - what did I just say?” Loki snapped, lighting another cigarette. 

“You shouldn’t-”

“Don’t you dare” Loki warned. 

“I’m gonna say it”

“Don’t”

“You shouldn’t do that”

Loki growled in frustration and gave him a shove. “Why do you  _insist_ on being so annoying?? Fuck, I knew this was a bad idea”

“I thought you wanted me to come with you” Peter scowled. 

“I only brought you because Tony told me to. Heck, I only came out at all because Tony made me. He was going on about me not doing much” 

“Well, he’s probably right: I’ve not really seen you do much so far. Don’t you get bored?” 

Loki turned on his heel and started walking back in the direction of the house. Peter scampered after him, suddenly not in such a good mood. 

“I take it you’re not hungry then” 

“Fuck, off” Loki swore, biting on his cigarette and picking up the pace. 

Peter walked faster to keep up with him. “What’s up with you? You were fine this morning. What’ve you gotta go and get so grumpy for? We could’ve had a nice time on this walk if you hadn’t’ve ruined it”

“Oh, so you think  _I’m_ the one who’s ‘ruined’ this? Who’s the one who hasn’t shut up the entire walk? Who’s the one who doesn’t seem to know the meaning of the word quiet? You can hardly expect me to enjoy it when I’ve got you buzzing in my ear like some little insect” Loki seethed, trying very hard indeed not to lose his temper. 

“Oh, I see how it is, and here I was thinking we were getting on. What? I can see you’ve got something else to say, so just say it” Peter snapped, getting more upset and angry by the second. 

Loki stopped, dropping the stub of his cigarette on the ground and grinding it under his heel. He felt like doing the same thing to Peter. He gave the boy a look of disdain and carried on walking, final destination now in sight. 

Peter clenched his fists. He felt like he was bubbling over with anger, his breathing heavy. 

“Fine, you walk away! I’m done! I don’t know why Mr Stark puts up with you anyway!” Loki stopped in his tracks. He turned round and Peter caught up, squaring up to him in a fit of rage. “You’re nothing but hard work! You know, earlier I thought I understood, but now I’ve realised I really don’t get this whole love thing that’s going on with you two. Why do you have to be so difficult all the time? I really don’t get why he puts up with you. Y’know, he’s said it plenty to you, but since I’ve been here, I’ve not once heard you tell him you love him. Maybe you don’t! What is it they call you again, the trickster God? Right, so that explains it, doesn’t it!? You’re just playing some kind of trick on him, manipulating him so you’ve got someone to hang out with! Admit it! I mean, come on, by your own words: who could  _really_ , actually like someone like y-”

He didn’t get a chance to finish his sentence. Loki hit him with a smack to the face so hard that it knocked the boy to the ground.

Peter lay where he fell in stunned silence, all his anger draining into fear. He looked up at Loki, who was breathing heavily, hand still poised as if he could strike again. Loki took a very deep breath, shocked at himself for his unpredictable attack, and immensely grateful that the quiet street held no witnesses. Shakily, and with his palm throbbing, he turned on his heel, hurrying the rest of the way back to the house.

-

Loki bumped into Tony as he arrived back home. Tony grabbed hold of him, noticing that something felt dreadfully off. 

“Hey, what’s up, baby? Where’s Peter?” 

“Let go of me-” Loki pushed his hands away, stalking passed without looking at him. 

“Lolly?”

-

Loki slammed into his reading room, pacing with his head in his hands. He wasn’t sure what he was more scared of: what he’d just done, or what would inevitably come next. He could feel himself panicking. He half hoped Tony would come in and ask him what was wrong so he could confess all. But, on the one occasion where he wished it wouldn’t, the door remained closed.

He sat down heavily on the window seat, swinging his legs up and trying to calm his breathing. He picked up a book, holding it in his shaking hands and trying desperately hard to focus on reading. 

It was barely another ten minutes before he heard the door go, followed by the frantic buzz of Tony’s voice, joined quickly by the buzz of Peter’s. Loki held the book so tight he was scared the binding would buckle. The words blurred on the page and he set it down, getting out his cigarettes in another attempt to help him retain some level of composure. His chest felt very tight. He couldn’t work out the words that were being said, but he didn’t need to:- he knew exactly what that conversation was going to be about. 

“He did  _what_?!” 

Tony’s voice penetrated the room, and Loki took such a deep drag on his cigarette trying to calm himself that it singed the back of his throat. The buzz of voices continued for what felt like an eternity longer before a shout much scarier than the first sounded. 

“Right… _**LOKI!!!**_ ”

As anticipated, the door banged open and slammed again, closing Peter off from what was about to happen.

“What the hell have you done?!” Tony roared, slapping what remained of the cigarette out of Loki’s hand and grabbing him roughly by the shirt. “How dare you?! How  _dare_ you lay a hand on that kid?!”

Loki used the last bit of courage he had left to risk one last quip: “Why don’t you ask the brat what he said to push me to it in the first place?”

This was a mistake. 

“That’s completely beside the point!” Tony exploded, shaking Loki with such force that his head smacked against the wall. “How dare you!? How  _dare_ you?! I can’t  _believe_  you! How could you hurt him like that?!” 

Loki tried to push him away, and Tony snapped, suddenly slamming Loki down onto his back on the window seat and getting on top of him to keep him there. Loki couldn’t help but cry out in pain as Tony’s knee hit against his still-healing wound. Tony relented slightly and adjusted his position. He growled, his hands hard against Loki’s shoulders. 

“You’re dangerous, do you hear me? Dangerous! Fuck, I thought you two were friends - why did you think it was ok to hurt him? How could you do that to him?!” 

“You didn’t hear what he said!” Loki cried, trying to push him away again. 

Tony grabbed hold of his wrists, pinning them above his head. He bent closer to him. 

“Don’t you  _dare_ try to turn this on him! Don’t you dare! How could you do it? How could you do it, and moreover, how could you do it and then just leave him there in the street like that?! Have you no shame?!”

Loki couldn’t respond. He’d never seen Tony like this before, and it was scary. He looked up at him with wide, scared eyes as he lay shaking beneath him, unable to move, Tony’s nails digging into his wrists as he shouted at him. He could feel the tears that blurred his vision as they spilled from his eyes and ran down to his neck. His head pounded where it had hit the wall, and his heart pounded harder. He could barely breathe.

-

Eventually Tony relented, releasing Loki and pushing himself to his feet, still trembling with rage. Loki sat up slowly, watching Tony with caution. 

“Right, you stay there! You stay away from him, you hear me? Oi, I said; do you hear me?” he grabbed Loki by the hair, yanking his head back so he was forced to look at him. “I don’t want you anywhere  _near_ him, do you understand!?” 

Loki nodded, and Tony let him go roughly. He looked at him for a moment before storming from the room, slamming the door behind him.

-

Peter bit the inside of his cheeks as he heard the sound of the door slamming. He hadn’t managed to stick around for long before escaping to his room. He never meant for Tony to get so angry:- he just told him the truth because he knew he couldn’t lie about the big red hand print covering half of his face. Tony’s reaction had been quite the shock. 

Peter’s bedroom door opened, and he sat up quickly. 

“Mr Stark?” 

Tony sat down beside him on the bed. “Are you alright?” 

“You got so angry. I didn’t think you’d get that angry…” Peter almost whispered, inching away from him.

“He had no right to hurt you like that, absolutely no right. I won’t stand by and watch him become a danger to you. You need to know that you’re safe while you’re staying here”

“It was an accident..”

“No, it wasn’t” Tony said firmly. “There is no way in hell that knocking you to the floor was an accident”

“W-well, ok, but it wasn’t planned. It just kinda happened, he just, he was just, I don’t know, he was just provoked” Peter stammered. 

“What exactly happened back there?”

“I told you: we had an argument, and he hit me…”

“I need a bit more detail than that”

Peter swallowed hard. He wasn’t proud of what he’d said, and he didn’t really want to have to repeat it, but the look on Tony’s face told him he didn’t have a choice.   
So Peter told him everything as it happened, word for word, unable to bring himself to look at Tony at all as he did so. It all sounded just as bad now as it had sounded in the heat of the moment.  
Tony listened carefully, and when Peter finished, he nodded grimly. 

“I’m surprised at you”

Peter hung his head.

“I can’t believe you said those things. I’ve never heard you say a bad word to anyone, and to come out with that… Why did you do it?” 

“I don’t know. I never meant any of it. I just got so angry and the words were out of my mouth before I knew what I was saying” he rubbed his sore cheek regretfully, rather feeling he’d deserved the slap. “I’m not proud of it”

“I still can’t believe you could be so malicious. You shouldn’t have said those things” Tony pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing heavily. The situation had started to make a little more sense now. “How could you tell him that he doesn’t really love me and that we’re only together because he’s manipulating me? How could you tell him no one likes him? Why would you say that? I’m so disappointed in you. Ashamed of you, even” 

Peter turned his head away. “I’m sorry” 

“It’s not me you need to be apologising to”

“I know” he looked up. “Should I-”

“No” Tony cut him off. “Keep your distance. He won’t appreciate seeing you right now”

Peter nodded, looking away again. “You sounded really scary when you were in there with him. I heard him cry out… Mr Stark? You… did you hit him?” 

“What?!” Tony looked at him in surprise. “What?  _No_ , no, of course I didn’t! What would give you that idea?” 

Peter chose not to answer. Tony sighed and put an arm round his shoulder. 

“Look, I’m not excusing what he did, but you were in the wrong as well today. You said some really nasty things. You can’t wind people up like that. You need to learn to control yourself” 

He didn’t say anything in reply, but he nodded solemnly. He knew Tony was right.

-

Loki wasn’t in the reading nook when Tony went looking for him. He soon found him in the lounge, sat against the liquor cabinet with a half empty bottle of Kraken rum in his hand. 

“Right, no. Give me that”

“No” Loki pulled himself to his feet, stumbling. 

Tony caught him quite quickly, grabbing the bottle. “Give it to me”

“No! Piss off” Loki slurred, holding on.

“Loki!” Tony snapped. 

Loki let go and took a few steps back, wary of another verbal assault. He steadied himself on the sofa. 

“Peter told me what he said to you” Tony said, finding the lid and screwing it back onto the rum, which he replaced in the cabinet. “He shouldn’t have said those things. But that doesn’t excuse what you did” 

“Can’t you just leave me alone? I don’t want to talk to you”

“I’m trying to clear the air here. That’s all I want”

“And I was trying to have a drink, so why should you be able to do what you want when I can’t do what I want?” he sat down heavily on the sofa, trying to stay upright. 

“Loki, please. Don’t be like this. I know I was tough on you, but you know why I had to be” 

“Oh, so it’s not ok for me to smack your brat, but it’s ok for you to slam my head against a wall and scream at me for thirty minutes” Loki spat. 

“It wasn’t like that and you know it” he was starting to feel wound up. “I know I scared you”

Loki stood up, and Tony automatically reached out to help steady him. Loki found his footing and pulled away from him. He had so much to say that it was easier to remain silent. He walked out, leaving Tony where he stood, all their unspoken words hanging heavy in the air.

*


	6. Refresh My Broken Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the aftermath, Tony is keen to make up with Loki and get back to normal. Unfortunately, the notion of ‘forgive and forget’ isn’t settling too well

****

-

Loki bolted his bedroom door and lay on the bed with his headphones on as loud as they would go without buzzing. He lay there trying not to think, making his way through a packet of cigarettes while he watched the room grow dark around him. 

-

Tony went in to see Loki the morning. By this time, the bolt had been slid back, and he was able to open the door. He shut it behind him, grimacing at the thick smell of smoke in the foggy room. 

Loki watched him carefully, but made no effort to move. 

“Are you planning on getting up today?”

Loki tapped his cigarette on the side of the ash tray, looked at it for a moment, and then replaced it in his mouth. Tony sighed, going over to the window and pushing it open. 

“You can’t stay in here pretending to be a chimney all day, you know” he turned back to Loki, who was refusing to look at him. “What’s up?”

“What do you think?” Loki said, his voice thick. 

“Look, yesterday wasn’t great, I admit that. But there’s no need to sulk about it. Stop being so childish” 

Loki stubbed out his finished cigarette, took another from the box, lit it, and stared up at the ceiling as he started it. 

“Fine, be like that” Tony snapped. “I’ll come back later” 

Loki waved the cigarette in his direction. “Feel free not to”

-

Tony bumped into Peter in the corridor. 

“Were you eavesdropping?” he asked accusingly. 

“What? No! No, I was just gonna go and apologise, that’s all” 

Tony put an arm round his shoulder, steering him away from Loki’s room. “He’s not feeling very receptive at the moment. I should wait a bit, else you’ll just end up getting smacked again”

“I-I rather think it was one-off, Mr Stark” Peter said. 

Tony nodded. “Still, I wouldn’t risk it”

-

Tony tried Loki again around midday. He was still staring at the ceiling, waning cigarette between his fingers. 

“Have you moved at  _all_ since this morning?” 

“Not really”

Tony sensed he’d finally calmed a bit, so sat on the edge of the bed. Loki shifted away from him. 

“You can’t stay in here indefinitely. Why don’t you get up? Come and join us for a bit”

“I thought you didn’t want me near him” Loki said bitterly. “Thought I was too ‘dangerous’”

Tony sighed irritably. “Stop acting like a child! You fucked up, ok? So just face up to it like the grown up that you apparently are” 

Loki shot him with a baleful glare and returned to smoking. Tony snatched the cigarette from him, pressing the light out on the near-full ash tray. 

“That was my last one” 

“Good. Now stop your little act and talk to me properly” 

Loki pushed himself up off the bed, shoving his feet into the nearest pair of shoes and grabbing his coat. 

“And where exactly do you think you’re going?”

“Out”

“Out where?” 

“What does it matter to you?!” Loki shouted. “Just yesterday you were whining at me for not going out enough. I’m just going out. Happy now?”

“No, I’m not happy! Get back here!” Tony grabbed hold of him. “You’re just going to get more smokes, aren’t you?” 

“Yes. Now let go of me!” 

“No, you’re not going anywhere!” 

A struggle ensued. It ended with Tony pushing Loki down onto the bed, getting on top of him and pinning his hands above his head, just as he’d done the night before. 

“You missed a step” Loki said. 

“What?” 

“You forgot to smack my head into a wall first”

“I swear to god, I will smack your head straight  _through_ a wall if you don’t give it a rest!” 

Loki looked up at him, trying to breathe evenly, and Tony looked down at him, trying to keep tabs on his surroundings. 

“Loki, listen to me. Are you alright?” 

Loki very nearly spat in his face. How could he have the audacity to ask him that? He knew the answer before he’d even asked it, so Loki didn’t reply. 

“Look. Ok, yesterday… yesterday was rough, I know that. But you know why I reacted like I did. You know the kid means a lot to me. I won’t stand by and watch him get hurt” 

“You’re fine to see me get hurt though”

“What? No! Loki, no” he let go of his wrists and took his face in his hands instead. “That’s not what I meant. You know I’d defend you the same way if it came down to it” 

“No you wouldn’t”

“I  _would_. You know I hate seeing you hurt”

Loki looked at him. “You’ve got a funny way of showing it” 

Tony sat back, feeling a little defeated. “Ok, I can see how that sounded, given the circumstances. I know I’ve been angry, but I haven’t  _hurt_ you, have I? Have I?” 

Loki undid the first few buttons of his shirt and pushed it aside to show him the bruises on his shoulders. Tony looked shocked. 

“Oh god. Oh my god” he buried his face in his hands for a moment. “I didn’t realise I was being that rough last night. I never meant to hurt you”

“What  _did_ you mean to do?”

Tony stopped. “I don’t know. I didn’t really think. I just knew I was angry and that you needed to answer to me. There wasn’t really a thought process beforehand. You know I’d never hurt you on purpose”

“You’re hurting me right now” 

Tony moved off him, and Loki sat up, edging away from him and doing his shirt back up. 

“Lolly? I’m sorry” 

Loki looked at him. He really didn’t want to forgive him just yet, but there was no denying Tony’s sincerity. He closed his eyes for a moment. He didn’t know what to say. He opened his eyes and turned away, but he reached out and held Tony’s hand. 

“Let’s go for that walk”

-

Loki didn’t really want Tony to come with him, but it was a better option than risking another argument. He didn’t say a word until they reached the off license, where he had to ask the man behind the counter for his cigarettes. Once back on the street, it had started to rain. Tony took Loki’s hand in his. 

“You’re very quiet”

Loki nodded, twisting out of Tony’s grasp. When he saw the look on Tony’s face, he made like he was just adjusting his collar, and then reluctantly took Tony’s hand again. It felt weird, like they shouldn’t be doing it. He didn’t feel overly comfortable with him right now. 

“You’re still upset, aren’t you?” 

Loki broke his silence. “I’m just tired”

-

It was a great relief to arrive back home. Loki threw off his damp coat and shoes and retired to his reading nook. He couldn’t help but feel a bit upset that Tony followed him. He sat down uneasily, and Tony stood in front of him, taking his face in his hands. 

“You know, you’re gonna have to talk to the kid at some point. I think both of you have apologies to make”

“I know. I’ll talk to him later. I promise” 

“Thank you” Tony kissed his forehead. 

He pulled him close, one hand on the back of his head, kissing his forehead again, kissing his nose, kissing his cheek. Loki squirmed a bit as Tony started kissing down his neck, but he bore with it anyway. Tony was getting rougher, holding him closer, biting him gently. He reached down, untucking Loki’s shirt, slipping his fingers into his waistband, starting to undo the button…

Loki suddenly grabbed him by both wrists, pushing him away gently but firmly. 

“Tony, please. I’m not in the mood” 

Tony raised an eyebrow. “When are you ever?” he sighed, stepping back. “Do you want me to leave?” 

Loki decided to be honest. “Yes” 

“Alright, alright, I can see you need a rest” he kissed him forcefully on the lips, and Loki pulled away quickly. “Ok, ok, maybe later then”

Loki sighed and gave him a quick hug as a gesture of good will. Tony seemed to have moved past the previous days events.

-

True to his word, Loki talked to Peter later on. He found him down in the back room in the lab. It had taken a while to find him, as Loki wasn’t really allowed in the lab, and it turned into the last place he looked. 

“I was gonna come and find you when I’d finished down here” Peter said, crossed legged on the floor with his notebook. “I was gonna talk to you earlier, put Mr Stark wouldn’t let me. And then you went out” 

Loki sat down opposite him. He looked at what Peter was working on, but he couldn’t make much sense of it upside-down. 

“I was horrible to you yesterday” Peter said, closing his book and looking at Loki properly. “I got angry and said some horrible stuff. I didn’t mean any of it, not really. I just said it all to hurt you. I’m really sorry” 

Loki nodded. “I wasn’t very nice to you either. And I shouldn’t have hit you like that. I’m sorry too” 

“Thank you… I understand why you did it though. I know you and Mr Stark are together through choice. I’ve never really thought there was anything to it other than that. And I didn’t mean it when I said no one likes you. I know that’s a lie as well. Mr Stark likes you, obviously. And Dr Banner and your brother. And  _I_ like you too, so…”

“We all say things we don’t mean sometimes…” He was annoyed to find himself tearing up. 

Peter noticed this. He moved his stuff aside so he could shuffle closer, got onto his knees, and wrapped his arms round Loki. Loki was surprised, but he soon found himself hugging back, holding the boy just as tight as he was being held. 

-

“You’re not supposed to be down here, you know”

Loki and Peter looked up, still in each others arms. They hadn’t heard Tony come in. 

“He’s helping me with something. Leave him alone” Peter said. 

Tony sat down with them. “I take it you two have made up then?” 

“Yep, talked everything over. We’re friends again now” he could hear Loki’s heart, and it had started beating faster. “Hey, are you ok?” 

Loki pressed his lips together and nodded. He wasn’t feeling great. He hadn’t quite forgiven Tony, and his presence in the room had put him on edge. Peter held him tighter, but didn’t push it. He talked to Tony instead. 

Loki was starting to feel very hot and anxious. Before he could stop them, tears were dripping down his cheeks, and they didn’t go unnoticed. 

“Mr Loki? Hey, Mr Loki, what’s wrong?” Loki had let go of him, so he moved back to look at him properly. “Mr Loki?”

Loki was furious with himself, but now that he’d started, he couldn’t seem to stop. He knuckled his eyes, trying to stop the tears. Tony gently moved Peter aside. 

“Hey. What’s going on, baby?” 

Loki couldn’t look at him. 

Tony tried again. “Do you want a hug?” 

“I want Thor” his voice broke as he said it, and he started crying properly.

"I can go and call him for you” Peter offered. 

“I wouldn’t bother” Tony said. “He barely answers the landline even when he  _is_  in" 

"I don’t need you babying me” Loki struggled to his feet, snatching his hand back when Tony tried to grab him. 

“Loki, come on. Tell me what’s wrong" 

Loki shook his head and walked out with as much dignity as he could muster, his vision blurred with tears.

 -

Peter later decided to ignore Tony and ring Thor anyway. He found an address book, and as he was searching it for Thor’s number, the doorbell went. He went to answer it. 

"Mr Thor! Good timing! I was just about to call you. Mr Loki was asking after you earlier" 

"Well then, it’s a good job I was passing. I’d best go in to him” Thor started off in the direction of the reading room, but Peter stopped him. 

“He’s not in there. He’s out on the balcony”

 - 

Thor found Loki out on the balcony as expected, reclining in of the sun loungers and smoking. 

“Good afternoon" 

Loki looked up. "Brother!" 

He balanced his cigarette against the ash tray, got to his feet, and threw himself at his brother, nuzzling against his chest. 

"It’s good to see you too” Thor smiled at him. “Loki?" 

Loki was showing no signs of letting go any time soon, and he’d started to whimper softly. Thor held him tight, rubbing his back in little circles. Loki started to feel a bit more relaxed. Thor had always had a knack of making him feel secure. Eventually he managed to quieten. 

"Come on; let’s sit down” Thor said after a while, sitting down on the sun lounger and pulling Loki into his lap. 

Loki leant against him, retrieving his cigarette. 

“Still on the bad habit, I see" 

Loki didn’t respond. Thor took the cigarette from him and extinguished it. 

"Now, are you going to tell me what’s wrong?" 

Loki was quiet for quite a while, trying to think of what to say, if anything. Finally, he spoke. 

"I had an argument with Tony yesterday" 

"Ah” Thor nodded. “What about?" 

"I did something bad… I had an argument with Peter too" 

"Really?” This surprised him. Peter had always seemed like he wouldn’t say boo to a goose. “I’m guessing it didn’t end well" 

"I smacked him" 

"Oh Loki. What did he say to you?" 

"He said that no one likes me and that I’m manipulating Tony into being with me so I won’t be lonely" 

"Ouch. I never would’ve expected that from him" 

Loki shook his head. "He was just angry. He didn’t mean it. We’ve made up now, anyway" 

"And Tony?" 

"He’s made up with me but I haven’t made up with him yet" 

"Right. And why not?" 

Loki went quiet again. He wasn’t quite sure himself why he was finding it so hard to forgive Tony this time. Tony seemed to have moved past it quite easily. Maybe getting it out of the system the way he did was why. But Loki hadn’t had time to scream and shout about it, so it still felt very raw, bottled up inside him. 

Thor tried again. "What’s different this time?" 

Loki stared at his hands. "He left bruises" 

"What?! Where? Has he started hitting you? Because if he has, I swear I’ll-" 

"No! No, he didn’t hit me, he’d never–look, it was an accident. It was an accident. He just got rough. He was angry, and I don’t blame him. He didn’t mean to hurt me. But I still feel weird about it" 

Thor calmed himself. "You’re sure it was an accident?" 

Loki nodded. "He was horrified when he found out. He couldn’t apologise enough. It’s just…" 

"You got scared, didn’t you?”

Loki didn’t say anything, but that was enough of a confirmation. 

“Mind if I interrupt?" 

They both looked up as Tony came out onto the balcony. Thor didn’t look too pleased to see him. 

"Loki’s told me about what happened yesterday" 

Tony nodded uneasily. "It wasn’t a good day for any of us. Still, it’s over and done with now. Isn’t it, Loki?" 

Loki didn’t look convinced. Tony put a hand under Loki’s chin, tipping his head back so he had to look at him. 

"Hey, you’re not still upset about our argument, are you?" 

Loki pushed his hand away, but held onto it. "You really scared me yesterday" 

"I know” Tony said mournfully. “And I’ve said sorry. I don’t know what else you want me to do. I’ve apologised - and meant it. And I’ve forgiven you for what you did, and so has Peter, so let’s just leave this little mess in the past, ok?" 

Loki looked at him, searching for even the slightest bit of insincerity. But there was none to be found. He let go of Tony’s hand. 

"Thor, mind if I move you?" 

"I’d rather stay here” Thor said, fully aware that Loki hadn’t been convinced to forgiveness just yet. 

Tony rolled his eyes and pulled up a chair, getting as close as possible. He rested against the arm rest of the sun lounger. 

“Look, lolly. I know I was out of order yesterday. My anger isn’t an excuse for that, but it is a reason. I shouldn’t have been so rough. I could’ve handled things a lot better, we both know that. But then, so could you. We all did regrettable things yesterday, but dwelling on it won’t make it so it didn’t happen. I’m sorry, my love. Everything’s gonna be ok”

Loki looked at Thor over his shoulder. Thor squeezed his shoulder reassuringly. Loki looked back at Tony - really  _looked_ at him, thinking about all the previous arguments, all the previous kiss-and-make-up’s. He could feel himself welling up. He made no effort to hide it this time. He wriggled off Thor’s lap and threw his arms round Tony. Tony hugged him back, kissing his cheek and squeezing him hard. 

Loki suddenly felt the weight of everything lift off his shoulders. He resting his head against Tony’s, breathing in his familiar scent. 

“Ok now?” 

Loki moved back a bit, taking a deep, shaky breath. He nodded. Tony gently wiped the tears from his face with the pad of his thumb. Loki put his hand over Tony’s on his cheek. 

Behind them, Thor stood up. 

“I’d best be taking my leave of you” he gave Loki a quick hug from behind. “You’ve got my number if you need it. I’ll see you again soon”

Loki nodded. “Thank you”

Thor squeezed his shoulder and turned his attention to Tony. “I’ve got my eye on you, Stark”

*


	7. Strangely Less In Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unspoken words always come out in the end
> 
> (short chapter this time, I'm afraid!)

-

Tony was working in his room. The door opened. 

“Hey you”

Loki found a tie, wrapped it round the outer handle, and shut the door. 

“Can we talk?”

“Sure” Tony closed his laptop and set it down on his bedside table. “What’s up?”

Loki sat down opposite Tony on the bed. “Are we ok?” 

Tony looked at him. “What do you mean?” 

“I mean… Are we struggling?” 

“I don’t  _think_ so. We’re just having a rough patch, nothing more. Happens to every couple”

Loki nodded, swallowing hard. “I’d planned everything I was going to say to you. But I’ve forgotten everything now I’m here”

“There’s no rush. Can you remember the main point?” Tony asked gently.

“It’s about the other day”

“I thought it might be”

“You’ve never acted like that before. You’ve never been that angry before, or that rough… You know, for a minute, I thought you were really going to hurt me”

Tony sighed, and nodded. “I know. I’m sorry, you know that. There’s no excusing my behaviour. But it’s done with… You’ve still not quite forgiven me, have you?”

“I’ve forgiven you, but I’m still trying to understand you. I’ve never seen you like that before. It was as though you’d turned into someone completely different… I know I made a mistake. But I never meant to make you so angry”

“Hey, that’s on me. Kicking off like that, that’s entirely on me. It wasn’t your fault” Tony carefully took his hand. “I’ll admit I even surprised myself, afterwards, when I realised how I’d acted. It was very much the heat of the moment. That’s no excuse, I know”

“But it’s a reason”

“Maybe so. Still doesn’t make it right though, does it? I know I need to control myself better. I won’t let it happen again. And I trust we won’t have another repeat of your own actions. We can move past this. We can leave this behind us. But” he took Loki’s other hand, squeezing them both. “You have to start telling me what’s wrong. You can’t keep bottling everything up like this. You need to tell me what you’re feeling. Otherwise, how can I help?”

Loki looked at their hands. He know what Tony was saying made sense, but that didn’t make it any easier. Tony looked at him, head slightly to one side. 

“What’s wrong, Lolly?”

Loki swallowed. “I don’t know”

“What do you mean, you don’t know?”

“I don’t know. It’s just, I just keep getting this feeling…”

“What kind of feeling?”

“Like I’m under water”

Tony didn’t know what to say. He was quiet for some time. “Tell me about it”

Loki kept his head down. “I don’t know how”

“Tell me how it feels. Being under water”

“Cold, and hard. Everything that should be easy feels impossible. It’s like, I keep telling myself to do things, things I know I should be doing. But I  _can’t_. It’s like my mind and body become unattached. Even getting up takes so much effort some days. It just suddenly hits… I get this feeling, like I’m being crushed. And someone keeps pressing down harder every time I try to get up. I can’t breathe. Everything feels hollow, like my insides have been carved out. And nothing makes sense - it’s all so disjointed. It’s like watching through tinted glass…”

“You can see out, but no one can see in” Tony nodded. He knew what Loki meant. “You can see where you want to be, but you can’t get there”

Loki held Tony’s hands tight. His vision blurred. “I’m just so tired”

“I know, sweetheart. I know” he paused. “Sweetheart. Do you remember a few months ago, that conversation we had about depression?”

“Oh Tony. Don’t start that again”

“I have to. You need to admit to yourself that you’re not well”

“I’m not denying it”

“But you’re denying yourself help” Tony said. “I know you’re ill. It kills me seeing you like this, watching you recluse into yourself and stop eating and interacting. We can’t act like it’s a one-off anymore. I know you’ve lost a lot of weight recently. It’s not healthy and it’s not safe. It’s horrible enough to watch, so I dread to think what it feels like for you. You need to talk to someone about this. Maybe we should make you an appointment”

“I don’t need a doctor” Loki said, letting go of Tony’s hands so he could wipe his eyes. “I’m not seeing a doctor”

“Loki…”

“I don’t need this. I’ll be fine. I don’t need to talk to anyone. I’m not depressed. What have I got to be depressed about?”

“It’s an illness, Loki. It doesn’t always pick people for a reason. It’s an illness in the same way that mine is” Tony rested a hand on Loki’s knee. “I won’t force you to see a doctor. But you still need to talk about all this with someone, get it out of your system. Let me help you”

“What about you? How’s your illness?”

“Better than it was. Definitely. The anxiety is definitely better than it used to be. I do still have days where I feel like I’ve had a hundred cups of coffee though”

Loki took Tony’s hand again. “What are we going to do with each other, eh? One of us has had too much coffee, and the other is under water”

Tony kissed Loki’s hand. “We’ll balance each other out. You can keep me grounded. And I can give you a life ring. No more watching through tinted glass”

Loki looked at him, tearing up again. He let go of Tony’s hand in favour of wrapping his arms around him. Tony hugged him back, squeezing him tight. 

“We’ll get through this together”

Loki nodded, kissing Tony’s cheek. “Thank you”

*


	8. With Abandon Like A Child

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s been said that a rebellious group activity is good for morale - and everyone needs the chance to unwind every once in a while
> 
> (posting two chapter tonight because chapter 7 was such a mini one!)

-

Loki stopped short, suddenly aware of someone’s presence in the room. He looked over his shoulder. 

“Hi…”

“Ah, so it’s you who’s been clattering about in here all morning” Tony sat down on the floor - or what was left of it. “What are you up to?”

“This cupboard is full of stuff and I’ve never seen you use any of it. I’m just seeing what’s in here”

“It’s a tat cupboard, really: I can’t remember the last time I even opened it. Found anything interesting?”

“This” Loki handed him a box. “You haven’t even opened it. Why did you buy it?”

“Heck, I didn’t even know I owned this” Tony said, taking the box from Loki. It was a Fujifilm bridge camera, brand new and unopened. “You can have it if you want”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I was saying you needed a hobby. Maybe you could take up photography” Tony handed the camera back. 

“Thanks. I’ll think about it” he set the camera to one side.

“Please do. Right, I’d best be getting on” he stood up, ruffling Loki’s hair fondly. “Make sure you tidy up after yourself, ok? See you in a bit”

Loki watched him go and looked around him. He’d gutted the top shelves of the cupboard and there was a vast amount of stuff piled up on the floor. He decided to sort all that out before starting on the bottom shelf, and set to work putting everything back, with some level of order this time. There was a lot more room in the cupboard now it was organised. 

Once sorted, he knelt down and began rummaging through the bottom shelf. He pulled out one large box, and quickly spotted something buried at the back. He pulled it out and found it was a super soaker water gun. He moved a few more things aside, and found three more just like it, all of them still attached to their cardboard packaging. Loki looked at them, and his eyes glittered. He shoved one of the guns and all of the boxes back into the cupboard and closed it. He gathered the other three water guns in his arms. He had an idea.

-

Loki bumped into Peter out in the hallway. 

“Hey, Mr Loki! You ok?” Peter grinned. 

“Yeah. Give me a hand with these, would you?”

“Why have you got water guns?”

“I found them. Come on” he led the way to the kitchen, and Peter followed to help fill them. “Don’t you think Tony works too much?”

“Well, maybe. Why?”

“Lets have a bit of fun with him”

They finished filling the water guns, and Loki grabbed one, pulling the trigger. Nothing happened. 

“I think you need to charge it” Peter said, moving closer to have a look. “Aha. Yeah, you need to pump this lever here first, I think”

Loki did so, and tried the trigger again. Sure enough, a jet of water spurted out of the end. “They’re more powerful than I expected”

He tried it again, and then passed it to Peter to try. Once they were both comfortable with how they worked, Loki swapped one of the full guns with Peter, tucking the used one under his arm and grabbing the other full one. 

“Ready?”

Peter nodded determinedly. “Ready!”

-

The buzz of Tony’s voice on the phone allowed them to locate him in the lounge. They pushed the door open and stood poised, water guns at the ready. Tony stopped where he stood. 

“I’m gonna have to call you back” he terminated the call and let his mobile fall onto the sofa. 

Before he could say anything else, Loki and Peter launched their attack, hitting him from both sides. Tony shrieked at them.

“Why you little-!”

Loki threw him the third water gun, which he caught with ease. 

“Winner chooses tonight’s takeaway”

Tony looked at the gun. He suddenly grinned, readying his weapon. “Bring it on”

-

Tony cornered Loki in the corridor. Loki pulled the trigger of his gun, to no effect. Tony held his gun at the ready, closing in on him. Loki stepped back until he hit the wall, biting his lip nervously.

“Any last words?”

Tony was suddenly hit from behind. He turned round quickly, fully expecting Peter - and jumped violently to find Loki there. He looked back, and the mirage he’d been talking to had gone. Tony growled, shooting Loki in the stomach. 

“Hey, no illusions, you cheeky whatsit!” 

“Yeah, that’s an unfair advantage!” Peter protested, jumping out of nowhere. 

“Ok, ok, no illusions, I promise” Loki said, crossing his heart. “Happy?”

“Yep” Peter primed his gun, pointing it at Loki and opening fire. 

“Hey, hey! I thought you were on my side” Loki said, trying to block the water with his own gun. 

“Hey, you placed a food wager - it’s every man for himself now!”

“Well, if that’s the way you want to play it” Loki pulled the trigger, hitting Peter square in the face. 

Tony turned on him, shooting him, and shooting Peter. In a last moment of solidarity, Loki and Peter doubled their attack, which Tony tried valiantly to defend, but soon had to back away.

“Wait, wait, my guns empty! I need to refill”

Loki and Peter lowered their weapons, and all three looked at each other, finally nodding and agreeing on a safe retreat to separate barracks.

-

The fight was long, the battles sporadic. Trails of water and splashed walls bore testament to valiant crusades. 

All three found themselves once again in a temporary reprieve. They’d all lost count of how many times they’d been forced to take cover to refill their weapons.

Loki leant against the wall, gun in his lap, his hands resting in position on it so he was ready, should he become victim to a random assault. The house was deathly quiet. He peered round the corner, relieved to find it desolate. It meant he had time to catch his breath. He was left soaked from the campaign, rubbed raw from the action. Water dripped from the ends of his hair, falling on his shoulders and making him shudder.

A faint gushing sound was heard again, and Loki looked up, recognising it at once. He pulled himself to his feet, checking his surroundings once more before starting onward - rushing towards the sound of the enemy. 

-

Loki readied his finger on the trigger as he approached the source of the sound. He pushed the door open, and his opponent stopped dead for a moment before turning on his heel. He raised his gun, frantically pushed in the stopper, and pulled the trigger -  but hadn’t had the time to charge. His moment of defencelessness denied him any protection from Loki’s attack. Fight was gone - the only tactic left to him was flight. 

He was pursued, finally taken down with a combination of the ongoing attack and the remnants of a previous clash - he slipped, landing flat on his back, his gun falling from his hands. Within seconds, Loki was stood over him, one foot on the dropped weapon. 

The man looked down at him, his gun pointed firmly at his captive. 

“Where’s Stark?”

“I-I don’t know!”

Loki homed in on him, his gun inches from the boys face. 

“I’ll ask you again: where’s Stark?”

“I don’t know! I swear I don’t know, sir!” Peter cried, trying to put some distance between himself and the gun. “But - but I can help you find him”

Loki hesitated. “What are you saying?”

“Please, sir. Let me join you” Peter begged. “I’ve been searching in vain. We’ve got a better chance of finding him together”

“And how can I trust you?”

“Well, sir” Peter started, finding it hard not to look at the gun. “We’ve both got the same goal, haven’t we? Aren’t we better going on together? There’s safety in numbers”

Loki thought for a moment, finally nodding and drawing back, grabbing the other gun and allowing the boy to stand. “So from here on out, we work together. No tricks, nothing hidden, no ulterior motives. We find Stark together - and we share the fruits of the labour at the end”

Peter nodded resolutely. “You have my comradeship” 

“Good” he handed Peter’s gun back to him. “Don’t let me down”

Peter charged the gun and adjusted his hold. Loki stopped, hearing the whir of taps. He looked at Peter, charging his own gun. They nodded at each other. It was time.

-

“I knew it would only be a matter of time before you showed up” Tony pushed the stopper in on his gun, letting out a silent but heavy sigh before turning around.

“Stark”

Loki and Peter stood side by side, guns at the ready, the very picture of camaraderie. Tony looked at them, at their dripping hair and their wet clothes, at their hands and guns - battle-worn and ready. Tony looked at his own gun, turning it and peering at both sides. He shrugged, sighed, and raised it. 

“Well, if needs must” 

Loki quirked an eyebrow as Tony’s shot hit nothing but the tiled floor. Peter did likewise, but as he stepped forward to launch his own hit, the ulterior motive became clear, and he was very suddenly on the floor again. He kept hold of his gun this time, shooting clumsily from where he lay, not quite able to sit up. He was fast, but Tony was faster. Tony ignored Loki and put his full attention into keeping the younger down. Peter struggled, trying to get up, shoot, and wipe the water from his face all at once, with little success. Loki stepped up to the plate, mounting the defences for this comrade. 

“You’ve decided to play dirty, have you?” Loki hissed, jumping forward and hitting their attacker at close range.

Tony stumbled, his defences lowering as he tried to charge his gun for another attack. Loki had mastered the art of charging his gun while shooting, and he was happy to play dirty if Tony was. He made for quite the formidable opponent. Tony fought against him, but he soon began to waver. Loki knew what he was doing. Even when his gun ran out, he’d grabbed Peter’s while Tony was still shaking his head for the last attack. 

There were fighting in a puddle, and the inevitable happened. Tony received another hit to the face, lost his balance, and toppled with quite the splash. Almost instantly, Loki’s soldiering act was broken and he burst out laughing, and Peter did too. Tony lay in shock for a moment, wet all over and soaked in the worst possible places. He looked quite the sight. The guns were dropped, and as Tony himself started laughing, peace was declared.

-

Weak with laughter, Peter took it upon himself to help Tony up. Loki was useless, laughing so hard that he was doubled up.

“Your face, Tony! Oh my god, that was brilliant”

Tony looked down at himself, quickly noticing why Peter had started howling with laughter again. 

“Very mature. Come on, it’s not that funny” Tony said, but his voice cracked and he couldn’t help laughing too.

Loki had reached the stage where he was laughing so hard he was crying, not even making any noise any more. His stomach ached and he let himself join Peter on the floor, who was in a similar position. Tony decided he may as well do the same. 

-

It became a challenge.

Even when they were starting to get over the original trigger of their laughing fit, they’d make eye contact and start all over again. Their laughter fuelled each other’s laughter, making it a seemingly endless cycle.

“It’s not even funny” Loki giggled, wiping the tears from his face with his thumb, and immediately going into another peal of laughter. “Your face..!”

Tony was the first to stop laughing, although it was hard going - watching the other two made him want to start all over again.

“You two are getting overexcited” he said wearily, wiping his own eyes and taking a deep shaky breath to keep himself calm.

Loki and Peter finally managed to calm down, lying on their backs, still giggling feebly. They took a few minutes, trying very hard not to look at each other and set themselves off again.

“Anyway” Loki said eventually. “Who won?”

“You did” Tony said. “Definitely you. I was second”

“What? No way!” Loki sat up quickly. “Peter was secondly. Almost definitely!”

“What? No, I was second! He was definitely defeated by the time we had our face off” 

“I think he’s right there” Peter agreed, sitting up. 

“No, come on. You were on my team, I came first, so it balances out. You were second”

“That doesn’t even make sense” Tony shook his head. “Ok, Peter was second”

Loki put an arm round Peter’s shoulder and gave him a squeeze. 

A smile tugged at Tony’s lips. “What are we having for tea then?”

Loki looked at him gone-out for a moment, before remembering the wager they’d placed almost three hours before. “What’s the rum situation?”

“You finished the Kraken but we’ve still got two bottles of Captain Morgans” 

“Domino’s then. Definitely Domino’s”

“Right, that’s that sorted then” The landline started ringing, and Tony sighed dejectedly. “I’d better get that”

“Leave it. You only ever get spam on that phone” 

“True. Although my mobile isn’t much better. I had to take a couple of quick phone calls during our battle. People can’t seem to sort out anything by themselves” he stood up, retrieving his phone from the counter. 

The other two watched him, still cuddled up, Loki resting his head against Peter’s. Peter felt exhausted (and he wasn’t the only one). It had been one hell of a water fight - more a water war - and he was very rubbed and raw and thirsty after it. He was quite happy leaning against Loki and taking time to breath.

“I think I’m gonna sleep well tonight” he said quietly.

Tony glanced up at them, smiling slightly. When they weren’t looking, he raised his phone and took a quick picture. He then put his phone back on the counter and moved closer to them.

“I just have one question. Peter might have the same one” Tony said. “How did you keep finding us?”

Loki gestured vaguely. “The sound of the taps. You can hear them whir, and the ones in different rooms sound different, so every time you filled up your guns, you gave away your position. I thought you would’ve guessed that one”

“Well, that does make sense, now that you’ve said it” Tony said.

“But wait” Peter said. “If you knew it could give away your position, how did you refill yours?”

“I used the water coolers. They don’t make any noise” 

Peter glanced up at him. “You’re sneaky. I love it”

Loki laughed at him. “Thanks”

Tony raised his eyebrows and shook his head admiringly.

“You’ll catch your death” he said, squeezing a lock of each of their sodden hair. “Go and get some dry clothes on, you two. I’m gonna do the same, and then we can order food. Ok?”

They nodded. “Ok”

The calm after the storm felt nothing short of luxurious.

*


	9. Your Boldness Stands Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of the battle is a good one. Unfortunately, Peter can’t seem to resist looking through the keyhole, as per usual

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone who spots (and comments telling me) what the obscure pop culture film reference in this chapter is will get a gold star
> 
> And anyone who can guess the connection in the chapter titles will get a chapter dedicated to them ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Peter snatched the phone back.

“Look, I’m telling you, it’s so much better if you just do a half an half”

“Maybe I don’t want to do a half and half. I know what I want - I don’t need to mess about with it” Loki said, wrestling the phone back off him.

“Can you two stop bickering?” Tony glared at them. “You’re doing my head in. Just make a decision”

“I  _have_  made a decision:- just your son keeps trying to change it” Loki retaliated.

“How many times? He’s not my son” Tony said. “Just get whatever you want”

“You can’t have a whole pizza to yourself” Peter said defiantly, grabbing the phone again.

“Well maybe I want one to myself” Loki snatched the phone.

“I swear to god, I’m going to crack your heads together if you don’t give it a rest” Tony said. “Peter, stop interfering. Hurry up and make your order before I change my mind”

“You’re not allowed” Loki said, pushing Peter off his lap. “I won and you know it. You can’t retract my winnings”

Peter tried to grab the mobile once more, and Loki held it out of his reach, which soon resulted in a bit of a struggle. Tony stood up, grabbing them both by the hair and clocking their foreheads together.

“Stop it! How have you made ordering a Domino’s so flipping complicated?? Sort yourselves out”

He sat down again, and Loki and Peter glowered at each other, rubbing their heads.

“Fine. I’m starving now anyway” Peter climbed back onto Loki’s lap, making him hold the phone where they could both see the menu properly.

They managed to negotiate with some level of decorum, finally settling to get a pizza each. They also opted for a big bottle of pop and a side of garlic bread. Loki was just about to click the checkout button when Peter grabbed the phone.

“Hold on! What about puddings?”

“Oh. I forgot about that” Loki surrendered the phone, letting Peter take over.

“What do you want?”

“Surprise me” Loki said. “Ice cream aside, I think they only do three anyway”

“Hm, you’re right” Peter said. He shrugged. “What’s your favourite?”

“Oh my god, just get all three and get it ordered” Tony grumbled. “I’m starting to lose the will to live listening to you”

-

Once they’d finally placed the order and were waiting for it to arrive, Loki got busy sorting drinks. He cracked open the Captain Morgan’s and took a few quick swigs straight from the bottle when Tony wasn’t looking. Tony was easy enough to please - a double whiskey and a bottle of Beck’s was right up his street. Loki went for his usual of rum and coke. He tried to fix Peter the same, but was told  _very firmly_ that Peter was allowed soft drinks only. Loki sacrificed one of his Fentiman’s Ginger Beers for Peter’s sake. 

“You do know we ordered a drink with the food, right?” Peter said, but he accepted the ginger beer gratefully. 

“Domino’s doesn’t sell rum” Loki said, plonking himself down beside Tony, leaning against his shoulder. 

Tony put an arm round his chest, hugging him close. Loki lounged against him, nursing his drink. Tony switched the telly on and cuddled up with Loki, talking quietly with him. Peter didn’t want to interrupt them, so occupied himself by sitting on the windowsill and watching the street below, waiting for the delivery car to come into sight.

-

Once the takeaway arrived, Tony took it upon himself to sort it and dish it out, hoping to stop the other two from bickering. It was quite a relief when they all settled down to eat - they were all very much ready for it. Tony passed Loki the garlic and herb dip from his pizza.

“Don’t you like the dip?” Peter asked.

“I do” Tony said. “But Loki likes it more” 

“Oooh!” Peter nodded, understanding completely.

Loki refilled his drink and lounged against the arm of the sofa with his pizza, humming absentmindedly. The telly buzzed in the background. Loki had no idea what the programme was, but he was quite happy watching it - probably because he wasn’t really paying all that much attention. 

It was warm and comfortable in the living room, he was sleepy after their hectic afternoon, and he had his favourite takeaway and his favourite drink. In that moment, he was happy.

-

Once they’d all eaten as much as they could, the leftovers stored in the kitchen, they settled back in the living room. Peter and Tony talked, but Peter grew quite distracted before too long. Loki got up for yet another refill. He wobbled a bit as he went over to the counter, feeling calm and quite fuzzy. Tony followed him, gently taking the rum bottle from him and screwing the lid back on.

“I think that’s enough for tonight, sweetheart” he said gently. 

Loki didn’t protest it. He nodded, opting for one of his bottles of rose lemonade instead. Tony nodded approvingly.

“Good man”

Loki went back to the sofa, opening his drink and settling back with it. Tony took the other side of the sofa, giving him space. For the past few minutes, Peter had found himself unable to tear his gaze away from Loki. He couldn’t figure it out. Loki was really nothing at all like he’d expected, nothing like some of the Avengers had lead him to believe. He had something on his mind, and, try as he might, he couldn’t push it out.

“Mr Loki, I’m gonna ask you something really bad” Peter said suddenly, surprising himself. “Sorry, but it’s really niggling me and I just want to know”

Tony looked up, making eye contact with him and giving him a warning glance, shaking his head to the side to indicate that he should shut up. With some difficulty, Peter ignored him, turning his attention back to Loki.

“Why did you attack New York?”

“PETER!” Tony shouted. “What have I told you about asking all these invasive questions?!”

Loki raised a hand to silence him. “It’s ok”

“No, it’s not ok!”

Loki looked at Peter. “Let’s just say it was that or my life. And leave it at that”

“What? Wait, what do you-”

“Peter! Shut it” Tony snapped. “You need to learn to mind your own business”

“Aw c’mon, you can’t  _really_  expect me not to be interested in this! Mr Loki-”

Loki stood up, trying to keep his thoughts in the present. “If you’ll excuse me, I’m going out for a cigarette”

Tony watched him leave, and turned to Peter accusingly. 

“Now look what you’ve done! Well done, idiot. I’ve already warned you about bringing up the past”

“But Mr Stark, I just-”

“Zip it, Mister! Leave Loki alone. Look, I know you two are friends now, but that doesn’t mean you can start being invasive. You’ll only push him away. His past is irrelevant. We’ve forgotten it; it doesn’t matter anymore. Don’t go dragging it up” 

“Well, why not? And that answer… I mean, who made him do it? Is he scared, is that it? Is that why you won’t talk, cos he acted out of fear?” Peter said, playing the detective.

“Right, that’s enough” Tony snapped, fed up with him. “Go to your room”

“But-!”

“I said, go to your room.  _Now_!” Tony said firmly. 

Peter stood up and stalked out, realising there was no use fighting it.

-

Tony went to the french doors leading to the balcony. He was relieved to see Loki there, leaning up against the railing with his drink in one hand, cigarette in the other. Tony opened the door. Loki looked over his shoulder.

“Hey…” 

“Hey baby” Tony said softly, walking over and joining him. “Are you alright?”

Loki nodded. “I’m fine”

Tony looked at him, unconvinced. 

“No, really, I’m fine” Loki said, still feeling fuzzy. “I’m ok”

“He shouldn’t have asked you that. I’ve already had words with him about all the questions he asks. A lot of words, but he doesn’t seem to be getting the hang of what I’m saying to him”

“He’s just curious. Nosey. Fits his name, I suppose. He doesn’t seem to know how to filter himself, I know. But he’s not malicious - I know he doesn’t mean anything by it”

“But he’s overstepping the boundary, big time” Tony said. “He shouldn’t do it. I’ve told him so many times. It’s not fair… I don’t want him upsetting you”

Loki raised his cigarette to his lips for a moment. “Now you know full well I’m all cried out where all that is concerned. It feels like it happened in another life now. Like it was someone else. We’ve already exhausted this topic of conversation, ages ago. I don’t need, nor want, to talk about it any more”

Tony couldn’t take his hand, so settled for squeezing his shoulder instead. “Where are you right now? Still underwater?”

“Today I’m paddling” Loki said. “Just up to my ankles”

Tony was very relieved. “Not too bad a day then” 

Loki smiled at him. “I’ve definitely had worse”

-

Peter barged into Loki’s room later that night. He’d put the earlier events behind him, but he’d been deep in thought and found another topic.

“Can I ask you something?”

Loki looked at him warily. “TONY!”

“Hey, hey, please don’t! It’s not about the same thing as earlier, I promise!” Peter said hurriedly, climbing onto the bed and gesturing for him to be quiet. “Please don’t get Mr Stark”

“I don’t think he heard anyway” Loki mumbled, as there had been no reply to his shout. “What do you want?”

“Well, uhh, you see I might have eavesdropped on you and Mr Stark a bit the other day” he rubbed the back of his neck guiltily. “Just for a moment, I swear! I was just passing the room and couple of sentences. It wasn’t really eavesdropping, not intentionally”

Loki rolled his eyes, but decided not to get cross. He yawned and rubbed his tired eyes. 

“You heard Tony mention depression, didn’t you?” he guessed, returning to his book.

Peter nodded. “Yeah… Y’know I knew you were sad right from when we first met…” he was quiet for quite a while, thinking. Eventually, he said; “Do you often feel like this?”

“Like what? Tired?” 

“Down in the dumps”

“Quite often” Loki said, turning a page.

“How long for?” he persisted.

“Since I was about your age”

“What does it feel like?”

Loki paused. “Like being underwater”

Peter went quiet for a moment. Loki still had his eyes on his book, but it was obvious he wasn’t actually reading. 

“Does Mr Stark mind? You being underwater?”

“I’m sure he’d rather I wasn’t” Loki closed his book. “It’s not that pleasant”

Suddenly Peter didn’t know what to say. A few seconds went by, and Loki opened his book again. Peter watched for a few moments, eventually climbing off the bed and silently excusing himself from the room. He knew he’d pushed things too far already, and he couldn’t help feeling dreadful.

*


	10. Let Love Grow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (small chapter again, sorry) Loki can’t sleep. As such, late night thoughts and feelings resurface 
> 
> Chapter soundtrack: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B0KGDsR_e7s

-

3.30 am. 

A cool breeze blows through the streets of the city. The streets are uncharacteristically calm. The houses are dark, albeit a few faint glows of nightlights in children’s rooms. In the distance, a siren sounds, fading out as it ventures onward. Birds in the trees whistle and tweet to their neighbours. A scavenging fox pokes its head out from behind a bin, checking the street before darting across the road back to the alley it had come from. 

Above the street, perched precariously on balcony railings, Loki watched what little activity carried on at the early hour. This was the time when the world didn’t belong to the general public. Their world didn’t exist yet - the trains lay dormant, the coffee shops were in darkness, the off license cabinets were locked. Early mornings - still practically night time -  didn’t belong to them. This time belonged to a different kind of inhabitant - it belonged to the animals, scavenging when their main predators were away, it belonged to the youth, living an alternate reality inside clubs and taxis, and it belonged to the lost souls, who’s beds always seemed more inviting during the day. 

-

“It’s been said that when you can’t sleep, it means you’re awake in someone’s dreams”

Loki looked over, to where Tony leant against the door frame. His voice hadn’t come as a surprise. Loki had his music playing from his speakers, so no new sound startled him.

“Have you been dreaming about me?”

“Maybe. Who’s to say?” he went over to the edge, taking Loki’s hand. “You’re freezing. How long have you been out here?”

“I’m not sure. I’ve lost track of time a bit”

Tony nodded. “Come on, sweetheart. I don’t like you sitting where you might fall”

Loki let Tony help him back onto the balcony. His joints felt stiff from cold. He truly couldn’t remember how long he’d been there for, but it must have been a while. He sat down on one of the sun loungers, and Tony joined at his side. For a while they were silent, looking at the gradient of the sky. 

“This is familiar”

“Isn’t it just?” Tony said. “We used to do this a lot, back at the start… Do you remember that night, when you turned up on the doorstep after you’d had a fight with your brother?”

Loki nodded. “You looked so surprised when you opened the door. I thought you might turn me away, given the time. But you didn’t”

“How could I? You were so torn up about it. You needed me” 

“You were very good that night, letting me tell you all about it, letting me whine and cry to you. Even though it ended up upsetting you as well”

“He said some nasty stuff to you that night. I  _did_ get pretty upset, and rightfully so” he nodded toward the sky. “That’s why we ended up out here”

“You wrapped me up in that scrubby old blanket”

“Well, you only had a t-shirt that night: I couldn’t let you get cold. You were freezing when you turned up, shivering and everything” he paused for a moment, remembering. “You seemed so small that night. When we came out here and lay down together… You felt so small under my arm. You still feel small sometimes, when you’re upset… You looked very cute though, watching the stars”

“It was the first time you told me you loved me” 

Tony missed a beat. “It wasn’t my plan, saying it then - it just slipped out. But I’m glad it did. It turned out to be the perfect moment:- you really needed it that night”

Loki turned to him properly, holding his hand out. Tony took it, rubbing his knuckles gently with his thumb. 

“I’m not out here because I’m upset, you know” Loki said. “I’m still paddling. But I honestly just could not sleep. I was sick of staring at the ceiling”

“You know you could’ve come to me”

“I know. But I wanted to come out here… It’s been so long since we did this” 

Loki looked back over the balcony, watching an aeroplane making its way across the sky. Tony watched him, shuddering a bit in the cool breeze. He looked at the sky for a moment, at their clasped hands, and finally back at Loki. He looked so tired. His hair was windswept, his cheeks flushed from the cold. He was watching the sky so intently, listening to his music playing softly. Tony suddenly felt funny in his stomach. Loki looked so calm. Happy, even. 

“I love you”

Loki tore his eyes away from the sky. “I love you too. I love you so much”

For a moment they just looked at each other, hands still clasped. They both noticed when the speakers began playing the next track, recognising the song at once. 

Tony stood up, and Loki did too, taking Tony’s other hand. They both suddenly felt quite nervous with emotion. They let the song take over, dancing close, not quite looking each other in the eye, hearing their pulses beating in their ears. Soon they were dancing closer, inches between them. They both got the familiar hot feeling in their chests, both knowing where they were heading. 

Their eyes met, and they went for the kiss. Everything seemed to stop still for them. Slowly, Tony let go of Loki’s hands, putting his arms round his waist and pulling him closer… Loki stopped, hugging him tight, resting his head on Tony’s shoulder for a moment. He couldn’t help smiling, and soon went back for more, one hand on Tony’s arm, the other on his shoulder.

They smiled against each other, both trembling slightly and feeling a little choked up and overwhelmed. Everything felt perfectly wonderful.

Loki rested his head back against Tony’s shoulder, and Tony held him tighter still, moving one hand to the back of his love’s head. Loki closed his eyes, breathing deeply. For once, he had the feeling he was right where he belonged.

 

At 3.30am, the world belongs to the lovers.

*


	11. On The Edge Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony decides on a spontaneous night away. Domestic bliss is always easier in theory than in practice

-

Tony burst into the reading room, making Loki and Peter jump. 

“Right, you two” he said. “You need your overnight bags packed. Go”

Peter jumped up immediately, no questions asked. Loki wasn’t quite so eager. Tony took his book from him. 

“Come on, my little bookworm, hop to it”

“Do I have to?”

“Yes. Come on, you don’t have all day”

Loki frowned. “I’d rather stay here”

“Tough. Go and get your bag ready”

“And what if I don’t? What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know, spank you?” he saw the look on Loki’s face. “That wasn’t an invitation! Come on, get up, get cracking. You’ve got twenty minutes and I want both of you down to the garage, ok? Move it!”

Loki sighed and finally gave in.

-

Peter pushed open Loki’s bedroom door, dropping his bag in the doorway and bounding up to the god.

“Where are we going, huh? Did Mr Stark tell you? Do you think it’ll be good?”

“I haven’t a clue” Loki said, zipping his bag up. “I suppose we’ll find out”

“I think we’re going overnight, so like, will it be a big hotel or something? Or is he taking us to a conference, or-”

“I said, I haven’t a clue. There’s no use in asking me: you’ll just have to wait and see”

“Ok, ok” Peter nodded. 

Tony poked his head round the door. “Ready? Stop yakking and get down to the car. I’ll be with you in a minute”

-

“Why does he need so many cars?” Peter asked, looking at the selection of vehicles down in the large garage. 

“He doesn’t: he just wants them. One for every day of the week, I think”

Tony soon joined them. “Right, we’ll take the scout. Shove your bags in the boot”

Loki wasn’t feeling too clever, but he did as he was told and reluctantly opened the car door. Peter stopped him.

“Aren’t you sitting up front?”

“He prefers the back” Tony answered for him. “More room to stretch out”

“Oh”

Peter decided on the back too, partly to keep Loki company. He was going over so many possibilities of their destination in his head, not sure whether or not he should be excited. 

The engine came to life, and Loki gripped the car door armrest. Peter noticed this, and at first considered the possibility he didn’t like Tony’s driving - but Peter himself had never had a problem with it.

They’d barely gone five miles before Peter noticed that Loki had turned very pale.

“Mr Loki? Are you ok?”

Tony glanced at them in his rear view mirror, and passed Loki a bottle of water.

“He just gets travel sick, don’t you, pet?”

Loki nodded, accepting the bottle of water gratefully. 

“Really? But like, don’t you all go flying about in spaceships where you’re from?”

“Yes, but I can manage that. I can do the ships, and planes and trains and boats, and buses and trams. It’s just cars, they really get to me. I don’t know why” Loki said, sounding tired.

“Weird. So, you can travel fine any other way, but  _cars_ get you? That’s odd. What about, like, fairground rides and stuff? Do they make you sick too?”

“No. But then, I can’t say I’ve been on very many”

“Ok. So, do you just  _feel_ sick, or do you actually-”

“Peter” Tony interrupted. “Don’t keep going on about it: you’ll make it worse. If you  _are_ going to talk, try to take his mind off it”

-

It wasn’t long before Loki started to feel really ill. Tony noticed. 

“Drink your water, sweetheart: it’ll help” 

Loki sipped the water weakly, and it did help a bit, but he felt very tired now too. Tony reached into the bag in the passenger footwell and pulled out a worn ikea pig, which he passed to Loki. 

“Here. Why don’t you cuddle up and try to get your head down for a bit?”

Peter watched, amused. “You’ve got a cuddly toy? That’s adorable”

Loki wasn’t in the mood to banter with him. He took the pig and positioned it against the car window ledge where it could act as a cushion, and promptly buried his face in it. 

-

“I think he’s fallen asleep now” Peter said after a while. 

Tony nodded. “Just as well, really. We can make a bit of progress while he’s out for the count. Why don’t you go to sleep for a bit as well? I don’t want you waking him”

“I’m not tired. I’m not gonna wake him up either” 

“See that you don’t”

“Is this why he didn’t want to come?”

“Probably” Tony said. “Hates it, driving. I don’t blame him: I’d hate it too if it made me ill”

“Can’t you get travel pills or something?”

“Usually do, but we’ve run out. Which is a shame, because they’re pretty good” 

Peter looked at Loki. “I know it’s horrible. But it’s kinda reassuring seeing that he can be just as human as us sometimes”

Tony paused, glancing at him. “I know what you mean”

-

Loki woke up after about an hour, feeling a little disorientated. 

“Hey, sleepyhead” Tony said. “Ok?”

Loki didn’t reply. He felt sick again already. Truly, dreadfully sick. He buried his face in his pig again, trying to breathe evenly. The road they were on was very bumpy and winding, and Loki soon started to feel very shaky and hot as well as highly nauseous. 

“Do you need your water?” Peter asked. 

Loki swallowed heavily. “Tony… Can we stop for a minute?”

Tony quickly found a place by the side of the road to park up. Loki undid his seatbelt and threw the car door open. He went to get up and was overcome with a dizziness which caused him to sit back on the edge of the seat, head in his hands. Tony got out of the car, going to him. 

“Ok?”

Loki tried to breathe deeply, but it wasn’t enough. He was forced to push himself up from his seat and get out of the car. He breathed very heavily, one hand on the car to support himself, and doubled up. Tony rubbed his back as he was badly sick. 

“Alright sweetheart, alright. You’ll be ok in a minute”

Once he’d finished, Tony helped him sit back down. Peter moved closer, passing Loki what little remained in his water bottle. Loki accepted it, but it had gone warm from being in the hot car, and so didn’t help much. Tony squeezed his shoulder, looking around them. There was a sign nearby for event parking, and another one detailing a little fair going on in the village.

“Ok darling, we’re going to park up and then get out for a bit and have a walk. Fresh air will do you good. Just a couple more minutes in the car, ok?” 

Loki nodded. He didn’t really have any other option.

-

They parked up and got out of the car. Loki was still feeling very shaky and found he had to hold on to Tony’s arm to support himself. It had turned out to be a very warm day, but as they began their walk to the village, a cool breeze picked up, which was very welcome. Loki was grateful of the fresh air, and he was starting to feel a little better. 

“Where are we, anyway?” Peter asked, looking around with interest. 

“Haven’t a clue” Tony answered. “Now I don’t know about you, but I think I’m ready for something to eat now”

Peter nodded. “I’m not massively hungry yet, but I wouldn’t say no to a snack”

They walked through the stalls, and soon stumbled across a bakery. Peter and Tony took advantage of the coffee and cake offer. Loki insisted he’d lost his appetite, and just had a can of dandelion and burdock. They found a wall in the sun to sit on, watching the band play. It was very calm, even though the village was relatively busy. Loki soon found he was quite happy sat sipping his pop and watching the world go by, and he was feeling mostly better. 

Tony didn’t want to crowd him, so talked with Peter instead. Soon, Peter gestured to the other side of the square.

“There’s a pharmacy over there”

“Ooh, good thinking. Here, keep an eye on my drink” Tony stood up, ruffling Peter’s hair. “Won’t be a minute”

Once he’d gone, Peter took his place on the wall, closer to Loki. 

“You feeling better now?”

“Mostly… I’m sorry”

“What are you sorry for?”

Loki shrugged, raising his drink to his mouth. “I always feel like I ruin things, getting sick like this. I think it stunts a lot of opportunity”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, it’s hard for Tony to want to take me out when I can barely go two minutes without feeling ill in the car”

Peter didn’t see it as a problem. “Well, just stock up on travel pills and be done with it. It’s an easy fix”

A smile tugged at Loki’s lips. “I like having you around: you’re so relentlessly positive”

“Oh, I’m just seeing the obvious. You worry too much. Plus, I think he wants to take you places. I’ve seen him looking on hotels.com recently. Maybe he’s after a weekend away. Unless this is it. I don’t know”

Tony reappeared. He handed Loki a box of Kwells. 

“Get a couple of them down you” he looked at Peter. “You’re in my seat”

Peter moved aside obediently, letting Tony sit down. Loki took a couple of pills and leant back against Tony, draining the rest of his drink. 

“What’s in your bag?”

“Hm? Oh. Barley sugar. And a few drinks” 

“Have we still got long to go?”

“Not really” Tony said. “Well, at least another half hour. Maybe an hour, depending on traffic”

Loki sighed. He didn’t want to get back in the car, not now he was feeling better. But, he’d had the travel pills now, and he had the drinks and barley sugar to help him through, so maybe it wouldn’t be too bad after all.

-

The next leg of the journey was much easier. Peter started up a game of I-Spy, which kept them occupied, and caused a few arguments over who had guessed the right answer first. After they’d exhausted all the obvious spies, it all got a bit obscure. Peter and Tony got stuck on Loki’s turn for quite a while. They’d already guessed Tree and Truck and Tire and Tony, and suddenly finding anything else beginning with T seemed utterly impossible. 

“Tractor!” Peter burst out, suddenly spotting one in a field they were passing.

“No” Loki said, relishing in the defeated look on his face.

“Telephone” Tony guessed.

Loki shook his head. “No”

There was another silence. Peter looked round the car, and out of the car, trying to spot something - anything - beginning with T. He was feeling very competitive. 

“Turkey”

“You’re just making stuff up now” Loki said. “Come on, it’s such an obvious one”

“Evidently not!” Peter said. “Give us a clue”

“It’s inside the car”

That didn’t help much. Tony was starting to get annoyed. He couldn’t for the life of him think of anything.

“Twat”

“Uhh, there’s young ears present, remember” Loki spluttered. “Plus, you’ve already guessed yourself”

“Oi, you cheeky git!” Tony reached behind him, slapping Loki’s leg. He glanced at Peter. “Don’t you go copying us”

“I’ve heard worse” Peter said, not really paying attention to them. He sighed heavily. “I give up! I can’t think of anything else”

“How have you not got it? You’re both rubbish” 

Tony rolled his eyes. “What it is then?”

“Thermometer”

Suddenly they both saw it - the window sticker thermometer on the front windscreen. They both growled in annoyance, and Tony slapped his leg again.

“Trust you to pick something so obscure”

Loki merely laughed.

“I can’t believe I didn’t see that! It’s so obvious now” Peter whined.

Loki laughed at him too. “Ok, I won that round, so my turn again. I spy with-”

“No, we’re not doing this again!” Tony interrupted. “You’ll pick the screw in your sunglasses or something silly like that”

“You’re just a sore loser”

“Maybe so! Anyway, we’ll be there in a minute”

-

They pulled up and parked on a private drive in front of a house. It was pretty, but it didn’t seem to be anything too spectacular from the outside. It was quite big, but still relatively cosy looking. They climbed out of the car, and Loki and Peter looked at each other, and then back at the house.

“Tony”

“I felt we needed a break” Tony said, answering his unspoken question. “I only booked it last night, just kinda like a last minute thing, but I thought it was nice. It’s only a two bed, I’m afraid. But it was last minute, as I said”

“It’s nice!” Peter said, looking up at it. “Good job we set off so early! So, is there anything to do nearby?”

“I didn’t really look” Tony said, opening the boot to get the bags out. “But the house itself is good. Fire pit and swimming pool in the back, and sports equipment in the shed. And the weathers good, so we can just hang out here, unwind a bit”

“Woah, no way! I haven’t been swimming for ages!”

“We’ve got a pool at home” Loki said.

“Wait, really?” Peter looked at him.

“Yes, but we never really use it” Tony said. “Come on, lets chuck our stuff down and get changed. May as well make the most of it”

“Ok!” Peter said eagerly - and then his face fell. “I didn’t bring swimming stuff…”

“I didn’t think you would, so I grabbed stuff for both of you. And a couple of others things you were bound to forget. Come on, key should be under the mat”

-

Loki had started to feel a bit fed up, and the bedroom situation annoyed him.

“Stop moping, Lolly” Tony said, throwing a pair of swimming trunks at him. “What’s up?”

“Why didn’t you get a three bed?”

“It was last minute, like I said. I’m sure you’ll survive having one night sleeping in the same bed” 

“I like my space” Loki said.

“Oh give it a rest, lolly. Are you still feeling sick, is that it?”

Loki nodded. Tony sighed, giving him a quick hug. 

“Get changed. You’ll feel better for a bit of exercise”

“Do I have to?”

“Yes, now hurry up before I follow through on this mornings threat”

Loki couldn’t help laughing at him.

-

Peter was in his element. The pool was out the back, with blue gradient tiles, sparkling in the sun light, and it was a good size too. Tony laughed at him as he jumped in, making quite the splash. He emerged from the water, pushing his hair back over his forehead. 

“I’d forgotten how much I liked pools!”

Loki went to sit down on one of the deck chairs, but Tony grabbed his arm to stop him, taking his book and throwing it aside.

“Oh no you don’t! Come on, come for a swim”

“I’d really rather not. I’ve said this already” Loki said.

“Aww, come on, Mr Loki!” Peter hauled himself out of the pool, grabbing Loki’s hand. “You may as well make the most of it!” 

He pulled Loki towards the edge of the pool.

“I’m happier just paddling” Loki said, trying to take his hand back. 

“Can’t you just have a  _little_ swim? It’ll be fun! Just, yknow, jump in”

Peter went to do just that, but slipped on the tiles, falling into Loki and knocking them both into the pool with an almighty splash. They emerged a few seconds later, both coughing a bit, while Tony stood at the side, almost wetting himself with laughter.

“Your faces!”

Loki glared at him, holding onto the edge and pushing his hair back out of his eyes. He wasn’t happy at all. Peter tried to laugh it off.

“Whoops! Oh well, may as well have that swim now you’re in!”

“He’s right about that” Tony said, sliding into the pool with much more dignity. He was still laughing. 

Loki wasn’t impressed. “I’m happier just paddling. I’ve already said this”

Tony sighed, but decided not to push it. “Suit yourself” he gave Peter a poke. “Race you”

“Ok!”

Loki hauled himself back onto the edge, grabbing a nearby towel to dry his face. He wanted to storm back inside and recluse by the hearth with his book, but he sat paddling anyway, watching Tony and Peter. 

He was quite relieved that they soon seemed to forget about him. They were too busy playing recklessly; racing and splashing and laughing. After a while, Loki found himself smiling fondly at them. They were certainly enjoying themselves, and it was rather nice to see Tony’s paternal side in full bloom. 

Eventually, Tony left Peter practising his backstroke and pulled himself up onto the side next to Loki. 

“Hey baby” his voice was husky - he was still evidently a bit out of breath.

“Enjoying yourself?”

Tony nodded. “He’s a strong little swimmer. He’s tired me out a bit. I think it’s your turn now”

“I think not”

“Why not, eh? I think it’d mean a lot to him if you did. And the exercise is good for you. Best exercise you can do, swimming”

“I’m fine here”

Tony watched him for a moment. “Don’t you like swimming?”

“I just don’t fancy it”

“Come on, five minutes! Humour me” Tony slid back into the pool, turning and taking Loki’s hands. “Please?”

Loki looked at him. Peter raced over to them.

“Are you coming in now?” he asked, breathing heavily. 

“Yes, he is” Tony said, pulling him into the pool.

Loki wasn’t expecting it, and he panicked a bit, grabbing hold of Tony’s arm.

“What do you think you’re doing?!” Loki snapped. “Idiot! I’ve already told you no!”

“Aww,  _please_ Mr Loki! Just one race!” Peter begged.

“No” Loki said firmly, feeling for the ledge with his free hand and making a tight grip on it before letting go of Tony. “I’ll play with you some other time”

Peter pouted. Loki pulled himself out of the pool, sitting back on the edge. Tony sighed.

“Leave him. If he’s going to be a sourpuss, let him” he gave Peter a little push. “Best of three, ok?”

Peter looked at Loki, who was trembling. He gave him a little smile and then turned back to Tony. 

“You’re on!”

-

Once he’d been forgotten about again, Loki moved over into one of the deckchairs, retrieving his book. He felt much better for it. The sun was hot on his skin, and Tony and Peter’s antics made for good background noise. He was happy to settle with his book and forget the world for a little bit.

-

Eventually, Tony and Peter left the pool. Peter flopped down on the tiles, watching the sky as he caught his breath. Tony put a hand under Loki’s chin, tipping his head back.

“Hey beautiful. Are you gonna come inside for a bit? We’re gonna dry off and get changed, grab something to eat”

“Is there a shop nearby then?”

“Hm? Oh, I don’t know. I brought some stuff with us” Tony said. He called over to Peter. “Come on, better get changed”

Peter pulled himself up, grabbing a towel and wrapping it round his shoulders. 

“Whew! I’m proper knackered after that! I need to go swimming more often” 

-

Loki was much happier once they’d all gotten dressed and were sat in the big rustic kitchen. 

“I’m cooking properly later, so I’ll just do something light for now, ok? What do you two fancy?” Tony asked. 

“To be honest, I just want a cup of tea” Loki said. 

“You can have a cup of tea, that’s no problem” Tony said, switching the kettle on. “But you have to eat something too. Peter?”

“Pancakes. Can we have pancakes?”

“Sure”

“You’re lucky he’s good at them” Loki said, putting his arms on the table and resting his head on them. 

“Oi, I’m not a bad cook all round, you know” Tony said, waving a spatula in his direction. “Well, not now I’ve actually learnt something more than toast”

“You used to be rubbish” Loki said. “No wonder Pepper made you take those classes”

Peter was quite amused by this, but decided not to say anything. He got up and sorted Loki’s tea for him while Tony got cracking on the pancakes. Loki sat up again when Peter handed him the mug. 

“Which one did you go for?”

“Chia”

“I think you mean chai” Loki said. “Thank you”

“No problem. What’s this one like?”

“Christmas” Loki said, breathing in the spiced scent. “Always reminds me of Christmas”

He took a few mouthfuls and handed the mug over for Peter to try.

“Ooh, you’re right! Definitely Christmassy” he said. “I like this one”

“Well, please help yourself. I’ve got loads of tea to get through: may as well have a helping hand”

“Thank you!”

He handed the mug back and went to make himself one. Tony looked at them, at Peter struggling with the kettle lid, and Loki staring quite intently into his mug. 

“You two are great, did you know?”

“Aww” Peter smiled at him.

“Of course I knew” Loki said. “You’d be a fool not to see it”

Tony laughed at him, turned back to the stove. “First one’s nearly ready”

-

Tony quite enjoyed playing the domestic goddess. Once everyone was well fed, he stood doing the washing up, Peter at his side, drying the clean stuff and chatting nineteen to the dozen. 

The scratch of a lighter igniting was heard. 

“Oh, Lolly, sweetheart, you’ll have to pop outside if you’re doing that” Tony said. “It’s a non-smoking property”

“Ooh, sorry. I’ll just-”

Loki went outside. Peter watching him, turning to Tony once he’d gone.

“I wish he wouldn’t do that. I mean, weirdly, I do kinda like the smell, but still. It’s not a good thing to do”

“I know. I’ve tried talking to him about it, but he never pays much attention” Tony said, draining the sink and drying his hands. 

“Has he always smoked?”

“No. I think I’m slightly responsible for it. When we first got together, we had a bit of a partying phase, lots of late nights, you know. Anyway, clubs get pretty hot, so we’d step outside for some air, and one night we got talking to some bloke, and he offered Loki a cigarette. Loki looked at me first, for permission, like, and I nodded. I didn’t really think anything of it. After that, he used to smoke on nights out, because he was always offered, and I think he quite liked the way it looked. I don’t know. But anyway, since it was only on nights out, I didn’t mind. But we slowly moved out of that stage, and a few months later I found a box on his bedside table. Even then, he wasn’t a heavy smoker. Used to just do it every couple of weeks. It’s only fairly recently that he’s started doing it more. He’s had quite a few bad days recently though. I think that’s why”

“You think he only does it because he’s sad?”

“Partly. I know he’s not addicted. He can go for ages without one if he wants to. No, I think he does it - started doing it - because it reminds him of good times. He used to love our nights out. He’d come over and we’d stick on an old 80s CD while we got all dressed up. We definitely had a couple of favourite venues. He used to have a great time - we both did” Tony laughed slightly. “He was so funny that first time. He’d never done anything like it before. He didn’t really know what he was doing. It shocked him a bit, having people coming up wanting to dance, wanting to talk and hug and stuff. He soon got used to it though. I think he liked the attention. And the drink. He was amazing, really. I’ve got loads of pictures somewhere. I’ll have to dig them out”

“It’s hard to imagine Mr Loki in a nightclub”

“He always looked the part though. He didn’t really have many clothes before he moved in, so I started buying him a load of stuff after we made things official, and they stayed at mine. It was proper stuff too, designer, independent stuff. I used to do eyeliner on him, too. Just a black liquid eyeliner. It made him look very striking” he led Peter over to the sofa at the back of the kitchen.

“So, did you both gets loads of attention then?”

“Yes. It’s obvious why I got it - I mean, look at my bank account! But Loki wasn’t high profile. He always got very surprised by it. We were pretty open about things on nights out back then, so he got to take full advantage of all the attention. He always dressed so he stood out, and especially with the eyeliner, he had such a  _look_ going on. He got lots of kisses”

“Didn’t I just?” Loki himself had appeared. 

Tony looked a little worried at first, but Loki seemed happy enough for Tony to be talking about it. He sat down next to Peter on the sofa. 

“You were seriously cute” Tony said. “Especially those first couple of nights. Didn’t have a clue what you were doing”

“It was all new to me” he looked at Peter. “I still don’t know how to dance. People would pull me onto the dance floor, and I used to freeze up a bit at first, not sure what to do”

“You just copy people, really” Tony said. “That little go-to thing you ended up with was so cute. God, you really were something. I used to love watching. You’d’ve laughed, Peter. He used to be so nervous, getting into the dancing with whoever had approached him, looking so cautious, and as he got into it, he’d get this little smile on his face, always looking at his own feet more than the other person, but looking so sincere and nervous when he did look at them. It was quite mesmerising. No wonder it usually ended in a kiss”

“Up against a rainbow pillar” Loki said.

“It was a good look”

“So, you let him kiss other people?” Peter said, looking quite confused.

“At first, yes. I think it’s a big part of the whole night-out scene, the whole experience. I didn’t mind, and I was always on hand in case someone tried any funny business”

“The kisses were nice. Mostly” Loki said. “But they were inconsequential: they didn’t matter, not really. I never thought about going home with anyone other than Tony”

“Exactly” Tony agreed. “We both agreed to that little bit of openness. At the end of the night, it was always us. Sure, we usually went off to McDonald’s with whoever we’d made friends with that night, but after that, he was always under my arm in the taxi on the way home. That’s just how it worked”

Peter understood now. “Are they actually as fun as they sound? Nights out, I mean”

“If you’re in the right company, yes” Tony said.

“And if you control yourself. Our favourite bar always had really good drinks offers on, and it can be really easy to go overboard when they’re staring you in the face” Loki said. “You’ve gotta know your limits”

“Never go out clubbing on your own. Always go with someone, and if you’re drinking - really drinking - make sure you’re with someone you trust to look after you if anything happens” Tony warned. “Nights out can be great fun, but you have to look after yourself for them to be good”

They were all quiet for a moment. 

“I miss it” Loki said. “We used to have a great time”

“Yeah, we did… I miss it too”

“Why don’t you go again?”

“I don’t know. We’ve got you to look after, for one thing” Tony said. “It’s been so long since we’ve done it”

“I wonder if those regulars still go”

“Maybe. Maybe they phased out of it too”

“You two are gonna make me sad, going all nostalgic on me” 

Loki smiled at him. “We’ve got some photos somewhere. We’ll have to show you some time. Oh” he looked at Tony. “Shall I show him some stuff?”

“Uh, no! Don’t you go using your funny memory-sharing mind trick thing on him. You’ll weird him out”

Peter looked at Loki gone-out, and then turned to Tony for an explanation. None was offered.

-

Loki was true to his word and played with Peter. While Tony settled on one of the deck chairs with a large whiskey, they raided the shed, and after rejecting the cricket and golf supplies, found a couple of tennis rackets and tennis balls, and an old football. 

They decided to start with tennis. Neither of them were very good at it, but it didn’t really matter, even though it meant they spent twice as much time running after the ball than actually hitting it. The afternoon was quickly turning into evening, the sky turning dusky. They didn’t really notice.  
Eventually the inevitable happened, and the ball landed in the pool. 

“I can get that” Peter said determinedly, seeing that it was floating quite close to the edge. 

He knelt down by the side of the pool, trying to retrieve the ball. He overreached, and toppled into the pool fully clothed. Loki absolutely lost it, and even Tony started laughing despite himself. Peter wasn’t very happy.

“It’s not funny!” 

“It really is!” Loki grinned, holding out a hand to him.

Peter took his hand - and tugged hard, pulling Loki down into the pool. It took him by surprise, and he fell awkwardly, plunging into the water and swallowing a bucketful as he did so. He fought clumsily, the water rushing in his ears. It took him a good seven seconds to resurface, though it felt a lot longer. He grabbed at the side of the pool, trying to cough, but not quite managing it. Tony came over, pulling him back to dry land and thumping him on the back a couple of times. Loki coughed and spluttered, initially bringing up a fair amount of water.

“Ew”

Tony glared at Peter, but quickly turned his attention back to Loki. He continued to pat his back as he stopped coughing, shushing him gently. 

“Alright sweetheart?” he helped Loki into a more upright position. “Don’t keep your mouth open next time”

Loki smiled weakly, but it didn’t last long. He was shaking all over and still felt quite panicked, and his throat hurt. Peter had crawled over to them.

“Are you alright?”

Loki shoved him in the chest, knocking him back into the pool. 

“Mm. You deserved that” Tony said, watching Peter’s annoyed face as he pulled himself out of the pool once again. “I think that’s enough excitement for one day. Back indoors, both of you. Go and get into your night stuff”

-

Loki hadn’t packed any nightclothes, but he searched through Tony’s bag and soon found his old, barely-worn silky pyjamas. He dried off as best he could with shaking hands and got changed. He was still a bit quivery when he went down to the kitchen where Tony was.

“How’s your throat?” 

“Feels weird. Kind of hollow”

Tony nodded, grabbing a jar and spoon and coming over to him. “Here, have a bit of this”

“What is it?”

“Honey. It’ll help, I promise”

Loki wasn’t convinced, but he let Tony give it to him anyway - and was surprised to find that it did indeed help. Tony smiled at him.

“Better? You are alright, aren’t you? You’re still shaking”

“I’m just still feeling quite shaken up”

“I’ll bet. You gave me a bit of a fright:- for a moment I thought I’d have to jump in after you. I think it took us both by surprise” Tony gave him a hug. “You’re not hurt at all, are you?”

Loki shook his head. “No, I’m not hurt”

“Good. I did worry a bit. It’s not nice, is it? Choking” 

Loki just looked at him. Tony let go of him for a moment, grabbing a towel. 

“Let’s get your hair dried, ok?”

For once, Loki didn’t protest it. Given the situation, Tony wasn’t as rough as usual.

Peter came down to the kitchen not long afterwards. 

“Sorry I pulled you in, Mr Loki, sir”

“Oh, it was just a bit of fun. I know you didn’t mean it maliciously. Still, I’d rather you didn’t do it again” 

“It was very silly of you” Tony said. “Although I must admit, it could’ve been pretty funny, if it hadn’t’ve gone wrong”

Peter turned and put the kettle on, not sure if it would be wise to say anything. 

“Here, Peter, grab the comb out of that bag for me, would you?”

Peter did as he was asked. Tony took the comb from him, gave Loki’s hair one last rub, and chucked the towel aside. 

“It’s getting pretty long again” Tony said, dragging the comb through his hair. “Best make you an appointment soon: you’ve neglected it for long enough”

Loki wasn’t really listening. He was still trying to calm his nerves, and it was taking a lot of effort. Peter came over, handing him a mug of tea.

“Peace offering?”

Loki took the mug from him. “Thank you. I already got my revenge anyway”

“What has he given you?” Tony asked, putting the comb down.

“Earl Grey”

Tony nodded approvingly. “A good choice for an apology”

“Mr Loki, can I ask you something?”

“Not now, Peter” Tony said firmly. “Right, living room, both of you”

-

Tony lit the fire and sat Loki and Peter down on the rug in front of it. He went through the shelves of board games, finally selecting snakes and ladders and plonking the box down on the rug. 

“Right, have a little game and try not to injure each other while I get tea started, ok?” Tony gave them both a quick squeeze and disappeared back into the kitchen.

Peter set the board up. 

“What colour do you want to be?” 

“I don’t mind” Loki said, moving closer to the fire. 

“Hmm. You can be green then. I’ll be red” Peter said, placing both game pieces on the starting point. “Mind if I start?”

“Be my guest”

They played quietly for quite a while, the only sounds being the clatter of the dice and the tapping of the playing pieces. Eventually Loki broke the silence.

“What did you want to ask me?”

“Huh?” Peter looked up. “Oh! Um, well, it wasn’t really a question; more an observation”

Loki looked at him, gesturing for him to continue.

Peter swallowed. “You can’t swim, can you?”

“What? Don’t be ridiculous! Of course I can swim” Loki scoffed indignantly. “I just didn’t  _want_  to swim earlier”

“Sorry, I just thought-”

“Well you thought wrong” Loki snapped, getting quite irate. “It’s your turn again”

They finished the game in silence, even though neither of them really felt like playing any more. Loki won.

“Want to play again?”

“Not especially”

“No, me neither…” Peter packed the game back into its box. “We could find something else to play. Something else to do”

“I think we’ve had enough games for one day” Loki said, lying down on his back on the rug, close to the fire. “I’m tired”

“You’ll burn yourself if you’re not careful” Peter said. Loki didn’t reply. “I’m tired too”

It had been a long day. Packing that morning felt like it had happened days ago. Peter looked at Loki for a moment. He shuddered a bit and crawled over, flopping on Loki’s chest. Loki sighed, but put his arms round the boy anyway. 

-

Tony was reluctant to disturb them when he saw them curled up together. Still, he walked over and knelt beside them, giving them a little shake. They soon woke up, whining tiredly.

“Come on you two, tea’s ready” 

Peter sat up slowly, rubbing his eyes. “I’m too tired to eat”

“Hey, I’ve been slaving over that stove so you’re both gonna appreciate my efforts, ok?” he ruffled Peter’s hair. “Come on lolly, up you get”

Loki didn’t want to move away from the fire, but he was hungry enough to give in and go out to the kitchen. He and Peter sat on the bench at the big dining table, both half-asleep. Nothing quite felt real. Tony had made one of his specialities - a pasta dish with red pepper and chorizo. It was one of Loki’s favourites, so he was quite happy settling down to it, still feeling like he was wandering through a type of dream world. 

After their very quiet meal, Loki and Peter sat back quite contentedly, leaning against each other and fighting to keep their eyes open. Tony stood up and touched Peter’s face gently.

“I think it’s bedtime for little spider-people” he said gently.

Peter nodded slowly. He wriggled round and knelt up a bit on the bench, giving Loki a quick, clumsy kiss. Loki gave him a hug in return.

“G’night, Mr Loki” he said sleepily, standing up and giving Tony a quick hug. “G’night, Mr Stark”

“Goodnight, kiddo” Tony said, giving him a gentle push towards the kitchen door. “Sleep well”

Tony turned back to Loki, who seemed a little absent. 

“I think it’s nearly bedtime for Loki’s as well” he said, giving him a hug. “You look wiped out”

“I feel it” Loki mumbled, resting his head on Tony’s chest. “It’s kinda nice” 

Tony kissed the top of his head. “Go on; you head up. I’ll just tidy up down here and then I’ll be with you”

-

Loki brushed his teeth sleepily and crawled into bed. It felt unbelievably soft, and Loki was unbelievably sleepy. He turned onto his side and grabbed his book, hoping to keep himself awake until Tony came up.

-

Tony finished up downstairs, locked up and turned the lights off. Once upstairs, he checked on Peter. Finding him fast asleep, he went to the other room.

“Kids knocked out” Tony said, closing the door. “Anyway, I was thinking - oh. Looks like you’ve gone the same way”

Loki had lost his fight with sleep. Tony smiled fondly, going over to the bed.

“Tired yourself out today, didn’t you?” Tony took the book from him, putting it on the bedside table, and pulled the covers up over him properly.

Tony changed into his nightclothes, turned the lamp on, and the big light off. He climbed into bed, cuddling up close to Loki, wrapping an arm round him and kissing his forehead.

“Goodnight sweetheart” 

*


	12. Take The Ropes And Fuck It All - Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post-holiday blues are one hell of a phenomenon. It doesn’t always take long trips to trigger them. Loki drops into a downwards spiral, and Thor takes drastic measures.
> 
> (sickness, domestic, mental health issues, abuse mentions, descriptions of severe anxiety, angst)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was an arc I originally cut out of the story, but today I felt like angst writing so brought the draft up and revived it. I've taken a turn in writing style on this one - there's nothing light about the themes in this chapter.   
> I've added some more tags to the works description, but please let me know if you think there's anything I've missed. As always, comments/questions/reviews welcome.  
> This chapter also ended up a lot longer than I originally planned, which is why I have decided to split it into two parts.
> 
> On another note, my offer of a dedicated chapter/oneshot for anyone who can guess the link in my chapter titles still stands.

-

The short trip away seemed to do everyone good. They returned home in good spirits. Once home, Tony turned his phone off for the rest of the day so he could enjoy ignoring his commitments for a while longer. 

Loki and Peter were feeling close, and were quite happy spending the afternoon drinking tea and play-fighting on the rug in front of the telly (and very nearly knocking the set over more than once in the process). Tony was happy nursing a large whiskey and keeping an eye on them. The sun was warm through the windows, turning the mood to a perfect lazy Sunday.

-

For a while, everything was good. Monday came and went, and Tuesday found Tony and Peter working on a new project, spending much of the day down in the lab while Loki took to his reading nook. Eventually he grew tired, having now read every book in the house that wasn’t an electricians manual. Somehow, he didn’t really feel like rereading anything. Even the one’s he had enjoyed seemed tremendously dull now. 

Loki retired early that night, having exhausted all possibilities of entertainment, and feeling rather lonely too. Tony and Peter had emerged briefly in the afternoon, and Loki had been pleased to see them, but within half an hour they were back down in the lab. Loki found it very hard indeed not to mind. 

-

Wednesday morning came as a shock. Loki awoke early, and as soon as he did, he was overcome with a sense of absolute dread. It took him quite by surprise, and try as he might, he couldn’t pin down a reason for the feeling. At a loss of what else to do, he went to Tony’s room and crawled into bed with him, wriggling under his arm. Tony grumbled, but pulled him close anyway.

“It’s five-thirty am, did you know?”

Loki didn’t reply, and Tony soon fell back asleep. Loki didn’t have such luck. He curled up with his head against Tony’s chest, listening to his heartbeat. For once, it did nothing to calm his nerves. He struggled to shake off the feeling of dread he’d woken up with. His thoughts raced as he lay there, feelings he’d pushed right to the back of his mind resurfacing. He tried to repress them, tried to think instead of the weekend he’d just had, but he struggled to see what he wanted to. He tried to remember the dandelion and burdock, the tennis, the talk about nights out, cuddling by the fire… But it all got taken over by feeling sick, struggling under water, snapping at Peter. He felt more than he saw, growing steadily more overwhelmed. He screwed his eyes closed, jerking his head slightly as though he was trying to shake the thoughts. 

-

He must have slept eventually, because he woke up alone. He checked the clock on the bedside table. 8.30am. He wandered back to his own room, brushing his teeth and getting dressed in a distracted manner. 

He found Tony in the kitchen, making himself a mug of coffee - awkwardly, because he had his phone between his ear and shoulder. He looked royally fed up. 

“Should I-” Loki started, but Tony put a hand over his mouth to quieten him. 

“Well, why can’t you sort it? That’s what you’re paid for” Tony grumbled into the handset, letting his hand drop and going back to his coffee. 

Loki tried to hug him, but was stopped quite firmly. 

“What? No, it’s nothing important” Tony said, holding his phone properly and standing back against the counter.

Loki tried not to let that remark hurt him, but it did. Tony wasn’t in a good mood, largely as a result of this current phone call. He sighed, looking at Loki and placing his phone back between his ear and shoulder. 

“That’s not my problem. Just call the technician later if you’re still stuck: it’s not that difficult. It certainly doesn’t warrant an early morning call” Tony said, sorting out the mismatched button on Loki’s polo top. “What do you mean, it’s not that simple?” he took hold of the phone properly again. “Yes it is. You’ve got a manual, and I suggest you use it”

He turned Loki round, giving him a little push towards the door. He was starting to get very angry and impatient with the incompetence he was forced to put up with.

-

Loki went off to the reading nook, feeling quite dejected. He sat down heavily on the right side of the window seat, even though he’d always preferred the left. He looked at the bookshelf, filled with its endless boring novels. He looked at his empty dolphin bowl and the assortment of cushions and blankets. Usually the most comforting place in the world, the reading nook seemed to have lost its potency. Everything seemed unfamiliar and distant. He felt ill. Sick, and scared. All the feelings that had been swimming in his mind earlier on had resurfaced. The sense of dread was stronger than ever. He could hear his pulse, beating deafeningly in his ears. A horrible, hot feeling swirled in his chest and stomach, and goosebumps sprung up all down his arms. 

Before he even really knew what was happening, he had both hands clamped over his mouth, muffling his sobs. It took him by surprise, and because he hadn’t known it would start, it was impossible to stop. He tried desperately to stop, but his efforts were wasted. If anything, trying to stop only made him cry more. 

-

He soon became aware of someone watching him. He looked up, seeing Tony through his tears, and found himself crying harder still. He felt like such an idiot, crying so uncontrollably, but he couldn’t help it. He leant back against the wall, covering his face with his hands. He couldn’t speak. He desperately wanted to. He wanted to look at Tony and tell him - tell him what? He didn’t even know what he was feeling, so what hope was there for explaining it to someone else?

Eventually he managed to muster a bit of strength, moving his hands away from his face.

“Don’t just stand there-!”

Tony hadn’t moved, still stood with his arms crossed over his chest, phone in one hand. 

“What do you want me to do?”

“I don’t know-!” his voice broke, and he drew his knees up to his chest, burying his face in his hands again. “I don’t know!”

Tony went to lay a hand on his shoulder, but his phone rang, distracting him. Loki looked up for a moment as Tony looked at the screen, waiting to see what would take precedence. 

“I’m going to have to take this”

Loki may well have been stabbed, for all the pain it caused him. He found himself falling onto his side in uncontrollable torment. He hated every inch of himself with every fibre of his being. He felt like he was cursed to carry on like this forever. Panic was rising in his throat.

“Just do it!” he cursed himself. “If you’re gonna have a panic attack, just bloody, fucking well get on with it-!”

But he didn’t. He collapsed into the nest of pillows and blankets, pulling one over his face, and feeling in that moment that he may well be better off dead.

-

Tony didn’t return to him, and Loki wasn’t sure if that was a mercy or not. Eventually he managed to grant himself some level of composure, and pushed himself up from the window seat in a dizzy haze. He needed to do something - anything - and the box of cigarettes and bottle of vodka in the drawer of his bedside table seemed to fit the bill. 

As he stepped out into the hall, feeling a bit surreal, he heard the doorbell ring, and the door began to open. He knew who it was straight away: there was only one person he knew to call round and enter without permission, who rang the bell as more of an announcement of their arrival than anything else. Loki held his breath for a moment, and as soon as he laid eyes on his brother, he lost it again.

“Loki?”

He sunk to his knees, too overcome with emotion to stay upright.

“Loki!”

Thor closed the door and dropped to his knees before Loki, gathering him up into his arms and cradling him. 

“It’s ok Loki, it’s ok. I’m here now”

Loki clung to him desperately, unable to quieten but reassured by his presence and the weight of his hand on the back of his head. 

“Thor? What are you doing here?” Tony had appeared in the hall. “I’m far too busy to entertain today”

“I came to see Loki, and thank god I did. What’s going on here?”

“He’s just having one of those mornings” Tony knelt down too, going to hug Loki, but Thor gave him a shove, knocking him backwards. “Ow! What are you playing at?”

“This is your doing” Thor snapped, rather thinking Tony didn’t look very concerned or interested. “What have you done to him?”

“What?! I haven’t done anything! What kind of question is that?”

Thor stood up, helping Loki to his feet and keeping him close. Loki looked between the two of them, suddenly sensing he was caught in the crossfire. Tony stood up too, getting defensive. 

“Look, you know what he’s like: he gets upset sometimes”

“Not like this” Thor said. “Never like this. What did you do to him?”

“Oh for gods sake; I didn’t do anything! Why do you have to keep interfering in our business all the time? So he’s upset: that doesn’t mean it’s my fault!”

“This is the second time this month that I’ve showed up to find him in a state. You’re the common factor here, Stark. I don’t trust you”

“Get out of here. I’ve got enough to deal with without you throwing accusations at me” he went to take Loki’s hand, but Thor gave him another shove.

“Don’t you dare. Come on brother; you’re coming with me”

“What?! You can’t just snatch him away!” Tony protested. “Leave him alone; can’t you see you’re upsetting him?”

“This is your doing, Stark, not mine”

Loki was still crying, and so not in a position to tell them that they were both upsetting him. Thor put an arm round him properly.

“I don’t trust you. I’m taking him home with me”

“How the hell can you not trust me?! Our relationship isn’t just bedroom stuff, you know. Who do you think it is looking after him all the time? This is his  _home_ : you can’t just take him away!”

“I can if that’s what’s best for him. I’m not going to stand by and let you hurt him”

Tony darted and made a grab for Loki, and Thor snapped, pulling Loki out of his reach and slapping Tony across the face.

“Don’t even think about it!” 

-

Thor set Loki down in the kitchen back at the flat, putting a glass of water down in front of him. Loki had stopped crying on the journey over, and was left feeling very hollow and drained. 

“I think I need to go to sleep”

Thor nodded. “Ok”

Loki stood up shakily, leaving the glass of water where it sat, stumbling through to the living room. He lay down on the sofa in the sun, staring ahead, but not really seeing anything. He barely noticed Thor putting a blanket over him. He felt stupid. He felt guilty and scared and embarrassed. But more than that, he felt tired. He wanted to fall asleep for a very long time.

-

Sleep is one hell of a healer. When Loki awoke, everything felt hazy, but it felt aligned, like someone had sorted everything while he was absent. He felt a bit lightheaded and groggy, but the sense of dread had lifted, and he no longer felt like screaming his heart out. 

“Oh, you’re awake” Thor said, giving Loki a quick squeeze when he came out into the kitchen. “How are you doing?”

“Better” 

“Are you ready to talk about it?”

“I’m not sure there’s anything much to talk about”

“Loki. I’ve never seen you like that before. I’ve never seen  _anyone_ like that before. That wasn’t just you having a bad morning: that was something serious. What happened?”

Loki shrugged. Thor sighed.

“Loki, whatever it is, you can tell me. It was Tony, wasn’t it?” Loki looked up. “It was, wasn’t it?”

“What? No! Don’t say that” Loki said indignantly. 

“Loki, if he’s hurting you, you need to tell me about it”

“ _What_? Of course he’s not hurting me! Whatever would give you that idea?”

Thor gestured for him to come over, which he did, reluctantly. He took hold of the hem of Loki’s shirt.

“I’m just going to take this off, ok?”

“Why?”

“Just humour me”

Loki did, but he wasn’t happy about it. Thor looked at him carefully, turning him to see better. Loki didn’t appreciate being manhandled.

“What are you doing?”

“How did you get these bruises?”

Loki looked at himself. Admittedly, he did look a bit knocked about, with quite a few marks. His knife wound was almost fully healed, but the bruises on his hips and lower back looked quite nasty. Thor gently touched his shoulder blade.

“And this one?”

Loki hadn’t known about that one - but then, he wasn’t in the habit of examining his back, so how could he?

“I had a wrestle with Peter the other day. Well, quite a few rounds. It got a bit rough”

Thor didn’t look convinced, and Loki noticed this. It suddenly clicked.

“Wait, you don’t seriously think  _Tony_ gave me these bruises, do you?”

Thor nodded. “I know he’s hurt you before”

“What? When? And don’t you dare say the argument the other week, because not only was that an accident, it was a one-off too, and you know it!”

“Loki, please” Thor said. “Stop lying to me”

“I’m not lying! Tony would never do anything to hurt me. These bruises are nothing to do with him”

“Have you got any more? Take your trousers off”

“ _What_?! No!”

Thor grabbed him, pining him against the fridge.

“What the hell are you doing?! Hey, don’t you dare!”

Much to Loki’s dismay, Thor exposed his legs. Loki shouted and swore at him, but Thor didn’t take any notice. He saw the bruises on Loki’s thigh, quite obviously finger marks. 

“What the hell has he does to you?!”

“What? Oh, so we like getting a bit rough in the bedroom, so what?! Let go of me!”

Thor did so, and Loki pulled his trousers back up, absolutely fuming. 

“I don’t need this! You and your paranoia have put me into too many compromising positions” he grabbed his shirt, pulling it back on. “I’m going home”

He made for the door, and Thor grabbed him round the chest.

“You are home. You’re not going back there: I won’t let you”

“What are you talking about? I don’t live here” he struggled out of Thor’s grip, standing before him. “This was never my home, even before. Just leave me alone: I’m sick of you interfering with my relationship”

“Loki, I can’t let you go back. I’m not going to stand by and watch you let him abuse you”

“For gods sake, I’m not  _being_  abused! How many times do I have to say it?” he looked at Thor, and suddenly his anger turned to fear. “You don’t believe me, do you?”

“I don’t. There’s too much evidence. I can’t stand by and watch you get hurt”

“But-but, I’m not getting hurt! I swear it! Tony would never hurt me, he’s never laid a finger on me” Loki gabbled, getting a horrible feeling in his chest. “I’m telling the truth. Please, you’ve got to believe me!”

“I can’t. You’re being abused, and I’ve sat by too long. I can’t take any more chances”

Loki laughed nervously, but it sounded more like he was crying. “Brother…”

“I have to do what’s best for you”

Loki looked at him, all the colour draining from his face. “What do you mean?”

“I’m sorry, Loki. I can’t let you see Stark again. From now on, you stay here”

Everything shattered around them. All Loki could see was Thor, and he knew he hadn’t made an idle threat. He could feel himself shaking, hear himself laughing to try to stop himself from crying again.

“You don’t mean that. You don’t mean that..!”

“Yes, I do. And you know that I do” he felt horrible. He all but watched Loki’s heart break before his very eyes. “That’s just the way it has to be”

Loki knew this was it, and he didn’t know how to comprehend it. He was still laughing, half-covering his mouth, shaking his head.

“You can’t. No, no, you  _can’t_ , you can’t do that” Loki said. His voice sounded funny, higher than usual, and shaky. “I need to go home. I’m going home..!”

Thor looked him in the eye. “ **No** ”

Loki laughed more for a moment, scared out of his wits. It soon turned to cries, and he found himself on his knees, clinging to Thor’s shirt and shaking his head.

“No. No, you can’t make me stay here! Brother, please! Please let me go! You have to let me go!”

Thor looked down at him, a stabbing pain in his chest. It was almost more than he could bear, seeing Loki this way. But he felt it was a necessary burden. 

“I need to go home! I need to be with Tony, I need to be with him, please! Please, I’m begging you! I’m begging you to let me go!” 

Emotion took over, and he was overcome with sobs once again. His hands fell from Thor’s shirt, and all dignity went out of the window as he cried on his hands and knees, still begging incoherently, growing hysterical. Thor knelt down in front of him, his heart pounding in his chest. Loki grabbed at him, pulling himself to his knees with the help of Thor’s shirt. 

“You can’t do this to me, you just can’t! You can’t do this-! You can’t! You c- you ca- you-” he stopped, gasping, clutching his chest with one hand. “You c- you c- c- c-, I ca- I can’t-”

“Loki?”

Loki was breathing short, sharp breaths that made his whole body judder as he did so. His hand slid from Thor’s shirt to the floor, the other still clutching his chest.

“I can’t breathe-! I can’t brea- I can’t- I can’t, I ca-, I can’t-”

“Loki, Loki, it’s ok, you’re ok” Thor sat him up against a nearby cupboard. Loki tried to push him away, but was too deep in a frenzy to best him. “Loki. Loki, listen to me”

Loki covered his ears and closed his eyes, too scared to know where to look. He couldn’t breathe. His chest hurt. He felt sick. He had pins and needles in hands and feet, and a tingling in his lips. The room seemed to shake around him. Thor took his hands, taking them away from his ears and holding them tight. 

“Loki, Loki, you’re ok, you’re going to be fine. You’re having a panic attack, that’s it. It’s just a panic attack” 

Loki knew that already. He’d never had one quite like this before. It completely took over. He could feel Thor’s hands, but it felt like he was being held through thick gloves. He could see him, but it was like looking through frosted glass. He could hear him, but it sounded like he was listening from the other side of a door.

“Focus on me, Loki. Focus on me. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere”

Thor took his face in his hands, looking him in the eye. 

“You need to breath. Focus on your breathing now”

“I-I can’t!”

“Yes you can. Come on now, in and out. Slowly”

“I can’t-” 

For a while it seemed he was right. He tried, but every deep breath he tried to take was cut up by several small ones. Thor kept encouraging him, telling him to keep trying. 

Eventually he managed a shuddering, but slow breath.

“That’s it. Keep doing that. Breath with me now. In… And out. That’s it; you’re doing really well” 

Loki did his best, and soon his breathing improved, his heart rate slowed, and within a few minutes, he’d calmed almost completely. He was still trembling slightly, still feeling rough, but he was definitely over the worst of it.

Thor stroked Loki’s cheek gently. “That’s it now. It’s all over now. Well done”

Loki collapsed against him, exhausted. He opened his mouth to speak, but quickly realised he didn’t know what to say. So he stayed quiet, and let his eyes close. Thor held him tight, biting back an apology. He couldn’t give in, not when there was so much at stake.

-

Loki let Thor settle him on the sofa. The sun was starting to set outside, and nothing felt quite real. Thor wasn’t sure how best to comfort him. He knew angry outbursts were on the horizon. 

“Everything will feel better after you’ve had a good nights sleep” 

Loki didn’t bother looking at him. Thor sat beside him. 

“I’m worried about you, brother. That man has such a hold over you. You took my decision really badly”

“And how would you react?” Loki said bitterly, still staring straight ahead. “If you were stolen away from your family and told you couldn’t see them again?”

“I didn’t steal you away: you didn’t exactly protest when I told you to come home with me”

“I was upset: I’m allowed a momentary lapse of judgement” his voice sounded odd, disconnected. “I can’t believe you’re doing this to me”

“I’m trying to protect you. I know it feels like the worst thing ever to happen right now, but it well get better. You’ll thank me one day” 

Loki rested his forehead in his hand and closed his eyes, but he couldn’t stop the tears from spilling down his cheeks. Thor went to comfort him, but Loki flinched away from his touch. Thor sighed sadly. 

“I’ll give you a minute”

He excused himself and went out to the kitchen. He tried to remember what he used to cook when Loki was still living with him. It wasn’t a memory he’d retained too well. He could only think of one thing. He checked he had the right things in the cupboard, and set to work.

-

Loki looked up as Thor came back into the room. 

“You’ve burnt up a lot of energy today” Thor said, putting a cushion on Loki’s lap and balancing one of the plates on top of it. “Eat”

Loki opened his mouth to speak, but Thor stopped him before he could say anything.

“Now don’t you dare say you’re not hungry, because I know you are, even if you don’t feel like eating” he sat down in the armchair by the sofa. “I bet you’ve forgotten how good my chip butties are: it’s been so long since you’ve been round. Go on. You need your strength” 

Loki was feeling too weak to argue the point, and too tired to be defiant. He picked up the butty and took a bite - and was immediately reminded of just how good Thor’s chip butties really were. It was a single moment of bliss in an otherwise horrendous day. Thor was relieved to see Loki settling down and tucking in. He couldn’t fix everything, but he could start with the little things.

-

Loki felt much better now he had a full stomach. He crawled onto the armchair, moving into Thor’s lap, as it proved a bit of a squash being side by side. 

“I wish I could make you believe me” he said. “Tony gets angry sometimes, of course he does. But he-”

“You don’t need to defend his actions. There’s no excuse for hurting you”

“But-”

The phone started to ring, distracting him. Thor didn’t take any notice.

“You should get that”

“It won’t be anything important”

Loki couldn’t bear to leave it ringing, so he knelt by the telephone table and answered it. 

“Hello?”

“Loki?”

“Tony!”

Thor snatched the receiver from him. “Stark”

“Thor. When are you bringing Loki back?”

“I’m not”

“What do you mean, you’re not? Why do you have to keep sticking your nose in?! Bring him back, now! We’ve got plans”

Loki stayed where he was, listening to the buzz of Tony’s voice, trying to work out exactly what was being said. This end made it clear it was an argument. Loki tried to grab the phone back.

“Let me speak to him!” 

Thor grabbed his wrist, stopping him. Loki listened hard.

“You can’t just take him like this! Did you even stop to ask what  _he_ wants? Right, bring him back or I’ll-”

Thor put the phone down on him. Loki looked up at him. Thor looked down at him.

“What?”

“I wanted to talk to him”

“Loki” Thor knelt down. “When I said you can’t see him, that also means you can’t have contact with him. That means none whatsoever. We have to completely cut him out of your life. It’s for the best. You do understand that, don’t you?”

“But I love him” Loki whispered, and tears spurted down his cheeks. 

“I know you do”

“He loves me too”

Thor wasn’t convinced. “He wouldn’t hurt you if he did”

“I need to talk to him”

He went to grab the phone, and Thor stopped him quickly. 

“No. The phone is off limits now, understand? That man is nothing to do with you anymore, ok?”

“That man has a name!” Loki suddenly shouted. “He has a name. He’s my boyfriend and-”

“Not any more. You can’t be in a relationship with an abuser”

“He’s not an abuser! Stop saying that! Why won’t you believe me??” Loki cried. “Where’s your proof?!”

Thor grabbed hold of him, yanking his shirt up to expose his bruises.

“These are a good start”

“Those are nothing to  _do_ with Tony, I’ve already told you! You’re just trying to break us apart!” 

“Of course I’m trying to break you apart!” Thor snapped. “I promised to take care of you: I’m not going to let you be with someone who puts you in such sorry states as this”

“You can’t blame him for this! You’re the one who’s done this to me!” Loki stood up, squaring up. Thor got to his feet.

“Loki, please. That’s just the dependence talking” 

“What does that even mean?! Stop treating me like a victim! I don’t need you interfering like this! Even if Tony  _was_ abusing me - which he’s  _not -_ I wouldn’t be running to  _you_  for help. I hate you!” 

Loki pounced, half-blinded by tears, acting from emotion more than malice. Thor managed to catch and restrain him easily enough with an arm round his chest, holding his wrists together in his other hand. Loki didn’t even bother struggling: he just cried. 

-

Thor carted Loki off to his old room, sitting him down on the bed. 

“You need to rest” he said firmly. “You need rest and time to get your head around what’s happened today. I’m going to leave you alone for a bit while I find you something to get changed into, ok?”

Loki let him leave. He looked round the little room, remembering when he used to live there. He’d always hated this flat, hated this room: it always felt like a prison. It felt like that again tonight. He screamed with the anguish of it all.

“Look what you’ve turned me in to!” he exploded at Thor when he returned, grabbing his shoulders. “Look what you’ve done to me! I don’t even know who I am any more!”

Thor decided ignoring his outburst was the wisest course of action. He sat him back down on the bed, helping him out of his clothes and into the pyjamas he’d found for him.

“There. You’re still a bit swamped, but it’s better than nothing. I’ll go and get some of your things for you in a day or two” 

Loki stared at him in visible confusion, wondering what exactly was happening, and why Thor hadn’t shouted at him. Everything felt to be the very definition of Wrong.

“Come on, brother, it’s time you went to sleep”

Loki kept his eyes glued on Thor as he obediently climbed into bed and allowed himself to be tucked in. 

“Things will be different in the morning. You’ll see” Thor locked the window, putting the key in his pocket. “Goodnight, Loki”

-

Once he heard the click of the door closing, Loki sat up again. He felt close to panic-attack level again. He looked round the dark little room, feeling like the walls were closing in on him. He knelt up on the bed, pulling at the handle on the window, hoping to buckle it. He’d started to shake again. The window wasn’t huge, but he knew from experience that he could fit through it easily. All his strength seemed to have disappeared, but he wasn’t willing to give up just yet. He knew breaking the glass was out of the question though: he’d surely be caught. 

Footsteps sounded, and Loki let go of the window handle like it was red hot, plonking back onto the bed just as the door opened. 

“Thought you might need a drink” Thor placed a large glass of water on the bedside table. He stroked Loki’s face gently. “Lay back down. Poor old stick”

“Don’t pretend you care”

Thor chose not to take it to heart: he knew Loki must be hurting dreadfully. He sat on the edge of the bed.

“I do care. Now, I’m going to stay until you fall asleep”

Loki almost spat a remark about not needing a prison guard, but it didn’t quite reach his mouth. He gave in, utterly exhausted, and lay back down on his side, his back to Thor. He didn’t belong there. He wanted Tony so much. He wanted to be back at home in his own bed, surrounded by his own things. He wanted to be anywhere other that Thor’s flat. He wanted to be somewhere where he’d be believed. The life he’d spent the last few years building for himself seemed to have completely collapsed in the space of a day. He’d been forced to watch it crumble before his eyes, at the hands of his brother.

But he couldn’t hate Thor, not really. Because he  _did_ care, and he was there, stroking his hair gently and reminding him that everything would be ok. And in that moment, he was all that he had.

* 


	13. Take The Ropes And Fuck It All - Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor’s decision stands, but the foundations are not firm. All good things must end, and all bad things too

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the gap between this and Part 1 - I'm approaching the end of an 8-day-straight working week, and I've only just found time to finish editing. Comments/questions/reviews welcome as always
> 
> (Also, I urge you to go back and attempt to spot the pop culture reference in chapter 9 - there might be something in it for you!)

-

Loki awoke to the sound of the bedroom door opening. Everything felt blurry, and for a moment he wasn’t sure where he was.

“You need to think about getting up soon” Thor said, sitting down on the edge of the bed. “It’s nearly eleven o’ clock”

Loki looked at him, the previous days events flooding back to him. A pained look appeared on his face, and he slowly covered his face with his hand. 

“Oh Loki”

Loki’s shoulders started to shake, and he made no effort to muffle the sob that followed. Thor pulled him close, cradling his head and rubbing his arm.

“It hurts so much-!”

“I know it does. I know” Thor closed his eyes, holding Loki tighter. 

Loki cried openly, reassured by Thor’s touch, and in too much pain to even attempt holding back. He had one hand up by his mouth, already wet with tears and dribble. He was hot all over, with a strange cold feeling on his chin that added confusion to his already strained state. He’d stopped trying to wipe away tears, letting them flow freely. They dripped down his face to his neck, making him shudder. He didn’t care what he looked like. He was hurting too much to care about anything other than what he was feeling in that moment. 

“I want to go home…”

Thor rested his head against Loki’s. “You are home”

This didn’t help. The flat wasn’t Loki’s home, not really, and they were both painfully aware of this. All Thor wanted was for Loki to be safe, and all Loki wanted was to be with Tony. 

The emotional struggle injured them both. 

-

Once Loki could cry no more, Thor sat him up and bathed his face with a cool flannel. 

“I found a set of your old clothes last night” Thor said gently, dabbing at his sore eyes. “You must have left them behind when you moved out”

Loki didn’t say anything. There was nothing to be said.

He changed obediently when Thor asked it of him, but refused the idea of a bath. The clothes were a little too big for him, and they weren’t something he would have picked out himself. He didn’t feel like asking what had happened to the clothes he had been wearing yesterday.

-

Loki sat on the sofa, staring into space. He was too drained to even think about anything. He didn’t even blink when Thor put a mug down on the little table beside him. He knew it wasn’t tea. Even if it was, he probably still would have ignored it. He couldn’t be doing with the effort of even picking it up. 

-

After about an hour, Thor tactfully removed the cup of cold coffee. He returned from the kitchen and sat down beside Loki, pulling the foil off a small pot of Ambrosia.

“Loki~” he said gently. “You really need to eat something now”

Loki didn’t respond, still staring ahead blankly. 

“Remember how much you used to like these? You used to get through them faster than I could buy them” 

Still no response. 

“Come on Loki” Thor said firmly, dipping the spoon into the pot. “Have some of this for me” 

Nothing.

“Loki, I swear I will spoon feed you if I have to. Now come on: starving yourself won’t do you any good” 

He held the spoon to Loki’s mouth, and was surprised when it was accepted. Loki was surprised too:- the chocolate custard tasted so good as it oozed over his tongue, like a forgotten comfort. He hadn’t had it for so long, that he’d forgotten the time when he basically lived off it.

He let Thor feed him another spoonful. And another. And then he took the pot and spoon from him and settled back to eat it properly himself. Thor breathed a sigh of relief.

“Thank you”

Loki took his time, savouring every mouthful, even running his finger round the pot afterwards to get every last bit. When he’d finished, Thor carefully took the pot and spoon from him. 

“What else can I get for you? I went shopping yesterday so the kitchen’s full. What do you fancy?”

Loki sat back. He still hadn’t looked at him. 

“Loki, listen to me: just because That Man let you get away with starving yourself, doesn’t mean I will: that won’t swing here. Now” he said firmly. “What do you want to eat?”

Loki focused on a space in front of the telly, staying quiet. 

“You have to have  _something_. Even if it’s just a slice of toast. There has to be something you can stomach”

There wasn’t. He’d had the custard - couldn’t Thor just be happy with that? He couldn’t stomach the thought of anything else, not even toast. He was waiting for Thor to get angry at him. It was easier if he stopped being nice. 

“Loki” Thor persisted. “What do you want?”

Thor gave up at Loki’s continued silence. He stood up, and as he turned to leave, he heard a small voice:

“Can I borrow your music player?”

Thor looked at him. He was still staring at the carpet. 

“Sure” he said gently. “Just a minute”

He went out to the kitchen, and returned with his IPod and a pair of headphones. Loki finally tore his eyes away from the floor, taking the music player and putting the headphones over his ears. He lay down on his side, facing the back of the sofa, and logged into YouTube. He was crying again within ten seconds of selecting the first song. Thor wanted to comfort him, but held back, deciding Loki needed a bit of space. 

Loki was lost to the world around him. He didn’t care how embarrassing some of his song choices were. He knew what he was feeling, and he needed to listen to songs that reflected that, even if they were film soundtracks or less well known tracks, or even things most people would raise an eyebrow at. It hurt him even more to feel so deeply with the help of his music. His chest hurt badly - maybe it was his heart breaking. He’d listened to so much of this music with Tony in the past, and the connection made it even harder to cope with. He felt so hopeless, so lost. Every time he’d start to calm down, he’d think of something else, and tears would swell in his eyes all over again. He couldn’t believe how quickly everything had come crashing down around him. He cursed himself for displaying such harsh emotion, such weakness. For years now, he’d often not been able to recognise himself, and this was another one of those times. He felt he wasn’t even a person anymore; but an emotion. It truly felt like nothing would ever be ok again.

-

The afternoon was lost. Loki opened his eyes. He didn’t even know if he’d been asleep or not. Maybe he’d been in a limbo between being awake and being asleep. He sat up slowly, and the headphones fell from his head as he did so. He let them fall to the floor. He could hear muffled sounds out in the kitchen. He looked over at the telephone table, suddenly tempted. He pushed himself up from the sofa, kneeling by the table and picking up the telephone. It was dead. He looked down, and found it has been unplugged from the wall. He looked at the cord, slowly setting the receiver back down. 

What was he doing? He didn’t need to act prisoner any longer. He found his shoes and slipped them on, slipping past the kitchen carefully, going to the front door. He checked behind him, and reached for the door handle. It was locked. He was overcome by a sudden sense of panic, tugging at the handle, looking around desperately for a key hook. 

“No, no, come on, come  _on_ ” he cursed himself, wrestling with the handle - and let out a scream as he was suddenly grabbed from behind. 

“Shh, it’s only me” Thor said. “It’s only me. You’re ok”

He lifted Loki up in strong arms, taking him back to the living room and plonking him back down on the sofa. He ruffled his hair gently and returned to the kitchen. For a moment, Loki just sat there, confused. He wasn’t sure what had just happened. He swallowed hard, looking behind him. He had to get out of there, but he didn’t know  _how_. The front door was locked, and he didn’t know where the key was. The window in the bedroom was locked too, and Thor had that key. He looked over at the large living room windows. And he kept looking at them, standing up slowly. He glanced back towards the kitchen, where he could still hear Thor bumbling about. He looked round the room, spotting Thor’s hammer on the table in the corner. He grabbed hold of it, growling at himself as it refused to budge. He let go in defeat, his eyes darting desperately round the room. His eyes settled on the heavy brass table lamp, and in a flash he’d unplugged and grabbed it. He stood before the window, lamp in hand, breathing heavily, still unsure of himself. He looked behind him, making sure Thor hadn’t appeared. The sun was setting in the sky outside. Loki looked at the lamp. It was now or never. 

He lifted the lamp and swung it. The window fell with a deafening shatter of glass. 

“Loki!?”

He dropped the lamp quickly and jumped, slipping on the window ledge and falling roughly onto the platform below. He couldn’t let it stop him: he pushed himself to his feet, dropping down the side of the roof and dropping to the pavement with the help of the drainpipe. He hit the ground running, going as fast as his legs could carry him. He couldn’t risk stopping, not in the likelihood of a pursuit. He kept checking behind him, which proved dangerous. He wasn’t looking where he was going, and smacked straight into someone. 

The someone was fortunately built like a brick privy and barely moved an inch, also succeeding in grabbing Loki before he himself could fall. 

“Woah, steady on!” he looked at Loki’s frantic face. “Are you alright?”

“Y-yes, yes. Sorry, sorry, I need to-” he gabbled, pulling free and running again.

The man called after him, but he took no notice. He was making good time: he was nearly there. Just a few more minutes…

-

Loki burst into the house, slamming the door behind him and all but collapsing against the wall outside his reading room. In the other room, Peter’s ears pricked up. He ran out to the hallway, heart racing.

“LOKI!!” he flew at him, throwing his arms round his neck. 

Loki suddenly realised how much he’d missed Peter, and he held him back just as tight, lifting him off the ground for a moment with his hug. He kissed him hard on the cheek, and Peter pulled back, holding onto Loki’s hands.

“Mr Loki, what’s going on?! Mr Stark’s been real upset ever since I got back yesterday, and he wouldn’t talk to me properly. You know, he spent a full hour pressing the redial button on the phone, and slamming it down when there was no answer. I thought the was gonna break the phone at one point”

Loki took Peter’s panicked face in his hands. “It’s ok, I promise. I promise everything’s gonna get better. You’re ok, aren’t you? You’re not hurt at all, or anything like that?”

Peter shook his head. “I just got a bit scared. I know I shouldn’t’ve, but I did”

“It’s ok” Loki said again. “We all get scared sometimes. Where’s Tony now?”

“I’m not sure. I think maybe the balcony? Clearing his head, I think”

The door opened behind them, and Peter watched the colour drain from Loki’s face. Loki turned round quickly, backing away into the reading room when he saw Thor.

“Loki, please”

Thor followed him, and Peter did too. 

“I’m not going back with you, I’m not!” Loki shouted, backing up until he found himself falling onto the window seat. 

“Going back where?! What’s going on?” Peter demanded, his voice higher than usual - scared. 

Thor looked at him. “Sorry, but can you give us a minute?”

Peter retreated, closing the door as he left. Thor went over to Loki.

“I’m not going back!”

“I know” Thor said calmly. “I know”

Loki was confused. He kept his guard up, not sure what to think. Thor sat down beside him.

“I can’t keep you away” Thor said, not quite looking at him. “If I take you back, I know you’ll just keep running away. I don’t need you breaking any more windows”

“I had to get out of there” Loki said, still on the defensive.

“It’s not fair on you to live a life of run-and-chase. I know you won’t settle with me. I wish you would, but I know you won’t. But it’s not fair for you to live somewhere where you’ll keep getting hurt”

“I’m not going to get hurt! Please, Thor, just leave me alone! I don’t need protecting; I don’t need locking away. Why can’t you just leave me alone?!” He was crying again.

Thor took hold of his hands. “Brother. You know I love you more than anything else in the universe. I hate seeing you like this. I hate seeing you get hurt. I just want to hoick you up out of here and tuck you up somewhere safe. That’s what I tried to do yesterday. It was foolish of me, I know. I can see now that I’ll never be able to drag you away while you still think you want to be here”

Loki didn’t reply. Yesterday felt like an awfully long time ago now. 

“I won’t keep dragging you away. I know I can’t do that to you. But I won’t stand by and watch while That Man continues to hurt you” he raised one of Loki’s hands to his mouth, kissing his knuckles. “Now you listen to me, Loki. As soon as something happens, as soon as anything happens, you call me, ok? You pick up the phone and you call me, and I’ll be over straight away to get you out of here. Ok?”

“You never answer your phone” Loki said weakly.

“I’ll change that. Now,  _promise_  me” he took Loki’s face in his hands. “You  _promise_ me that you’ll call. Promise that you’ll call as soon as he hurts you. Please?”

Loki looked at him. He knew it would be useless trying to tell him it wasn’t necessary. He swallowed.

“I promise”

Thor breathed a sigh of relief, pulling Loki close for a hug. “I will  _always_ be here for you, you know that, don’t you?”

Loki didn’t say anything. He knew. 

-

Meanwhile, Peter had tracked down Tony out on the balcony.

“MR STARK!”

“Keep your voice down!” Tony snapped. “What do you want?”

“Mr Stark, Mr Stark, it’s Loki” Peter gasped, a little out of breath. “Loki’s back”

Tony looked at him for a moment. He gave Peter’s shoulder a quick squeeze as he pushed past. 

-

Thor was just coming out of the reading room when Tony reached the door. Tony stepped back a little, remembering how he’d been hit the previous day. Thor glared at him, grabbing him by the collar.

“Mark my words, Stark” he hissed. “I’ll be keeping a  _very_ close eye on you from now on”

He released him roughly, and Tony turned and went into the reading room without saying a word, closing the door firmly behind him. Thor looked at Peter, who had followed on and seen them. He looked at Peter’s scared face, and approached, tipping his head back with a gentle hand under the chin. 

“Loki’s got my number” he said softly. “If you need help at any time, don’t hesitate to call me”

Peter nodded. He felt safe around Thor. 

“I should be going. Will you be ok?” 

Peter nodded again. Thor ruffled his hair gently and turned to leave. Peter watched the door close, and suddenly wished he’d asked him to stay. He looked at the door of the reading room, and backed away. Everything had gotten very scary very quickly.

-

Loki and Tony met in the middle of the room, throwing their arms round each other and holding tight, as though they could disappear at any minute.

“I missed you so much-!”

“You’ve only been gone five minutes” Tony said, but he had tears in his eyes too. “I really thought he’d stolen you away forever”

“So did I” Loki felt very wobbly, and had to pull away from Tony to sit down, taking to the right of the window seat. “It feels like I’ve been gone for weeks”

“I know” Tony sat down beside him, putting an arm round his shoulder. “I don’t really know what happened”

Loki closed his eyes. “He wouldn’t listen. He wouldn’t believe me. He really thinks you’re abusing me”

Tony stopped dead, tensing up. “What?”

Loki rested his head on Tony’s chest. “That’s why he took me”

Tony growled in frustration. “I know he’s your brother, but I’m sick to the back teeth of him interfering all the time. I mean, what does he want? To be proved right?”

Loki pulled away, much to Tony’s surprise. 

“Don’t say that” he said. “That’s such a scary thing to say”

“What? Oh Loki, sweetheart, that wasn’t a threat! You know I could never hurt you, let alone  _abuse_ you. I can’t believe your brother thinks so badly of me” he took a deep breath, trying hard not to cry. “What gave him that idea?”

“I don’t know. I really don’t know. But he tried to pin it on the bruises yesterday”

“What bruises?”

Loki pulled up his shirt, and Tony was a little surprised at what he saw. 

“Are those from wrestling with Peter?”

Loki nodded, letting his shirt drop. He sat forwards, elbows on his knees, face in his hands. “I thought everything was ruined…”

“Hey” Tony rubbed his back gently. “Nothings ruined. We’re still us”

“I’m not who I used to be. I hardly recognise myself any more. I hardly recognise what I’ve become”

Tony looked at him. “You’re still the man I fell in love with”

His voice broke as he said it. Loki kept his head in his hands. 

“I need to tell you everything that happened yesterday” 

Tony nodded, his hand still on Loki’s back. “Ok”

-

Reliving it was hell for Loki, and hearing it was hell for Tony. He pulled Loki close, burying his face in the crook of his neck. They held each other and cried, both feeling hopeless to change anything. 

“You deserve so much better than this”

“Don’t say that” Tony held Loki tighter. “Please don’t say that”

“But it’s true” Loki pulled away from the hug, grabbing Tony by the shoulders. “You didn’t sign up for this”

“Yes I did. I signed up for every part of you. And you signed up for every part of me”

“But it’s not fair” Loki sobbed. “It’s not fair! You deserve so much more! You deserve something so much better than me. No- no, don’t interrupt me: I need you to listen. Why do you put up with me? What kind of partner am I? I’m not worth the effort. I’m not worth it. I don’t deserve you. I can’t give you what you need. I can’t even-”

“Stop it! Stop it now” Tony cried, grabbing his face in his hands. “Stop saying things like that about yourself” 

“But they’re true! I should’ve stayed at Thor’s. You’re better off without me”

“You can’t say that! You can’t really believe that!”

“Of course I do!” he grabbed Tony’s hands, pushing them away from his face but clinging to them anyway. “I’ve upset you, haven’t I?”

“Of course you’ve upset me! Loki, what’s going on? I don’t know what’s happening anymore”

“Neither do I. I don’t know what to do. I know this is wrong. I know what human relationships are supposed to be like. I know this isn’t it”

“Lolly, please, stop it” Tony squeezed his hands. “We love each other. We look after each other and we have good times. And we help each other through the bad. That’s all we need”

Loki shook his head. “No it’s not. You know your reputation has always preceded you. What kind of match am I for you, the ex-playboy?”

“Loki-”

“No, don’t try to defend it. I know you want it, and I can’t even do that for you. What kind of person am I?” he let go of Tony’s hands in favour of covering his mouth, trying to control his sobs. “No.. We’ve talked about it enough before, haven’t we? I love you more than I ever thought possible, and I can’t even let you show it. I can’t even sleep with you! What kind of partner does that make me!?”

Tony grabbed hold of him, pulling his close against his chest and crying into his shoulder. 

“Stop it..! It doesn’t matter, you know it doesn’t matter!” 

“Yes it does!” Came Loki’s muffled reply, for he still had his hands over his mouth.

“No it doesn’t!” Tony wept. “It’s never mattered, you know it’s never mattered. It doesn’t make you any less of a lover. I love you. I love you no matter what. It’s never mattered, I promise you it’s never been that important”

Loki didn’t believe him. They’d had arguments about it in the past, usually when they were both angry about something else and needed to hurt each other. The words; ‘Slut’, ‘Frigid’, ‘Inconsiderate’, and ‘Selfish’ were thrown about a lot. In truth, they’d always made up and apologised with unmistakable sincerity, insisting they hadn’t meant a word of it, and they never had. But Loki felt Tony  _should_ be angry at him for it, that he should be telling him he hated him for not being able to do it - not that it didn’t matter and that he loved him anyway. He couldn’t bring himself to accept Tony’s support, no matter how much he wanted it. He felt useless and cowardly and he felt undeserving of the love he had very nearly lost.

-

They talked together for a long time. They talked about everything and anything, from the current Thor situation, to their illnesses, to what love really meant. It was truly draining, but they felt better for offering their complete, unreserved feelings. 

They ended with Tony leaning against the right hand wall, Loki curled up under his arm. They were both exhausted, mentally and physically, with matching tear-stained faces.

“What do you feel like doing?” Tony asked gently, stroking his hair.

“I feel like I need to cry. I just want to hold onto you and cry” Loki said. “But I don’t know if I’ve got anything left”

“Here” Tony pulled him onto his lap where he could easily hide his face in his chest. “I’m not gonna let go. You stay right here, and I’ll hold you, and we’ll see what happens”

Loki closed his eyes, feeling Tony’s arms so securely round him. For a while he was quiet, and they were both certain he’d cried himself out. But lo and behold, that familiar choked feeling rose in his throat, his shoulders started to shake, and tears spilled down his cheeks. 

“Ok. Ok sweetheart, just let it out” he held Loki tighter, cradling him and rocking him gently. “Just let it out. I’m not going anywhere”

-

Tony’s head jerked up as he heard the door start to open, holding Loki tighter. He relaxed a little when the door opened properly and he saw Peter, armed with Loki’s mug and quilted blanket.

“I know I shouldn’t interrupt. I’ve been arguing with myself over it for more than an hour” Peter said, not quite looking at them. “But, well, I thought these might be good…”

Tony looked at him. “Oh sweetheart” He closed his eyes for a moment, before looking down at the still-whimpering Loki. “Is it ok if Peter joins us?”

Loki made a vague little noise, and Tony nodded at Peter, gesturing for him to come over. Peter kicked the door closed and approached cautiously, still with the hot shaky feeling in his chest. Tony sat Loki up properly, wiping the tears from his face. Loki sniffed a bit, casting his eyes down. Peter swallowed, setting Loki’s mug down on the shelf by the dolphin bowl for a moment and unfolding the quilted blanket.

“You don’t have to tell me what’s going on” Peter said, wrapping the blanket round Loki’s shoulders. “Just let me know how I can help”

Loki looked at him, his image soon blurring through the tears that filled his eyes once again. Peter teared up too, throwing his arms round Loki and hugging him tight. Loki returned the hug without hesitation, crying properly again. 

“I don’t want you to be sad anymore!” Peter said, and he started crying too. 

“H-hey, you two are gonna set me off again” Tony said - and they already had. “Please don’t cry”

Tony pulled them close. He didn’t know what else he could do. 

-

Eventually they stopped. Peter stood up, wiping his eyes with his sleeve. He retrieved Loki’s mug from the shelf, passing it to him. 

“It’s just as well I put too much hot water and not enough milk in it” he said shakily, trying a bit of mild humour.

Loki took the mug from him. It had reached optimum drinking temperature, and the soothing smokiness of the lapsang started to calm him as he drank. Tony pulled Peter down onto his lap, and replaced his arm round Loki’s shoulders. For a while they were silent, as if in recovery. 

Loki looked down into his empty mug. “Nothing’s going to fix this, is it?”

Tony rested his head against Loki’s. “I think, maybe - just maybe - some people are born with missing pieces. Maybe we were born incomplete, and perhaps that’s why we found each other: to fill in the gaps”

“And maybe some people were never made to be whole”

Loki set his mug down on the shelf. Tony hugged him close, encompassing Peter as he did so. Peter glanced up, feeling very small between them - but very safe too. The horrible squeezing feelings in his chest and stomach had vanished. He was still hot, but now it was from the heat of Loki and Tony, not from anxiety and fear. 

“Can I say something?” he asked quietly. “And if I do, promise you won’t laugh?”

Tony gave him a reassuring squeeze. “Go ahead”

Peter swallowed. “I really don’t know what’s happened the last couple of days. To be honest, I’m not sure if I  _want_ to know. But I want to help. So if you can think of any way I can help, please just tell me. I don’t want to be a spare part, because - well, um… I don’t really know how to say this, but…” he swallowed hard, closing his eyes, focusing on the feeling of Loki and Tony’s arms round him, and on the rise and fall of their chests. “I- I really love you two”

Neither Tony nor Loki expected this. Tony didn’t say anything, but he let his arms fall back to his sides. Loki rested his head against Peter’s, holding him close.

“I love you too” 

Peter let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He nuzzled Loki for a moment before kissing him gently and resting his head against his chest. They cuddled close, and Tony watched them. He took a moment, wiping his eyes, but soon moved and hugged them both against his chest, breathing out a tired sigh of relief. 

It was like the weight of everything had suddenly been lifted off their shoulders. Loki and Peter snuggled against Tony’s chest, still in each others arms. The room was quiet, warm, with just the sound of the clock ticking on the wall. Loki closed his eyes, listening to Tony’s heartbeat, and a small smile crept onto his face. He was tired, almost unbearably so, but he no longer felt so raw. This moment was his. These people were his. 

Everything was going to be ok.

*


	14. Lend Me Your Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Following Loki’s return, things quickly start settling back into normality, and Tony has some plans to aid to transition 
> 
> (domestic, minor hurt/comfort, bedroom stuff, family dynamic)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All thoughts/comments/questions/feedback welcome as always!
> 
> Sorry for the slight delay in updating - I've been very busy with work and volunteering!

-

Loki woke up feeling dazed and fuzzy. He blinked hard, slowly becoming aware of where he was: curled up in Tony’s bed, with Tony spooning him, and Peter nestled against his chest. He couldn’t really remember moving from the reading nook. 

“You awake, sweetheart?” Tony mumbled.

“Yeah…” He turned onto his back, looking at him properly. “Are you ok?”

“Yeah, I’m ok. Here; I think Peter’ll still sleep for a while longer. Shall we grab a quick bath?”

Loki nodded. “Sounds good” 

“Ok. I’ll go and run one for us”

He went to do so. Loki climbed out of bed, careful not to wake Peter. He wrapped the quilt black round him and follow Tony to the bathroom. 

-

Loki leant against the sink, brushing his teeth sleepily and watching Tony. 

“Use th’  rhubarb an’ vanilla” 

“Ok, but that’s the last of it” Tony said, throwing the bottle aside. “Get your kit off”

Loki finished his teeth and did so, hesitating for a moment before Tony started to undress too. 

“I can see why your brother thought what he did” Tony said, looking at Loki’s bruises. “You do look a bit knocked about”

“I’m just clumsy” Loki replied. 

“I know. Still, it doesn’t really matter” 

Loki shrugged, and Tony turned the bath taps off and climbed in, lying back in the bubbles.

“Are you going to join me?" 

Loki nodded, taking the other side of the bath. 

"I’ve been thinking about that night away that we had” Tony said, pouring a cup of water over his head. “We should be more things like that. It was good" 

"We never did get round to using the fire pit" 

"True. Why, is that something you’d like to do?" 

"I don’t know. Maybe. I liked the one they had in that temporary bar we went to in December, with the fire in the tables" 

"Ooh yeah, the viking bar. That was a good one. You were drinking Bailey’s hot chocolate like it was going out of fashion" 

"It was good stuff. We had a good December" 

"We did, didn’t we? Lots of lovely pictures” he held an arm out to Loki. “Cuddle?”

Loki moved over obediently, laying against Tony’s chest. Tony held him close, rubbing the bubbles over his back and shoulders. 

“I’d forgotten how good this feels” Loki said quietly. 

“Well, it’s been so long since we’ve done it. Actually, I think December may well have been the last time" 

"You made that mulled wine" 

"Yeah, that’s right. And we had that body wash, yknow, the pink one that you like, the one that smells like sweets" 

"And you put on the CD, the brass one. And you had those cinnamon candles burning” Loki remembered it fondly. “It was nice" 

"It was” Tony agreed. “And then we curled up on the sofa, with you in your fluffy dressing gown" 

"And the quilted blanket. We watched that film, the one with the choir boys" 

"It was a lovely evening” Tony stroked Loki’s still-dry hair gently. “Will you let me wash your hair?" 

Loki lifted his head. "If you’d like to" 

Loki sat back and let Tony pour water over his head. Tony massaged the shampoo into his scalp and Loki relaxed into his touch, admittedly quite enjoying it. 

"Oh yes, I’ve booked you a hair appointment for this afternoon" 

"You could’ve given me more notice" 

"I forgot. We were preoccupied, what with your brother and all that. It does need cutting though. I think (head back) that you should get it done real short again” Tony sluiced water over his head. “Back into the neck, yknow, just when it starts doing that flicky thing. It’s cute that way" 

"I’ll think about it” Loki said, and suddenly flinched as a bit of soap got in his eye. 

Tony handed him a towel. 

“Sorry” Loki dried his eyes, taking a moment before dropping the towel. “Ok?”

Loki nodded. 

“Ok” Tony reached for the conditioner. “I’ll be more careful this time" 

Loki didn’t doubt it. Tony shielded his eyes better this time, and finished his hair without incident. 

"You’re still thinking about Christmas” Tony noted, starting on his own hair. 

“It was storybook: carols, long nights in front of the fire, walks through the snow, lots of cinnamon and gingerbread…" 

"Wet feet and wet gloves and cold noses” Tony added. “And slipping on ice. Lots of bruises" 

"Don’t be so negative. You loved it just as much as I did" 

"I’m just teasing you” he smiled at him. “You’ve got that dreamy look in your eyes" 

"They’re good memories” Tony nodded, staying quiet while he finished his hair and washed himself. 

Loki lay back at the end of the bath, half watching, half daydreaming. He really had enjoyed last December. Most of his memories were warm and fuzzy, and those that weren’t were followed by one’s that were. They’d done and seen a lot, humouring each other a lot of the time, and Tony was right: they  _had_  often returned home with wet socks and gloves, and cold noses and bruises from slips and trips, but none of it had really mattered. As soon as they were back in the warm, the fire was on, hot drinks were made, and lazy evenings curled up on the sofa under the quilted blanket were standard. It really had been lovely - there’s no other word for it.

“Tony?” 

“Yes sweetheart?” 

“I love you”

Tony smiled. “I love you too” 

Loki moved over and gave him a long hug, focusing on the feeling of skin against skin. Eventually Tony pulled out of the hug, retrieving the sponge. 

“Mind if I wash you?” 

“Be my guest”

Tony took a while looking at the rows of shower gels, eventually settling on an expensive mint and tea tree, one of Loki’s favourites. He knelt up, and Loki looked up at him, maintaining eye contact as Tony washed him. 

“What’s that look for?” Tony asked. “Does this feel good?”

“Mm… I’m sorry I’ve been so distant recently”

“Don’t be: you haven’t been well. And you haven’t been distant, not really. You’ve still needed your cuddles, haven’t you?”

Loki didn’t reply. Tony continued washing him, slipping his hand with the sponge between Loki’s legs - and Loki suddenly startled and pulled away. Tony hesitated, pulling back.

“Sorry sweetheart. I didn’t think you’d mind” 

“Don’t worry about it” Loki took the sponge from him to finish washing. 

Once done, he squeezed out the sponge and set it down on the side of the bath. Tony was still watching him nervously. Loki noticed, and he pulled Tony close and pressed their lips together. Tony relaxed, kissing him back with vigour. 

-

Tony was all set to push Loki down on the bed and ravish him, but his plans were quickly thwarted.

“I’d forgotten about the kid” he said, looking at Peter, who was still sleeping. 

“Try not to wake him” Loki said, securing his towel better round his waist. “Right, I’m gonna pop back to my room for a bit”

-

Loki was quite happy to be back in his room, surrounded by all his own bits and bobs once more. He took his time drying off, and was just pulling on his boxers when he heard the bedroom door open and close. Before he knew what was happening, he was on his back on the bed, Tony on top of him, pinning his arms above his head. 

“Hey beautiful” Tony kissed his nose. “You’re looking especially inviting this morning”

Loki laughed at him. “What are you doing?”

“Oh, you know, just starting conversation” Tony said vaguely. “I thought you might be receptive to a bit of hip-on-hip action, if you get what I’m saying”

“Not with those jeans of yours!” Loki said, looking at Tony’s outfit. “I’m not in the mood for friction-burnt thighs, thank you very much”

“I can always take them off” 

“You’re terribly persistent today” Loki said.

Tony let go of him for a moment, wriggling out of his jeans and throwing them to the floor. He resumed his earlier position, pinning Loki back down.

“Better?”

Loki raised an eyebrow at him. Tony let go of Loki’s wrists in favour of pushing his legs apart. He settled between them, grabbing Loki’s thighs and pulling him closer.

“Ok?”

“I’m not really in the mood for anything too heavy”

“Just a quick snog-and-hump then?”

Loki couldn’t help laughing. “You’re so vulgar sometimes”

“Hm, maybe” Tony said, stroking Loki’s thigh gently. “But to be fair to myself, at least it’s honest”

“You might be on to something there” Loki said.

“Indeed. Is it ok if I do this?” he slipped a hand between them, rubbing gently between Loki’s legs. 

Loki squirmed a bit at first, nose wrinkling, but soon settled, focusing on the sensation a bit more. He propped himself up on his elbows so he could keep an eye on things. He nodded at Tony, who started rubbing him harder, squeezing and massaging him. Loki’s breath hitched in his throat, and he closed his eyes, biting his lip. He could physically feel the blush that had appeared over his cheeks. He soon let out a small involuntary whine - more a squeak. 

Tony grinned, very nearly laughing. “That was cute”

Loki opened his eyes, glaring daggers at him. “You’re not funny. Here, you can stop now”

Tony retracted his hand obediently. “Aww, and just when I was starting to get noises out of you. Devastating”

“I thought a snog was part of your plan” 

“Oooh, getting demanding now, aren’t we?” Tony pushed Loki back down, pinning his hands above his head once again. “What’s the magic word?”

“Stop being a little bitch”

Tony laughed at him. “Cheeky” he rubbed his nose against Loki’s. “Ask nicely and I might just give in” 

Loki decided to humour him. “My darling, please would you kiss me?”

Tony made out like he was considering it. “Hmm… Ok, if you really want me too”

He didn’t hold back, kissing him hungrily, forcing his mouth open. Loki tried to pull his hands free, but Tony held onto him, keeping him captive. After a while he adjusted his hold, pinning both of Loki’s wrists in one hand, the other hand reaching down, grabbing Loki’s thigh hard. 

Loki pulled away from the kiss, taking a moment to breathe. “Hey, Tony?”

“Yes baby?” he wasn’t really paying attention. He stroked up Loki’s thigh to his hips, running his finger under his waistband. 

Loki’s eyes widened. “Wh-what are you doing?”

“What do you think I’m doing?” 

Loki swallowed, trying in vain once more to pull his hands free. “I’m not sure” 

Tony pulled at Loki’s waistband. “Lets take these off, shall we?”

“W-wait, wait, Tony, I just-”

“Shh, quiet now” 

Loki felt the panic rise in his throat. He couldn’t think straight, he couldn’t pull free. Tony started pulling his boxers down, and Loki gasped loudly.

“Red!”

Tony let go immediately. Loki covered his mouth with his now-free hands, breathing deeply. His heart was racing. 

“Hey” Tony stroked Loki’s hair gently. “Are you alright?”

“I’m sorry” Loki said from behind his hands. 

“Hey, you’ve got nothing to be sorry about.  _I’m_ sorry: I got a bit carried away”

Loki took Tony’s hand in both of his, holding it against his mouth. Tony kept stroking his hair. 

“I’m ok. I just got a bit… Well, you know how I get”

“Do you want to call it a day?” 

Loki thought for a minute, and shook his head. “No, I’m fine to carry on, if you want to. But just go gentle. No pinning me down or anything like that. Just nice stuff, gentle stuff… I’m happy just kissing”

“Ok baby. Whenever you’re ready”

Loki took a minute, rubbing Tony’s knuckles with his thumbs. He felt better now. He let go of Tony’s hand, looked up at him, and grinned. 

“Green”

Tony kissed him, sliding a hand under his back to pull him closer. Loki sat up, holding onto Tony’s arms, kissing him clumsily, their noses knocking together. It didn’t really matter. Loki smiled against him, giggling happily, so much so that Tony’s attempts to kiss him deeper were broken by Loki laughing. Tony gave up, kissing instead across his jaw and down his neck. 

Loki let himself fall back onto his back, closing his eyes. God, it felt so good. Tony lay on top of him, grabbing Loki’s hair and pulling his head back carefully to give himself better access to his neck. He’d long since learnt how to utilise Loki’s weakness. Loki relaxed completely under him, already making funny little squeaking and whining noises. 

“Now this” Loki said, holding Tony tight. “This is just fine…”

Tony smiled, sucking on his neck, squeezing and stroking his shoulder. Loki whined and squirmed beneath him. His hold, which had at first been tight enough to hurt, was loosening, and soon Loki’s hands fell from Tony’s back, landing by his head on the bed. Tony paused, pulling back. Loki opened his eyes and they looked at each other. Tony looked at him at the pink of his cheeks and the look in his eyes - oh that look: there was nothing like it. Pure, undying pleasure and comfort. It was incredible to see.

“Oh Loki” Tony all but moaned. “That’s what I like to see. That’s what I like to hear… Oh god Loki, sweetheart, look at you. You’re so beautiful. Oh god, I really am so much in love with you”

Loki couldn’t speak, so just smiled sleepily and returned the kiss he was given. Tony kept his hand on the back of Loki’s head, rubbing his ear gently, watching him a moment longer before ducking his head again. 

“Oh!” Loki grabbed at Tony’s sleeve. “Just there! Yes, just there. Please don’t stop…”

Tony obliged, and Loki’s hand soon fell from Tony’s shoulder, instead holding the wrist of the hand on his head. He felt dreamy and sleepy, totally wonderful and relaxed, like he could just fall asleep. He felt so good. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt so completely at peace.

-

“Hey, Mr Loki I-”

The door burst open, and it took Peter a moment to comprehend the position he’d found Tony and Loki in, and once he realised, his face flushed beetroot red.

“Aargh, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I should’ve knocked! I’ll just-”

Loki just laughed, sitting up and forcing Tony to shift aside. 

“Hey, don’t worry: we’re done anyway” Loki held an arm out to Peter, who hadn’t had time to make an escape. 

“Are you sure?” he said doubtfully, looking at Tony’s jeans on the floor.

“I’m sure. Come on; I want a hug”

Peter still hesitated, but soon gave in and wandered over to hug Loki. Loki held him tight, feeling terribly sleepy. 

“You doing ok today?” Peter asked. 

“I’m doing well” Loki said.

“You smell good”

“Thanks” he held Peter at arms length. “You do need to learn to knock though. Or we need to remember to put a tie on the door”

Peter was still red in the face. “You look half asleep. Are you tired? Have you two tired each other out?” his eyes suddenly widened in horror. “Oh my god, I can’t believe I just asked you that”

Tony laughed, pulling his jeans back on and standing up to ruffle Peter’s hair. 

“You’re a funny kid, you know that?”

“I don’t think I’m gonna answer that” Peter said, rubbing the back of his neck. He looked back at Loki. “You do look real tired”

“Mm” Loki rubbed his eye and yawned. 

“He’s a sleepy little thing, aren’t you, baby?” Tony ran his fingers through Loki’s hair. “Get yourself dressed and then come and join us. I think it’s time for something to eat” 

Loki nodded. “I’ll try not to fall asleep”

-

Loki wandered through to the kitchen, taking his usual seat at the breakfast bar. Tony smiled at him. 

“Tea?”

Loki nodded, yawning. He put his arms on the table and rested his head on them. He was asleep before the kettle had finished boiling. 

“Mr Loki’s asleep” Peter said. 

Tony sighed. “Poor Loki. He’s had a rough couple of days. I think it’s taken its toll on him”

“Should we wake him? Move him somewhere more comfortable?”

“No, just leave him. He’ll probably wake up again soon. We’ll have our breakfast and get him sorted afterwards” 

-

As per Tony’s prediction, Loki woke up just as they were finished breakfast. 

“Hey baby. Ok?”

Loki rubbed his eyes. “Tired”

“Come on; lets hang out in the lounge for a bit. It’s still fairly early”

“What time is it?” Loki asked, getting up obediently. 

“Just gone ten”

-

Tony plonked himself down on the sofa, getting out his phone. Loki fluffed a cushion and placed it on Tony’s knee, climbing onto the sofa and collapsing over Tony’s lap. It wasn’t long before he was asleep again. Tony stroked his hair gently. 

“Peter, run and find his blanket, would you?”

Peter nodded. He knew it was still in the reading nook. He retrieved it quickly and returned to the living room, helping Tony wrap it round Loki. He lingered for a moment, running his fingers over the stitching. The quilted blanket seemed to be as much a part of the Loki/Tony household as the workshop and Tony’s scattered tech. 

“I like this blanket”

Tony looked at him. “I do too. Probably the finest bit of homeware in the house”

“It’s Loki’s favourite, isn’t it? Where did you get it?” Peter asked, sitting down on the floor.

“I commissioned it. It was unbelievably expensive. It was my present to Loki for our first anniversary”

“Oh! Well that kinda explains why he likes it so much, sentimental value and all that stuff” 

“It was a bit of a gamble, really. I wasn’t sure what he’d make of it. He seemed a little surprised when I gave it to him. Cried like a baby, he did” Tony pulled the blanket up over Loki’s shoulder properly. “I’d say I’ve had my moneys worth out of it. It certainly gets used enough” 

“Why orange?”

Tony shrugged. “Not a clue. Just decided orange would be a good colour. I’m sure there was some kind of far-fetched metaphor behind it, not that I can remember what it was”

Loki turned onto his side in his sleep, burying his face in Tony’s stomach. Peter looked at him.

“What happened to him?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, he wasn’t wearing a shirt earlier, was he? So I saw. He had a lot of bruises”

“Oh” Tony sighed. “Some of those bruises are pretty nasty-looking, I know. But they’re really nothing to worry about. All that rough-housing with you is a big culprit. Clumsiness makes up the rest of it”

“Oh” Peter nodded, thinking about his own bruises from their recent wrestling matches. “I should’ve guessed that”

-

Loki had a long sleep. Tony woke him up in time for him to get himself ready and grab a cup of tea before his hairdressing appointment. Peter joined them in the kitchen. Loki was trying to drink his tea and pull his coat on at the same time. 

“Got everything?” Tony asked, watching him patting his pockets. “Oh, me and Peter might be going out later too”

“Right. Keys. Do you know where my keys are?”

Tony opened one of the kitchen drawers, grabbing Loki’s keys and handing them over. Peter looked at Loki, an amused look on his face. 

“What?”

“Nice keyring”

Loki looked at the figure keyring on his keys. “Thank you?”

“I didn’t know you liked Snoopy”

“Of course I like Snoopy. Haven’t you seen the rest of my Snoopy stuff?”

“What stuff?”

Loki shook his head. “I’ll show you later. Right, best be off”

He gave Tony a quick kiss and headed out the door. Peter watched after him fondly. 

“He’s so cute sometimes”

Tony looked at him. “Ooooh!” 

Peter looked at him. “What?”

“Is someone getting a little bit of a crush?”

“What?! No!” Peter exclaimed indignantly. “I didn’t mean it like that!” 

“Sure you didn’t” Tony laughed and ruffled his hair. 

Peter scowled. He didn’t appreciate Tony’s mocking tone.

-

Peter stalked off and did his own thing for a while. A little while later, he found Tony in the living room with his laptop.

“Is Loki usually gone this long?”

“Hm?” Tony barely looked up. “He’s usually gone a while. He likes to go to the pub after he’s had his hair done”

Peter leant on the back of the sofa, looking over Tony’s shoulder at what he was doing. 

“Kez-wick?” he said, reading off the screen.

“Keswick” Tony corrected him. “You don’t pronounce the ‘w’”

“Oh. Where is it, Keswick?” 

“England”

“Are you going away for work then?”

Tony shook his head. “No, this isn’t for business. No, I was thinking about booking a trip”

“Oh” he looked at the pictures Tony was looking through. “It looks nice. Why though?”

“Well, I haven’t been on a proper holiday for years. Not since before I got with Loki. It would be nice to go away for more than a long weekend. And then there’s you, of course: you’re a kid on summer break - you should be enjoying it, going on a proper holiday. You’ve got a passport, right?”

Peter nodded. 

“Good. Loki’s been talking about wanting to get away too, so maybe a holiday would do him good. Plus, our anniversary is coming up soon. It might be good to spend it somewhere completely different”

“Huh. So is this where you want to go?”

“Maybe. Keswick is just a small town. I’ve been looking at regions, mostly, and places to visit within them. Keswick is the Lake District, but I’ve been looking at Northumberland, and at Whitby, and a few other places. I don’t know though. We might be better off getting a package holiday or something. Go on a cruise”

“I’ve never been to England” 

Tony rubbed his chin with his thumb, clicking through the tabs. He sighed, finally closing his laptop and moving it aside. Peter couldn’t help but feel a little put-out: it seemed the idea of a foreign holiday had been put on the back-burner.

-

Peter wandered off again, sticking his earphones in. He spent quite a while in the reading nook, tidying everything up and refilling the dolphin bowl and mini fridge, making it as welcoming as possible. After a while, he remembered what Loki had said about having more Snoopy stuff. He wandered over to Loki’s room, carefully pushing the door open.

Loki looked up as the door opened. He was just taking his shoes off, having only just gotten back. Peter looked at him. He looked different now his hair was shorter - softer.

“You really need to learn to knock”

“I didn’t know you were back” Peter said, pulling his earphones out and shoving them in his pocket. 

“Ah, so you were snooping” Loki said, standing up to put his shoes on the rack and hang up his coat. “What were you after?”

Peter looked at him. “You look good”

“Thanks. That doesn’t answer my question though”

“Um. I- well, you said you had more Snoopy stuff”

“Ah. Yes, I’ve got a few bits and bobs. I’m surprised you’ve not seen them: you’ve been in here enough” 

“Yeah, but only really to talk to you; not to look around” 

“Well please, feel free”

Loki lay back on his bed, hands behind his head, eyes closed, while Peter went in search of Snoopy-related items. 

On the wall to the right of the door, there were three identical frames, each holding a different Snoopy picture: sad Snoopy on the left, dancing Snoopy on the right, and Snoopy on his kennel in the middle. They were the first things Peter noticed. He liked that they were subtle. He searched the room further, finding a small stack of Peanuts books on one cabinet, a moneybox of Snoopy on his kennel on another, and a very old looking Snoopy cuddly toy on the chair by the wardrobe. 

“This is so cute”

Loki opened one eye briefly, looking at him. “I’ve got a flannel in the en suite”

“What? Oh” 

Peter went into the en suite, quickly finding the face cloth on the sink, depicting Snoopy and Woodstock hugging. He looked at it for a moment, smiling. He placed it back where he’d found it and went back to the bedroom. 

“Mr Loki, you’re fucking adorable” 

Loki laughed, turning onto his side and looking at him. “Don’t let Tony hear you using that language”

Peter nodded, looking at him. He looked… cute? Maybe? Friendly, definitely. Receptive too. Peter swallowed. Maybe Tony was right. He shook his head to get rid of the thought and took to the rest of the room in search of more Snoopy things. He found a mug full of pens and cocktail stirrers on the bedside table, with a picture labelling Snoopy as the perfect friend. He read the little labels and moved on, stopping by the chest of drawers. He’d never noticed it before. On top was a carefully arranged display of snow globes, all different sizes and sorts. He found a Snoopy one - a Christmas one - but he’d lost interest a little bit now, mesmerised by the snow globes. Loki watched him carefully.

“These snow globes are amazing!” he looked at them in awe. 

He picked up the one in the centre, one of the biggest ones, with a family of polar bears in it. It was surprisingly heavy. He turned it upside down, spotting not only the hand-written price sticker still attached ($63 - ouch), but also a small turning key. Loki was suddenly beside him, taking the snow globe from him, holding it protectively in both hands. 

“I’d really rather you didn’t touch these” he said. “They mean a lot to me and I’d hate for any of them to get broken”

“I’ll be real careful, Mr Loki”

“I’d still rather not take the chance”

Peter decided to change the subject. “That one was really expensive, huh?”

Loki nodded. “It was a present. Our first Christmas together. The stall was up in town for weeks, and I loved all the snow globes, but this one was my favourite. I used to go back nearly every day to look at them, trying to decide if I should buy this one or not. I finally decided to, but when I got there it was gone. I was gutted. But when I got back here that night, Tony put a box down in front of me on the table…”

He looked down at the snow globe, turning it over in his hands.

“Does it play music? I saw the key”

Loki wound it up and held it for Peter to see. Peter listened as it played O Sanctissima, watching the snow settle round the polar bears. When it went quiet again, he looked up at Loki.

“It’s lovely” he said sincerely. 

Loki nodded, carefully setting it back in it’s place on the chest of drawers. “It’s my favourite one”

Peter surveyed the collection for quite some time. Eventually, he pointed to a small snow glove, set on a silver base made to look like brickwork, enclosing a silver dragon, teeth and claws bared. 

“This one is my favourite”

Loki picked it up, giving it a shake so that black glitter rained down on the dragon. Peter found it was quite relaxing watching it settle. 

“Have you always liked snow globes?”

“Well. I discovered them here. Tony had this one” he replaced the dragon and picked up one with a VW Camper in it. “On the mantelpiece, and I could never resist picking it up and giving it a shake whenever I was round. And when I moved in, he’d put it on the bedside table in here for me. And my collection has just grown from that”

He set the globe back down, looking at his collection. He was quite proud of it. 

“I’ll leave you them in my will” Loki said.

Peter laughed. “Thanks”

“Right, I don’t know about you, but I could murder a cuppa right about now”

-

Tony was already in the kitchen when they walked in. He grinned at Loki.

“Hey Lolly. Hair looks good”

“Thanks. It’s a bit shorter than I would have liked” Loki said, tugging at it.

“Ah well, it’ll grow. It looks cute” he pulled Loki close, giving him a kiss. “Ah. So you went to the pub again”

Loki nodded. “Yeah, well, they do those cocktails I like. Some old boy bought me a couple of drinks too. I’d’ve been back sooner, but we got talking”

“Not to worry” he switched the kettle on, taking Loki’s mug down from his cupboard. “What tea are you after?”

“Surprise me”

“Ok. Peter?”

“Oh, um, chai, please” 

Tony nodded, sorting him a mug and waiting for the kettle to boil. Once it had, he poured the water and turned to Loki. 

“Lolly, why don’t you go and find your brush and come through to the living room? Tea’ll be ready for you in a minute”

-

Loki found his old bristle hair brush and went through to the lounge. He sat down by Tony’s feet, swapping brush for mug. He raised the mug to his lips, breathing in the smell and taking a quick sip.

“Darjeeling, eh?”

“Well, it needs using up. You don’t go for it very often” 

Loki settled with his mug. Tony gave him time to have a good few mouthfuls before starting to brush his hair. Peter watched them over the rim of his mug. 

“Does it really need brushing?”

“No” Tony said. “But I like doing it. And as much as he’d have you believe otherwise, Loki likes me doing it too”

He was right: Loki soon lowered his mug, resting his head against Tony’s knee. Peter still didn’t know what had happened to cause the whole Thor incident, but he was glad that today it seemed to have been forgotten about. He’d ended up feeling pretty scared and upset during it, so having things settling back into domestic normality was a relief. He’d had some new experienced during his time here, and these were the ones he’d grown to like best: hot drinks, quiet, and Loki and Tony doing happy-couple stuff. 

It made him feel like he was part of a family.

*


	15. Perhaps My Heart Is Fast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Domestic normality continues - briefly. Peter starts to realise just how much Loki has grown to mean to him. There are a few new experiences in the day - and they're not all good

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which I prove once again that I am Utterly Incapable of writing anything other than angst I'm so sorry

-

Peter went into Tony’s room, walking over to the bed and shaking Loki by the shoulder. 

“Mr Loki? Mr Loki!”

Loki soon stirred and opened his eyes. He wasn’t too happy about being woken up.

“What are you doing?” he grumbled.

“Mr Stark said you should get up now”

“What time is it?”

“Around half nine”

Loki sighed. He spotted the mug in Peter’s hand. “Is that for me?”

Peter nodded, and Loki sat up slowly, getting himself comfortable before accepting the tea. 

"Mr Stark is at an interview this afternoon. He said I should go and see a friend or something" 

Loki nodded, but he wasn't really listening. It was a warm day outside, and Tony's bedroom was uncomfortably hot. Loki pushed the bed covers aside, settling with his tea.

"I thought maybe we could go out. I've been looking online at stuff we can do. I know you didn't feel like swimming when we went away, but there's this little outdoor pool in a park near here, and it looks like it could be fun. Or, or we could just go for a walk or something. Or get something to eat" 

"We'll see" 

Loki climbed out of bed, going over into the en suite. Peter followed him. 

"I'll let you choose what to do. I don't mind" 

Loki drained his mug and handed it to Peter. "I'm going to have a shower" 

"Oh" Peter took the mug. 

Loki looked at him for a second. "That means either join me or go away" 

"Oh!" Peter blushed. "I-uh, sorry. I'll see you later" 

- 

Loki kept the water temperature turned down low, but as soon as he was out of the shower and dry and dressed, the heat started to hit again. He didn't feel well. He took his quilted blanket to the living room and curled up under it on the sofa. He felt sick. The heat was almost suffocating. He could feel the sweat dripping down his forehead and the back of his neck. He was so tired, and the light of the sun was so bright. He just wanted to curl up and sleep. 

- 

Peter spent an hour or so in his room, having a bit of a tidy up and sorting through his notebooks. Eventually he left his room in search of company. He found it in the living room - and was a little concerned at what he saw: Loki, shirtless, his head on Tony's knee, while Tony dabbed his flushed face with a flannel. 

"Is everything alright?" 

"Loki's just gotten a bit too hot. Haven't you, pet?" 

Loki didn't reply. 

Tony sighed. "Can you do me a favour?" 

Peter nodded. 

"Could you grab an ice pack? And in his cupboard, there should be some rehydration powders. Purple box. Could you make some up for him?" 

"Of course" 

He went off to the kitchen obediently. He found the ice pack quickly enough, but finding the powders was a bit more difficult. He was surprised to find that the top shelf of Loki's cupboard was full to the brim with all sorts of medicines and supplements, most of which were unopened, and those that were had been barely used. He eventually found the purple box and followed the instructions for preparation. He then took the cup and ice pack back through to the living room.

Tony sat Loki up when Peter returned, taking the ice pack and putting it between Loki's thighs ("It's a cool down spot" he responded to Peter's questioning look) and taking the cup from Peter. 

"Here, drink this" 

"I don't want it" 

"Tough. Do as you're told" 

Loki sighed and took the cup from him. Tony stood up, going over to the cupboard and pulling out an electric fan, which he plugged in on the lamp table beside the sofa. 

"There. That should help too" He sat back down on Loki's other side so as not to block the cold air from the fan. 

Peter stood awkwardly. "Will he be ok?" 

"Yeah, he just needs to cool down a bit. He overheats quite easily" 

Loki leant back against the sofa, willing himself to cool down. He never did cope well with the heat, and rarely looked after himself properly when it got too hot: knew he'd still be under the quilted blanket if Tony hadn't found him. The ice pack and fan were helping, as was the rehydration drink. Tony handed Peter the tympanic thermometer. 

"Better check his temperature again" 

Peter took the thermometer, looking at Loki for permission first. Loki let him do it, although he didn't enjoy the feeling of Peter's warm hands against his skin. Peter showed the thermometer to Tony, who nodded. 

"Getting there. You're doing ok" 

"Does this happen a lot?" 

"Well, not really, but it does happen. I know how to deal with it now. I didn't at first" 

"I ended up in hospital" Loki said. 

Peter looked at him, and then back to Tony. Tony nodded grimly. 

"It was the first time it had happened. I didn't really take it seriously: I thought he was exaggerating for attention. So by the time I realised something was up, it was a bit too late. Skipping all the details, he ended up in hospital with a saline IV. I felt awful" 

"You weren't to know" Loki said, swirling the rest of his drink in his cup. 

"I should've paid better attention" 

"Yes, but you haven’t made the same mistake since" 

"True. But I still felt bad about it" 

Peter had since sat down on the floor in front of them. 

"You don't need to worry about all this" Tony told him. 

"But what if he gets really ill? Or if you're not here?" 

"Just do what I've done. It's not that hard. I'm around most of the time anyway"

"But he ended up in hospital before. What if it happens again?" 

"It won't" Tony said firmly. "That was a one-off incident, and it was ages ago"

"Stop going on about it" Loki said, feeling very fed up. 

Peter looked at him guiltily. "I'm sorry. I'm just worried about you" 

"Don't be. Tony knows how to help me when I get too hot" 

"Are you OK now? Is there anything I can do?" 

"Stop worrying" 

"I can't" 

"Stop it, both of you" Tony said firmly. "Loki, what do you want to eat?"

Loki shrugged. He didn't feel hungry. He was tired. But at least he'd cooled down quite a lot now, and didn’t feel so ill. He grabbed his t-shirt from the floor and pulled it on. 

"I think I’ll go and have a lie down" 

"Uh, I don't think so!" 

"Why not?" 

"Because you've only just gotten out of bed" 

Loki rolled his eyes and stood up. Tony grabbed hold of him and pulled him back onto the sofa. 

"No" 

"Well it's not like I'm doing anything else" 

"There's a shopping list on the fridge" Tony pointed out.

"That's your job" 

"Not today it isn't. Get another drink, change into some shorts, and then get yourself out. You can take Peter with you" 

"I'd genuinely rather die" 

Tony sighed irritably. "Don't be so dramatic. It's not like you're doing anything else" 

Loki scowled. He hated having his words thrown back in his face. 

"Loki. Get yourself another drink" he turned to Peter. "Was that the last packet of powders?" 

"What? No, that box was unopened" 

"Was it now?" he looked at Loki pointedly. "And what was the state of the rest of that shelf?" 

"Um" Peter looked at Loki, who gave him a warning glance. "Um... Well, most of the stuff was unopened. Or barely used" 

Tony turned to Loki accusingly. "You've stopped taking your medicines again, haven't you?" 

"Oh not this again-" 

"I can't believe this. I thought I got through to you last time! There's reasons - good reasons - why I buy you those. You need to take them" 

“I don’t want to”

“It’s not a case of want; it’s a case of need. No wonder you’ve been so poorly as of late”

“That’s got nothing to do with it” Loki said loftily. “It’s merely a matter of coincidence”

“I don’t believe that for a second. Right, come on: kitchen. Now”

Loki folded his arms over his chest. Tony sighed.

“Alright, well, if you’re going to be difficult-”

He grabbed hold of Loki and threw him over his shoulder, and Loki squeaked and swore at him.

“Tony! What the hell are you doing? Put me down!”

-

Loki stumbled, falling back against the kitchen counter when Tony put him down. Tony opened Loki’s cupboard, getting the purple box down again.

“Drink. And then we’ll have a chat”

Loki grumbled. He knew it was never a good sign when Tony wanted a ‘chat’. He’d been shot down over the same thing a few months ago, and he wasn’t ready for another one of  _those_  ding-dongs. Still, he grabbed a cup, turned back - and smacked into the cupboard door, which had been left open. The cup fell from his hand with a clatter.

“Are you alright?”

“What do you think?” Loki snapped, one hand over his eye. 

“Here, let me see... Ooh dear, I think you’re gonna end up with a black eye”

He sat Loki down while he retrieved the cup and sorted his drink. Peter climbed up onto the stool beside him.

“Sorry I got you into trouble”

Loki didn’t say anything. Tony came over, handing the drink to Loki. 

“Right. Why have you stopped taking your meds again?”

Loki decided lying was the best option. “I just kept forgetting. It phased out of my routine”

“Sweetheart, that’s really not good enough. You need to take better care of yourself”

“By loading myself up on drugs?”

“They’re  _medicines_ , Lolly. They’re good for you. You’re not so strong as you used to be. You need the boost. We’ve been through this” 

Loki knew he meant well, but that didn’t make it any easier to agree with him. He pushed his drink away. He was fed up. And his eye hurt.

“Lolly, you can’t keep messing me about like this. It’s just a few pills. It’s not that hard to remember”

“I don’t want to take them. You’re wasting your time trying to convince me”

“Well that’s just tough!” Tony snapped, making both Loki and Peter jump. “You’re going to take them whether you like it or not. It’s for your own good. What’s your brother going to say when he finds out?”

Loki flinched at that remark. Thor and Tony weren’t the best of friends right now, but they definitely shared the same viewpoint on Loki’s medicines. He didn’t fancy being shouted at by Thor. 

“You’re not really going to tell him, are you?” Loki asked nervously. 

Tony relented. “Probably not. But only if we reach a middle ground here. We’ve been through this countless times before” 

Loki didn’t have a chance to respond before Peter interrupted. 

“Why don’t you get a pill box? Then it’s easier cos you’re not messing about with bottles and packets every day; only once a week. And you can keep track of it better”

Tony didn’t think it a bad idea. He looked at Loki. “That could work. We could maybe introduce a type of rewards system or something”

Loki suddenly snapped, slamming his fist down on the table. “Stop treating me like a bloody child! I don’t need to be dictated to like this!”

Tony grabbed hold of him by the shoulders, keeping him in his seat. 

“Well if you didn’t keep acting like a child, maybe I wouldn’t have to treat you like one”

“I’m not  _acting_ like a child! It’s not unreasonable to want to be treated like an adult. I don’t need you setting up systems and making me take things I don’t want to take”

Tony still had hold of Loki’s shoulders. “You need looking after, whether you like it or not”

“I don’t need you coddling me!”

Loki was trembling with frustration. He was starting to feel hot again. He couldn’t help feeling even more angry when he saw how calm Tony was. So he shouted at him, swearing and complaining and throwing every insult under the sun at him, letting him know exactly how he was feeling. And all through this Tony kept hold of Loki’s shoulders, never once shouting back or even saying anything. He looked at him straight on and let him shout. 

Tony waited until Loki stopped. He was still shaking, breathing heavily, tears brimming in his eyes. 

“Do you need a hug?” 

Loki nodded, and Tony pulled him close against his chest, and Loki clung to him, still feeling very wound up. He didn’t cry. He tried to ground himself, focusing on the feeling of Tony’s arms round him. 

Peter had retreated to a safe distance while Loki was shouting, but he moved closer now. He was still scared, but not so much. He braced himself in case of an attack, and gently touched Loki’s shoulder. Loki stopped, and pulled away from Tony, looking at Peter. Loki looked at him, feeling bad when he saw the expression on his face.

“I’m sorry”

“It’s not me you should be apologising to”

Loki looked at Tony guiltily. Tony offered him a small smile and squeezed his shoulder.

“It’s alright chick: I know you didn’t mean any of it”

Loki didn’t know what to do. Tony forced his drink back into his hand.

“Ok” he said softly. “Drink. Get changed. Grab the shopping list and housekeeping purse. Go out. Take Peter with you”

Loki didn’t feel like doing any of those things, but he rather felt the choice had been taken from him following his outburst. He looked down into his cup.

“Can I go to the pub first?”

“No. Not today. You can’t take Peter in there” he nodded towards the door. “Finish your drink. Go and get changed”

Loki drained his cup and reluctantly left to go and get changed. Tony turned to Peter.

“Sorry you had to see that”

“It’s ok. I’m starting to get used to Mr Loki’s outbursts now”

“Still, it’s not really fair on you. You are allowed to leave the room when it happens. You do know that, don’t you?”

Peter nodded. “I know. But I don’t always want to. Even when it’s scary”

Tony looked at him. “Peter. Does staying here make you scared?”

Peter shook his head. “No. I like it here. But I don’t like it when Mr Loki gets upset. It makes me feel... I don’t know. Helpless” 

“I get it. I don’t know how to help a lot of the time either... I’m glad you two are friends now though”

“Does that mean I can help?”

“Maybe. He needs looking after, he really does. So that’s my job. We look after each other” he sighed. “Just keep doing what you’re doing. You’ve turned into a really good friend for him; he’s really opened himself up to you. And that’s a good thing. So just try to stay friends with him”

“I’ll do my best. I’m glad we’re friends too”

Tony ruffled his hair. “You’re a good kid. You should probably get ready to go too. I’ve got to leave soon as well”

-

Peter got ready and went to Loki’s room, remembering to knock and wait for a response before entering.

“You ready to go?”

“Just about”

Peter noticed how tired Loki looked. He’d changed - as Tony had told him - into a pair of shorts and a thinner shirt. He still pulled on a jacket, even though it was such a warm day. Peter fiddled with the straps of his backpack.

“I’ve got the list and the purse. And a couple of bags”

Loki nodded, tying his shoes and pushing Peter out of his room, closing the door behind them. He didn’t look happy. He near enough slammed the front door behind them. He shoved his hands in his pockets and walked along at a pace that meant Peter had to jog a bit to keep up with him.

-

Peter got the shopping list out when they reached the supermarket. 

“Doesn’t look like you need much. Anything you want to add?”

Loki took the list from him, reading it over. He took the pen Peter offered him, adding rhubarb, muscovado sugar, golden caster sugar, and self-raising flour to the list. Peter raised an eyebrow, but didn’t say anything. 

“You know, I can do this, if you want” Peter offered. “You can go and have a coffee in the cafe or something”

Loki didn’t need convincing.

-

Loki was in a slightly better mood when they got home. Tony had left for his interview, leaving a familiar note ( _Loki, gone for my interview. Don’t know when I’ll be back. Be good. Love Tony x_ ) on the counter. Loki helped Peter unload the shopping, and once done, stuck the kettle on. 

“Do you really hate shopping?”

“Sometimes” Loki said, getting his mug down from his cupboard. His hand hovered over a second mug. “Tea?”

“No thanks”

Loki grabbed a tea bag and closed the cupboard, watching the kettle boil. He left his tea to brew and went over to the fridge - and caught his reflection in the glass of the oven. Bruises had already started forming round his eye. 

 _Fantastic_ , he thought.  _That’s all I need._

He finished making his tea and sat down at the breakfast bar. Peter sat opposite, watching him. Loki looked up. 

“What?”

“You look tired”

“I am tired”

“Wanna go and take a nap? Mr Stark doesn’t have to know”

“Let me finish my tea first”

-

Loki finished his tea, and Peter followed him to his room. Loki opened the window, drew the curtains, and turned to Peter awkwardly.

“Are you joining me?”

“Am I allowed?”

Loki nodded. “If you want”

He crawled into bed, curling up on his side with his pig under his arm. Peter joined him, wriggling under his arm. Loki sighed, but pulled him close anyway. 

Loki was fast asleep within a few minutes. Peter wasn’t really feeling tired, and it took him ages to drop off. He was happy enough snuggled against Loki’s chest, feeling the heat of him and listening to the sound of him breathing. He thought once again how funny all of this would seem to anyone looking in. He’d been so nervous about meeting Loki. Natasha and Clint had both told him to watch his back, which in hindsight seemed odd, because as far as he knew, they didn’t have any contact with Loki. His aunt had been a little worried about it too (“We don’t know what God’s are like”). Loki had certainly made a good effort at confirming everyone’s fears on that first day. That night, Peter had worried that staying at Tony’s would prove to be dangerous, or unsettling at the very least. But that wasn’t the case: he’d very quickly grown to love Loki, although he still wasn’t quite sure  _how_ he’d managed to befriend him. They hadn’t gotten along the first day, and just when Loki was getting used to him, the dagger incident had happened. Peter still felt bad about that, even though Loki had mostly healed from it now. He tried to pinpoint when they’re become friends. He’d put in a lot of effort, but it had been a while before Loki accepted it. He finally concluded that the turning point was when Loki was really ill with his infection, and Peter had read to him. Once Loki was better, he’d been more receptive to Peter’s conversation. Yes, they’d had the whole argument-and-slap incident, but once they’d moved past that, they hadn’t looked back. Sure, they annoyed each other sometimes, but didn’t all friends?

Peter looked at Loki. His eye had bruised significantly, and it looked nasty. Loki’s pale complexion made it look worse than it was. Other than that, he looked quite at peace. Peter put an arm round him, moving the pig aside and cuddling up as close against him as he could. It felt good to be near him.

-

Loki slept for a good three hours, and Peter woke up around the same time as him. 

“Hey...”

“Hey you” Loki’s sleep had mellowed him considerably. “Ok?”

Peter nodded. “Can we stay here for a bit longer?”

Loki shook his head. “I think we’d better get up. I was going to make something”

“What were you going to make?”

“Have you ever made rhubarb crumble?”

“Uhh, I don’t think I’ve even  _eaten_ rhubarb before, crumbled or otherwise”

Loki smiled at him, climbing out of bed. “Come on: I’ll teach you. It’s dead easy”

-

Peter followed Loki to the kitchen. Loki turned the oven on and got out everything they’d need. He set Peter to work cutting the rhubarb, holding Peter’s hands and guiding him for a minute until he got the hang of it. 

Peter wasn’t a big cook, and he’d never had a crumble before, let alone made one, so it was a new experience - but one that he enjoyed. They sat down at the breakfast bar with a mug of tea once the crumble was in the oven, and soon the kitchen was filled with its sweet scent. When there was about ten minutes of cooking time left, Loki got up and dug a tub of Birds custard powder out of his cupboard. Peter stood beside him, watching with interest. This was another new thing. Loki explained it to him, and Peter found himself smiling up at him fondly. Loki noticed. He was in a good mood, and kissed Peter’s nose.

“Keep stirring that for me” 

Peter did as he was asked while Loki took the crumble out of the oven. He set it down and went back to Peter, dipping a teaspoon into the saucepan and tasting it. Peter looked at him.

“Is it ok?”

“Yes, it’s just not hot enough yet” 

He set the teaspoon down and went over to the cupboard to get a couple of bowls out. He grabbed a couple of tablespoons and a serving spoon, setting them down by the crumble. He stood behind Peter, testing the custard again. He nodded.

“That’ll do” he switched the hob off. 

“I didn’t know you could do proper cooking”

“Well, it’s Tony’s job, so I don’t do proper stuff very often” Loki said, serving crumble into the two bowls. “Do you want custard with yours?”

“Sure?”

“It’s better with, trust me” Loki said, pouring a normal amount of custard over one portion of crumble, and near enough drowning the other bowl in it. 

“You really like custard” Peter said. 

“It’s one of life’s few pleasures” Loki said, handing the non-swamped bowl to Peter and returning to the breakfast bar.

Peter joined him. He’d enjoyed making it, but having never had rhubarb before, he still wasn’t sure about trying it. Loki saw him hesitating.

“You’ll like it. Just give it a try”

Peter still took a moment before doing so - and was surprised. It was nothing like he’d expected it to be. The rhubarb was sharp and zingy, but sweet too, the crumble was good, and the custard offset it pretty perfectly.

“Wow. That’s really good!” 

Loki smiled, starting his own bowl. He knew.

-

Peter decided to tease Loki a bit.

“I might have overheard you and Mr Stark a bit the other night” he said, setting the last clean dish on the draining board. 

Loki raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

Peter looked up at him, eyes glittering. “Oh, harder, daddy,  _harder_ ”

Loki gave him a playful shove. “Shut up! I’ve never called him that in my life”

“How about this one?” he grabbed hold of Loki’s arm. “Oh yes! Please, Mr Stark, please spank me!”

Loki burst out laughing. “I don’t call him Mr Stark either! What’s wrong with you? You’re so weird!” 

He ruffled Peter’s hair roughly. Peter laughed at him.

“Grown ups are weird and you don’t make any sense. What pleasure is there in being hit?”

“Want to find out?” Loki laughed at his expression. “Give it five years”

Peter rolled his eyes. “Weirdo”

“Says the boy imitating his mentors boyfriends’ bedroom voice” he gave Peter another little shove.

“Ok, come on then! I’ll show  _you_!” 

He hooked his foot round Loki’s ankle, tripping him - and Loki grabbed hold of Peter, pulling him down with him. Peter didn’t let it phase him. He pounced at Loki, and Loki squared up and wrestled him. 

“You’re a strong little kid” Loki said.

“I can crawl on the ceiling too”

“Now who’s the weirdo?” 

They wrestled a while longer, and Peter finally got the upper hand, pushing Loki onto his back and getting on top of him, pinning his hands above his head.

“Ha ha, I win!” he stuck his tongue out at him.

“Sure, whatever” Loki laughed. 

Peter looked down at him, catching his breath. His cheeks felt hot, and his pulse was beating hard. He let go of Loki’s wrists, holding his hands instead. 

“You take losing really well”

“I didn’t lose” Loki said. 

“Yes you did”

Loki grinned. “Whatever you say, sweetie” 

Peter missed a beat. Loki hadn’t called him that before. Footsteps sounded, and they both looked up as the kitchen door opened.

“Are you two fighting?” Tony asked uncertainly.

“To the death” Loki replied.

Tony shook his head fondly. “What have you been cooking?”

“Rhubarb crumble”

“Nice! Hey, kid, give us a few minutes, would you?”

Peter nodded, dropping Loki’s hands and standing up, leaving the room. Loki pulled himself to his feet, falling into Tony’s arms. Tony squeezed him tight.

“How was your interview?”

“Rubbish. Same boring questions. Just made me fed up”

Loki took Tony’s face in his hands, kissing him on the lips, on the nose, and then just kissing all over. Tony couldn’t help laughing at him. 

“What’s all this in aid of then?” 

“Nothing: I just love you”

“How are you feeling?”

“Good. Now stop interrupting” 

He returned to kissing him, starting to undo his shirt. Tony took hold of his hands. Loki stopped. 

“Lolly, my darling. No. I’m not really in the mood for that”

“Oh” 

Tony kissed his nose. “All I want is a long shower, some of that crumble, and a night on the sofa with you under my arm”

“Sounds good to me” Loki smiled. “Need any help with the shower gel?”

“I think I’ll manage” he kissed his nose again. “Go. I’ll join you in a bit”

-

Loki collected the quilted blanket and went through to the lounge. Peter looked up from his phone. 

“Hey”

Loki set the blanket down on the sofa and sat on the floor near to Peter.

“Ok?” 

Peter nodded. “Just texting May. She likes me to keep her updated” 

Loki nodded. He knew nothing about Peter’s aunt, aside from her name. Peter set his phone down. 

“Can we cuddle? I want to cuddle you”

Loki smiled. “Always”

Peter moved over, straddling him so he could cuddle up against his chest properly. He leant into him, sighing happily as he breathed in his minty, smokey smell. 

“I love you”

Loki kissed the top of his head. “I love you too”

 

There was something about the pure unrestrained emotion in the Loki/Tony household that made Peter feel reassured. Even though he wasn’t the stamping and screaming type, he knew that he could do it if he wanted to, and there’d be no dire consequences. Tony and Loki (Loki especially) didn’t filter their emotions like most people. This house was theirs and as such it was their safe place. Peter had experienced numerous times how Loki could shout and scream and cry whenever he felt like it, and it never really mattered. It was an event, yes, but it was something that they moved on from, and was easily forgotten about. In the same way, they could joke and laugh until their stomachs hurt, even about the most obscure things. They didn’t hold back. Tony could swear and bitch at his work, he could grumble and complain about it endlessly - and he could push Loki up against the kitchen counter and kiss him, or bite his neck or grab his arse as he walked by, and it all just blended in to a way of life. They could cuddle up anywhere together and it was just the way it was. Another thing Peter liked was that there were never any qualms about Loki lounging on the rug or watching kids cartoons or crying at films. Everything just  _was_. They seemed to take everything as it came, and that was the way they liked it.

And that’s what made Peter comfortable enough to act in a way he couldn’t remember acting before: completely open and affectionate with no worries about what anyone would think if they saw. He cuddled up against Loki, nuzzling their noses together and giving him little kisses. Loki kissed him too, hugging him close, holding him tight. Peter felt so safe with him. He didn’t care about what people had told him about Loki. Their opinions didn’t matter - and they were just that: opinions. The Loki Peter had gotten so close to was the only version of him that mattered. He loved him and he wasn’t going to let anyone else’s misguided conceptions interfere with that.

-

Tony soon joined them on the rug, hair still damp from his shower. 

“Mind if I join you?”

“Yes, back off” Peter said. “Mr Loki’s mine”

They both laughed at him. Tony went to hug Loki, and Peter put a hand out to stop him. Loki gently pushed Peter’s hand down, and Peter looked up at him. He wasn’t looking at him. There was no denying the love in the way he was looking at Tony. Peter buried his face in Loki’s chest. He could hear them kissing, softly at first, but then with more force. Tony moved closer, slipping a hand between Loki and Peter, holding his lover tight. 

“Hey, we were busy!” Peter protested, grabbing at Tony’s arm. 

Tony pushed him away, and Loki shifted position so that Peter fell of his lap. Peter watched them for a moment, feeling rejected, even though he knew he shouldn’t. He jumped on Loki’s back, pulling him away from Tony, arms round his neck.

“We were in the middle of something!”

“Ow! Hey, be careful!” Loki grabbed Peter’s wrists, loosening his grip. “You shouldn’t interrupt”

“But I wasn’t finished”

Tony looked at him, at the upset, jealous look in his young face. He chose not to mention it - Loki didn’t seem to notice. He’d pulled Peter back onto his lap and was hugging him again. 

“You two really are getting close, aren’t you?”

Loki rolled his eyes and didn’t respond. 

“He’s my friend” Peter said, cuddling against his chest. 

“I know. Right, come on you: bedtime” 

“What?! It’s only eight o’ clock!” Peter protested. “It’s too early to go to bed”

“Well, hang out in your room for a bit then”

“No. I’m staying here” he said stubbornly. 

Tony sighed, standing up. “Peter. Now”

“No! I want to stay with Loki”

“Tough. I want some alone time with him. Go to bed”

“No! Why should I? You get him to yourself all the time”

“Because I said so! Go to your room”

Peter looked up at Loki. “I don’t have to go, do I, Mr Loki?”

Loki’s lip twitched. He didn’t like being put on the spot like that. “I think you probably should”

Peter couldn’t argue with both of them. Tony offered a hand to him, and he took it reluctantly, letting himself be helped to his feet and out of the room.

-

Tony escorted him to his room.

“Peter. You know I was only messing with you the other day” he said. “But,  _do_ you have a crush on Loki?”

“Of course I don’t!” Peter fumed. “He’s not the only one that needs hugging sometimes, you know”

Tears were dripping down his cheeks. Tony was surprised.

“Peter? Hey, what’s wrong, kiddo?”

“I don’t know!” he started crying properly. “I don’t know!”

“Oh kiddo. Hey, come here”

Tony hugged him close, and Peter hung onto him, crying against his chest. He didn’t know what had come over him. He didn’t know why he was crying. It seemed to have come out of nowhere. He felt hot all over, and his stomach was squeezing. He tried to stop crying.

“Just let it out” Tony said gently. “Just let it out”

He felt sick. His chest had started to hurt, and he felt shakey. His chest really hurt. He was aware of his breathing speeding up. His fingers felt numb, and he was scared. He was so scared. 

“I can’t breathe-! I can’t-!” 

He pulled away from Tony, falling clumsily onto the bed, shaking. 

“Hey! Hey, Peter; talk to me, sweetheart”

His chest was tight, his pulse was hammering in his ears, and he couldn’t control himself. He couldn’t breathe. He was panicking, he knew he was panicking - but why?

“Wh-what’s happening?!... I’m scared! I’m scared!” he shook his head, as if doing so could make things clear again.

“I know, I know you’re scared. Listen to me, Peter. You’re having a panic attack”

His jaw hurt. He didn’t understand. Why would  _he_ be having a panic attack? Tony had it wrong. Why did he chest hurt so much? It had to be something more.

Tony had recognised it straight away: the shaking, the hyperventilating, the frantic darting eyes and closed-off body language. And he knew just how it felt. 

“I know it’s horrible” he went to take Peter’s face in his hands, but the boy pulled away, covering his ears and squeezing his eyes shut. “Focus on your breathing, Peter. You need to breathe”

Even with his hands over his ears, he could hear Tony’s voice. He couldn’t focus on anything - it all hurt too much. He felt hands on his own, pulling them away from his ears. He looked up at Tony, and they made eye contact - and he wanted to scream. He was so scared. He didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t control the sounds coming out of his mouth, mixed with his ragged breathing. Tony seemed to recognise what was coming. Peter looked at him pleadingly.

“Help me..”

Tony pulled him close, holding his shaking form tight.

“Let it out. Whatever you need to do to get through this, just let it out”

Peter buried his face in Tony’s chest and screamed. Tony held him as tight as he could, one hand on the back of his head. He kissed the top of his head, focusing on his own breathing. He’d grown to be very good at staying strong when others needed him to. 

-

Peter’s attack reduced to scream-crying, and then to regular crying, and eventually settled into silence. Tony didn’t loosen his grip once. Peter stayed quietly against him for some time. Once his shaking stopped, he slowly pulled back, sitting on the bed with downcast eyes. He didn’t bother wiping his damp face or pushing his hair out of his face. Tony pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket and did it for him. Peter finally looked up, noticing the wet patch he’d left on Tony’s shirt. He forced himself to look at him.

“I don’t know what happened...”

Tony lowered the handkerchief. “You said you didn’t know what was wrong. Were you lying?”

Peter shook his head. “No... I don’t know why I was crying. And I don’t know why that-... no one ever said it’d be that horrible”

“They’re horrendous, I know. How do you feel now?”

“I don’t know” he really didn’t. “I don’t understand”

“They do just sometimes happen” Tony said gently. “There’s not always an obvious reason for it”

Peter leant against him weakly. He didn’t know what to say. He was just incredibly grateful for Tony’s care. He’d handled the situation so well. But that alone was enough to make him feel quite upset:- it meant he had lots of experience in this department. He closed his eyes. He was so tired. Tony held him close.

“Would you like me to get Loki for you?”

“No. No, I just want you” he stopped, opening his eyes. “You were supposed to be spending time with him”

“Priorities have changed. I need to look after you first. He’ll probably have fallen asleep by now anyway”

“I’m so tired”

“I know. Hold on a sec” he let go of Peter and filled him a glass from the water dispenser by the door. “Drink this. It’ll help”

No glass of water had ever tasted so good before. He drained the glass, and another, and half of the third. 

“Do they always tire you out like this?”

“They use up a lot of energy. Here, lie down now” 

“I don’t want to be alone”

“I’m not going anywhere”

Peter lay down, and Tony lay beside him, holding him close. 

“It’s all over now. You’re going to be ok. Everything is going to be fine”

Peter was absolutely drained. He didn’t know if Tony was right or not. But he was there. He’d helped him, and he was giving up his quiet night to look after him. He felt safe with him, and he trusted him completely.

So he chose to believe him.

*


	16. Clarity Which Cloud My Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Loki is incapable of using rationale, Thor pays a visit, Tony has a plan, and Peter is confused

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All comments/questions/reviews greatly encouraged!

-

Loki’s room was empty. The reading nook was empty too, as was the lounge, Tony’s room, and the back room. 

Peter burst into the kitchen.

“Mr Stark, I can’t find Loki!”

“What? Hey, calm down: don’t look so worried” Tony said. “He’s just popped out. He’ll be back soon” 

Peter stopped. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure” As he said it, he heard the front door go. “That’ll be him now” 

Loki stumbled into the kitchen, and Tony at first feared he was drunk - but soon realised that this wasn’t the case. 

“What are you wearing a jumper for in this weather?” he said, pressing a hand to Loki’s forehead. “You’re burning up”

“I just grabbed the first thing I saw” 

“Well you’re an idiot, on a day like today. Black jeans too? Come on, lets get you out of these clothes and lying down”

-

Loki didn’t protest as Tony moved him to the back room, stripping him of his jeans and jumper and lying him on the futon with his legs up on the arm rest.

“You are a menace, my dear” Tony said.

Peter hadn’t been in the back room much, but he followed anyway, armed with an ice pack wrapped in a tea towel, and a wet flannel, which Tony took from him gratefully. 

“He’s a menace, isn’t he, Peter?”

Peter didn’t know how to respond. Loki didn’t say anything either. He felt sick and dizzy and his head hurt and he was tired and thirsty. He shivered slightly as Tony sponged his skin with the wet flannel.

“This makes twice in two days” he said. “You need to be more careful, pet”

“I didn’t think” he mumbled. “I didn’t realise how hot it was” 

Tony patted him sympathetically. “I’m gonna let Peter take over for a minute while I get you a drink, ok?”

Peter took Tony’s place on the futon, dabbing Loki’s flushed face awkwardly. Loki reached for his free hand and held it, letting his eyes close.

“Why do you overheat easily?”

“My brother thinks it’s a species thing” Loki said. “I’m not so sure though. It’s only really started being a problem in the last decade or so” 

Peter didn’t know what else to say. He was still feeling funny after his attack the previous night. Tony had stayed with him till morning, but he still had this funny feeling that something was going to go wrong.

He was relieved when Tony returned and swapped places with him. He helped Loki sit up and let him lean against him while he drank. Peter rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

“I’m gonna go and make a phone call” he said.

“Ok” Tony nodded, but he wasn’t really paying attention to him. 

-

Peter went to his room and rang May. He’d kept her well updated while he’d been here. He told her about the previous night and they had a long chat about it, and he felt a lot better for it. Once they rung off, he felt like the weight of it had been lifted, and he was happy to return to the back room. 

-

Loki had shifted position, his head now resting on the arm of the futon, with Tony curled up beside him, fussing over him. He still had the ice pack between his legs and the flannel over his forehead, but he was feeling a lot better. Tony was talking quietly to him and coaxing him into another drink. Tony looked up when Peter came back into the room. 

“Everything ok?”

Peter nodded “How is he?”

“Better”

They heard the doorbell sound, and the door opening and closing. Tony grimaced. 

“Oh no”

They were soon joined by Thor. Loki’s face lit up when he saw him.

“Brother! What are you doing here?”

“Checking on you, of course” the smile fell from his face as he got a proper look at Loki. It was dim in the back room, and it had taken a moment for his eyes to adjust. “What has he done to you?”

Loki was confused. “What? Nothing: I just got too hot”

“I meant your eye”

“My eye?” Loki raised his hand to it, and suddenly remembered. “Oh. I walked into a cupboard door”

“I’ve heard that one before”

He pulled back the curtains to let the light in, and sat Loki up properly, getting a better look at him. Tony refused to move an inch. 

“It looks bad” Thor said, touching the bruising gently.

Loki flinched and sucked his breath. “Careful! It only happened yesterday” 

Thor pulled him close for a hug. Loki was happy enough to cuddle against him. 

“I was going to talk to you about something, Thor” Tony said.

Thor stood up, lifting Loki as he did so, and sat down on the other side of the sofa, Loki in his lap. 

“What is it?”

“Well. I just thought you should know. I’m taking these two on holiday soon” 

Peter jumped in excitedly. “What, really?! We’re going on holiday? Where are we going?”

Loki was surprised. “You never said”

“I’m saying now” Tony said. “We’ll be gone for about three weeks”

Thor held Loki tighter. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea”

“I wasn’t asking for an opinion” Tony said. “I was just telling you”

“No. I don’t want you taking Loki where I can’t keep an eye on him”

“Brother, please. Don’t ruin this. I don’t need you checking in on me. When have I ever?”

“I’m just trying to look out for you” he looked at Tony. “Take the boy, by all means: I can’t stop you doing that. But I won’t let you take Loki”

“Now hold on a minute! This isn’t some field trip that needs parental permission. I’m telling you so you know what’s happening. You can’t stop me from taking my own boyfriend on holiday”

“He’s my brother and I want what’s best for him”

“Oh, and locking him up in your flat for three weeks is what’s ‘best’, is it?” Tony was trying very hard indeed not to lose his temper. 

Loki agreed with Tony. “This isn’t your decision. You can’t stop me from going”

“Exactly” Tony nodded. “This is supposed to be something nice: we don’t need you jumping in and ruining it”

Thor knew he wouldn’t win this one. He could tell by the look in Loki’s eyes that he wouldn’t go down without a good fight. He sighed heavily. 

“Where are you going?”

“I can’t say” 

“What do you mean; you can’t say?”

“I want to keep it a surprise for these two” Tony said.

Thor sighed again. He turned his attention to Loki. “You’ll write to me while you’re away, won’t you? And you’ll call?”

Loki nodded. “If I must”

“Please do” he kissed Loki’s sore eye gently. “Remember what I said to you”

“You worry too much” 

“I can’t help it. You mean everything to me”

Loki sighed. “I know”

“I thought maybe we could go out for a bit” 

“That’s not a good idea” Tony said. “He’s already overheated once today. I don’t want you to make it twice” Tony moved closer and felt Loki’s forehead. “You’re still a bit warm. Do you want another drink? Or a Twister?” 

“Both, if I’m allowed” 

“Sure thing, honey” 

He gave Loki a big kiss - partly to annoy Thor - and went out to the kitchen. Peter took this chance to plonk himself on the futon beside Thor. Thor smiled at him.

“How have you been?” 

“I’ve been ok, mostly. How about you?”

“I’ve been much the same” 

Peter looked at Loki, who seemed rather small, curled up against Thor’s chest. His eye did look pretty bad, and since he was just in his boxers, lots of other bruises breaking the pattern of his pale skin could be seen. There was a particularly nasty one on the back of his left thigh. Thor must have seen Peter looking, because he shifted Loki’s position so he could see. He was gentle, but Loki still whined at him. 

“I told you to phone me if anything happened” Thor sighed sadly. 

“Nothing  _has_ happened” Loki insisted, pushing Thor’s hand away and making himself comfortable again.

Tony reentered the room, handing Loki the drink and ice lolly. 

“Anything else I can get for you?”

“Thanks. Um..” he thought for a moment. “Can you get my dressing gown? Not the fluffy one”

Tony nodded. “Sure. Won’t be a minute”

Loki settled down quite happily with his Twister, letting Thor hold his drink for him. It wasn’t long before he became distracted.

“Stop staring at me like that!” he snapped.

“I’m not staring!” Peter scowled at him.

Thor laughed. “Leave him alone, Loki. He admires you”

“God knows why”

Thor gave him a squeeze. “I’m sure we can think of a few reasons. Any suggestions?”

Peter felt like he was on the spot. “Um. He’s kind and funny and gives good cuddles”

The expression on Thor’s face seemed to say ‘not bad’. 

“There you are, there’s three right off the bat”

Loki rolled his eyes, pretending not to care. Tony returned with Loki’s black silky dressing gown, taking his ice lolly for a moment so he could put it on. Loki felt much better once he was covered. He took the Twister back from Tony and settled to finish it. Tony stayed at his side, stroking his hair gently.

“Now hold on just a minute!” Peter suddenly cried, making all three adults jump. “Does Loki have a passport?”

Tony nodded. “Yes”

“How? What kind of passport?”

Tony laughed nervously. “That’s a can of worms you  _don’t_ need to open”

Thor agreed. “It was a nightmare getting ourselves documented. SHIELD helped, of course. There’s a lot of new policies and loopholes used to get us there. It’s all very complicated”

“Ok, but another thing: what’s Loki’s last name?”

Loki bit down on his lolly stick. Tony hesitated.

“Odinson, officially” he said. “We had a few arguments about it though”

“I don’t want to be associated with That Man” Loki grumbled, his voice indistinct as he was still biting on his lolly stick.

“I know pet. But it’s just a name. Let’s not get upset about it again” Tony said, giving Loki a cuddle and kissing his cheek.

Loki calmed himself, taking the lolly stick out of his mouth and taking his drink from Thor. Peter knew it wouldn’t be clever to ask any further questions on the subject. But something else had sprung to mind.

“Wait, you know what that means!?”

“Peter! Keep your voice down, please” Tony shushed him gently.

“Sorry. But, you know, this means we’re going abroad! We’re going out of America, aren’t we? Aren’t we?”

“Yes, we’re going out of America”

“That’s so cool! Where are we going? Please tell me”

Tony shook his head. “It’s a surprise” 

“Give us a clue” Loki said.

“Not a chance! You’d guess it in seconds” 

Peter thought for a moment. “Canada? No, South America! No, wait, you mentioned cruises the other day. Where’s good for a cruise? Spain?”

Tony laughed at him. “Guess all you want; I’m not going to tell you” 

Peter was near-enough bubbling over with excitement. “This is so cool! We’re going on holiday!”

He gave Loki a hug, very nearly knocking the drink out of his hand. 

“Careful!” 

“Sorry. I’m just excited. Where do you think we’re going?” 

Loki shook his head. “Haven’t a clue. Guess we’ll find out”

“I don’t want to wait; I want to know now!”

Thor placed a hand on Peter’s head. “Patience is a virtue”

Peter sat back a bit. Loki seemed more interested in his drink. Peter knew it was probably that he was still feeling a bit funny, but he felt a little put-out all the same. He gave him another hug, nuzzling against him in hopes of putting him into a silly mood. Tony took hold of him under the arms, pulling him away from Loki gently but firmly, making him stand up.

“Give him some space” he put an arm round his shoulders. “Now you come with me: we’ll go down to the workshop for a bit. Leave these two alone”

-

Thor was grateful of a bit of alone time with Loki. Their relationship could still be a little rocky, but it had definitely strengthened in recent years, and moments like this always helped. Loki wasn’t so angry at Thor anymore, and he’d finally accepted what he needed - which largely consisted of being held, so he was receptive to alone time with his brother too. 

Loki finished his drink and settled back against Thor’s chest.

“I’m really not lying to you, you know” he said, looking down into the empty cup. “I really did walk into a cupboard door. I didn’t realise it had been left open” 

“I am trying to believe you, Loki, I really am” 

“Not hard enough. Tony would never hurt me. I think you know that really. Look, we both know I hated being at the flat. But if I was really being hurt here, I’d still come back to you”

Thor stroked his hair gently. “I was happy for you when you and Tony became friends. You stopped being so down. You were in such good spirits. I mean, you still had your moments, of course you did, but you were happy. You had your weekly meet-ups and you looked forward to them. I was so happy for you when you got together. I was surprised, of course I was. But you were happier than I could ever remember you being”

“You always did support us, right from the start. And it meant a lot to me. I hate that we’ve lost that” 

“I’ve always worried about you, brother, and I always will”

“You never wanted me to move out” 

Thor sighed. “You were a royal pain in the neck a lot of the time while you were with me. But I still liked having you around. It took me ages to stop expecting to find you upside down on the sofa watching the news or sat on the kitchen floor practising your spells. It felt empty without you for a long time”

“That flat was a prison. From the day I arrived, it was a prison” Loki shuffled round, moving the cup aside and straddling Thor, leaning against his chest. “I know you tried to make it into a home for me. But it was always a prison and that’s all it ever felt like”

Thor held him tight. “You were so angry when you were brought to Earth. But you were upset too. You took it all out on me and I understood why. You never liked the flat. You were so agitated that week before you moved out. I knew you wanted to be out of there as soon as possible… You’ve never visited, not once in all the time you’ve lived with Stark”

It surprised Loki just how much Thor understood him sometimes. It was true; he’d never visited. Not once. He hadn’t been back there at all - until recently.

“When you snatched me… Taking me back to that flat was like rubbing salt in my wounds. I understand why you did it. But you were an idiot to take me. It was cruel” 

“I acted on impulse. It seemed like the right thing to do at the time. I never meant to cause you so much distress”

Loki was quiet for a while, listening to Thor’s heart beating in his chest. Eventually he spoke.

“You can’t stop me from going away with him”

“I know”

“I’ll keep in touch. I promise you that. But in return, don’t interfere. Tony’s my family. I’m safe with him, and I want to be with him. This isn’t for you to decide”

Thor rested his chin on top of Loki’s head. 

“I just want you to be happy”

“I am happy. I’m just not very well right now. But I’ll get better. In time”

-

Loki didn’t bother getting dressed after Thor left. He was quite happy in the dressing gown. He was surprised to find Tony in the living room.

“I thought you were downstairs”

“I’m on top of everything now. Thought I’d sit in here for a bit” he patted his knee. “Care to join me?”

Loki sprawled in his lap, and Tony pulled him into a better position, hugging him and bouncing his leg. Loki squirmed a little, and Tony held him tight. 

“That’s a lovely colour you’ve gone~” he said, noticing Loki’s pink cheeks. 

Tony held him tighter and bounced his leg more. Loki swallowed, looking back at Tony. 

“This feels nice…”

Tony smiled, moving Loki’s dressing gown and very gently stroking between his legs, making him shiver. Loki bit the inside of his cheek. Tony soon slipped his hand down Loki’s boxers, keeping his hand still for a while, still bouncing his leg. Loki’s face felt hot. He tried to stay still, to not give any indicators that he wanted more. Tony kissed his cheek and slowly started stroking him again, and Loki’s breath hitched in his throat. He bit his cheek harder, determined to stay quiet. Tony’s touch was gentle, teasing - but it felt so nice. Tony knew exactly what he was doing. He knew Loki was trying to hold back, and he knew exactly how to break him. He just needed to be a tad less gentle, and-

“Oh!” 

Bingo. Loki squirmed, and Tony held him as tight as he could, keeping him as still as possible while he played with him. Loki suddenly couldn’t hold back anymore, and he leant his head against Tony’s shoulder, whining and moaning and struggling. 

“Does that feel good?” Tony asked, biting his ear gently. 

Loki could only nod. He reached down, putting his hand over Tony’s to stop him. 

“Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just pleased to see me?”

Tony grinned at him. “What do you say we take this to the bedroom?”

“Where’s the kid?”

“In the workshop. He won’t disturb us” 

“Well, in that case, lets do it here” he nodded towards the floor. “On the rug”

Tony grinned. That suited him just fine.

-

Loki lay back on the rug, utterly exhausted. He had been well and truly ravished - so much so that his legs were still shaking. Tony lay beside him, propped up on his elbow, one arm round Loki’s chest. He smiled down at him. 

“Where did  _that_ come from?” Loki asked, his voice small. 

“Did you enjoy that?” 

Loki nodded. “Either I was a lot hornier than I realised, or you’ve learnt something new” 

Loki thought it was probably the latter. There’d definitely been something different about it. He was never usually so loud. Tony had looked after himself first, and then he’d clamped a hand down over Loki’s mouth and looked him straight in the eye while he tipped him over the edge. There’d been something quite sensual about not being able to scream freely while he finished. 

“I think that may have been one of the longest you’ve had” Tony said, kissing him gently. “Almost as long as Christmas”

Loki was inclined to believe him. Christmas had been very different than today’s rough play. The heat from the fire had offset them that day, giving the only light in the room. And it had been slow, with almost unbroken eye contact. It had still been very intense, yes - but in a different way. 

Tony stroked Loki’s face gently. “I think it’s shower time, don’t you?”

“Make it a bath and I’ll join you” 

Tony smiled and kissed him. “Sure”

-

A bath turned out to be a much better option. They spent a long time cuddling in the hot water, stroking each others faces and telling them how much they loved each other. 

“So. A holiday”

Tony rubbed Loki’s ear lobe between his thumb and forefinger. “How about it, eh? It’ll be good to finally take you away for more than just a long weekend”

“Peter said you were talking about cruises”

“I did mention it. This holiday won’t be a cruise though”

Loki was relieved to hear that. He’d been on cruises with Tony before, and they were all well and good, but there wasn’t really anything to do other than lie in the sun and get very, very drunk. And he could do that at home. 

“Where are we going then? I won’t ruin it for Peter”

“It’s a secret. I’ll tell you when you need to know. I should start thinking about what to take though, if I were you”

Loki put his hand over Tony’s. “How are we getting there?”

“Probably the jet. We’re not so limited in what we can take that way, and we won’t have to deal with the rabble”

Loki approved. He liked Tony’s private plane, even though he’d only been on it a handful of times. 

“Why now?”

“I have time. I have a need. I have a want. You need it too. Peter deserves it. I want to make some good memories somewhere completely different”

“My brother isn’t happy about it”

“He wouldn’t be” Tony said bitterly. “He hasn’t liked me or anything I do for so long now” 

Loki shook his head, stopping himself from thinking about it. 

“It doesn’t matter. This is my life; not his”

Loki tried to believe it. He was still getting used to having a life to himself. Well, it wasn’t to himself, not really: it was shared with Tony. But it was the best he’d ever had. He felt like he’d lived so many lives within his life. A lot of these ‘lives’ felt like dreams now (some more like nightmares). They didn’t mean anything any more. He looked into Tony’s eyes, feeling his hand on his cheek and the warm water lapping his shoulder. This was all that mattered.

-

Loki curled up in Tony’s bed to sleep awhile, and while he did so, Tony returned to the lab. Peter was there, working distractedly. He looked up when Tony entered the room, and started off straight away.

“What can you tell me about Mr Loki? I don’t mean like, his shoe size or his favourite ice cream. I’m thinking more…” he tried to think of the word.

Tony supplied it. “Abstract?”

Peter nodded. “Yeah, abstract”

Tony was quiet for a few moments. 

“Loki is a person who is still finding it difficult to settle into existence” 

Peter wasn’t quite sure what to make of that. He understood it - sort of - but he didn’t know how to respond. 

“He’s been treated unfairly, as have I. You see, me and Loki, we’ve both seen hell - or versions of it - and we’ve told each other so much. But there’s things I haven’t told him, and in that sense, I’m certain there’s things he hasn’t told me. He finds it hard to accept that people care about him. There’s a line in one of his songs. ‘You need more reassurance than a frightened orphaned child that I’m always gonna want you, that I’ll always be beguiled’. It’s a song that’s always been painfully relevant to him”

“What song is it?”

“I can’t remember. Quote it to him and I’m sure he’ll tell you”

“Did you know he was ill? When you got together?”

“Of course I did. I knew long before that. People can’t always hide it. No one else cared enough to notice, aside from Thor. I think he’s always been ill. I talked to Thor about it, and he thinks the same”

“It’s not fair”

“Life isn’t fair. It’s a sad truth, and you’ll learn it in time”

“I’m an orphan. I’ve already learnt that lesson” 

Tony looked at him guiltily. “I’ve dragged you into a very unstable world”

-

That evening, Peter tracked down Loki in his room. Loki was sat on the floor, sorting through some photos. He gestured for Peter to join him. Peter sat opposite him, his back to the door.

“What are you doing?”

“I’ve found these old photos. Remember how me and Tony were telling you about our nights out?”

Peter nodded. “You mentioned that you had photos”

“Yeah. These are some of them. Here, what do you think?” He handed Peter one of the photos.

Peter took it, looking at it.

“Wow” It was a candid shot of Loki, obviously taken outside. You could see the smoke in the photo. He was wearing a deep blue shirt with gold detailing on the collar, and his eyes were outlined in wicked black liner. He was looking in quiet admiration at someone who wasn’t in the shot, smiling ever so slightly, cigarette between his fingers. He wore thick silver rings and a thin chain on his wrist. “You look so different”

“How about this one? It’s one of my favourites” he handed Peter another photo.

Peter looked at it. It showed Loki and Tony, sat on a stone window ledge. The smoking garden could be seen through the glass behind them. Loki was dressed all in black, Tony all in white. Loki was looking back over his shoulder at the photographer, and Tony was looking at him distractedly, his hand poised under Loki’s chin, as though they’d been walked in on. They both looked unimpressed and vaguely threatening.

“I can see why it’s your favourite”

He set it down, gathering the other photos in his hand and flicking through the prints. There were quite a lot. Many of them showed Loki and Tony kissing, or lounging about laughing. A lot of them were outside under multicoloured lights, giving them a surreal look. They weren’t all so innocent. Peter came across a photo of Loki sat on the pool table in the lap of someone he didn’t recognise. He had one hand on the man’s face, grinning up at him. The man had one hand up Loki’s shirt, exposing his stomach. Peter smiled.

Loki moved round to sit next to him. “Our pool boy. I never could remember his name”

Peter moved on to the next photo. It was of Loki again, this time in the arms of a fierce-looking drag queen.

“She was brilliant” Loki said. “She used to come round with the shots, and she recognised me after a while and always saved back a couple of the mango ones for me when she knew I was there. We used to buy her a shot and she’d always kiss me. I think it was partly to annoy Tony”

Loki suddenly snatched the next photo. “I don’t think you should see this one”

“What? Aww, come on, don’t be a spoil-sport!” 

Loki hesitated. Peter pouted at him, and he relented, reluctantly letting him take the photo from him. Peter saw straight away why Loki had been reluctant to show him. This photo wasn’t in the club, but it had obviously been taken on a night out. The picture was clearly illuminated by a street light. It showed Loki pinned down by the shoulders on the bonnet of a car by the man from the other photo. Tony was between his legs, holding his hips. Peter could feel himself blushing. He looked at Loki, who was a bit pink himself.

“We were incredibly drunk” he said. 

“Who took the photo?”

“Pool boys friend. He always took loads of photos. He had a proper camera. He used to get paid to do photography at the club on event nights” he took the photo from Peter, setting it face-down on the carpet. 

Peter put the rest of the photos down. One slipped from the stack, and he grabbed it. It was one he hadn’t reached yet. He smiled as he looked at it. It was in an alcove at the club. Tony was lounging back against the cushions, Loki against his chest, wrapped in a fleecy red blanket. They both had their eyes closed, but it wasn’t clear if they were actually asleep or not.

“Christmas Eve” Loki said. “We didn’t stay late. There was something really nice about passing the midnight mark there. We were home by about half one. There was something nice about falling asleep drunk that night too”

Peter looked at the photo a while longer, touching it gently. He set it down with the rest. Loki gathered them back into their envelope and put it back in his drawer. He sat back down opposite Peter.

“Mr Stark once said that you don’t have a song that’s ‘your’ song. What do you think?”

“I think we do” Loki replied instantly. “Flaws. By Take That. He used to sing it to me a lot, especially when I wasn’t feeling well” 

“I don’t think I know that one”

“I don’t think many people do. Have you got your phone on you?”

Peter handed it over. Loki grabbed a nearby set of headphones, putting them over Peter’s ears and plugging them into the phone. He found the song and let it play. 

-

Peter slowly took the headphones off once the song had finished. He got it.

“You really needed him, didn’t you?” 

Loki unplugged the headphones, handing the phone back to Peter.

“Life hasn’t treated me kindly” he said. “But Tony has. I know it might not have looked like it while you’ve been here, but I really have been the happiest I’ve ever been while I’ve been with Tony. He’s incredible. I never expected to have anything as special as what I have with him. It still feels like a dream sometimes”

“You look so happy in those photos. You look different though. Full of energy. And handsome”

“Are you saying I don’t look handsome now?”

“That’s not what I meant!” he smiled when he realised that Loki was messing with him. “You look handsome in a different way. It’s the eyeliner that does it. It’s a pretty intense look”

“Striking. That’s what Tony called it”

“Is it hard to put on?”

“It is at first. Tony used to do it for me, but I learnt quite quickly. Once you’re used to it, it’s ok. Getting it off is harder” Loki said. “Tony always took it off for me. I was always a lot drunker than he was, and I think he enjoyed looking after me a little bit”

“You really did look happy”

“You know, when you’re not well, or when things are bad, people always say that things will get better. And you never believe them” he squeezed Peter’s hand. “But they were right. And in a lot of ways I’m glad they were, but there’s something bittersweet about that reality”

“There’s a quote I know. By the lady who wrote the Moomins. She said: ‘All things are so very uncertain, and that’s exactly what makes me feel reassured’”

Loki smiled. “I know that one. I like the Moomins” 

Peter moved closer to him. He knelt up and kissed him. Loki pulled him close, hugging him tight and kissing his cheek. Peter looked up at the ceiling, feeling hot all over. 

“What did I ever do to deserve you?” 

Peter closed his eyes. “I really love you” 

“I love you too” he held Peter at arms length. “I really do. You mean a lot to me”

He took Peter’s face in his hands and kissed him softly. Peter looked up at him, and Loki kissed his forehead.

“So this is where you two have been hiding” A voice sounded from the doorway. 

Peter looked over his shoulder. Loki let his hands fall. Tony smiled at them.

“Come along now, Peter; give your mother some space”

“Hey, why am I the mother?” Loki asked indignantly. “We’re both dads, surely”

“Yeah, yeah, ok” he held a hand out to Peter. “It’s late, and we’ve got to be up and away early tomorrow”

“Do I have to go?”

“I thought you were looking forward to it”

“I was, but…” he looked at Loki. 

Tony came over, resting a hand on Peter’s shoulder. “Loki will be right here when we get back”

“He’s clingy” Loki said, but he still looked contented. 

Peter didn’t deny it. He wanted to go with Tony, he really did - but he wanted to stay with Loki too. Tony sat down on the floor with them. 

“What’s going on with you, Peter?” he asked gently. “You know you can tell me anything”

Peter looked at the two of them. He noticed how they always seemed to come together like magnets, their hands automatically finding each other. He swallowed hard, casting his eyes down. He’d felt good talking to Loki, and he trusted Tony. 

“How do you know when you’ve got a crush on someone?”

“As soon as you ask yourself that question” Loki answered. “Why? Have you got your eye on someone?”

“Not really” Peter said vaguely. “I don’t know. He’s just a friend”

“He?” Loki exchanged a look with Tony. “I thought you were straight”

“I am straight!” Peter glared at them.

Loki raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure about that?” 

Peter looked down. “It’s not like I can act on it anyway. He wouldn’t be interested”

“How do you know?” Tony said. “It pays to take risks sometimes”

Loki giggled, and Peter looked up at him.

“What’s so funny?”

“Nothing. I just think it’s cute. Young love and all that” 

Peter looked at Tony. “What time do I need to get up tomorrow?”

“Well, we need to be leaving at about half seven. Eight o’ clock at the absolute latest”

Peter got his phone out to check the time. “I should be going to bed now then”

He hugged Loki first, and then Tony. “Goodnight”

-

“So, someone from his school, do you think?”

Tony shrugged. “Probably. He’s a funny kid, don’t you think?”

Loki nodded. “He’s curious about a lot of things I wouldn’t expect”

“Like what?”

“All the dark stuff. It makes me think he’s not very well himself” 

Tony put an arm round his shoulder. “I hope not. I’d hate for him to feel what we’ve felt before”

“This whole superhero thing… It’s a dangerous game. I hope he gets an easier ride than you have”

“I had enemies long before I became Iron Man. I understand your concerns. But his identity is safe enough. And I’ll look after him”

“I know you will. I will too” 

“I thought you’d given up all that stuff?”

Loki shrugged slightly. “I’d do it to protect him”

Tony tipped Loki’s head back. “You’ve really got a soft spot for him, haven’t you?”

“He’s a good kid. And he’s a good friend too”

Tony kissed him gently. “You’re a good friend to him as well. What were you up to in here?”

“I found some of our old clubbing photos. He came in while I was sorting them, so I let him have a look”

“What did he think?”

“He liked my eyeliner. He said I looked happy” Loki smiled sadly. 

Tony gave him a squeeze. “Hey. What’s up, baby?”

Loki sighed. “Nothing really. It’s just… looking at those photos made me feel nostalgic. I really do miss our nights out”

Tony rested his head against Loki’s. 

“Tony? Can we go again? I know it wouldn’t be the same, but just once, just for old times sake. I’d like to go back”

“I don’t know, Lolly. Not right now, anyway. We’ve got Peter. And I’m so busy with this new launch at work” he felt Loki droop. “Maybe after the summer, when things have calmed down a bit. Once this launch is over and Peter’s aunt is back in town”

“Ok. I just think it would be good to let our hair down again. Even just getting ready together was good”

“I know. It’s been forever since we’ve been. Come to think of it, it’s been a while since we’ve done anything where we’ve got dressed up”

“February was the last time. That PR event you had”

“Oh yes” Tony nodded. “It wasn’t very good though. And it wasn’t for  _us_ ”

“Well, don’t act like we never do anything any more. We’ve been quite good at keeping up our date nights. Until Peter came. But that’s different: I know we can’t really leave him alone all night”

“I know, I know. Still, I’m looking forward to going away. We can all let loose a bit then. You’ll have to set up that camera. I think you’ll enjoy yourself” 

“Are you going to tell me where we’re going then?”

Tony tapped the side of his nose. Loki sighed. Looked like this holiday really would end up being a surprise.

*


	17. Mumbles; Such Are Promises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting your hopes up is never a good idea. Some days are like yo-yo’s:- full of ups and downs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave any and all comments - I feel like there's something different about this chapter, and feedback is appreciated x

-

As unsure as he’d felt the night before, Peter was up and ready to go early, suddenly shivering with excitement. He and Tony left at 7.30am on the dot. The day was long, and definitely a learning curve for Peter, who was still getting used to all the ins and outs of Stark Industries and all of the unbelievable tech they had.

Peter enjoyed himself fully, even though he felt quite overwhelmed with knowledge by the time they were back in the car on the way home.

-

Once they arrived back, both definitely ready for their tea and an early night, Peter raced round the flat in search of Loki, eager to tell him all about the day and everything he’d learnt. He had no luck, and wandered into the kitchen where Tony was.

Tony noticed him looking a little lost, and handed him a note.

“What’s this?”

“Read it”

Peter did.  _Tony, gone out for cocktails with Pepper. Should be back by 10 but will let you know if I’m going to be later. Loki xx_

“Pepper as in Ms Potts?”

“Yep, that’s the one”

“Oh” Peter looked at the note. “I didn’t know they liked each other”

“They’re good friends. Have been for a while now”

“Cocktails though?”

“There’s a cocktail bar Pepper likes. It’s a bit of a fancy joint. Her and Loki go fairly often. I think they just like to gossip. Still, it’s good to see him going out a bit”

Peter wasn’t so sure. “Will he come back drunk?”

“Probably. But that’s fine”

“No its not”

Tony gave him a look. “It’s not like he’s doing anyone any harm. He knows his limits. And he’s a nice drunk, so there’s nothing to worry about”

Peter wasn’t convinced, but he didn’t have any evidence to back himself up. 

-

Loki stumbled into the kitchen just after nine o’ clock, humming quietly to himself. He grinned when he saw Tony, wobbling over and giving him a hug. Tony hugged him back.

“Someone’s in good spirits tonight” 

“Had  _quite_ an amount of them” he kissed Tony on the cheek. “Good day?”

“Fine, thanks. How much have you had?”

Loki gestured vaguely, still hanging off Tony’s shoulder. “It was two for one, Tony.  _Two, for one_ ”

Tony couldn’t help laughing at him. “I take it you’ve enjoyed your evening then?”

Loki gave him another clumsy kiss on the cheek. “Just lettin’ you know I’m back”

He let go of Tony, making for the door. 

“Hey, where are you off to?”

Tony shook his head fondly as he watched him go. He could sense himself being watched, and turned back to Peter, who was watching him with a face like thunder. 

“What?”

Peter rolled his eyes and got down from his seat, stalking off. Tony sighed, reaching for the coffee pot. Sometimes he wondered about that boy.

-

Peter found Loki raiding the liquor cabinet, as expected. 

“Haven’t you just been out drinking?”

“Yes, but I don’t want to stop just yet. I’d still be out if Pepper didn’t have a meeting tomorrow morning” Loki said, plonking himself down in front of the sofa with his drink - or should that be drinks.

“Why?”

“Can’t go to a meeting hungover”

“No, I mean why do you drink?” 

Loki looked at him. He was still stood in the doorway, arms folded over his chest. Loki merely shrugged, downing a few mouthfuls of rum and coke. He drained the glass and immediately poured himself another, cracking open the mixer can one-handed. Peter watched him closely, noting how he seemed to be concentrating quite hard and leaning to one side. He closed the door and went to sit beside him. Loki offered him the bottle.

“No, thanks”

“I know what you’d like” Loki said, producing a bottle of glitter mango schnapps, seemingly out of nowhere, and giving it a quick shake. 

“It’s glittery…”

“It’s good. Try a bit. I’ve got some Archers somewhere too, if you don’t like mango”

Peter took the bottle from him, watching the glitter swirling in the deep yellowy-orange liquid. He glanced at Loki, who was busy pouring himself another drink. 

“You drink quick” 

“Well, they’re only little drinks when you use the mixer cans” he said. “Here, are you having some of that or not?”

“I’d better not” he handed the schnapps back, watching as Loki twisted it open and took a few mouthfuls straight from the bottle. “I’m too young”

Loki either didn’t hear, or didn’t care. He didn’t respond, anyway. He lowered the bottle, going back to his glass. The schnapps had left traces of glitter on his lips. Peter leant forward, peering round Loki to see what else he had stashed there. He didn’t really recognise anything other than the rum. Loki saw him looking. 

“Do you like strawberry?” 

Peter nodded.

“Here” he handed him a bottle of Kopparberg. “Strawberry and lime” 

Peter looked at it. “Don’t you want it?”

“I’ll have a bit” he took the bottle from him and produced a bottle opener.

Peter hoped it might be a novelty one, and craned to look, but it was just a generic Christmas-cracker type one. Loki cracked open the cider and took a few quick mouthfuls before handing it back to Peter. Peter looked up at Loki, who had already turned to drain his glass again. Peter swallowed, and raised the bottle to his lips.

“I don’t think so!”

Suddenly he was grabbed by the wrist, and the bottle pulled from his hand. It made him jump:- he hadn’t heard the door open. 

“He’s too young” Tony said firmly, handing the cider to Loki, who just shrugged and settled down to drink it. Tony eyed the various bottles. “Binging, are we?”

“Just a night cap” Loki said, draining the cider and reaching for the rum.

Tony put a hand out to stop him. “That’s enough, sweetheart”

Loki let Tony gather the bottles and put them back on their shelves in the cabinet. Tony returned and held a hand out to him.

“Bedtime” 

Tony helped him up, and Loki stumbled, grabbing onto Tony. He giggled as he steadied himself. His cheeks were pink with drunkenness.

“I di’n’t realise I’d gotten so drunk” 

Tony held onto him carefully. “You’re a bad example, my love” 

Loki just continued to giggle, moving to hug Tony and kiss his neck. Tony laughed, giving Loki a squeeze, suddenly startling and grabbing him properly to stop him from falling. Loki just laughed more. He always had a problem standing straight when he got drunk. Tony made an awfully good crutch. Peter stood up, folding his arms over his chest again. Tony made eye contact with him.

“You should go to bed as well” 

-

Peter was already in his pyjamas before he realised he didn’t actually want to go to bed yet. He tied his dressing gown and marched over to Tony’s room. Loki was on his back, Tony close at his side looking over him, stroking his face and hair and tickling his neck, while Loki smiled up at him, enjoying the fuss. 

Tony looked up when the door opened. 

“I thought I told you to go to bed” he said, scratching Loki behind the ear. “It’s getting late”

“I’m not tired” Peter said. 

Tony sighed, sitting up. Loki sat up too, very wobbly, and leant against Tony. 

“Fill that glass for me then”

Peter filled the glass from the water jug on the bedside table and handed it to Tony, who gave it to Loki. 

“One more glass, and then sleep, ok?”

“Yeah yeah, water and sleep. Water and sleep” he drunk thirstily, and Tony hovered his hand nearby in case he should drop it. 

“Peter, go to bed”

“I don’t want to” 

“Well, go to your room then”

“No”

“Peter” Tony gave him an exasperated look. “Can’t you see I’ve got more important things than your defiance to be getting on with?” 

Loki lowered his glass. “He’s jus’ bitter because I’ve got a friend other than him” 

“No I’m not!” Peter snapped. “You didn’t answer my question either”

Loki raised an eyebrow, slowly slipping sideways. “Which one?”

“Why do you drink?”

“Because I like the taste, and it makes me feel good” Loki said, slipping a bit too far and startling, nearly dropping his glass.

Tony caught him. “Whoops” he smiled at him, kissing his poorly eye gently. 

“What does it feel like?” 

“Peter, enough questions” Tony said firmly. 

Peter frowned. Loki put his empty glass down. He knelt up slightly, kissing Tony’s neck lovingly. Tony was momentarily distracted, unable to resist the urge to grab Loki roughly and give him a proper kiss. He broke away for a moment, looking back over his shoulder.

“Bed, Parker. It’s adult time”

Peter stalked out, slamming the door behind him. He didn’t think it was right, not when Loki was so drunk. And he was angry. He didn’t know why though, and that made him even  _more_ angry. Maybe he was just tired. It had been such a long day. Yeah, he was just tired. He’d feel better in the morning.

-

Loki and Tony were very lovey-dovey with each other the next day. Tony was in good spirits, and Loki even more so. Peter found them in the kitchen, music player plugged into the speakers, cooking together. They both smiled and said good morning to him, but he didn’t reply, still rubbing his eyes sleepily - but he was awake enough to mime being sick when they started kissing. 

“Honestly Peter” Tony said, handing the wooden spoon to Loki while he got the plates out. “I do forget how much of a child you are sometimes”

“Honestly, Mr Stark” Peter said. “I think you forget you have an audience of young eyes in this house now”

Loki burst out laughing. “You’re such a weird kid. Make yourself useful and get the kettle on”

Peter did as he was asked, and while it was boiling, moved closer to see what Loki was doing.

“What are you making?”

“Cinnamon eggy bread with stewed apples”

“Oh. That’s… different” he didn’t sound convinced.

“It’s a Gordon Ramsay recipe. It’s good, I promise” 

“How are we doing, chick?” Tony cut in.

“Just about ready, I’d say” 

Tony nodded. “Good. Peter, you’re on drink duty”

-

Peter was surprised at how much he enjoyed the breakfast, and having a full stomach put him in a good mood. He sat quietly while they all had another drink. Tony and Loki were talking and laughing together, sitting so close they may as well have been on the same chair. Every so often they’d stop for a quick kiss, and carry on like there’d been no break in the conversation. Peter watched them. They were talking too quietly for him to hear properly. It was as though they were in their own little world. 

“You looking forward to tonight?”

“You know it, lolly”

“What’s tonight?”

“Date night” Loki said, getting up and taking the plates over to the sink. “We’ve been planning this one for a long time”

Tony joined Loki by the sink, talking to him again in hushed tones. Peter tried to work out what they were saying, but it was a lot harder now they were at a distance. Oh well. He didn’t suppose it mattered.

-

Tony went down to the workshop, leaving Peter upstairs. Peter wasn’t sure what to do with himself. Loki was in the reading nook, listening to his music. Tony didn’t need him. He’d been told there was a swimming pool here, and he considered it, but he had no idea how to find it in the maze of a building, and he doubted he’d enjoy it so much alone anyway. 

After a while, he decided to disturb Loki. He’d fallen asleep, headphones still on. Peter picked up his MP3, pausing the music. He gave Loki a shake, and Loki whined and woke up. 

“What do you want?”

Peter shrugged. “I’m bored. Can we go out for a bit?”

“Why can’t you go alone?”

“I’d rather go with you”

Loki sighed, sitting up slowly. “Alright, I’ll come with you. There’s something I want to pick up anyway”

-

Peter felt a lot better to be out in the fresh air. It was a cool day, and there weren’t many people about. Loki was in a good mood, and he didn’t mind Peter holding his hand and chatting his usual nonsense. 

“Have you ever read Anne of Green Gables?” Loki asked when there was a gap in Peter’s ramblings.

Peter remembered the blurb from the day he’d arrived. He shook his head.

“You should read it. You’d identify with Anne”

“Why?”

“She never stops talking either” 

He didn’t say it nastily, so Peter chose not to be offended. “Is it good?”

“Well, I like it. Anne is quite a good character. She’s fiery and has an overactive imagination. It’s really quite good once you get into it. I think you should read it some time”

“I’ll think about it” he wasn’t so sure. He’d seen how thick that book was. “Where’s this shop, anyway?”

“Just down the next street. I’ve had my eye on one of their lighters for a while now” 

It wasn’t long before they reached the shop. They stopped to look in the window. It was a collectors shop, and there was a section in the front window of lighters, quite expensive, in all different designs. Peter looked at them, quickly spotting a couple he liked.

“Which one do you want?”

Loki pointed it out. Peter looked sceptical.

“Isn’t it a bit… girly?” 

“Does it matter? I like it” 

Peter shrugged. “It’s expensive” 

“It’s not too bad, really. My old one cost at least five times as much”

“Really? That’s ridiculous”

“Yes, but it was a present from Tony, so what do you expect?”

He pushed open the shop door, gesturing for Peter to follow him.

“You can’t bring kids in here” the shopkeeper said gruffly, looking Peter up and down.

“We’ll only be five minutes” Loki said, unphased. “I’m interested in one of your lighters”

The shopkeeper no longer seemed to think Peter a problem. Peter looking round the shop. It was dusty and dimly lit. Most of the lighting came from inside the many display cases and cabinets. There were all sorts of things on display. The prices said high-class - the shop interior did not. 

“Yes, the black and white one”

Peter watched the shopkeeper showing the lighter to Loki. He suddenly felt quite out of place. Loki seemed to know what he was looking for, and the shopkeeper had obviously decided to treat him well. Loki seemed to have an untold skill for looking smart in any given situation, and a knack of getting on people’s favourable side. They soon came over to the till. Loki was distracted by a snow globe on the counter. 

“This is very pretty” he noted, touching it carefully.

“Last one, that. They’ve proved popular”

“I can see why. If I hadn’t already one quite like it, I’d be tempted myself”

Peter attached himself to Loki’s waist, hugging him from behind and peering round him at the counter. The shopkeeper noticed him. 

“Clingy little thing, isn’t he?”

“Just affectionate” Loki said, touching Peter’s head gently. 

“Devoted son. Rare sight” 

“Yes. I’m rather lucky” Loki said, getting out his wallet. “We settled on fifteen, didn’t we?”

“Indeed we did. You drive a hard bargain, sir”

-

Peter was relieved to be out of the musty shop and back walking down the street. Loki took Peter’s hand again, feeling quite happy after his purchase.

“I can’t believe you like Betty Boop”

“Why not? She’s cute, isn’t she?”

“Mm.. I don’t know. It kinda creeps me out. Like you’d find statues of her in an abandoned house”

Loki laughed awkwardly. “Alright? Whatever, I like her. I haven’t got any Betty stuff yet”

“But a lighter, and for  _that_ price?”

“Hey, that was nothing” Loki said. “I’ve been looking at some online that are going for $200. More than that, because they’d have to come from Germany, so the postage is expensive too”

“For a lighter? Why do people pay so much?”

“They’re collectables. Vintage. Those ones were vintage Zippo, never been struck. People are happy to pay for that kind of thing”

“Why didn’t you buy one of those then? I mean, it’s not like Mr Stark can’t afford it”

Loki didn’t reply.

-

They stayed out for a considerable amount of time, walking and talking and window-shopping, eventually stopping off for something to eat before heading home. Peter joined Loki in his room, and Loki retrieved Anne of Green Gables for him.

“Read it. Honestly, I think you’ll like it, once you get used to the writing style”

“Oh, I don’t know. I’m not really a big reader” Peter said, trying to weasel out of it. 

“Come here” he settled against the pillows on the bed and held an arm out for Peter to join him.

Peter sighed, but went and cuddled up under his arm, resting his head against Loki’s chest. Loki opened the book, finding the start of chapter one.

“Mrs Rachel Lynde lived just where the Avonlea main road dipped down into a little hollow, fringed with alders and ladies’ eardrops, and traversed by a brook that had its source away back in the woods of the old Cuthbert place; it was reputed to be an intricate, headlong brook in its earlier course through those woods, with dark secrets of pool and cascade; but by the time it reached Lynde’s Hollow it was a quiet, well-conducted little stream, for not even a brook could run past Mrs Rachel Lynde’s door without due regard for decency and decorum; it probably was conscious that Mrs Rachel was sitting at her window, keeping a sharp eye on everything that passed, from brooks and children up, and that if she noticed anything odd or out of place she would never rest until she had ferreted out the whys and wherefores thereof…”

-

It wasn’t long before Peter found himself soothed by Loki’s voice. He kept his head against his chest, at first reading along in his mind while Loki read aloud, and eventually letting his eyes close and just listening, getting lost in the fictional world. 

“…’Marilla Cuthbert, you’re fairly in for it. Did you ever suppose you’d see the day when you’d be adopting an orphan girl? It’s surprising enough; but not so surprising as that Matthew should be at the bottom of it, him that always seemed to have such a mortal dread of little girls. Anyhow, we’ve decided on the experiment and goodness only knows what will come of it’”

The book was closed, and Peter opened his eyes, raising his head.

“You can’t stop there! I need to see what happens next”

Loki smiled at him, stroking his hair gently. “That’s six chapters already. We can’t well finish it in one day”

“Why not?”

Loki checked the clock on the wall. “It’s nearly three o’ clock! We’re going out at four. I need to start getting ready. You’d better shift”

“Aww, can’t I stay and help you chose what to wear?”

“I suppose so. Still, don’t make me late. We’ve been wanting to go to this for ages, but it’s a bit of a drive, hence why we’re leaving so early”

Peter looked at him. “Aww, you’re all excited, aren’t you?”

“Too right I am! It’s been a long time coming: I can hardly wait. Come on then, choose me an outfit”

“Ok, ok” he stood up, going over to the wardrobe.

Loki had loads of clothes. This could take some time.

-

Peter was showcasing two more options to an amused Loki when the bedroom door opened. Loki smiled at first, but as he saw Tony’s expression, his own face fell. Tony approached. He could hardly look him in the eye.

“Something’s come up at work” 

He didn’t need to say anything else: Loki already knew what it meant. But he didn’t want to believe it.

“You’re cancelling on me, aren’t you?”

“I’m sorry”

The dawn of that realisation made him feel like he’d been punched in the stomach. He couldn’t speak. He couldn’t look at him: he could only stare straight ahead, trying to process the immediate hurt. Tony sat down and pulled him close, holding him as tight as he could without hurting him.

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart” he kissed him hard on the cheek. “You know if there was any way it could wait, I’d make it wait”

He pulled back slightly, stroking Loki’s hair back behind his ear. He felt horrible, but what choice did he have?

“Next time for sure” he said weakly.

“That’s what you said last time”

“I know. I’m sorry” he gave him another tight squeeze. “I’ll have to get going now. You’ll look after Peter, won’t you? I’ll be back some time this evening”

-

Tony left. Peter looked at Loki, noticing his fists had clenched. He reached out to touch his hand.

“Mr Loki?”

Loki pulled away from him, standing up - but Peter still saw the tears in his eyes. He slammed into the en suite. Peter almost followed, but he heard the shower start. For a moment he stood there, helpless. He didn’t know what to do. How had the atmosphere done such a U-turn in such a short space of time? The happy, relaxed excitement had vanished, leaving a horrible feeling that Peter couldn’t quite identify hanging in the air. He looked at the en suite door once more, and retreated to the lounge, hoping the buzz of the television would drown out everything else.

The television seemed to babble away too loudly in the empty house, and he quickly shut it off and went to his room. He paused outside Loki’s door. The shower was still running. He put on his headphones and opened his laptop. 

-

Tony returned at 6pm. He hung his coat up and went to Loki’s room. Loki was curled up on his side, seemingly asleep. Tony lay down beside him, facing him.

“I know you’re awake”

Loki opened his eyes, looked at Tony for a second, and rolled onto his other side. Tony shifted closer, one arm round his chest.

“You can’t get rid of me that easily”

Loki pushed his arm away. Tony sighed, kneeling up and pushing Loki onto his back. 

“There really wasn’t anything I could do, sweetheart. You know that”

“It still hurt”

“I know, sweetheart” Tony looked at him sadly, stroking his cheek gently. “We could still do  _something_ ,if you’re up to it”

“Like what?” Loki asked, sounding uninterested. 

“I don’t know” An idea struck. “Maybe, if you’d like, maybe we could go to our old bar?”

Loki perked up visibly. “Really? But what about Peter?”

“Yeah, why not, eh? It’s still early, so we can spend ages getting ready and getting Peter settled. He’ll be ok on his own for one night. We could even go to the Postbox, or your pub first, you know, for cocktails and stuff”

Loki sat up, finally smiling again. “Are you sure? We can really go?”

Tony smiled and gave him a quick kiss. “Of course”

There was a buzzing sound, and Tony found his phone had fallen from his pocket. He picked it up, and knew he couldn’t ignore it when he saw who it was. He answered it reluctantly. Loki watched him, the smile fading from his face. He couldn’t make out the words, but he knew there was a problem.

“I was just down there! Why did no one tell me?… Just now?” Tony sighed heavily, glancing at Loki. “I’ve already cancelled one commitment today. I really can’t”

Loki waited, willing him to refuse point-blank, put the phone down, and turn to him saying; ‘Let’s dig out that CD’.

Wishful thinking.

Tony sighed heavily, closing his eyes for half a moment. “Ok. I’ll be with you shortly”

He ended the call, holding his phone for a moment before putting it in his pocket. He felt wracked with guilt as he turned to Loki.

“I’m sorry”

He already knew, but that didn’t make it any easier. Loki couldn’t hold back this time. He went to wipe away a stray tear, and a sudden sob escaped him, and he covered his mouth with his hand, trying to control himself.

“Oh Lolly. Oh sweetheart, please don’t cry” he hugged him tight, and for a split second, Loki let him - but then he pushed him hard. “Don’t be like that, please. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry”

He tried to hug him again, but Loki stood up, taking a deep breath. Tony stood up too.

“Darling, please. I’ll make it up to you”

“I wouldn’t bother” Loki spat. 

“Loki, please. This is out of my control”

“It doesn’t matter. I need a shower anyway”

“Loki” Tony could still smell the shower gel he’d used earlier: he knew it was an excuse. “Darling, please”

“You’ve got somewhere to be”

He slammed into the en suite and turned the shower on. Tony went after him, only to find he’d locked the door.

“Loki, please. Open the door”

His phone buzzed in his pocket. He took it out, seeing a text merely saying ‘ETA?’. He knew he had to go. He sighed, his hand lingering on the door a moment longer.

-

He bumped into Peter in the hallway, laptop in hand.

“Hey, Mr Stark, can you look over this code for me?”

“Later. I’ve got to go out again” he grabbed his coat and left without another word.

Peter heard the distant whir of the shower. He knew something else had happened. He imagined he’d find out before long.

-

For the second time that day, Loki took refuge under the stream of the shower to cry openly, going undetected. He didn’t have to control himself here: he could sit and sob and curse the universe and there was no one to see. He knew he was being unreasonable. He knew he shouldn’t be so upset. He knew Tony’s work was tricky and he was constantly on call to his sometimes-incompetent team. He knew there were situations Tony had no choice but to attend, and he knew he avoided them when he could.

But it still hurt. 

Every single date night since March had been ruined by something or other. True, they hadn’t managed to plan many, but that made the lack of success even worse. He was fed up of being let down all the time, and there was something about tonight that had really got to him. His chest hurt. Broken promises always hurt like this.

-

Eventually, Loki dragged himself up and washed again, and by the time he’d finished doing so, his tears had subsided. He turned off the shower, stepping out of the bath and pulling a towel round himself. He ran cool water over his flannel and bathed his sore eyes. His left one was ringed with nasty bruises. He hoped they’d fade soon. 

-

Loki pulled on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. He towelled his hair quickly and combed it, thinking. He suddenly knew what he wanted. He opened the top drawer of his bedside table, searching through it with little success. He slammed it shut - and heard the door open. He turned round to see Peter, a glass in one hand, and a packet of Loki’s cigarettes in his other hand. 

“I thought you might want these” he said nervously.

Loki sat down on the bed, touched. Peter approached cautiously, handing the drink and cigarettes over.

“I didn’t know how much rum you’re supposed to put in. I might have used too much” 

Loki took a sip. It was a bit strong, but he was grateful of it. Peter found the coat he’d been wearing on their walk, and got out Loki’s new lighter. He sat next to him on the bed, handing it over. Loki took it, and Peter leant against him.

“I’m sorry”

No clarification was needed. Loki took a deep breath, swapping his glass to his left hand so he could put an arm round him. 

“Thank you”

Peter could feel the heat radiating off him.

“Mr Loki, sir? You’re really warm. Can we go out to the balcony for a bit?”

“I’m fine” Loki said, but he stood up and followed Peter out anyway.

-

While Loki settled on the balcony, Peter went back to the liquor cabinet. He gathered up a load of mixer cans, another glass, a bottle of pop for himself, and the bottle of Kraken rum. It was a bit of a handful, but he managed to get back to the balcony without dropping anything. 

The evening was warmer than the day had been. Peter sat on the sun lounger beside Loki. Loki was sat back, drink in one hand, near-finished cigarette in the other, watching the sky. Peter watched him. He hated that he looked so sad. But he liked everything else about him. Loki soon caught him looking. He opened his cigarettes, offering the box to Peter. Peter hesitated, and took one from the box. He was surprised that they were soft. Loki handed him the lighter. Peter looked at the cigarette, taking a moment to work out which way round he was supposed to be, and another moment to work out the lighter. He finally got it to strike, and held the end of the cigarette to the flame.

“You’ll never get it lit like that” Loki said, stubbing out his finished one. “You want to hold it between your teeth, and inhale while you light it”

“Oh. Um”

“Here, let me” 

He took the cigarette and lighter from Peter, demonstrating as he lit it, and passed it back to Peter before lighting another for himself. Peter looked at the cigarette, watching the embers burn. He copied Loki, holding it between his fore and middle fingers. He wasn’t entirely sure what to do, but he’d seen people smoking before. It was basically just inhaling - how hard could it be?

He took a deep drag - and coughed as it singed the back of his throat. 

“Feel like you’ve poured an ashtray down your throat?” he nodded when Peter did. “You inhaled too hard. Just do it gently”

Peter tried again. This time was better. Loki nodded, picking up his drink and going back to watching the sky. Peter watched him, trying to copy. He wasn’t sure what he was doing. Was he supposed to blow the smoke, or just let it leave in a breath? Was he supposed to hold the smoke before exhaling? He didn’t know. Watching Loki, he saw it was maybe a mix. He just experimented a little. He wasn’t sure what he thought of it, but he could see Loki had started to relax.

“When did you last have a date night?”

“March” Loki replied, extinguishing his cigarette. “We went go-karting. Tony lost and got all defensive about it. It was fun. I was better at it than we both expected. Tony kept crashing. He got annoyed about that too”

“That’s a while ago”

“Things keep getting in the way” He finished his drink. “Work, mostly”

Peter stood up to reach the ashtray, dropping his stub in it. He took Loki’s glass, fixing him another drink. Loki accepted it gratefully. Peter sat back down, watching him. 

“Mr Loki? Um… Can I..?”

Loki looked at him, and it clicked. He handed him the cigarettes and lighter, and moved the ashtray onto the ledge between their chairs. Peter tried to light it himself this time, but it didn’t quite work. 

“Here” Loki leant over, shielding the flame of the lighter for him. 

It lit, and Peter nodded in thanks. Loki took the lighter so he could have another himself. Peter felt he was starting to get the hang of it. He still wasn’t sure what he felt about it, but he liked matching Loki. Well, they weren’t quite matching…

“What does rum taste like?”

Loki handed him his drink. Peter took it, feeling a bit funny, and took a sip. He was surprised.

“It’s good”

“Fix yourself one. But don’t use as much rum”

Peter nodded, getting Loki to hold his cigarette for him while he fixed his drink. He took it back and sat back in his chair with his drink. He had this niggling thought in the back of his mind that he could get into trouble for this, but he pushed it back. He liked the drink, and he was almost starting to like the smoking. But more than anything, he liked the company, and that was what mattered most.

-

The world started to grow dusky around them. The balcony was bathed in smoke and laughter. Loki’s mood had lifted with the help of his favourite rum and his little friend. Peter leant against the arm of his chair, smiling up at Loki, his cheeks pink. He understood why Loki liked to drink now. He felt  _good_ ; fuzzy and light and loving. He definitely liked rum (at least, when it was mixed with coke!), and he’d started to like smoking, if only because he liked the way Loki looked while he was smoking, and he fancied he might hold the same aesthetic. 

“You’re my favourite non-human humanoid, you know that?”

“And you’re my favourite super-powered human” 

Peter put his empty glass down, holding a hand out to Loki, who was happy to hold it. 

“Are you looking forward to going on holiday?”

“If it happens” Loki said. “I wouldn’t be surprised if Tony got caught up with work”

“Don’t say that: it’ll happen, and it’ll be fun. Has he told you where we’re going?”

“No, and I don’t think he will for a while yet” 

Peter raised Loki’s hand to his mouth, breathing in the smell of his skin. Life certainly felt dreamlike right now. He kissed Loki’s hand.

“Can I get a hug?”

Peter let go of his hand and stood up - and very nearly fell right over. Loki was quick to jump up and grab him. Peter giggled, grabbing onto Loki’s arms.

“You didn’t say it hits you when you stand up”

Loki smiled. “You’re fine. Just take a minute to get your bearings”

Peter looked up at him. “Is this what ‘drunk’ is?”

“You haven’t had that much. But, yes, I think maybe you  _are_ drunk”

Peter rested his forehead against Loki’s chest. “Love you”

Loki kissed his head. “Love you too. I’m gonna sit back down”

He let go of Peter slowly and sat back down. He held a hand out to Peter. 

“I, uh, I’m just gonna go to the bathroom”

“You’re not feeling sick, are you?” Loki asked, suddenly concerned.

Peter shook his head. “No, I just need a wee”

-

Peter was surprised at how late it had gotten. He was coming back from the bathroom, humming to himself, when he saw Tony.

“Mr Stark! I didn’t know you were back”

“I’m only just back. What are you grinning at?”

“I love you. Can I have a hug?”

Tony smiled. “Sure”

Peter fell on him, nuzzling into his chest and holding him tight. Tony held him tight, but his brow furrowed and he soon held Peter at arms length.

“You smell of smoke”

“I’ve been with Loki” 

Tony took his hand, raising it to his mouth. He could smell the tobacco on his fingers. He let go of his hand, keeping hold of his shoulder.

“You’ve been smoking”

“No I haven’t!” he lied.

“Yes you have” he looked at him, suddenly noticing the blush on his cheeks and the way he was standing: lopsided, and veering off to one side. “Peter, have you been  _drinking_?”

“No! Of course I haven’t!” Peter insisted.

“Come here” he pulled him closer, kissing him briefly. He could taste the rum on his lips. “You  _have_ been drinking! How dare you?! Loki!”

Loki appeared within seconds. 

“Loki, did you let Peter smoke and drink with you?”

“No, he didn’t! I haven’t!”

“You be quiet! You’re in serious trouble, young man!” he turned back to Loki. “Loki?”

“Yes” 

“Right” he let go of Peter’s shoulders. “Can I borrow you in the kitchen for a quick chat?”

-

They’d left the kitchen door open. Peter hid out of sight, peering round the door frame. He should have avoided Tony, he knew that now. He’d gotten two people into trouble now. Tony and Loki were arguing in angry whispers, obviously trying to stop Peter from hearing. He hadn’t been able to hear a lot of it, but things were getting more heated now, and he could hear more. He swallowed hard, feeling quite scared now.

“The point is, you gave them to him! You gave a fifteen year old kid alcohol and cigarettes”

“He didn’t have to take them. It’s not like I forced him: he could’ve said no”

“He’s a little kid and he looks up to you; of course he’s not going to say no when you offer him these things. How dare you think it’s acceptable to do that?”

“I don’t have to listen to this” 

Loki turned to leave, and Tony grabbed hold of him by the wrist, pulling him back into place.

“You don’t get to just walk away from this!” he hissed, smacking him hard just below the hip. 

Peter flinched at the smack, hitting his arm on the door frame. Loki stopped mid-sentence, having heard him. 

“Peter” Tony said. “We knew you’re there”

There was no point staying hidden. He swallowed hard and emerged from the shadows of the hall into the light of the kitchen. 

“I hope you understand just how much trouble you’re in” 

Peter couldn’t look at him. He looked at Loki instead.

“He hit you”

“What?” Loki looked at him, gone-out. 

“Peter, answer me. Do you understand that you’re going to be severely punished for this? And do you understand why?”

Playing dumb wasn’t an option either. “I understand. But it’s not fair”

“Excuse me? It’s entirely fair. You do something wrong, you get punished for it. That’s how the world works”

“But Loki let me! So doesn’t that make it ok? Parental consent and stuff?”

“Loki is  _not_ your parent, nor is he allowed to act as such. Your aunt left me in charge of you. Me. Not Loki. And while you’re under my roof, you’ll play by my rules, go it?”

Peter could feel himself tearing up. He hated this. “It’s not fair! It’s not like you’ve never done anything wrong in your life!”

“I’ve had enough of your insolence. Go to your room!” 

“No, I’m not finished here! Why shou-”

“I said; go to your room!”

“And I said no! Don’t interrupt me! I’ve got stuff to say! You-”

“Go to your room,  **now**!” Tony shouted. 

Peter stopped. For a moment he felt like he was stuck to the spot, but he soon found his feet again, and he was glad of it. He retreated to the safety of his room at top speed, closing the door tight behind him and collapsing against it. He started to cry despite himself. He was scared, he was upset, and he was still overcome with drunken confusion. He couldn’t believe that just half an hour ago he’d been so happy. What had gone wrong?

-

Tony was shaking with adrenaline. Loki sat him down at the breakfast bar and sorted them both a hot drink. He gave Tony his mug and sat down opposite him. 

“I didn’t think” Loki said. “I was upset. He was there. He wanted to share some time with me. I didn’t really think about it when he accepted”

“He’s just a kid. He’s too young for that stuff. What’s his aunt going to say?”

“Why does she need to know? Look, I admit I should’ve thought about it. But I’d offered him before, in better states of mind, and he’d always declined. How was I to know he’d accept?”

“I’m not really sure that’s the point. He’s done some silly things before, but he’s a good kid really. Never rebellious, not like this. I should tell his aunt, really”

“What good would that do?” Loki set his mug down. “It just means he’ll get into trouble twice”

Tony sighed. “I suppose you’re right”

They were quiet for a moment. 

“What are you going to do to him?”

Tony sighed again. “I don’t know. I’ll have to punish him somehow”

“What are you thinking?”

“That nothing fits. Grounding him wouldn’t do any good, because he doesn’t really go out on his own anyway. I can’t confiscate his phone, because that’s how he keeps in touch with his aunt. I can’t hit him, for obvious reasons. I can’t really do anything, other than tell him off”

Loki stayed quiet. He didn’t think Peter should be in trouble, and there was no way he was going to suggest forms of discipline. 

“I’ll have to have a think. I’ll sort him out in the morning. I should be able to think of a suitable punishment overnight”

Loki nodded slightly. Tony stood up. 

“I’m going to bed. Can you do shut down?”

Loki nodded.

-

Loki went to see Peter, but found him fast asleep. Loki filled his water glass for him and tucked him into bed properly. He hoped he wasn’t too upset. 

Loki stripped down to his boxers and donned his dressing gown, wrapping the quilted blanket round his shoulders, grabbing his pig, and going off to Tony’s room.   
Tony was sat up in bed, scrolling through his emails on his phone. He looked up when Loki came into the room.

“Am I forgiven?”

Tony sighed, slowly turning his phone off and setting it down on the bedside table. He held an arm out to Loki.

“Come here, you”

Loki curled up beside Tony, and Tony pulled him close, wrapping the blanket round the both of them and holding him close.

“I really am sorry about today”

“I know. It’s not your fault” Loki said. “Sorry I got so upset about it”

“Hey, don’t you dare apologise. I was upset too. I hate having to let you down like that. I know it’s been so long since we’ve had a proper date night. I wouldn’t blame you for feeling neglected”

Loki cuddled up against him. “You do your best. You’re a busy man” 

“Be honest with me, lolly”

Loki was quiet for a full minute, thinking. “I felt really let down by you today. I know we’ve been rubbish with keeping up with date nights, but every single plan we’ve had since March has been ruined. I know it’s not all your fault, but I still feel upset about it”

Tony held him tight. “I know. And I know it’s not the same thing, but I really hope this holiday helps you feel better. We can spend the whole time doing whatever we want, and leaving our phones turned off”

“I’m grateful to you for your efforts, you know that, don’t you? I know that part of the reason why you bring your work back here so you’re about for me more”

“How do you know that?”

“I overheard you on the phone once… Tony, I know I can be… Well, me, sometimes, but it really does mean a lot to me, what you do”

“It’s partly a selfish reason as well” Tony said. “I like being home. And I like having you under my arm as much as humanly possible. So you’re stuck with me”

Loki smiled. “Give me some hints about our holiday”

Tony sighed. “You’re relentless” he thought for a moment. “Abigail, Seahorses, Pitter-Patter” 

Loki looked at him, gone-out. “You’re talking nonsense” 

“It’s an obscure reference”

“It’s nonsense”

Tony grinned. “Whatever you want to believe, honey”

Loki rolled his eyes, cuddling ever closer to Tony, pulling the blanket up over his shoulder better, and nuzzling into Tony’s chest. He was tired. Tony held him so securely. Things got difficult at times, and today had definitely be one of those times. But there was no denying how much Tony loved him, and sometimes, just that knowledge was more than enough.

*


	18. Pray You Never Feel This Same Kind Of Remorse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emotions are running high on another yo-yo-like day. Filters seem to be a thing of the past, and no one asked for awkward conversations, but that’s what they got

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> domestic, hurt/comfort, family dynamic, mental health issues, problems, bedroom stuff/talk, awkward, Tony in Dad Mode, nsfw stuff, teenager stuff
> 
>  
> 
> I'd like to apologise in advance

-

Loki awoke to the sound of Peter and Tony shouting at each other. He sighed heavily. It was only 7.30am, and he was tired. He pulled the pillow over his head, but soon even that wasn’t enough to block it out. He sighed, dragging himself from the bed and going out to the hallway where the shouting was taking place. They didn’t notice him at first. Peter was shaking all over from his anger, and Tony was trying very hard indeed not to lose his temper. He was very close to losing that battle. Peter kept goading him. 

“Come on then! I thought you were supposed to be punishing me, so just do it!”

Loki was surprised at the venom with which he shouted. It all seemed so out of character for him.

“Just hit me! Why won’t you do it? You’re fine with hitting your own boyfriend, aren’t you, so why won’t you hit me? Do it!”

Loki grabbed hold of Tony by the wrist, stopping him, pulling him back with his other arm round his chest. 

“Don’t do it: he’s just trying to get a reaction out of you”

Tony ignored Loki, staring Peter down.

“I swear to god, if you were my own kid, I’d slipper you good and proper. What the hell has gotten into you? You need to learn to channel your aggression” 

Peter stepped back slightly, suddenly cautious. He hadn’t expected Tony to actually take a swing at him. He knew he’d pushed him too far. 

“Get to your room” Tony snapped. “I’ll be with you in a minute”

Once Peter was out of sight, Loki let go of him. Tony turned round, burying his face in Loki’s shoulder. 

“I have no idea how to cope with this. I don’t know what’s gotten into him”

Loki hugged him tight. “He’s just upset. I don’t think he knows how to cope with it either” 

“I feel like I’ve screwed up”

“You haven’t. You’re good with him. He respects you. He’ll be back to his usual self in a day or two” 

Tony stepped back, keeping his hands on Loki’s hips. “I’m sorry we woke you. I’ll sort this. Why don’t you go back to bed for a bit?”

Loki knew it wasn’t really a suggestion. He gave Tony another hug, kissing his cheek.

“You know where I am if you need me”

-

Loki slept a while longer, but dragged himself from Tony’s bed at around 9am. He found Tony in the kitchen, working on his laptop. He went to give him a hug, but stopped, spotting something out of the corner of his eye. He turned and saw Peter on his hands and knees, a scrubbing brush in one hand, and a bucket of soapy water at his side.

“What are you doing down there?”

“Channelling my aggression, apparently” Peter mumbled bitterly. 

Loki looked at Tony. “You’re making him scrub the floor?”

“Yep, and you’re not to help him” 

Loki decided not to comment. He gave Tony a quick hug and went to switch the kettle on. He got his mug down from his cupboard, and looked through his boxes of teas, deciding he quite fancied chai this morning. He took down the box, and found it was suspiciously light. He opened it and found it empty. 

“Why the hell would you put an empty box back in the cupboard?” he threw the box at Peter.

“Ow! Hey!”

“Oh come on, that didn’t hurt” he slammed his cupboard, retrieving the box and throwing it in the recycling. 

“Have darjeeling instead” Tony suggested. “You’ve got loads of that”

Loki went back to his cupboard, opening it again and choosing the Lady Grey. He was a bit annoyed now. 

“I’ll have to go shopping later: I’m fast running out of tea” 

“You’ve got an almost full box of darjeeling” 

Loki rolled his eyes. “I’m running out of biscuits too. And ice lollies”

“I bought you a box of Twisters two days ago”

“I’ve only got one left”

Tony looked up from his laptop. “You need to limit yourself”

Loki shrugged, pouring water into his mug and leaving the tea to brew. He went over and closed Tony’s laptop.

“Uh, I’m trying to work here”

“You’re entitled to a break”

“Not when I’m this busy” he opened the laptop, and Loki immediately closed it again. Tony sighed. “What do you want?”

“Attention”

“Sit on my lap then. But sort your tea first. And have something to eat”

“I’m not hungry: I might have finished your stash of cereal bars” 

“Add them to your shopping list”

Loki went and sorted his tea, and returned to Tony, climbing onto his lap. Tony opened his laptop again, typing with one hand so he could hug Loki with the other. 

Peter looked up at them for a moment. He made eye contact with Loki but quickly looked away. He didn’t want to be watched. He was fed up. His knees were sore and rubbed from kneeling on the wet floor in his jeans, and his hand already hurt, and he’d only done a small section of the floor. It was going to be a long morning. 

-

Loki went out around 10am, leaving Tony and Peter alone once again. Peter was feeling more and more fed up. Tony made a snide comment every time he stopped scrubbing, so he had no time to rest. His wrist ached and he felt sore all over. ‘ _I’ll never be able to look at a chess board again’_ he thought to himself as he rubbed away at the tiles. 

It was tiring work. He hated that Tony was working in the kitchen instead of just leaving him to it. He hated that the only sounds in the room were the brush against the tiles, and the sound of Tony’s keyboard, occasionally broken by the sound of the brush being dipped in the water bucket. He was upset. He wanted his aunt. He wanted Loki. He wanted to erase the previous night so that he’d never gotten into trouble. He started crying quietly, tears blurring his vision and dripping down his cheeks. He hoped Tony wouldn’t notice. 

-

They were still working away when Loki returned. Loki ruffled Peter’s hair gently while Tony wasn’t looking.

“They didn’t have any of the Frosties ones” Loki said, setting two boxes of Rice Krispies cereal bars down on the breakfast bar. 

“Those ones are fine, thanks, sweetheart” 

Loki put his ice lollies in the freezer and went over to the counter by his cupboard, putting the rest of his shopping away. He set a box of chai tea down on the counter by the sugar bowl. He made eye contact with Peter, pointing at him and then the box, mouthing ‘ _Yours’_ at him. Peter felt too weak to smile. 

-

The floor seemed to stretch out for miles. It felt like a never-ending task. He was rubbed and sore and tired and achy and hungry. He felt drained. He just wanted to sleep. He cursed Tony for having such a big kitchen.

-

Eventually, every inch of the floor had been scrubbed. Peter stood up slowly, sucking his breath. Everything hurt. His knees had seized up. He’d been on his hands and knees for so long. His back ached like anything, and his hands and knees were terribly rubbed. Tony looked at him, nodding.

“Good. Empty your bucket and put it back in the cleaning cupboard. I hope you’ve learnt your lesson” 

Peter nodded weakly, emptying his bucket into the sink, dropping his brush into it, and shoving it back into the cleaning cupboard. He never wanted to see it again.

He stumbled off to the back room, flopping down on the futon and pulling a nearby blanket over him. He felt like he could sleep for a week.

-

Loki set the tray down on the lamp table and knelt in front of the sofa, giving Peter a shake.

“Peter, time to wake up now” 

Peter stirred, whining a little as he woke up. Loki smiled at him.

“How do you feel?”

Peter thought for a moment. “…Sore”

“I thought you might. Do you want a hug?”

“Yes please”

He sat up, leaning forwards to hug him tight. He was still hurting, both physically and emotionally. It felt good to get a bit of positive attention. Loki gave him a squeeze and let go, grabbing a cushion and plonking it onto Peter’s lap.

“Right, you need to eat. You must be starving”

Peter nodded, and Loki took the tray from the lamp table and set it on Peter’s lap. 

“Eat. It’ll make you feel better, I promise”

“You made this?”

“Naturally. Do you really think I’d palm you off with a ready-meal?” he sat down beside him. “Tony’s in octopus mode today, so I just made something relatively quick and simple. You do like lasagne, don’t you?”

Peter nodded. “I do… Thank you”

“You’re welcome” Loki nodded. “Come on; it’ll go cold if you leave it too long”

Peter looked down at his plate. It looked good, and it smelt good too. He picked up the fork. 

That first mouthful tasted incredible. He stopped for a moment, closing his eyes and savouring it. It seemed to make him realise just how hungry he was, because he soon opened his eyes and dug in properly. 

“You should cook more often”

“It’s Tony’s job” Loki said, but he was pleased. 

“Y’know, I didn’t think cleaning the floor would hurt so much. I think I would’ve preferred the spanking”

Loki laughed at him. “Ah, you say that now, but you don’t know how hard he can hit”

Peter shrugged. “Well, it’s different when he does it to you. It’s that weird grown-up stuff” he stopped, lifting his head, suddenly remembering; “He smacked you last night”

Loki looked at him. “Did he?”

“Yeah… Y’know, when you tried to walk away. He hit you…” 

“Oooh” Loki nodded, and shook his head. “That wasn’t a smack”

“I saw it happen. I can’t believe he hit you”

“He didn’t” Loki said, firmly. “It was a tap. Something of a warning. That’s all. You worry too much”

“It sounded like he hit you so hard though. Didn’t it hurt?”

“Not a bit”

“Are you sure?”

“Peter” Loki placed a hand under his chin, looking him in the eye. “Tony would never hurt me. It really was just a tap”

Peter looked at him, and found he believed him, and that was a huge relief. He breathed out, going back to his plate and picking up a slice of garlic bread.

“I think I knew that really” he said, munching. “I just got scared last night. I think I was confused, y’know, because I was drunk…”

“I think you probably were” Loki said. “I wouldn’t worry if I were you”

“You say that a lot for someone who worries so much himself”

Loki stood up. “I’ll be back in a minute”

“Where are you going?”

“I just need to grab something”

-

Peter felt much better now he had a full stomach. He moved the tray aside and wrapped the blanket round his shoulders. Loki returned, book in hand. He sat down on the futon, pulling Peter onto his lap.

“What did you mean when you said it was warning?”

Loki didn’t need him to clarify. “He didn’t hit me to hurt me: he never does. It’s a hard tap that means different things depending on situation. Last night, it meant; ‘don’t push me’. It really is nothing you need to worry about”

Peter nodded. “I’m glad you’ve cleared it up. I’d hate to think that Mr Stark could do something to hurt you”

Loki held him tight. “He wouldn’t. I think you know that”

Peter settled against him. He knew. Loki opened the book. 

“When Marilla took Anne up to bed that night she said stiffly: ‘Now, Anne, I noticed last night that you threw your clothes about the floor when you took them off. That is a very untidy habit, and I can’t allow it at all. As soon as you take off any article of clothing fold it nearly and place it on the chair. I haven’t any use at all for little girls who aren’t neat’”

-

All of the pain of the morning and the evening before faded as Peter relaxed against Loki and listened to him read. Loki was right: he was enjoying it, and he  _loved_ Anne: she was so unreserved and unapologetic about her mind. He didn’t know what it was like to be in her position, of course he didn’t:- but he related to her nonetheless. Loki’s voice was so soothing. He read with such devotion. It was obvious this was a story that had grown to mean a lot to him, and as such, it allowed Peter to feel the same about the work.

“Marilla felt helplessly that all this should be sternly reproved, but she was hampered by the undeniable fact that some of the things Anne had said, especially about the minster’s sermons and Me Bell’s prayers, were what she herself had really thought deep down in her heart for years, but had never given expression to. It almost seemed to her that those secret, unuttered, critical thoughts had taken visible and accusing shape and form in the person of this outspoken morsel of neglected humanity” 

The book was closed, and Peter was silent for quite some time.

“I wish I had a family”

Loki was a little surprised. “You’ve got one, haven’t you?”

“Well, I’ve got aunt May…”

“What about your parents?”

Peter swallowed. “They died when I was little. I don’t really remember them at all”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know” 

Peter shook his head. “It’s ok. There’s no reason why you should. I do still feel very sad about it sometimes… What about you? You were adopted, weren’t you?”

“I love my adoptive mother. My real father left me for dead. I don’t know anything about the other parent. It doesn’t matter anyway. They can’t have cared either, otherwise they wouldn’t have left a newborn baby on a rock to die”

Peter shifted off Loki’s lap, looking at him. “Mr Loki? What are you?”

“I’ll show you. But it’s not nice” He closed his eyes.

Peter looked at him quizzically, and his eyes widened as Loki’s pale skin tinged blue. He jumped back, putting distance between them. Loki’s skin turned a rich blue, raised markings appearing on his skin. He opened his eyes - and Peter jumped. They were red, completely: he didn’t seem to have pupils or an iris at all. He couldn’t help feeling utterly terrified - just for a moment.

Peter shifted closer,swallowing hard, kneeling up and taking Loki’s face in his hands.

“You’re cold…”

He traced the raised marks of his skin with his fingers. He still felt scared - but despite this appearance, this was still the Loki he knew and loved. 

“Loki”

Peter and Loki both looked up, sharpish, and saw Tony and Thor in the doorway. The blue faded, and as Loki’s skin turned back to normal, Peter felt the heat return to his body. 

For a moment they were all still, and then Loki’s shoulders started to shake and he covered his mouth with his hands. Peter panicked. 

“Mr Loki? Mr Loki, are you ok?!”

He was pushed aside, and Thor pulled Loki close, and Loki clung to him. Peter suddenly burst into tears too. 

“Please don’t cry! I don’t want you to cry, Mr Loki!”

Tony pulled Peter into a hug, and Peter accepted it. Tony and Thor exchanged looks. Tony felt funny:- Loki’s Jotun form had always unnerved him, and he knew Loki hated that form too. 

-

Loki stopped crying after a few minutes, pulling away from Thor and wiping the tears from his face. He wasn’t sure what had come over him. He moved Tony aside and held Peter close until he managed to quieten. 

“There now” he said gently. “It’s ok. Shh” 

Peter looked up at him. “I love you so much. I don’t want you to be sad anymore!” And just like that, he started howling again. 

Loki sat down on the futon, pulling Peter onto his lap. “Shh. I’m ok. I just got a little upset. I didn’t find out about what I was until a few years ago… I shouldn’t have showed you. I know it’s horrible”

“It’s not horrible” Peter sniffled. “You’re still handsome when you’re blue. But it’s not you.  _This_ is you, all pale and poorly-looking. But I wish you didn’t look poorly”

Loki didn’t know what to say to that. He kissed Peter’s head gently.

“That’s enough now. It’s time to stop crying” 

“It’s so hard”

“I know. But you still need to try”

Peter started to calm down, and within a minute, had gone quiet completely. Thor sat to Loki’s right, and Tony to his left.

“Are you alright, brother?”

Loki nodded, holding Peter tight. “What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to see you” Thor said. “Your eye is starting to look better”

Loki stood up, Peter in his arms. “We need some time to ourselves”

Thor and Tony watched them go, and turned to each other.

“What’s that look for?” Tony asked, defensively. “I don’t know what’s gotten into them either”

Thor relented, sighing heavily. “He’s taken a shine to your little spider-boy. He’s a good kid. I think they may be good for each other”

“They’re friends. Loki needs some friends. He lost a lot when we stopped going out to our bar”

“I don’t know what’s going on between you two” Thor said. “But I know you’re capable of making him happy. You need to start treating him right again. It breaks my heart to think he’s hurting”

“Well if you stopped throwing your accusations around, that would help” Tony said. “You always upset him when you come round”

“I worry about him. And I don’t trust you”

Tony stood up. “Get out of my house. I’m sick of you showing up and accusing me of being a wife-beater”

“I’m not going to stand by and see you hurt him” Thor stood up, poking Tony hard in the chest. “I’m keeping a close eye on you, Stark. One false move, and I’ll make sure you never see my brother again”

Tony held his tongue. He didn’t feel like another shouting match. He glared at Thor, staring him down until finally, he broke and walked away.

-

Peter swallowed. It felt good, oddly.

“I use this myself. It’s expensive, but it’s well worth it. Cleaning chemicals can be harsh on your skin” Loki continued rubbing the cream into his hands. “It’ll help”

“How did you find that out?”

Loki gestured vaguely. “Who do you think keeps this place looking like something out of Good Homes?”

“I thought Mr Stark had a cleaner” Peter said, surprised.

“Have you seen a cleaner about?”

“Well, no, but…” he stopped. “You do all the housework?”

“Well. Not  _all_ of it. But most of it” He let go of Peter’s hand, screwing the lid back onto the hand cream. “Tony’s the breadwinner, so I keep the nest tidy. Mostly. He does the bins and the laundry and some of the hoovering and most of the cooking. And we both tidy up after ourselves. It goes a long way to keeping the house clean”

“I gotta admit; I didn’t expect this”

“No? Well, we had to set out a job list quite early on. Tony used to drive me insane. So now he has his few jobs, and I do the rest. I don’t mind: it’s my home too, and I like it to be nice”

“Wait, so it’s you who’s been changing my bedding and cleaning the sink in my room?”

“Why is this such a surprise to you? Yeah, I clean. As I said; I don’t mind. You can do most of it on auto-pilot anyway, so I don’t really think about it” 

Peter tried to imagine Loki cleaning mirrors and mopping the floor. Somehow he couldn’t conjure the images up. Loki ruffled his hair. 

“Being a God doesn’t mean I don’t know how to flick a duster, you know”

“I know, but still. I thought Mr Stark  _would_ have a cleaner”

“I think he  _used_ to. But it’s a good way to channel yourself, cleaning - as you probably know by now - so he did a lot of it himself. And we haven’t had one since I moved in. We’re not messy people. Scruffy, maybe, but not messy. We don’t need any household help”

“Well another thing; I didn’t think Mr Stark even knew how to cook before I came here” 

Loki grinned. “I’ll forgive you for that one. Pepper forced him to go on a course. It was a while ago now, while we were still in our clubbing phase. I wasn’t sure about it. Pepper said I’d thank her one day. She was right: now that he’s learnt, he’s a pretty good cook”

“Ok. But one more thing: that is, if I can be blunt”

Loki nodded. 

“I still don’t get the whole spanking thing”

Loki looked at him blankly. “What?”

“How can people enjoy being hurt?”

“Oh.  _Oh_ ” Loki could see what he was getting at. He rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “You really have no filter”

“I know, but it’s not like there’s anyone else I can ask about this kinda stuff; and I don’t trust the internet”

Loki laughed awkwardly. “Ok, can’t say I blame you”

He went and put the hand cream back on it’s shelf in the en suite and returned to Peter, lying on his side on the bed, facing him. 

“Fire away”

“Is there really any pleasure in it?”

“Uhhh. Well, I like it” he felt horribly awkward. 

“Why?”

“ _I_ don’t know. I just do. It’s one of those things” 

Peter frowned. “But doesn’t it hurt?”

“Well, yeah, but it hurts in a good way”

“How can it hurt in a good way?”

“It just does. I think you’re missing that it isn’t done out of anger or malice. It really is a thing of- well, love, I suppose. You have to put a lot of trust in people if you’re doing that kind of thing” Loki could feel himself blushing. 

“So, like, what position do you do?”

“Right, that’s enough!” Loki sat up quickly. “You need a sex ed lesson. You should ask Tony”

Peter sat up. “I can’t talk about sex with Mr  _Stark_!”

“Why not? He’s your mentor, isn’t he? I’ll ask him for you”

-

Loki was out of the room before Peter had time to react. He struggled up from the bed, running after him and jumping on his back.

“Don’t!”

“Ow! Hey, watch where you’re putting your feet” 

“Promise you won’t ask him then!”

“Promise you won’t ask me what?” Tony asked, appearing at the sound of the kerfuffle. 

“Your son needs a sex ed lesson”

“Shut up!” Peter clamped his hand down over Loki’s mouth. “You promised you wouldn’t!”

Loki pulled his hand away. “Did I heck! Now get off my back”

Tony laughed at them. “Alright, alright. I’ll get into dad mode. Come with me, then”

“No! Loki! This is your fault!” Peter head-locked Loki, still on his back. 

Loki grinned. “He wants to know about BDSM culture”

Peter squeaked indignantly. “Shut up!” 

“Ow! Hey, watch it!” Loki prised Peter off him. “God, you’re a strong kid”

Peter faced him head on, shoving him. “You’re rude!”

Tony grabbed Peter by the shoulders. “Come on; leave Loki alone. We’ll go and have a little talk, ok?”

Peter was furious with embarrassment, but he could see that A) Loki had well and truly landed him in it, and B) Tony was 100% not going to let him back out of it. He glared at Loki.

“I will destroy you”

Loki stuck his tongue out at him. “I’d like to see you try”

Tony held him tighter, shaking his head at Loki and turning Peter round, guiding him towards the back room.

-

Tony sat down on the sofa with Peter, who sat back with his arms crossed over his chest, feeling sulky. 

“What’s that face for?”

“I don’t need a sex ed lesson”

“Well, Loki seems to think otherwise. What did you ask him?”

Peter turned his head away. He didn’t want to do this, not with Tony. 

“He said you want to know about BDSM” Tony persisted. “What do you want to know?”

Peter glanced at him. He was facing him, leaning his elbow against the back of the futon. He looked relaxed, and his body language was open. Peter turned to him properly. 

“I don’t get it”

“What don’t you get about it?”

“Well,  _all_ of it. How can hurting someone be an expression of love? How can there be pleasure in being hurt? Isn’t love about being soft?” 

“Love comes in many forms. BDSM is just something that some couples like. It’s consensual, of course, and-”

“I know people do it, but I don’t understand it” Peter interrupted. “It just seems scary”

Tony nodded. “I know. Look, I’ll be completely honest with you: I looked at this stuff online before trying anything with Loki. And some of the things I saw made me feel physically sick. It was like watching torture. I still don’t understand that. It looked like agony. And it  _was_ scary,  _is_ scary. But obviously those people must get something out of it, otherwise they wouldn’t do it”

Peter swallowed hard. He’d stumbled across similar stuff before. “But  _you_  do it…”

“We’ve never really thought about it as BDSM. It sounds like a strong term. But I suppose that’s what it is, even if it’s a mild version. There’s still a huge amount of trust that goes into it”

“So what, do you just jump them one day and go from there?”

“No! No, absolutely, most definitely not! You can’t just  _attack_ your partner. I know it seems like some weird grown-up thing to you right now, but if you ever get into it when you’re older, you absolutely have to communicate absolutely everything. You both need to consent. There’s a thin line to cross before it’s abuse” 

“But what if they like it at first and then stop liking it? What then?” He was suddenly overcome with embarrassment, and turned his head away quickly. “I can’t believe we’re talking about this…”

“It’s natural for you to be curious. I think it’s better you learn it from me than some dodgy website” Tony said. “Do you know what a safe word is?”

Peter nodded. He was familiar with the concept.

“They’re an important tool. As soon as someone starts feeling uncomfortable or they don’t want to carry on, they can just say the safe word and their partner will stop” 

“What word are you supposed to use?”

“Well. That’s up to you and your partner. We used ‘Police’ for a while, but we moved on to the traffic light system” he answered Peter’s questioning look: “Green means it’s all good, amber or yellow means unsure, and red means stop”

“I suppose that’s self explanatory” he was starting to feel more comfortable talking about it now. “Mr Stark, can I say something unrelated?” 

“Go ahead”

“You scared me when you hit Loki yesterday”

Tony looked shocked. “I didn’t hit him! What are you talking about?!”

“I-I know it was just a warning tap, but it sounded like you’d hit him properly. I believe Loki, it’s just… you really  _haven’t_ hurt him before, have you?”

“Of course I haven’t. I’ve never laid a hand on him. Aside from in the bedroom stuff, but like we’ve said; that’s consensual. Do you really think I could hurt him?”

Peter shook his head. “Not intentionally, no” 

"I would never hurt him. How could I?" 

"I know. Sorry. I just worry about him. He’s my friend" 

"I know he is. I’m so glad of it too. I was 100% prepared for a really difficult summer. Loki wasn’t happy when I told him you were coming to stay. Scratch that: he was downright furious. We had a massive argument. I think he was just being territorial - didn’t like the idea of someone else in his home. He finally came round to the idea, but was adamant he’d have nothing to do with you”

Peter couldn’t help feeling hurt. Tony noticed. 

“Hey” he said gently. “That was all before he got to know you. He loves you now, so don’t fixate on the past" 

Peter nodded. "I love him too… Um, Mr Stark?" 

"Yeah?" 

"This conversation is just between us, right? It won’t leave this room?" 

"Sure, if that’s the way you want it" 

Peter nodded again, swallowing hard. He trusted Tony completely, but he was still nervous. His stomach was squeezing and it took him a few minutes to find his voice again. All the while, Tony sat by him, holding his hand and telling him to take his time, that there was no rush. He took a very deep breath and closed his eyes. He exhaled and opened his eyes, looking up at Tony. 

"You were right” he said, voice cracking slightly. “I think I might have a crush on Loki" 

Tony nodded slowly. "I know. I know you do" 

"I don’t know what to do” A single tear dripped down from his eye.

“Come here” Tony pulled him close. “There’s nothing to cry about. So you’ve got a crush. It shouldn’t upset you" 

Peter buried his face in Tony’s chest. "What should I do?" 

"Nothing. There’s nothing you  _can_  do" 

"But I love him" 

"I know. But you’re still just a kid. This might just be a fleeting thing. At the end of the day, you’re a kid crushing on your mentors boyfriend. That’s all it boils down to” He rubbed Peter’s back firmly. “Alright, it’s time to stop crying now. This doesn’t change anything. You can still be his friend, you can still carry on doing what you’re doing. I’m not going to tell him. And I don’t think you should either. Just stay friends. You mean a lot to him, too”

- 

They didn’t talk about the crush too much. They went back to sex ed talks for a while, and Peter felt like something had been alleviated once they’d finished. Peter was tired. It was late afternoon, but it felt like the day had gone on for weeks already. He wandered by Loki’s room. It was empty, so he went and settled himself on the bed. It was more comfortable than his own. He lay on his side and got out his phone, clicking into incognito mode. Tony had cleared up a lot of stuff, but he was still feeling a little curious… 

- 

Loki kicked his shoes off at the front door and hung up his coat. He was tired. He headed to his room, ready to flop. He was a little surprised to find his bed occupied. 

“You appear to have stolen my room" 

"Your bed is better than mine" 

"Memory foam” Loki said, climbing onto the bed and lying behind Peter, looking over his shoulder at his phone. “Hold on, are you looking at porn?!" 

"Just some gifs and stuff” Peter said, unphased. “Mr Stark cleared up some stuff, but I’m still trying to understand it" 

Loki sighed. He felt there was going to be some more questions soon. He sat up against the pillows, pulling Peter onto his lap. 

"It’s weird. Some of it is really horrible” he held up his phone, showing Loki quite an extreme image. 

Loki’s lip twitched. “I know" 

Peter continued scrolling. "Some of it is OK though. I can almost see the appeal"  

Loki peered down at Peter. It seemed he really was just looking out of curiosity.

"The world is so weird. I don’t like all this sex dungeon stuff. It just looks scary. And this looks uncomfortable” he showed Loki an image of a woman on her back, ankles bound, legs held up by the man who was hitting her.

“It’s humiliating” Loki said, speaking from experience. He took Peter’s phone from him, closing the internet. “That’s enough now”

Peter took his phone back and put it in his pocket. He didn’t protest: he’d seen more than he’d planned already. He was quiet for a little while, thinking. He took his phone back out, opening the internet. 

“Show me something you like”

“What did I just say?” Loki said sharply.

“I didn’t mean it like  _that_! I mean just, you know, something you like” 

Loki wasn’t sure what he was expecting. He decided to play it safe. He let Peter hold the phone while he opened YouTube and put on Nate Ruess’s Nothing Without Love music video.

-

Peter looked up at Loki. 

“You think he’s cute, don’t you?”

“Yeah, I like him. The girl is cute too” he said. 

“I like the video. It’s… artistic” 

He didn’t really see what Loki got from it. He thought the singer was a bit funny, definitely not handsome in the conventional sense.

“He dances like Mr Stark” 

He looked at his phone, clicking on the next suggested video - Why Am I The One? By FUN. 

The music video didn’t make all that much sense to Peter, but it was quickly apparent that this was a song Loki felt connected to. He hugged Peter close, resting his head against his. Peter found himself smiling. Loki sensed it, and was relieved that he seemed to like the music. 

-

“Any other suggestions?” 

“Yes, but it doesn’t have a music video”

“That’s fine” Peter said. 

“It’s a cheesy love song” Loki said, typing. “But I like it”

Loki selected a lyric video for his next song - Amazing. Peter didn’t know many Take That songs, so this was new for him. 

Loki was right about the love song bit, but Peter wasn’t sure cheesy was the right adjective. He liked it. But what he liked more was the warmth of Loki’s embrace, the heat of his skin against his own. He closed his eyes, focusing on him. He could smell his familiar smokey, minty, musky smell. Loki kissed him on the cheek, and any kind of composure on Peter’s part went out of the window. He suddenly felt hot all over, and his heart was thumping. He dropped his phone as the song finished, wriggling round and adjusting position so he was facing Loki. 

“They’re underrated” Loki said. “They’re good, don’t you think?”

Peter nodded, looking up at him, looking at his deep eyes and defined bone structure. He thought, just for a moment, about how Tony usually went in to kiss his with lips parted, and how Loki always seemed to automatically respond and know what to do. 

Loki took Peter’s face in his hands for a moment, kissing his forehead. He sat back slightly, combing his hair back with his fingers. He stopped, looking at Peter with some low-level concern.

“Are you alright? Your cheeks are a bit flushed”

“…Yeah…” 

He knelt up, winding his arms round Loki’s neck and burying his face in his shoulder. Loki was a little surprised, but hugged him back all the same. 

“Hey, you’re shaking. Are you sure you’re ok?” 

Peter moved back slightly, arms still round his neck. Loki stroked his hair gently, and Peter looked at him, at the concern in his eyes and the softness he’d grown so used to. He felt sick, nervous, his heart beating so hard he felt it was in danger of bursting through his chest. He thought of Tony for a split second again, swallowing hard. He looked at Loki, mouth slightly open.

And he kissed him.

*


	19. Steal A Kiss And You'll Break Your Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Tony is exasperated, Loki is confused, and Peter is upset
> 
> (and in which I have no idea how to end chapters)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smaller chapter this time, because I'm tired from work and somehow putting ideas into words continues to be incredibly difficult!
> 
> I also noticed that this fanfic is nearly as long as the first Harry Potter book, so this is a huge shoutout to everyone who is reading - I know it's a lot!
> 
> As always, all comments/questions/reviews very much welcome!

-

Loki wasn’t sure how to react. Peter had kissed him before, many times - and Loki had kissed him back - but those were small, chaste kisses, nothing more than pecks, carrying meanings of friendship and perhaps familial feelings. This was something very different. And Loki knew what it meant.

Peter’s anxiety and adrenaline levels were at such heights that he barely noticed his kiss wasn’t being returned. He didn’t know what it was going to be like, but he didn’t realise it would feel this nice. It was soft, it was tender, it was  _warm_. Loki matched his aroma in taste - minty and smokey. It was subtle, but Peter cared enough to notice. He relaxed against him.

It could only have lasted for a few seconds, but it felt like much longer. Peter looked at Loki - and his nerves sky-rocketed once more as their eyes met. 

“…I think I know who your crush is now”

Peter didn’t try to deny it - how could he? For a moment they were both silent, neither knowing how to proceed. 

“I love you, Peter” Loki said. Peter went to kiss him again, but Loki stopped him this time. “But not like that”

Peter already knew this, but it was still horrible to have to hear it. He swallowed hard.

“I’m sorry. We can’t do this, you must know that”

“Why not? You love me already, so maybe, in time, you’ll feel the same” his voice sounded odd, higher than usual. He felt sick again. He knew he was being ridiculous, but he couldn’t help being blinded by hope.

“Oh sweetheart” Loki closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. “You’re still so young”

“So? Age doesn’t matter. Aren’t you like, a thousand years old? Can’t we just ignore it?”

“Sweetheart” Loki put a hand under Peter’s chin. “No”

Peter couldn’t stop the tears from filling his eyes. He’d always known Loki didn’t like him in that way, but he’d still imagined - wished - that maybe he  _did_. He’d never believed it, of course he hadn’t - but it still hurt. 

“But I love you…”

“I know. Maybe, if we’d met in another life… But not in this one” his chest hurt. He hated seeing Peter upset, and he hated having to hurt him. But it was kinder than offering him false hope. “I’m sorry”

Peter swallowed as hard as he could, fighting back tears. He wasn’t going to cry. Not in front of Loki. 

“I know…” 

Loki looked at him, pained. He knew he couldn’t make this better. He couldn’t erase Peter’s feelings, nor could he invalidate them. He loved this boy dearly. He wished this wasn’t happening. He could offer only understanding, tolerance, and…

“Come here, darling” his voice was barely above a whisper. 

He took Peter’s face in his hands, and just as expected, Peter kissed him again, a tear spilling and dripping down to where their skin met. And Loki kissed him back properly - just for a moment. He broke away, resting his forehead against Peter’s, closing his eyes. Peter held onto him tight, biting the insides of his cheeks. He was shaking slightly, and he had a horrible pain in his chest and stomach. 

Peter’s phone started ringing, distracting them both. Loki let go of him, moving back.

“You should probably get that” He said, seeing it was Peter’s aunt. 

Peter picked up the phone, climbing off Loki’s lap and waiting until he’d closed the door behind him and was heading to his own room before answering it.

“May? I can’t talk right now”

“What? Why not?” She could hear the hurt in his voice. “Has something happened?”

“I’ve done something really stupid” his voice cracked, and he pushed his door shut. “I’m sorry”

“Peter? Don’t-”

Peter terminated the call, tears flowing freely now. The phone started ringing again, and before he had time to think, he’d thrown it across the room, where it hit the wall. He looked at it until his tears were too much to see through. It hurt too much. He felt like such a fool. He left the handset where it fell, sinking down on the bed. He buried his face in the pillow and cried bitterly.

-

There was a knock at the door. Peter sat up quickly.

“Peter?” he knocked again. 

Peter pushed himself up from the bed, wiping his eyes quickly and going over to the door, opening it hesitantly.

“What’s going on?” Tony asked. “I’ve just had your aunt on the phone: she’s worried about you. She said you were upset and wouldn’t talk to her. What’s happened?”

Peter slammed the door in his face. There was no way he was going to tell Tony. He sat down heavily on the bed. The door remained closed - Tony had obviously decided to leave him alone, and it was a welcome relief. He lay down on his side, pulling the pillow over his face. He was nowhere near ready to face the world yet.

-

Peter had finally managed to compose himself when his bedroom door opened. He sat up. 

“I’ve just been talking to Loki” Tony said, closing the door behind him. “I think we need to have a little chat, don’t you?”

Peter’s heart sunk. He’d quickly learnt that it was never good news when Tony wanted a ‘chat’: it always meant trouble. He looked up at him, noting the disapproving, almost angry expression on his face. He knew, and Peter knew that he knew. Peter looked away, and just like that, he started crying again, covering his face with his hands. He couldn’t stand it. Everything felt so raw and hollow. He was furious with himself for his actions. This day seemed to be lasting forever. It had started badly, and it seemed it was destined to end badly too. Everything from the morning felt far away. The kitchen floor, seeing Loki turn blue, Thor’s brief visit - it all felt like weeks ago. He didn’t want to be in trouble again, but he’d seen the look on Tony’s face. What was he going to do to him? Maybe he  _would_ hit him. Or maybe he’d wash his mouth out with soap. Peter felt it might be appropriate. He fancied he could still feel Loki’s lips on his own - a thought which made the stabbing pain in his chest even worse. What was this? It had hurt so much since the moment Loki had told him ‘no’. Maybe it was his heart breaking.

Tony relented. He watched Peter for a moment, and any anger and annoyance faded into sympathy. Peter was just a kid. He was a kid, and he was hurting. Tony knew how it felt. He couldn’t be angry with him; he couldn’t tell him off, not now. He sat down on the bed, pulling him close, and Peter clung to him, burying his face in his chest.

“I’m such an idiot!” he cried. “I’m such an  _idiot_!”

-

Tony held Peter tight, patting and rubbing his back as he cried. After a while, he put some distance between them, holding onto his shoulders.

“You need to stop crying now, kiddo”

“I can’t!” he covered his mouth with his hand. “I’ve been so stupid-!”

“You need to try”

He let Peter fall against his chest again, and eventually, he did quieten. He stayed against Tony for a while, recovering his breathing. Finally, he sat back, eyes downcast. Tony took his hand.

“Talk to me, kiddo”

“…I don’t know what to say”

“Ok” he squeezed his hand. “I’ll talk to you, then. I went to see if Loki knew why you were upset. He told me what happened. He told me what you did. Didn’t you listen to me earlier, when I told you not to do anything? Just stay friends, I said”

“It felt like the right thing to do…” he looked down at their hands, too upset to look Tony in the face. “It was the music, that song… He was so gentle… It just kind of  _happened_ …”

“It was a very silly thing to do. What did you think was going to happen?”

“I don’t know” he truly didn’t. “But it felt  _right_ , and it felt good, and I thought that maybe…” 

He stopped, pulling his hand away from Tony’s and wiping his eyes.

“Thought what? That he liked you back?” Peter flinched at his words, and Tony sighed. “You can’t have  _really_ believed that. You’re just a kid, and even if you weren’t, Loki’s taken already: he belongs to me” 

Peter hadn’t really thought of that. He bit his thumb, turning his head away so no part of Tony was in his field of vision. 

“You shouldn’t’ve kissed him”

“I love him so much-!” he buried his face in his hands and starting crying again. 

Tony shifted closer, putting an arm round his shaking shoulders. Peter leant into him, still crying into his hands. 

“I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to be insensitive”

“You’re right though..” he shifted position and climbed into Tony’s lap so he could hug him properly. “But it still hurts so much”

“I know it does” Tony held him tight, closing his eyes, feeling Peter’s pain alongside him. “Broken hearts are painful things” 

It hadn’t felt anything like Peter had expected, but Tony’s words confirmed for him that his pain really  _was_ heartbreak. There was something reassuring about that, even though it hurt so much. He managed to stop crying. He felt safe with Tony, comforted by his embrace and understanding. 

“Everything is going to be ok” Tony said softly. “You’ll be able to move past this. It’s ok”

“I’m so embarrassed”

“I know. But try not to be”

Peter swallowed. “I’ve ruined everything, haven’t I?”

“Not in the slightest. I promise you haven’t ruined anything. We can fix this”

Peter chose to believe him. Tony stroked his hair gently.

“What are we going to tell May?”

“I don’t want her to know about this”

“I didn’t think you would. But we do need to think of something to say to her”

Peter didn’t want to lie to her either. “Tell her there was an incident with a friend… tell her I don’t want to talk about it”

Tony pulled out his mobile, writing a quick text, which he showed to Peter for approval before hitting send.

_Hi May. Talked to Peter. There was an incident with him and a friend. Nothing too major but it upset him and he doesn’t really want to talk about it. I imagine it will all blow over in a day or two. Tony_

-

Eventually, Tony left Peter to give him a little space and get started on the tea. Peter sat back with his laptop, headphones on, listening to music and scrolling absent-mindedly. He remembered Tony saying having a soundtrack helped make sense of situations. He hoped it was true.

-

Tony took Peter’s headphones off and gave him a little shake. Peter jumped awake, his heart racing for a moment.

“You nodded off” Tony said. “Are you going to come and join us for dinner?”

Us. Peter wasn’t sure he could ever face Loki again, not after what had happened. He shook his head.

“I’m not hungry”

“Now, don’t you give me that” Tony said, sitting down on the edge of the bed. “You need to have something to eat. You’ll feel better for it” 

“I don’t want anything” he closed his laptop, moving it onto the bedside table. “I just want to be alone”

Tony sighed. “Ok. I’ll give you some space”

-

Loki frowned when Tony returned to the kitchen unaccompanied. 

“He’s not feeling great right now” Tony said, sitting down opposite Loki. 

“Shall I take him a plate?”

“No, just leave it. Give him some space. He’ll eat when he’s ready”

“Can I go to him? I feel like we need to talk. I need to tell him I’m not angry”

“Not right now, Lolly. He’s upset. He needs some time on his own to work through all this” Tony said. “He’s had his heart broken. I think seeing you will just upset him”

Tony’s comment upset Loki. “You blame me…”

“What? Darling, I’m not  _blaming_ anyone: there’s no one  _to_  blame. The fact of the matter is, he’s fallen for you, and you - rightly - rejected his advances. You know that kind of stuff hurts. Stay away from him tonight. Keep your distance a little until he approached you” 

Loki put his fork down. “I never wanted to upset him”

“I know, but it was inevitable, given the situation. Hey” he squeezed Loki’s hand. “You shouldn’t feel bad about this. These things happen: it’s part of life. You know that”

“I don’t know why I didn’t pick up on the signs beforehand”

“Well, that’s never been your strong suit. Our first kiss is a good example of that, for a start”

“He can be a lot like you, sometimes, you know” Loki said. He sighed. “I don’t understand why either of you ended up loving me”

Tony stood up, going round to Loki’s side of the table and hugging him tight. 

“I’ve already told you why I fell for you. Some of the same reasons probably apply here. But Peter’s also fifteen, so crushes are just something that are bound to happen. You’re an influential part of his life now”

“So are you. If he was going to fall for either of us, it would have made more sense for him to fall for you” Loki hugged him back. “How long have you known for?”

“I got an inkling the day you last had your hair done. I’d seen some signs before that, and plenty afterwards. But he didn’t admit it until today” 

Loki lifted his head. “He actually  _told_ you?”

“Yeah. He was so nervous. It took him quite a while to get the words out. He asked me what he should do”

“And what did you say?”

“I told him just keep being your friend. I said there was nothing he could do. Perhaps that was a bit naive of me, but honestly, I didn’t for a minute expect him to make a move on you” he gave him a tight squeeze and let go, returning to his seat and picking up his fork. “This’ll go cold if we’re not careful”

“I’m not sure I’m hungry any more”

“Now, we’ll have none of that” Tony said firmly. “There’s already one confused little appetite-less creature in this house right now, so don’t you dare make it two”

“Ok, ok. Sorry” 

“Don’t apologise; just eat. You’ve been doing so well recently. I’m really proud of you”

Loki couldn’t help smiling. “Thank you” 

Tony shrugged slightly. “Don’t thank me; just keep it up. You’re actually starting to gain weight”

Loki’s smile faded, and he pressed his lips together.

“That’s a good thing, Lolly”

“I know, it just always has such negative connotations, ‘gaining weight’, don’t you think?”

“No” Tony blinked at him. “There’s nothing bad about it. We need to get you back into your healthy weight category”

Loki’s lip twitched. “I don’t want to talk about this any more”

Tony shrugged. “Suit yourself”

He went back to eating. Loki looked down at his own plate. Suddenly he really didn’t feel like eating. He stood up from his seat.

“Oi! Sit back down!” Tony snapped.

Loki was taken aback by his sudden shift in tone. “Don’t shout at me!”

“I didn’t shout. Now sit back down”

Loki turned on his heel.

“Oi! Where are you going?” he stood up, grabbing Loki by the wrist. “I said, sit down”

“Let go of me!” he growled. “Fuck, what is it? Do I need your permission to go for a comfort break now?”

“Oh” Tony let go of him. “Why didn’t you say?”

“You kicked off before I got the chance”

-

Loki returned to the kitchen and stuck the kettle on. Tony set his clean plate on the draining board and dried his hands.

“Here, let me do that: you need to finish eating”

“No, leave it” Loki said. “I’m finished anyway: I’m not very hungry tonight”

“Oh, don’t be ridiculous, Loki: you’ve barely even started!”

“Sorry” Loki took his mug down from his cupboard. “Do you want a drink?”

“Don’t change the subject. Go and finish your dinner”

“Tony, just leave it, would you?”

“I’ve got enough to worry about without you starting all this again”

Loki rolled his eyes, reaching for the kettle. Tony slapped his hand away.

“ _Ow_! Tony!”

“No tea until you’ve finished your food”

Loki narrowed his eyes at him. “You can be such a dictator sometimes”

He left the kettle and went back over to the table. 

-

Loki’s appetite had well and truly vanished, so choking down a full meal under Tony’s watchful eye was hard work. 

“See, that wasn’t so hard, was it?” Tony said, clearing his plate for him.

“Can I have a cup of tea now?”

“Mm. I was thinking you might like something stronger” Tony said, leaving the plate and cutlery in the sink and returning to Loki. “See, I was thinking: how about we have a few drinks together, go to my room, put a tie on the door handle..? What do you think?”

“I’m fine with tea and a cuddle” Loki said. “I’m tired. I want to rest”

Tony kissed Loki on the nose. “Can I expect you in my bed tonight?”

“No, but you can expect yourself in mine”

Tony grinned at him. “That sounds good to me~”

Loki saw the look in his eyes. “Don’t go trying any funny business”

“What, me?” Tony feigned innocence.

Loki looked at him straight-faced. “I’m serious, Tony”

“You’re thinking about the kid, aren’t you?”

Loki nodded. “I’m worried about him. I-”

He was interrupted by Tony’s phone ringing. Tony sighed irritably.

“Who the hell’s ringing at this time?” he answered the phone, raising an eyebrow and giving Loki’s shoulder a quick squeeze before leaving the room.

Loki switched the kettle on, getting down a mug from the cupboard. He had some time now that Tony was occupied.

-

Peter heard footsteps approaching his room, and lay down quickly, facing the wall, pulling the quilt round him and pretending to be asleep. He didn’t respond to the knocking, and focused on breathing evenly as the door opened.

“Peter?” 

His composure almost broke at the sound of Loki’s voice, but he managed to stay still and silent - just. He could sense Loki approaching, and heard the soft sound of something being set on the bedside table. 

The door soon closed, and Peter waited until the sounds of footsteps had faded before opening his eyes again. He turned over slowly, leaning up on his elbow, and found that a mug and a small bar of chocolate had been left on the bedside table. He sat up properly, taking the mug and raising it to his lips. He settled back against the headboard, breathing in its warm aroma and sipping it slowly. The hot sweet chai was more soothing than ever.

-

Tony finished his phone call and found Loki curled up on the sofa, a mug of tea in his hands. He picked up the remote, switching off the TV and moving it out of reach so it couldn’t be turned back on.

“I was watching that”

Tony took his mug from him, setting it down on the coffee table. He was fed up, and Loki could tell. He climbed onto Loki’s lap, and Loki automatically hugged him close, resting his chin on top of his head as he nestled against his chest. He sighed.

“Poor old Tony. It’s been such a long day, hasn’t it?”

Tony mumbled vaguely. He was tired. Like Peter (and Loki), he felt that today had lasted for at least a week. He half-hoped the night would feel the same, so that he might get a decent sleep. He focused on the sound of Loki’s heartbeat, and soon started to feel more relaxed. 

“Thank you”

“What for?” 

“For being so good with him. A lot of people would’ve pushed him away and shouted at him” 

Loki didn’t know how to respond, so just gave Tony a squeeze and stayed quiet. He soon adjusted his hold on Tony, slipping one hand under his knees, and standing up.

“Where are we going?”

“Bed”

-

Tony didn’t sleep in Loki’s room very often. It was smaller than his own, if only slightly, and he was very happy with his own bed set up, and rarely deviated from it. Still, he didn’t really mind the occasional night elsewhere. Loki set him down on the bed and got him undressed. 

“I hope you’re stripping off too”

Loki nodded slightly, turning on the lamp and turning off the main light. He took off his shirt and jeans and pulled his silky dressing gown on. 

“Get under the covers” Loki said. “It’s cold tonight”

Tony did as he was asked. Loki retrieved the quilted blanket, lying it atop the quilt. He climbed into bed with Tony, pulling the quilt and blanket round the two of them properly. He pulled Tony up against his chest, finding his hand and holding it.

“Things will be better in the morning”

“What if they’re not?”

Loki kissed him gently. “Then we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it”

*


	20. Breathe In And Breathe Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter is raw with the pain of heartbreak. Tony admires Loki’s attitude to the situation and treats him, but both men are preoccupied with the hurting boy in their home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update. Also an enormous thank you and well done to everyone who has got this far and is still reading!
> 
> Please comment/review!

-

When Tony awoke, it took him a moment to realise where he was. He turned his head, looking at Loki, who was fast asleep on his side, one hand up by his mouth, his pig under his arm. Tony turned onto his side, propping himself up on his elbow, watching him for a moment. He touched him gently. He was warm - a bit too warm, Tony thought. He pulled the covers off him to keep him cool. His dressing gown was rucked up round his waist. Tony straightened it as best he could, smoothing it down over his hip. He stroked his exposed thigh gently, tracing the bruises with his fingertips. 

Loki shifted, rolling onto his back and turning his head away, still asleep. His gown had come undone, and Tony stroked his bare skin gently. Sometimes he rather felt he understood Thor’s ongoing accusations, but it was still hard to cope with hearing them. 

Tony kissed Loki’s face gently, slipping his hand under his dressing gown, squeezing his shoulder. Loki soon woke up, squirming a little while he figured out what was going on.

“Tony..?”

“Hey. Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you” 

“It’s ok. What time is it?” he yawned.

“I’m not sure. Around half eight, maybe?”

Loki looked up at him. “How are you doing?”

Tony shrugged. “I’ve been better. I’m still getting my head around what happened yesterday. Playing the parent is hard sometimes”

“You’re doing it well enough. I wouldn’t worry so much if I were you. We both know he’ll keep hurting for a while. He’ll work it out on his own”

Tony ran his fingers over Loki’s chest. “Yeah, I know. It’s a tricky situation though. Still, I suppose I signed up for all possibilities when I offered to let him stay”

Loki shivered at Tony’s light touch. He tried to ignore it. 

“Do you feel ok?”

“I’m not sure. I just feel a bit sad today. Work’s getting me down. This launch is doing my head in. Having teenager problems to deal with alongside it isn’t ideal. I’m trying not to let it get on top of me”

“You need to relax. Take a break every so often. Stop going in every time someone forgets how to look at an instruction manual. And you can leave Peter to me. Go and do something you like for a bit”

“I know you’re right” Tony said, rubbing Loki’s stomach. “I just wish it was that easy”

“Well,  _make_ it that easy, then. Do something for yourself. You’re allowed to be selfish sometimes”

Tony smiled slightly, slipping his hand between Loki’s legs. Loki was expecting it, but it still made him jump a bit. 

“You really are my best friend” Tony said, giving him a little squeeze. “Can we play together for a bit?”

Loki didn’t want to. He’d only just woken up, and he was still half asleep. He just wanted to go and have a quick wash and a cup of tea. But he didn’t want to upset Tony either. 

“After breakfast”

“I’m not hungry”

“Neither am I, but I need a cup of tea”

-

Loki took his time brushing his teeth and drinking his tea. He didn’t bother getting dressed just yet. Tony didn’t make it easy for him; cuddling up against him and stroking his inner thigh and kissing his neck. Loki tried not to feel annoyed, but he couldn’t help it. He liked having his morning tea in peace, and didn’t appreciate having Tony in octopus mode. 

Still, he stubbornly drank down every last drop before so much as looking at Tony. He set the mug down on the bedside table. 

“Ok?”

Loki nodded. “How do you want me?”

Tony grinned, pushing Loki’s legs apart and snaking his hand between them, massaging him roughly. Loki squirmed, putting a hand on Tony’s shoulder.

“Not so hard”

“Oh come on, I know you like it really~” Tony said, but he let up anyway.

Loki let Tony push him down onto his back. Tony kissed him roughly, one hand still between his legs. Loki wasn’t exactly bowled over. Tony was being very different with him, and it wasn’t really a good thing. Tony soon moved his hand, settling himself between Loki’s legs and grinding their hips together. He grabbed Loki’s thigh to keep him close and ducked his head, kissing his neck roughly and biting him.

“Ow! Tony, be gentle, please”

“Sorry” Tony said, but he didn’t sound it. 

He kept kissing Loki’s neck roughly, squeezing his thigh hard, all his movements becoming harder. Loki squirmed and twitched beneath him, grabbing his shoulders, and Tony misread the signs and was rougher still. 

Loki tried once again to block Tony’s kisses - and it dawned on him that he wasn’t enjoying it. None of this was good. Tony was definitely having a good time, and Loki could feel it. But he himself, he didn’t feel good. None of this had felt nice. He’d gotten zero stimulation from it. He didn’t feel good or loved or anything like that. In fact, he was actually in pain, and not the good sort. 

“Tony?”

Tony stopped biting his neck. “What?”

“I don’t like this. I want to stop” 

Tony wasn’t happy about it, but he did stop, moving off him. Loki sat up slowly, wincing a bit.

“What’s up?” 

“It didn’t feel good” Loki said. “I wasn’t getting anything out of it”

Tony huffed. “Fine. Do you want to go on top for a bit?”

“I’d be happier just stopping completely”

“Fine”

Loki was overcome with a sudden guilt. It took one look to realise that Tony had very much been enjoying himself. Loki shifted closer, putting an arm round his shoulders and resting his forehead against Tony’s temple.

“I’m sorry”

“I said it’s fine” Tony snapped. “Mind giving me five minutes so I can ‘go to the bank’?”

“There’s no need for that” Loki said quietly, reaching down and taking hold of him.

He supposed it was the least he could do.

-

Loki was glad he did it, because Tony seemed to forgive him quite quickly. They lay down and had a long cuddle, and Tony soon tipped Loki’s head back and spent a long time kissing his neck properly, making him squirm and whine in a very different way than earlier. 

Eventually he stopped, pulling back and looking down at him.

“I love it when you blush like that” he smiled. “You may well have a lovely mark in a day or two, I’m afraid. Speaking of which” he touched the skin under Loki’s left eye gently. “Your eye is pretty much healed now. Just a tiny bit of bruising left”

Loki put a hand on the back of Tony’s neck, pulling him down for a kiss.

“Good”

-

Since he’d ran out of books to read, Loki hadn’t been using the reading nook, so Peter thought it the ideal place to hide out. He settled in the nest of pillows, playing Tetris on his phone to distract himself. He was feeling very hollow and tired and sore. He wasn’t really hungry, but he took a KitKat from the dolphin bowl anyway, munching absent-mindedly. It didn’t seem to taste of anything.

-

Peter woke up, feeling a little funny. He had fallen asleep quite unexpectedly. He checked his phone, and was surprised to find it was already after noon. He felt a little better, but he was still hurting. But he no longer wanted to recluse: he wanted a hug. Desperately.

It didn’t take him long to find where the grown-ups were. He stayed hidden. They were both in the lounge. Loki was curled up under the quilted blanket, watching telly, and Tony was on the opposite sofa, working on his laptop. 

Peter went off to Loki’s room, finding their book. He spent a while stood there, looking at it, pressing the raised parts of the wrinkled cover so that it clicked. His eyes blurred. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea. But he felt so lonely. Surely it had to be worth a try?

-

They both looked up when Peter came into the living room. Tony nodded at him in greeting, but Peter wasn’t really looking. Loki sat up, grabbing the remote and switching the telly off.

“Good afternoon”

Peter looked down at the book, holding it in both hands. He was well aware of his watering eyes and quivering lip, but he tried hard to ignore this. He looked up at Loki, holding the book out to him with trembling hands. 

Loki smiled at him. “We were just about to start chapter twelve, right?”

Peter nodded. 

“Ok, come here, then” Loki patted his knee.

Peter looked over his shoulder at Tony. Tony nodded at him. Peter swallowed hard and took his place on Loki’s lap, feeling rather like he shouldn’t. Loki put an arm round his stomach, pulling him closer against himself. He moved the blanket, wrapping it round both of them. 

“Right..”

Loki took the book from him, and Peter held the edges of the blanket together on his chest, fighting back tears. Loki opened the book to chapter twelve, and begun to read:

“It was not until the next Friday that Marilla heard the story of the flower-wreathed hat. She came home from Mrs Lynde’s and called Anne to account. ‘Anne, Mrs Rachel says you went to church last Sunday with your hat rigged out ridiculous with roses and buttercups. What on earth put you up to such a caper? A pretty-looking object you must have been!’”

Tony looked over at them, and a pained sympathetic expression crossed his face as he saw that Peter had begun to cry. He held the blanket over his mouth to muffle his already restrained self, rubbing his nose against the fabric, but his eyes didn’t leave the pages of the book. Loki kindly chose not to bring attention to it, merely projecting his voice a little more to ensure Peter didn’t miss anything.

Peter soon quietened, soothed by Loki’s voice and the familiarity of the characters he’d grown so fond of. He kept the blanket up by his face, kept his eyes on the page, and finally lost himself in Avonlea.

-

“Anne realised that Marilla was not to be moved. She clasped her hands together, gave a piercing shriek, and then flung herself face downwards on the bed, crying and writhing in an utter abandonment of disappointment and despair. ‘For the land’s sake!’-” Loki interrupted himself with a yawn. “-gasped Marilla, hastening from the room. ‘I believe the child is crazy. No child in her senses would behave as she does. If she isn’t she’s utterly bad. Oh, dear, I’m afraid Rachel was right from the first. But I’ve put my hand to the plough, and I won’t look back’”

Loki lowered the book, yawning again. He rubbed his eye sleepily.

“Dearie me, I’ve gone tired all of a sudden” he said. “Do you mind if we finish the chapter later? I think I need a rest” 

“I don’t mind…”

Loki yawned again. “Sorry”

“It’s ok…”

Loki yawned once more, flopping down on his side and pulling Peter down with him. Peter wriggled a little, making himself comfortable. He turned onto his other side so he was facing Loki.

“Can I stay with you?”

Loki nodded, stifling yet another yawn. He wasn’t sure why the fatigue had hit so suddenly. He pulled Peter close, snuggling down with his head his arm. Tony left his laptop and went over to them, placing a hand on Loki’s forehead.

“Are you feeling alright, lolly?”

“Mm. Just tired. I’m not ill”

“Hm. I’m not so sure: you’re quite warm” Tony said.

“I’m fine. Just let me sleep” 

Tony sighed. He pulled the blanket up over them properly. He hoped Loki was right.

-

Peter slept for a little while. When he woke up, Loki was still asleep, so he tried to stay quiet, not wanting to wake him. He couldn’t help feeling emotional. Loki treated him just the same as he always did, and it was almost bittersweet. He almost felt like something  _should_ have changed, but at the same time, he was immensely grateful that it hadn’t. He looked at Loki, and immediately started crying. 

“Come here, you” Tony said gently, coming over and pulling Peter up from the sofa for a hug. 

“LET GO OF ME!” Peter shouted, surprising both himself and Tony, and waking Loki up in the process. 

“What are you shouting about?” Loki mumbled, sitting up and rubbing the sleep from his eyes. 

Peter looked at him, and then back at Tony. He pulled his arm free from his grip, looking between the two of them again, starting to cry harder. 

“I want to go home!” he buried his face in his hands, overcome with sobs. “I want to go  _home_! I want May!”

Tony looked at Loki. Loki shared his look of concern and stood up, pulling Peter close. Peter couldn’t help clinging to him, swapping his hands for Loki’s chest. 

“It’s not fair! It hurts so much!” 

“I’m so sorry..!” Loki started crying too. “I wish I could make it better, I really do”

“H-hey, stop it, both of you! Stop it!” Tony grabbed hold of them, pulling them close. “Stop crying, please! This won’t solve anything”

“I can’t help it!”

Tony held them tight. “I can’t stand seeing you two upset. Shh, please. Everything’s ok. Everything is going to be ok, I promise. Come on, please. No more tears”

“I can’t help it! It hurts so much!” Peter sobbed, face still buried in Loki’s chest. 

“I don’t know what to do. Tony, I don’t know what to do! How can I make it ok again?" 

"Hey, hey hey hey, come on now, stop this. You’ve been brilliant. You’ve handled everything wonderfully. You’ve been honest, that’s the best thing you could do” he kissed Peter’s temple. “Sweetheart, I know it hurts. I know it’s horrible and you feel rejected. But it could be so much worse. You’ve still got a friend. You’ve cleared everything up. You have our support. Everything will be ok. I know it doesn’t stop your feelings from hurting, but I promise everything will be ok" 

Peter found it very hard to accept his comfort. He felt truly in love with Loki, and didn’t see how anything could be ok ever again when he couldn’t be with him, when he couldn’t show him how much he really loved him. Deep down he felt like an idiot for letting himself show such emotion, but comforted by both of their understanding and at the knowledge that he could throw himself down on his back and scream without too much consequence if he so desired, he soon started to calm down a bit.

“That’s it. Shush now, it’s ok” Tony gave Loki a quick kiss. “You too, darling: quiet now”

If only for Peter’s sake, Loki managed to stop too. He couldn’t help feeling tremendously guilty, even though he knew that he couldn’t have done anything differently. Peter pulled free, wiping his eyes, not quite able to bring himself to look at them.

“I’d like to be alone” he said quietly.

Tony nodded. “Of course. We’ll give you some space. Loki, can I see you in the study?”

Loki felt it wouldn’t be right to hug Peter, although he quite wanted to. He merely nodded, and followed after Tony, leaving Peter to mull things over.

-

Tony shut the door and turned to Loki.

“Take your jeans off”

Loki did as he was told, watching Tony nervously. Tony pushed him down into the big leather desk chair, getting on his knees in front of him. Loki quirked an eyebrow, and Tony put his hands under Loki’s thighs, pushing his legs apart.

“Um, Tony?”

“Quiet”

Loki shut his mouth - and gasped as Tony ducked his head and started kissing his inner thighs. He was surprised: this wasn’t what usually happened in the study - not that he was complaining. His face had already gone hot, and he knew he was blushing. Tony had grown very good at utilising Loki’s sweet spots, and he was certainly showing his skills this afternoon. Loki bit his lip, looking down at Tony, stroking his hair gently. What had brought this on? he wondered, finally giving in and resting his head against the back of the tall chair, letting his eyes close. God, this felt good.

-

Loki thought how he’d love to feel like this always - warm and loved, with that wonderful hot feeling in his stomach - but that inevitably he’d soon stoop to the other end of the spectrum. He cursed himself for thinking it - why couldn’t he just enjoy the good while it was happening? He tried hard to stop thinking, focusing on how soft Tony’s lips felt, suckling on his skin, and how strong his hands felt as he held him in place. It felt like forever since he’d been treated like this. He was biting his lip hard, trying not to give in - but he couldn’t help his heavy breathing and the arching of his back; and he couldn’t stop his legs trembling against Tony’s shoulders. Tony’s grip tightened, keeping him as still as possible, loving the feeling of his hands in his hair, of him slowly losing control. He looked up at Loki, their eyes meeting - and Loki let out a moan, long and loud. With that, he lost all composure, pushing at Tony’s shoulders and squirming, breathing in gasps, begging and whining and moaning, moaning his name. Tony took that as his cue, planting one more firm kiss on each of Loki’s shaking thighs and stopping, resting his head against Loki’s knee, smiling as he watched him try to suppress his moans.

Loki shut his eyes, trying to calm himself, still a little irritated at himself for giving in. He finally composed himself, and looked down at Tony.

“What was _that_  in aid of?”

Tony smiled, getting off his knees and sitting on Loki’s lap, winding his arms round his neck, kissing him gently.

“You’ve been so good. I thought you deserved a little treat~”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean with the kid. You’ve been incredible. You’ve treated him just the same as always, you’ve stayed friends with him, you’ve not shouted or told him he was an idiot or anything like that. You’ve behaved perfectly. Thank you. Honestly, thank you so much”

“No problem?” Loki said uncertainly.

Tony smiled. “Is there anything else you’d like? Just name it; and I’ll do it”

Loki thought for a moment, hit again with the realisation that his mood could u-turn at any moment without any warning. He felt dreadful for thinking it, especially with Tony trying to do something nice for him. 

“Um, well, you know, my back has been hurting a bit recently…” 

“Ooh, fancy a back rub, is that it? Use that expensive gel?” 

Loki nodded. “Yeah, but first, I thought… Well. Can we do what we usually do in here? Just for a bit? Not too hard - just, well, almost gentle - but not  _quite_  gentle - but we don’t have to, not if you don’t want - but I do want - and-”

“Loki” Tony stopped him. “It’s a bit of a u-turn, but if that’s what you’d like, I’m game” 

“Really?”

“Of course. When have I ever passed up on the option of having you over my knee?”

Loki couldn’t help but smile. Tony always enjoyed it just as much as he did, if not more. 

“Do you want to use anything?”

Loki shook his head. “No. I don’t want it to hurt too much. I’m in a bit of a gentle mood”

“A bit fragile, perhaps?” Tony said. “You’re still all a-quiver now”

Loki shrugged one shoulder. “Well, you’re good at making me do this”

“Aren’t I just~?” he kissed him hard on the cheek. “Come on then, my good boy: let’s get started”

-

Tony moved them over to the big leather sofa against the opposite wall, and Loki was more than happy to get into position over his lap. Tony slipped a hand under him, holding him under the arm, and Loki held onto his arm, resting his head in the crook of Tony’s elbow. 

They negotiated briefly on strength and comfort, and once both were happy, Tony held Loki a little tighter and raised his hand.

Loki relished in that first proper hit and the delightful pain it brought him. He couldn’t help being briefly reminded of Peter’s invasive conversation with him, but he pushed it out of his mind, focusing on Tony’s hands, holding him and hitting him. Hard. He soon found himself grinning, and soon - and without really knowing why - he started laughing. Tony was a little surprised, but merely smiled fondly and carried on. That is, until Loki became a little less restrained, and then he couldn’t help it either.

“What are you giggling about? Are you enjoying this?”

Loki shifted slightly so he could look at him, his nose wrinkling as he grinned up at him.

“I didn’t say to stop~”

Tony pushed him back down firmly. “Stay still, then”

Loki squirmed briefly, if only to tease him. Tony knew he was just playing, and he was quite immersed by it. He brought his hand down again - a little harder this time - and Loki squeaked and went quiet for a moment, but as Tony carried on, he started laughing again, more than before. Tony started laughing too, and soon had to stop, pulling Loki upright and sitting him on his lap.

“What’s gotten into you, eh?” he asked, tickling Loki’s stomach.

Loki squeaked and grabbed his hand, falling against Tony’s chest in a fit of laughter. Tony tipped his chin up and kissed him on the nose.

“You’ve gone all silly” 

Loki didn’t protest it. He wasn’t sure what had started him off, but he couldn’t seem to stop. He’d made Tony laugh too, and that just seemed to make him worse.

“Ok, ok, come on then, my giggly little god. Let’s move”

He slipped a hand under Loki’s knees and stood up, carrying him to the bedroom.

-

Tony set the still-giggling Loki down on the bed. 

“Right, lets-”

He was interrupted by Loki’s lips against his own. He had to sit down so he could kiss him back properly, but Loki seemed to have other ideas - kissing him all over and holding onto his shoulders to stop him from escaping. He was clumsy with laughter, still a little trembly in the legs. 

“Ok, ok, that’s enough” Tony moved Loki’s hands and stood up.

Loki grabbed him with an arm round the stomach, pulling him back down onto the bed. “Not so fast!”

“Careful!” Tony struggled back up, kissing Loki quickly to stop him from whining. “I just need to grab something, ok? Just give me thirty seconds”

“I’ll give you ten”

“Twenty”

“Ten”

Tony sighed. “Fifteen?”

Loki considered. “Fine”

Tony was glad he knew exactly where the Musselflex was, as he knew Loki would hold him to time. He grabbed it quickly and returned to the bed.

“You said your back was hurting, right?” he said, reading the back of the tube.

Loki looked at him, at his pensive expression, and burst out laughing again. Tony looked at him for a moment, surprised, but couldn’t help grinning.

“Have you got a secret supply of entonox that I don’t know about, by any chance?” 

Loki was already laughing too much to properly talk to. Tony set the tube of gel down on the bedside table and climbed back onto the bed, pulling Loki close and tickling his tummy.

“Don’t!” Loki shrieked at him. “Don’t! You know I’m ticklish!”

“Exactly” Tony grinned, and kept tickling him. 

Loki tried to push him away, weak from laughter. Tony laughed too, if only because Loki’s was so contagious, and soon managed to push his giggling partner onto his back, where he stopped his attack. Loki was still laughing like anything, covering his face with his hands. Tony looked down at him with quiet admiration, and started to undo his shirt.

“Lets get this off, my silly little darling~”

Loki sat up and let him remove his shirt, and then grabbed hold of him, falling back onto his back and pulling Tony down on top of him as he did so. Tony ducked his head, kissing Loki’s neck and in turn sending him into another fit of the giggles. Loki covered his face again, feeling like he may never stop laughing - and it felt  _good_. Tony moved back slightly, sitting atop Loki and retrieving the Musselflex and rubbing some of the gel between his hands.

“This is gonna be cold, ok?”

Loki wasn’t paying much attention, and startled a little when Tony placed his hands on him. Tony rubbed his stomach and sides, working his way up to his chest.

“Ok, darling, shh. It’s time to calm down now” he said softly, starting on his shoulders.

Loki started to quieten, moving his hands from his face and resting them on Tony’s wrists. Tony looked down at his hands, lest eye contact should cause Loki to fall into another peal of laughter. Loki had calmed considerably, still giggling feebly, but as Tony started at the base of his neck, he soon fell silent, relaxing into his touch. Tony finally looked at him properly.

“There we are” he said quietly. “Good boy”

Loki smiled a little, and let his eyes close, feeling sleepy. He kept his hands on Tony’s wrists, concentrating on how nice it felt.

-

When it seemed Loki may well have fallen asleep, Tony paused, kissing Loki’s nose gently. Loki opened his eyes sleepily.

“Turn onto your tummy for me, sweetheart” 

Loki was happy as he was, but so sleepy he didn’t feel he could speak to say so. Tony moved off him, and he turned onto his tummy obediently, moving the pillow to support his neck better, and making himself comfortable. Tony kissed the apple of his cheek.

“Comfy?”

Loki nodded slightly, closing his eyes. Tony kissed him again and picked up the Musselflex, squeezing a little more gel onto his hands before starting on Loki’s back. He stroked his sides gently and moved to his lower back, resuming his massage. Loki started, sucking his breath and quickly propping himself up on his elbow.

“H-hey, hey, oh sweetheart! I’m sorry; was that too hard?” he gabbled, although he really hadn’t applied much pressure at all.

“N-no. No, sorry, it just hurts-”

“Ok. Ok, here, I’ll stop”

“Please don’t” Loki said, looking back at him. “Everything online says massage helps. I’m sure I’ll feel better for it if you carry on”

Tony wasn’t convinced. “I don’t want to hurt you”

“It’s fine, my love. I promise it’s fine” Loki lay back down properly, one hand up by his mouth so he might hide any pained expressions that may come. 

“Well, if you’re sure…”

Tony still hesitated a moment before continuing. Loki squeezed his eyes shut, trying very hard indeed to stay quiet. It hurt horribly, to the point where he wasn’t convinced that it really  _would_ help - but he bore with it anyway, focusing on his breathing. In - one, two, three - out - one, two, three, four…

“Loki, you’re shaking” Tony paused, looking at him worriedly. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

Loki swallowed and cleared his throat, putting on as strong a voice as he could manage.

“I’m sure. You probably just hit a nerve, darling~” 

-

Tony knew Loki was in pain, but he also knew he was too proud to admit it, and would likely get defensive if he stopped. So he kept on valiantly, trying to ignore the pained look that his partner wasn’t quite managing to mask. He was immensely relieved when he reached Loki’s shoulders again. As he had hoped, Loki soon started to relax again. Gradually, his shaking stopped, his expression softened, and he was calm once more. 

Tony spent a long time on his neck and shoulders, finally drawing back when Loki was near sleep. He kissed him on the cheek and got up from the bed, filling a glass of water from the cooler and setting it on the bedside table. He sat on the edge of the bed and gave Loki’s shoulder a gently squeeze.

“How are you feeling?”

“Good. Really good… Thank you”

“No problem, honey. Do you want to sit up now? In your own time”

“Yeah, will do…”

Loki slowly turned onto his back, and let Tony assist him to sit up against the headboard, pillows propped up behind him. Tony gave him a gentle kiss and handed him the glass of water. 

“Drink”

Loki did so, draining the glass. Tony refilled it for him and sat close beside him, one arm round his shoulders.

“What time is it?”

Tony checked his watch. “Just gone four” 

Loki nodded, sipping his water. “Thank you for this afternoon. It was nice”

“No worries, lolly. I’m sorry I got all sulky with you this morning” 

“Don’t be. I know you’re stressed right now… I don’t think this new situation is helping”

Tony sighed. “It’s not an easy one. Peter’s usually such a happy, upbeat kid. It’s hard seeing him upset. He’s had a few bad spells while he’s been here”

“Maybe, but that’s not such a bad thing: it means he feels safe. He likes that we don’t hold back so much here”

“What gives you that idea?”

“I read his journal”

“Loki!” Tony looked at him disapprovingly. “You shouldn’t invade his privacy like that”

“I know, I know. I didn’t realise what it was at first: I thought it was lab notes. He’d left it in the kitchen. So I just had a quick flick through. It was interesting, seeing how he sees the world” Loki looked down at his glass. “He does feel safe here, about emotions and stuff”

“What did he say?”

“Now who’s invading his privacy?” Loki shook his head. “Just something about how you never get angry at me for being loud, yknow, when I feel like shouting. He’s reassured that he could do the same without it being a big thing”

Tony wasn’t sure what to make of that. “Well if he needs to, I’m not going to stop him. But still, I hope he that he  _doesn’t_  need to. And I hope he doesn’t copy you:- your wobblies can be pretty tricky to deal with”

“Yeah, but that’s different. You’re used to me now”

“Ok, but I’m used to Peter too, in many ways. You’re very different though: I know that you cope with things either by going into silent mode or screaming about it. I’m not really sure what Peter’s style is. I’m not sure I  _want_ to know: knowing means I have to keep seeing him upset”

Loki rested his head against Tony’s shoulder. 

“I didn’t get why you liked him so much at first”

Tony furrowed his brow. “I’d told you all about him, though”

“Yes, and I understood the stories. But when I met him, I didn’t really see it, not at first. But I get it now. He’s a special kid”

Tony rested his head against Loki’s. “He’s a great kid. He’s experienced a lot of bad in his life already. I want better for him. He’s so utterly unspoilt - I don’t want him to lose his faith, you know?”

Loki did know - but he no longer knew what to say. He knew Tony loved Peter. He knew he wanted to teach him and protect him. He knew they’d clashed a bit recently, and that it was really just paternal instincts and teenage feelings disagreeing. He knew that Peter loved Tony too. It had been clear from the start, with the way he held onto his every word and looked to him for advice and clarification, and just the way he looked at him generally. They meant a lot to each other. There was a certain purity to their relationship, and mostly, it was wholesome to see.

-

Loki slept for half an hour. When he woke up, he pulled on Tony’s dressing gown and went to track him down. As expected, he was working on his laptop in the lounge. He seemed a little surprised to see him.

“Oh, hello there” he said. “I thought you’d sleep a lot longer than that”

“So did I” Loki said, sitting down beside him. Tony tilted the screen away from Loki’s view. “What are you looking at?”

“Don’t be nosey” he snapped the laptop shut before Loki had the chance to make a grab for it. 

Loki huffed, sitting back. Tony moved the laptop aside.

“Now, don’t you go getting all moody on me” he said, pulling Loki onto his lap. “What do you want for dinner tonight?”

Loki shrugged. He wasn’t hungry. 

“Well, have a little think. You’ve got time: I need to track down the kid and have a little talk to him before I get started anyway”

Loki slid off Tony’s lap, getting up and retrieving  _Anne of Green Gables_  from where it had been left by the opposite sofa. He considered the options.

“Loki, no” Tony said. “You’re not to go to him. I know you mean well, but he needs space. Wait for him to come to you”

Loki didn’t move. Peter had been happy while he was being read to. 

“Loki. Come here”

Loki did so, stopping in front of him. Tony took the book from him, setting it down on top of his laptop. He patted his knee. Loki sat down beside him, resting against the arm of the sofa. Tony put an arm round his shoulders.

“Talk to me, baby”

“I’m sad”

Tony nodded. “Ok”

“I feel so bad. I know I didn’t mean to upset him, but it’s still horrible”

“I know. It’s good that you care. That’s all he needs right now: a bit of TLC and support. You know, after we talked, I was all set to scold him, but when I went to him, when I saw his face, it put it all into perspective. He was devastated. We’ve all felt that way before. It’s horrible”

Loki nodded. “There’s nothing like it. It’s indescribably horrendous”

“You can say that again”

They looked up. Peter was standing over by the other sofa, looking very small and tired, his skin pale and his hair messy. 

“Can I sit with you?”

“Of course you can. Come here, kiddo”

“Grab the blanket first” Loki said.

Peter picked up the quilted blanket from the sofa. His heart started thumping as he got close to them. Loki stood up, taking the blanket from him and wrapping it round him. It made him look smaller still. Peter held the edges of the blanket to keep it in place. He looked up at Loki, at the concerned look in his eyes, at his soft expression and the light bruising on his neck - and he teared up despite himself. 

“Oh sweetie” 

Loki picked him up and sat down with him in his lap, his legs over Tony’s. Peter rested his cheek against Loki’s chest, not quite crying. Loki held him tight, keeping him safe and warm in the quilted blanket. Peter glanced at Tony, but returned his gaze downwards, looking at nothing in particular.

“How long is it going to hurt for?”

Tony and Loki exchanged a look of equal hurt at his question. Tony rested a hand on Peter’s knee.

“It’s impossible to say” he said. “But it will get better”

Peter wasn’t reassured. 

“I listened to that song again” 

Loki nodded.

“I’ve been listening to more of their stuff. They’re good”

Loki stroked his hair gently. “Have you got a favourite song?”

“Fall Down At Your Feet”

“Remind me how it starts”

Peter had listened to it enough to know all the words now. “I’ve given all that I can give, was only what I wanted, holding you it’s easier to breathe, the more I lose..”

“..the less it hurts, the hurt is saving me, I’m on my knees, oh please” Loki finished the verse for him. 

Peter was quiet for a moment, going over the chorus in his head.  _I, I wanna fall down at your feet, why, why do you bring me to my knees? I, I wanna fall down at your feet. Down, on my knees, on my knees_ … He knew Loki was going over it too.

“It’s a good one”

“It is” Loki agreed. “I always forget about it. It’s always nice when it gets rediscovered”

“I like it” 

He was still looking down, feeling quite disconnected and numb. He was aware of the tears dripping down his cheeks, but he made no effort to wipe them away. Loki pressed his lips to the top of Peter’s head, not quite kissing him. He pulled the blanket up over his shoulder better and cuddled him tight, rocking him gently. 

Tony watched them, keeping his hand on Peter’s knee. He was glad Loki seemed to have it covered, as he was feeling very emotional himself now. He didn’t need Peter to see that.

-

They cuddled for a long time. Peter closed his eyes, feeling secure. He knew this was going to hurt for a long time, but at least he no longer had anything to lose. Eventually, and just when Tony thought him asleep, he spoke quietly:

“Take it all, I take the fall, don’t have to give it back, I’d give you the world, so tell me when to stop”

“Anything you want, anytime you want”

Peter took a deep breath. “Tell me what you need, I’d give you the world, so tell me when to stop” 

“I, I wanna fall down at your feet, why, why do you bring me to my knees?”

Peter opened his eyes and looked up at Tony. He hadn’t expected him to know the song at all, much less the lyrics. Tony offered him a sympathetic smile. 

“Do you believe me now?”

Peter held a hand out to him, and Tony took it, holding it tight. 

_‘…it’s a good way to make sense of things, giving it a soundtrack’_

Tony shifted a little closer, snuggling against Loki’s side. He kept hold of Peter’s hand, rubbing his knuckles gently with his thumb. Peter looked at them. He focused on the feel of Tony’s hand, of Loki’s arms round him, of the quilted blanket against his skin. He felt warm from both men and their embraces, and from their love; their support and understanding. He was still hurting, but for now, that pain had eased. He didn’t need to shout and scream or anything like that. He just needed to sit where he was, listening to Loki’s heartbeat, looking into Tony’s eyes, and knowing in the comfortable silence that everything would be ok in the end.

*


	21. Align My Heart, My Body, My Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Worry and heartache make the themes of the day. Peter is fragile and hurting, and Tony is scared for him, and with good reason

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry
> 
> Please review! Thank you for everyone's continued support

-

Tony sat down on the edge of the bed, carefully removing Peter’s headphones.

“Hey, kiddo”

Peter stayed as he was, on his side, barely even blinking. 

“It’s nearly 12. Are you going to get up soon?”

“I’m too sad. Everything feels hopeless”

Tony sighed. “I know, sweetheart”

“I did feel better for a while, last night” Peter said quietly. “I felt like it was all gonna be ok. But everything had gone bad again when I woke up this morning. I don’t think I can do this”

“Yes you can”

Tony rested a hand on his head, stroking his cheek gently with his thumb. He was expecting this, but it was still horrible. 

“How is he?”

“What? Oh. He’s fine, kiddo. Why don’t you get up now? I think you’d feel better if you did”

“I don’t want to” he reached for his headphones, but Tony moved them out of his reach. 

“You really should anyway. You need to have something to eat”

“I’m not hungry” 

Tony sighed, combing his fingers through Peter’s hair. “Talk to me. You know you can tell me anything”

“…It was Blue Roses”

“I’m sorry?”

“When you told me Loki struggles with existence. You told me a line to a song. You didn’t know which song it was. It’s Blue Roses. Jimmy Nail”

Tony remembered the conversation. “How did you find it?”

Peter nodded towards where the headphones had been put. “That’s Loki’s music player”

“Ah, I see” Tony nodded. “So you’ve been listening to music all day”

“Memorising the lyrics”

“I’ll quiz you, shall I?”

“Ok”

Tony decided to keep with the theme and choose another Jimmy Nail song. “You can come to me. I’ll know what to do, and if I don’t I’ll pretend or I’ll lie for you”

“Until The Day I Die” Peter had listened to it on repeat for a good half an hour. “It made me think of you when I first heard it”

Tony kept stroking his hair, touched, but unsure how to respond. 

“Give me another one”

Tony thought for a moment. “God in heaven, hear my plight, on my darkness, shed eternal light"

“Troubled Man”

“You’re good at this”

“It’s helping” he took Tony’s free hand in his own. “Try a different artist”

“…I don’t need a new love or a new life, just a better place to die”

Peter was quiet for a little while, thinking. “I don’t know”

“One Foot by Fun.” Tony said.

“I don’t think I listened to that one. I had the Blue playlist on”

“Ah. Figures. That’s not exactly a blue song”

Peter went quiet again. He stayed quiet for a considerable length of time. Tony kept stroking his hair.

“Mr Stark?” he said eventually, voice still just as small as before. “Does this mean I’m gay?”

“Well. What do you think?”

“I don’t know. I always just liked girls. I’ve never liked a boy before”

“You may end up liking more boys in the future. It doesn’t invalidate liking girls”

Peter swallowed. “Am I just confused?”

“No. You’re more than old enough to know what you like. You really don’t need to label yourself, though”

“Yes I do. It’s easier to understand things if you can name them, don’t you think?”

“Whatever works for you, sweetheart. What are you thinking?”

“That I might be bisexual” he furrowed his brow, thinking about it. “But wouldn’t that mean I like men and women just the same?”

“Not at all” Tony said. 

Peter pressed his lips together for a moment. “So, what are you, Mr Stark?”

“Bisexual with a strong female preference” Tony answered. “So I’m mostly attracted to women, but I get attracted to men too. Loki’s pansexual. So that’s attraction regardless of gender”

“Does he have a preference?”

“Men”

Peter finally looked at Tony properly. “I think I might be the same as you”

“Welcome to the club”

A small smile tugged at Peter’s lips, but it soon faltered as something else dawned on him. 

“Peter? Hey, what’s up?”

“Do I have to tell May?”

“Only if you want to. Your sexuality is your own business: you don’t have to tell anyone unless you want to”

“I don’t think I do”

Tony nodded. “Then I won’t say anything either” 

Peter sat up slowly. “Thank you, Mr Stark”

“No worries, kiddo. Are you getting up now?”

Peter shrugged. “I’m gonna have a shower and see how I feel”

“Ok sweetheart. I’ll leave you to it. See you in a bit”

Tony stood up and left the room. He was barely ten paces down the corridor when he was stopped by Someone hugging him from behind. Tony placed his hands over theirs for a few seconds before turning round, pulling Peter close and kissing his cheek hard. 

-

Peter took a long shower and got dressed. He was feeling funny: he still couldn’t shake the horrible, hollow hurt in his chest. He tried to push it down, and went to the kitchen. He was relieved to find it empty. He sat and ate in peace, even though everything seemed to taste of cardboard now. 

Once finished, he sought out Loki, finding him upside down on the sofa, watching a DVD. Peter sat down on the floor beside him, looking over at the telly. He didn’t recognise it at all. It looked and sounded old, and the narrator had an aged Middlesex accent. The characters seemed to be mice of some sort, and ‘spoke’ only in a strange series of whistles. Peter glanced at Loki quizzically, but Loki was watching the screen intently from his upside down position, and didn’t notice.

“And here they are at the soup wells… That’s the baby dragon’s voice! … What a strange noise. Wonder what that is? … Ah, here are the froglets!”

A look of pure unadulterated confusion spread over Peter’s face. The mice creatures he kind of got, and the dragons were recognisable, but what the hell were these ‘froglets’? It was all very bizarre. He kept watching the stop motion, his brow furrowed and lip curled. He was still feeling so fragile: he didn’t have the strength to comprehend this puzzle. He found his eyes widening as a strange, vaguely threatening, brass horn on legs appeared in the cave on-screen.

“Um, Mr Loki?”

“Shh. I like this one”

Peter shut his mouth, looking back at the telly. The horn started ‘shouting’, and it made Loki laugh. Peter glanced back at him for a moment. He was horrendously confused, so much so that all feelings of nervousness and reserve about being around Loki had vanished.

“… Be silent! … Well it’s certainly trying to be quiet anyway … Ah well, that  _has_ stopped it … Poor hoot, that  _must_ be uncomfortable … There you are: stay quiet and they won’t have to gag him”

Peter laughed awkwardly. “What the fuck?”

“Peter, shut up”

Peter pouted, but didn’t say any more. He stared at the screen, trying tremendously hard to make sense of what he was seeing. The episode soon finished, and Peter looked at Loki.

“Mr Loki? With all due respect, what the fuck are you watching?”

“Don’t let Tony hear you using that language” Loki said. “Thor dropped my DVDs off this morning. I’d completely forgotten about them”

“Ok, but what-”

“Shh, the next episode is starting”

Peter sat back, sighing heavily. He looked back at the screen. He found the intro slightly sinister, and he was still getting used to the animation and style of the programme. He was having trouble concentrating, but this episode followed on from the last, so at least he had a little bit of an idea of what was going on this time round. He wasn’t quite sure what Loki was getting that he wasn’t. He tried to get into the story, but he felt he might be missing something. He kept zoning out.

“… They don’t  _seem_ to be very friendly, do they? The other hoot wasn’t noisy and pushing and unpleasant, so why should these hoots be like that?”

Peter bit his tongue to stop himself from voicing the opinion that this was perhaps getting a little sinister as well as highly unusual.

“They just attacked him! Oh my god, what??”

“Shut  _up_ ” Loki whined, annoyed at him.

Peter was quiet for the remainder of the episode. Once it finished, Loki grabbed the remote and turned the telly off. 

“Right, I’m all yours now” 

Peter looked at Loki for a moment. He suddenly felt sick, and scared. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t carry on and pretend he wasn’t breaking inside. It all hurt too much. He couldn’t be near him, not now.

Peter stood up, trembling, his voice filled with hurt and fear as he spoke. “I’ve gotta go”

He left the room before Loki had a chance to respond.

-

Peter scrabbled through the address book and found Thor’s landline number. He checked that the coast was clear before dialling the number. His hands were shaking, and it took his a few tries to get the number right.

“Hello?”

“Mr Thor? Hey, uh, it’s Peter. Yknow, Peter Parker? Spiderman?”

“Peter. Is everything alright?” Thor asked, hearing the panic in his voice

“Yeah, yeah, fine” Peter answered quickly. “Um. Well, not really. I don’t know. Can we talk?”

“There’s a cafe about a five minute walk from Stark’s place. Blue curtains in the window and a broken neon sign. Do you know it?”

“Y-yeah, I know it”

“Meet me there as soon as you’re available”

“Oh. Ok, I’ll be about ten minutes. See you soon”

-

Peter shivered as he stood outside the cafe. He’d put down the phone, raced to his room, pulled on his shoes, grabbed his bag, and ran to where Thor was meeting him, making it there less than five minutes after ending the phone call. It was a cold day, with dark clouds in the sky threatening rain. 

Thor appeared a few minutes later. 

“Let’s grab a coffee. You look like you could do with one”

-

Peter nodded in thanks to the waitress as she set their drinks down. Thor lifted his mug, taking a sip and setting it down again.

“Now. What did you want to talk about?”

“Um. I- I don’t really know how to say it”

“Has something happened? Have you been hurt? Or Loki?”

Peter shook his head. “It’s nothing like that… I just did something really stupid. You know, when you came round the other day and Loki turned blue for me. I did something stupid”

Thor nodded, waiting for him to continue. Peter swallowed hard, looking down into his cup, silent. 

“What did you do?” Thor persisted. 

“I kissed Loki”

Thor was a little surprised. “I  _see_ “

“He’s been good about it, you know. He turned me down, obviously, but he’s been real kind about it…”

Thor now understood why he looked so tired. “It gets easier”

“I didn’t know it would hurt like this” Peter set his mug down so he could wipe his eyes. “I think it would be easier if he was horrible to me, because then I could laugh at the thought of liking him. But he’s still the same as always. Mr Stark has been really good too. But it still hurts” 

“It’s happened now: there’s no changing that”

“It was so awful. We were just in his room, and he was showing me some music he liked, and I was an idiot and got all emotional and it felt like the right thing to do, so I just did it; I kissed him, and-”

“Hey” Thor reached across the table and gave his hand a squeeze. “It’s ok. You’re not the first person to give in to their feelings; and you won’t be the last”

“I’m not all the other people though: I’m me. And I’m struggling”

“Do you wish you hadn’t done it?”

“Yes” Peter said, but stopped, thinking. “No. I don’t know. At least now it’s out in the open, so I don’t have to worry about being found out, I suppose. And I liked it. I don’t think I should’ve done, but I did, before everything went bad” he looked up at Thor. “What do you think?”

“I think you were very brave to do it. I’m glad to hear Loki is being good about it. You say Stark is too?”

Peter nodded. “Yeah, he’s been looking after me. Loki has too, a bit. He was busy, that’s why I called you…”

“What’s he up to?”

“He had this DVD on. He said you dropped them off. I don’t know what it was. They were pink. And there was a dragon, and these things called… froglets?”

Thor nodded. “It’ll have been the Clangers”

“Oh. I’ve never heard of them” 

“It’s English”

“How did he end up finding it?”

“Well, that was my doing. You know he likes Snoopy?”

Peter nodded, thinking about Loki’s Snoopy stuff. 

“He found that while he was still living with me. He saw it in the shops and I got him some of the books from the library. He often made a point of being an absolute nightmare while he was at the flat. I found a Snoopy video in the library and rented it for him, and it shut him up. He was happy curled up watching it”

“When you say he was a nightmare…”

“Oh, he just used to mess me about. He had a lot of depressive episodes where he kept to himself and slept a lot, but when he wasn’t like that, he was very different. He just did things to annoy me. He was very angry and upset when he first moved into the flat, and he never quite settled there. Most of the time he was loud and invasive and the only time he was quiet was when he was asleep. He’d look at books if I brought him them, but they never held his attention for long, and he’d wander around pretending to read and them smack me over the head with them”

“Ow. Why?”

“He was hurting. He liked messing me about because it gave him something to do. He liked starting arguments and playing tricks on me. It was incredibly hard to get him to settle when he wasn’t in sad-mode, so that Snoopy video was something of a breakthrough”

“He’s run out of books at home. He’s been reading to me a bit, but I think he’s bored” 

“He is. He told me so this morning. Still, you’re going away soon, so that’ll keep him occupied for a while. Plus, he’s got his DVDs now, so maybe you’ll be able to get some peace and quiet too”

Peter picked up his cup, sipping the bitter liquid. He hadn’t bothered with sugar: nothing had much taste now anyway. “So how did you find them?”

“Well. He liked the Snoopy video, so I took to the internet to see if I could find more, and stumbled across a page saying something like; ‘if you liked Snoopy, you may like’, and had a load of children’s programmes listed by country. They were mainly blank, but the English ones said you could find videos on the YouTube, so I had a look. I watched a few of the videos myself. There was something very calming about them”

“So you got a bunch of DVDs?”

“I showed them to Loki first. He didn’t make it easy. He was going through this stage of taking the doors of the kitchen cupboards, an-”

“Wait, what?? Taking the doors of kitchen cupboards?”

Thor nodded grimly. “It was incredibly annoying. It was the bottom cupboards. He’d unscrew the hinges and place them back so you couldn’t tell, and then the door would come off in your hand every time you went to get something out. It was a surprise at first, but he didn’t even bother being sneaky after the first time. He’d screw them back on and then the next day sit on the kitchen floor and unscrew them again while I was having a coffee. It was annoying, but it didn’t do any real harm, so I left him too it for quite a while, even though getting anything in the kitchen was like a game of roulette”

Peter laughed. “He’s so weird. How long did he do it for?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Ages. A good few weeks”

“What made him stop? Did he just get bored?”

“Ah. No. See, he only ever did the bottom cupboards really. But one day I opened one of the top cupboards and the door came off the top hinge and ended up giving me a black eye. He’d obviously planned it and wanted to see my reaction, but lurking was a mistake on his part. He found it hilarious, of course, and I was annoyed at him already that day, and I’d had enough of his antics, so I clobbered him. He left the cupboards alone after that”

“Oh. Ow…” 

“Ow indeed”

Peter finished his drink, grimacing slightly. “So, you showed him the video..?”

“Ah, yes. So I picked one on my phone and found him in the kitchen. He was busy unscrewing the cupboards, and he didn’t like me disturbing him, but I held him still and made him watch anyway. It was funny how quickly it captured him. He stopped struggling and after a minute he let me take the screwdriver from him, and I let him hold the phone and watch on his own. He looked at me afterwards and asked if there was more, so I showed him some other stuff. I kept him quiet for most of the afternoon like that, so when I found you could buy the DVDs, I didn’t hesitate. They were a bit of a godsend”

“That’s - kind of adorable” he could just imagine it. “He was so absorbed in that one he had on earlier”

“He’s a strange little creature, my brother. I’ve given up trying to understand the why he likes the things he does. Those DVDs were like the world’s best mute button. If he was angry or anxious or upset, I could sit him down in front of one of his programmes and he’d calm down. I’d completely forgotten about them until yesterday when I was having a clear out. He stopped watching them when he started dating Stark, so they got forgotten”

“I really love him. Is it bad that I almost wish he was single, just on the off-chance that something might happen one day?”

“I wish he was single too, but perhaps for different reasons. It’s bad for your health to stay hung up on it. You’re still very young. I think, as much as it hurts, you need to accept that you and Loki will never be more than friends”

Peter nodded sadly. “I know… Wait, why do you wish he was single? Do you miss having him live with you?”

“Yes, but it’s a little deeper than that. I don’t like the way Stark treats him. I don’t trust him”

“What? Oh, but that’s daft! Mr Stark is brilliant, and he’s really in love with Loki. You can tell just by looking at them”

“Did you tell him you were meeting me?”

Peter stopped. “Oh. I- I forgot. He’s probably working anyway: I doubt he’ll even notice I’ve gone”

As if tempted by fate, Peter’s mobile started ringing on the table. 

“Uh-oh” 

“It seems he  _has_ noticed”

Peter watched the phone until it stopped ringing. Thor looked at him. 

“I really think you should’ve answered that”

The phone started ringing again, and Thor looked at him pointedly. Peter glanced round the near-empty cafe, and hesitantly answered the call.

“Hello?”

“Peter! Where are you? Why didn’t you answer the first time?”

“I missed it. Sorry”

“Where are you?” Tony demanded, sounding worried. 

“I- I’m out”

“Out where? Peter, you can’t just leave without telling anyone. What if something happened to you? What if we couldn’t find you? This isn’t good enough” 

Peter could feel Thor watching him. “Stop being paranoid. I’m  _fine_. You worry too much”

This was a mistake.

“Right, you get back here this instant, Mr Parker. I think we need to have another little chat. Where are you? How far away are you?”

“I’m just down the street. I’ll be about ten minutes”

“Right. You have exactly ten minutes to get back here. See you in a minute”

Tony terminated the call. Peter looked up at Thor.

“I gotta go”

“You shouldn’t have left without telling them”

“I’m sick of being treated like a little kid. I don’t need him keeping an eye on me all the time” Peter shoved his phone in his pocket and sat back with his arms crossed over his chest. 

Thor stood up, holding a hand out to Peter. “I’ll walk you back”

-

Peter gave Thor a hug.

“Thanks for letting me whine” 

“Be good. You can call me whenever you need to. Give Loki a hug for me. I’ll see you soon”

They bid farewell, and Peter swallowed hard as he opened the door. This could be bad.

-

Hearing the door go, Tony met Peter in the hallway, just as he’d put his bag down. 

“Peter! Peter”

Peter approached nervously. 

“Peter. Hey, come here, look at me, sweetheart” he took Peter’s face in his hands, looking him over. “Are you ok? Please tell me you’re ok. You’re not hurt?”

“Wh-what? No, no, I’m not hurt. I’m fine”

Tony looked at him for a moment, and pulled him close, hugging him tight. Peter hugged him back awkwardly, confused. He’d expected to be shouted at. Tony gave him a squeeze and held him at arms length.

“Don’t you _ever_  run off like that again, do you hear me?”

Peter nodded. “I’m sorry, Mr Stark”

Tony pulled him close again. “I’m just glad you’re ok. I was so worried about you: we both were”

Peter pulled away from him, spotting Loki lurking nearby. “Why?”

“We know you’re hurting. Loki said you’d been funny with him. He said you seemed scared, that you were shaking, and after some of the things you said earlier, I just - and when I went to find you and you’d disappeared, I- I was so worried”

He went to hug him again, but Peter wouldn’t let him. He saw the look on his face, the look on Loki’s face. 

“Y-you thought I was going to hurt myself, didn’t you?”

Tony looked over his shoulder, sharing a brief, pained look with Loki. He looked back at Peter sorrowfully and nodded. 

“How could you think that?? I wouldn’t do anything like that! Why would I? I’m not that kind of person!” he knew he was babbling.

“Sweetheart, I’m sorry. We just didn’t know what else to think. You shouldn’t have gone without telling us” Tony restrained himself from reaching out to him.

Peter had a hot feeling in his stomach, and he recognised it - and that alone filled him with dread, making it worse. He knew what was coming. He couldn’t let it happen.

“I’m fine!” Peter tried to laugh. “I’m fine, you don’t need to worry about me, there’s nothing to worry about, I’m fine, there’s nothing to worry about, there’s nothing, there’s nothing, no worries, no worri-”

He knew exactly what was happening to him - and so did Tony. He couldn’t do this. He was shaking, and it was horrible. 

“Peter?! Sweetheart-”

Peter made a dash for it, and Tony quickly grabbed him round the chest. 

“Hey, hey, shh, sh sh sh, you’re ok. I’m here”

“No! No, let go! I don’t want you; I don’t want you!” 

He pulled free, trying to run again, and within seconds he was against Loki’s chest. He stopped for a moment, panic rising audibly in his throat, and he shrieked, clinging to Loki’s polo, howling loudly and uncontrollably against him. Loki held him tight, one hand on the back of his head. 

“I can’t do it! I can’t do it!” 

Loki knew it wouldn’t be long before the boys legs failed him, so he sunk to the floor, letting him collapse properly against him. He was scared - but he knew Peter was infinitely more scared. He was breathing so fast, crying so hard, and Loki knew he’d now have pins and needles in his hands and feet. He knew he’d feel like he was in a pit he couldn’t crawl out of. He knew he’d feel helpless to stop. 

Loki looked up at Tony, who had started crying too, trying hard not to panic. Loki made eye contact with him.

“Blanket. MP3″

Tony cleared his throat and went off to fulfil his request. Loki rubbed Peter’s back firmly, resting his cheek against the top of his head. His agony was echoed in the walls of the hall. He was trying hard to stop the attack and stop his crying - to no avail.

-

Loki pulled the blanket tight round Peter and resumed his hold. Tony knelt down on the floor a couple of feet away from them, calm now, holding the MP3 and headphones. Loki waited until Peter’s breathing started to slow before taking them from Tony. Peter stayed buried in Loki’s chest, and didn’t protest when the headphones were carefully placed over his ears. Loki held him close, and pressed play on the music player.

‘ _I’ve given all that I can give, was only what I wanted. Holding you, it’s easier to breathe. The more I lose, the less it hurts, the hurt is saving me, I’m on my knees, oh please_ ’

Peter was still struggling, but somehow, despite not being the most relaxing song, hearing the music helped. He took a very deep breath, held it for a moment, and exhaled. Loki squeezed him reassuringly when he did it, so he did it again. And again. And again. And soon his breathing returned to normal.   
  
The song restarted, and Peter started to relax, finding breathing much easier now. By the end of the second verse, he’d settled into much smaller sobs, and by the end of the first verse on the third play, he’d gone completely quiet. Once it finished, Loki paused the player, gently taking the headphones off Peter and moving them aside.

“There now. It’s over. You did brilliantly” Loki finally spoke. 

Peter spotted his phone lying close by. It must have fallen out of his pocket at some point. Tony saw him looking, and picked it up, handing it to him. Peter took it, unlocking it and opening his contacts. He clicked on the call sign above May’s name, and put the phone on speaker. It was answered after the first ring.

“Hey Peter”

“Hey May” his voice was quiet, choked. 

“Peter? Are you ok?”

“I miss you” 

May sighed sadly. “I miss you too”

“Are you busy?”

“Not right now, I’m not. Why?”

Peter closed his eyes. “I’ve got a lot of stuff I need to tell you”

-

Loki kept his hands on Peter as he listened to him recounting everything for his aunt:- his feelings, the uncertainty, the crush, the kiss, the heartache, the coffee with Thor, and finally, his second panic attack. 

May was patient, letting him talk for as long as he needed, swallowing hard and making sure not to let on how much it hurt to hear all of this. Her little nephew was going through something so big, and she wasn’t there to hold him and comfort him properly. She trusted Tony to take care of him, but it wasn’t the same. But, she could still listen, and she could sense how much Peter needed to talk.

-

Peter ended the call and set his phone down on the floor. Once he’d finished talking, May had said all the right things: that she knew it hurt, that his feelings were normal, that it would get easier, and that she loved him and was always just a phone call away. Getting everything off his chest was draining, but he felt better for doing it. 

Tony moved closer to them, carefully placing a hand on Peter’s back. Peter didn’t push him away, so he felt safe to rub his back gently. 

“Well done, sweetheart”

Peter shifted, and Loki drew his hands back as Peter sat up. He was still shaking slightly, his face red from crying. He took a few deep breaths, keeping himself calm. Tony squeezed his shoulder.

“Do you want to go and lie down for a bit?”

Peter shook his head. He looked at Loki. “We’ve got a chapter to finish” 

Loki nodded. “Indeed we do”

“Oh, and one more thing” his voice was stronger now. “Your brother told me to give you this”

He knelt up and wound his arms round Loki’s neck, hugging him as tight as could.

*


	22. Things To Fill My Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holiday prep is well underway, at least for some

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is just a littler chapter, and a bit of a filler. Next chapter will be better!

-

 

Tony found Peter and Loki in the kitchen at breakfast and presented them each with a sheet of paper.

“What’s this?” Peter asked, looking it over.

“It’s your packing list, and it’s by no means exhaustive. Just make sure you pack everything on it. If there’s anything you don’t own, let me know”

“Wouldn’t it be easier if you just told us where we’re going so we can check the weather forecast?”

“Nice try, but no” Tony said. “Besides, we’ll be away for a good three weeks: weather forecasts can only predict so far ahead. Plus, they’re usually wrong anyway”

Peter read through the list. “I might need another suitcase…”

“That’s no trouble: I’ve got loads. We’ll be going in the jet, so space and baggage allowances aren’t really an issue”

Loki set his list down on the table. “Are you sure this is a good idea?”

“Now, don’t you go getting cold feet on me. You’ll love it. You really do need to start packing soon though. Today, preferably”

The corner of Loki’s mouth turned down. 

“Hey” Tony chucked him under the chin. “Don’t look so glum. I’ve stocked up on travel meds and stuff for you. Speaking of which, have you taken your medication today?”

Loki shifted uncomfortably. He hadn’t touched any of his medication, even after their argument. Tony sighed, going over to Loki’s cupboard. 

“I think it’s probably best I administer your meds from now on”

Loki clenched his fist on the table. Peter put his own hand over Loki’s. 

“You ok?”

Loki didn’t respond. The sound of the tap whirring and the blister packs seemed deafeningly loud. 

Tony set a glass of water and a saucer with the pills on in front of Loki.

“Go on”

Loki swallowed. “I don’t want to”

“Loki, this isn’t up for discussion” 

Peter squeezed his hand. Loki pulled his hand away and stood up. Tony grabbed him by the shoulders.

“Let go of me!”

“Not until you take your pills” his voice wasn’t unkind, but it was very firm. “You’re setting a bad example” 

Loki huffed and sat down heavily. He grumbled to himself and took the pills reluctantly. Once he’d swallowed the last one, Tony nodded approvingly and gave his shoulder a quick squeeze.

“Thank you”

Loki picked up the nearest mug and took a gulp of tea.

“Um, Mr Loki? That’s mine”

“What?” Loki looked at the drink, seeing it wasn’t his mug. “Oh. Sorry”

He handed it back.

“It’s ok”

Loki picked up his own mug, draining it. He stood up, going over to the sink and rinsing his mug, setting it on the draining board and making for the door.

“And where do you think you’re going?”

“Bed”

“Loki, you’ve only just gotten  _out_ of bed. What’s up?”

“My head hurts. Leave me alone” 

Tony sighed, but let him go. He ruffled Peter’s hair.

“Ok kiddo?”

Peter nodded. “Mr Stark? You know this holiday? Does May know?”

“Of course she does. I had to ask her if it was ok. She’s sworn to secrecy about the location though, so don’t try to pull a fast one”

“Ok, ok. Sure you can’t just give me a little hint?”

“Not a chance! If you don’t get it yourself, you’ll feed it back to Loki, and he  _will_ get it” Tony took Peter’s empty mug from him. “Take your list and see if you can make some progress. Take Loki’s list to him too”

-

Peter took Loki his copy of the list. He was asleep, so he just left it beside him on the bed. He went to his own room, sorting through everything he’d brought to Tony’s with him, comparing it to the packing list. He had most of it, which he was relieved about, but he was annoyed that the list didn’t have any clues about location hidden in it. It was pretty generic; the kind of stuff you’d take anywhere, stuff for all weathers. He sighed heavily. He wasn’t excited about this ‘surprise’ so much as irritated by it. 

-

Tony gave Loki a shake. 

“Loki? Wake up, honey”

Loki grumbled, pushing Tony’s hand away. “Go ‘way”

“Loki, you can’t stay in here all day. Get up now”

Loki pulled a pillow over his head. Tony snatched it from him. 

“Loki, I’m serious. You need to get up”

When Loki made no effort to do so, Tony grabbed hold of him and hauled him up. Loki growled and tried to push him away.

“What’s gotten into you? Come on; stop being so difficult”

“Get fucked”

Tony gave him a sharp tap on the cheek. “Don’t start, Loki. You’ve got stuff to do”

Loki gave him a shove, very nearly knocking him off the bed.

“Hey, what was that for?! What’s gotten  _into_ you today?” 

“I’m tired. Fuck off and let me sleep” 

Tony didn’t appreciate being spoken to like that. “You spend far too much time asleep. Go and get your suitcase and sort yourself out”

Loki thumped back down on his side, his back to Tony. Tony sighed irritably. 

“Loki, I’m not going to ask you again”

“Good, then don’t” 

“You know what I mean”

Loki just grumbled. Tony forced him onto his back and sat on him.

“I’m not moving until you stop being silly”

“You’ve put on weight”

“I wish  _you_  had”

Loki folded his arms over his chest, turning his head to the side. Tony stroked his cheek gently with the back of his index finger.

“What’s up, lolly? You know you can talk to me”

Loki slapped his hand away. “Don’t”

“You’re very warm, Loki. Are you feeling poorly today?”

“A bit. My stomach hurts”

Tony moved off him. “Where abouts?”

Loki shrugged. He was annoyed, and not in the mood to play twenty questions. Tony sighed. 

“I’ll be back in a bit”

-

The doorbell went, and Tony opened it within seconds.

“Thanks for coming”

“No problem” Banner said. 

“I think there’s something going on. He’s so…” he gestured vaguely. “I don’t know. I don’t think it’s a mental health thing”

Banner wasn’t convinced, but he didn’t say. “I’ll talk to him”

“He might shout at you: he’s all agitated and stuff”

“I’ll be fine”

-

Loki sat up when his bedroom door opened, ready to shout at Tony. He was a little surprised to see Bruce.

“Oh. It’s you”

He lay back down. Banner sat awkwardly on the edge of the bed.

“Tony says you’re not well”

“I’m fine”

“I’ve heard that one before. What’s up?”

Loki sighed. “I’m just tired. I feel ill. I’m fed up of being pestered”

“Ok, ok. Have you got any pain in your lower abdomen?”

Loki nodded.

“Any stinging or burning when going to the toilet?”

“A bit”

“Have you been taking your medication?”

“No. What is this? I don’t need you quizzing me”

“Ok, ok” Banner filled the glass on his bedside table with water. “Sit up”

Loki did so, scowling. Bruce handed him the glass.

“Drink. Lots. It’ll help”

Loki took the glass. Anything to get him to shut up.

-

Tony looked up when Bruce came and found him in the kitchen. 

“Is he ok? What is it?”

“He’s got a UTI”

Tony stopped. “What?”

“The symptoms fit. The agitation is only usually present in older people. I suppose it might be a species difference. I’ll drop off some antibiotics later”

“So, he’s not angry with me?”

“He is, but only because he’s ill. He’s always responded really well to antibiotics, so I’d imagine he’ll be feeling better by the morning. Give him space, but make sure he drinks lots” 

Tony nodded. “Thank you”

“Any time. But you definitely owe me some good souvenirs after you get back from your holiday”

-

Tony found Peter in his room, bent over his suitcase. 

“How are you doing?" 

"I’ve got most things” replied Peter, sitting back on his heels. “I’ve made a list of the stuff I haven’t got" 

"We’ll have a little shopping trip then" 

"Is Mr Loki coming too?" 

"No. I need to you stay away from him”  

The hurt on Peter’s face was evident. 

“But-but you said it didn’t change anything! You said we could still be friends!”

“Hey, hey, calm down. It’s not because of that: he’s just not very well today. He needs some space" 

"What’s wrong with him?" 

"Never you mind. Come on: shoes on. May as well get the rest of your stuff while we’ve got time" 

Peter nodded. "OK. Um, there’s just one thing:- aren’t walking boots really expensive?" 

"Don’t you worry about that. You won’t have to dip into your pocket money for any of this" 

"Oh! But, Mr Stark-" 

"Enough, Peter” Tony cut him off. “I won’t take no for an answer" 

 - 

Peter soon got excited, considering all the possibilities while looking for everything on his list. Tony was in a good mood, obviously very much looking forward to his holiday, and he found Peter’s excitement as endearing as always. 

"May as well get you kitted out properly. They might not be the most stylish clothes, but they’re comfortable as anything. You’ll blend in just fine" 

"Please, _please_  tell me where we’re going! I can’t stand the suspense" 

"You’ll find out soon enough. Now, I’ve been thinking about contact. Most of the places we’ll be staying will have WiFi. I’ve got unlimited roaming on my phone, so you can use that to keep in touch with May" 

"We’re going somewhere pretty far away, aren’t we?" 

Tony nodded. "The flight will be fine. It’ll be long, but the jet makes you forget you’re flying a lot of the time. You’ll enjoy it. Loki will probably sleep for most of the journey, but try to get him to keep you company. He’ll probably be receptive to a few games" 

"How long will it take?" 

"A while” he didn’t want to put a time on it, lest Peter narrow down the possible location list. “There’s plenty to keep you entertained on the jet though" 

Peter nodded, looking back at the clothing racks. "I like this one" 

"OK, is there one in your size?" 

Peter flicked through and found one that should fit him. Tony nodded, juggling the armful of outdoor clothing he already had. 

"You should try these things on. We might not have time to come back and swap things before we go" 

"Yeah, that’s probably a good idea. Are you sure this is OK?" 

"Peter, how many times do I have to say it? Of course it’s OK. Stop worrying about it" 

"I’m not  _worrying_ : I just feel like it’s a lot" 

"I’m not taking you away without the proper kit. You deserve a proper holiday, and as such, you deserve the right stuff for it”

Tony’s phone buzzed as a text came through. He handed it to Peter, too laden with clothes to attempt answering it himself. Peter looked at the screen.

“It’s Loki…”

“What does he want?”

Peter opened the text. “He says; ‘where did you put the hot water bottle?’”

“Ah. Right”

“What’s up? What shall I put?”

“Well, I may have melted it”

Peter quirked an eyebrow. “How do you melt a hot water bottle?”

“Doesn’t matter. Tell him we don’t have one anymore, but I’ll get him a new one. Put a kiss at the end”

Peter obediently typed out and sent the text. 

-

Once outside, Peter shifted the bag to his other arm.

“Hey, Mr Stark?”

“Yeah?”

“Can we get Loki a present? Y’know, to make him feel better? You said he’s ill…”

Tony smiled. “Sure. What were you thinking?”

“Um” he hadn’t really thought of anything. But then he remembered; “We saw some cool shoes not that long ago. I think they’d really suit him, even though they were expensive. And then I suppose he’d need the outfit to go with it, to make it look right, or-”

Tony laughed at him. “Slow down, kiddo. Loki’s real irritable right now, so anything too extravagant might be wasted”

“Ok, ok, so how about we get him something little for today, and get him the shoes and stuff for when he’s better?”

“You’re like a dog with a bone. How much were the shoes? Do you remember what shop? I’d better look, just in case he already has similar ones”

“He doesn’t” Peter said. “I think they were like… $70? And getting the shirt and trousers and jacket and socks, well, I suppose we’d probably need about $100”

“Uh, that’s a severe underestimation! Shirt alone would be about $30, if we’re thinking of smart stuff”

“Oh. Why? We can do it a lot cheaper”

“If I’m treating him, I’m treating him properly” Tony said firmly. “But you first. We’ll finish treating you, pick up a hot water bottle and something for Loki, and then we’ll consider the expensive option again later”

-

Peter soon forgot about the shoes. He trotted along at Tony’s side, immersed in conversation, coming out of nearly every shop they went into with another bag. Tony deviated from the list quite a lot, buying him little treats under the guise of ‘this may come in useful’, or ‘you could do with a new one’. He wouldn’t take no for an answer, and Peter soon accepted it. He liked the attention. 

-

Peter was grateful of the chance to sit down and have something to eat and drink. He felt like he’d been on his feet for days.

“I think your shoes and outfit idea is too extravagant for a get well present” Tony said, setting his mug down. “But it could make a good  _anniversary_ present”

“Oh! I keep forgetting about that. It’s real soon, isn’t it?”

“We’ll be on holiday for it. I’ve already got Loki a few little things, but if you wanted to gift him something, I’m sure he’d appreciate it” 

“Sure! Uh, wait,  _I_ can’t afford it”

“No, but I can. And I’ll give you the money. Ah! Don’t you start! We’ll finish here, and then we’ll go and get his stuff”

His phone buzzed, and he took it out to read the text. It was Banner. ‘ _Loki’s taken his antibiotics and is drinking well, but he’s refusing food. Banner’_

“Everything ok?” Peter asked. 

“Hm? Yeah, fine” he put his phone back in his pocket. “Finish up: we don’t have all day” 

-

Tony left Peter in the kitchen sorting out the shopping while he checked on Loki. 

“Hey”

Loki merely grumbled, a little annoyed about being disturbed. Tony handed him the new hot water bottle. Loki took it, slipping it under the covers and holding it against his aching stomach. 

“Banner says you’re not eating. Isn’t there anything you fancy?”

Loki thought for a moment, rubbing his nose against his pigs snout. “Cheese on toast”

“Ok. I’ll send Peter in in a minute”

-

Tony ruffled Peter’s hair when he went back into the kitchen. 

“You’ve got Loki’s little presents, right?”

“Uh-huh. How is he?”

“A bit better, I think” he said, switching on the grill. “I’m just making him something to eat. You can take it in to him”

Peter nodded, busy lining everything up on the floor. He had quite the haul. It was quite exciting, looking at all his new clothes and accessories and treats. 

-

Peter hooked the little bag with Loki’s treats over his wrist, and took him his cheese on toast. Loki sat up and accepted the plate gratefully. While he ate, Peter sat beside him, telling him about everything Tony had bought him, and what they’d had for lunch, and about the weird lady with the duck they’d seen in the square. Loki listened patiently, focusing more on his food. He felt better once he had a full stomach. He set the plate down on the bedside table. He nodded at the bag on Peter’s wrist.

“What have you got there?” 

“Oh. Uh” he took the bag off his hand, handing it over. “When Mr Stark said you were ill, I thought I’d get you some stuff to help you feel better” 

“You should’ve have” Loki said, taking the bag.

“They’re just little things. They weren’t expensive, but I thought you’d like them. Mr Stark wasn’t sure about some of them, but I’ll let you be the judge”

Peter watched him as he went through the bag. He had a small tin of chocolate limes, a set of Snoopy rubbers, a can of premium lemonade, some cappuccino truffles, and an enamel pin featuring Betty Boop on the beach. 

Loki looked at the carefully selected items, surprised at how perfectly chosen they all were. He pulled Peter close and hugged him hard.

“Thank you. You’re so lovely” 

Peter hugged him back, feeling pretty pleased with himself. “So, you like them?”

“I love them. They’re all lovely” 

Peter pulled back. “What’s your favourite? I bet I know”

Loki smiled, looking at the items carefully. “The badge”

“I knew it! As soon as I saw it, I knew I just  _had_  to get it for you” 

The bedroom door opened, and Peter looked over his shoulder, smiling at Tony. 

“Come on, kiddo; let Loki rest now” 

Peter nodded, giving Loki another quick hug and getting up obediently. 

“I’ll come and see you again later, ok?”

Tony ruffled his hair as he went by on the way out of the door. He risked being lashed out at and helped Loki move his little presents aside and get settled again with his pig and his hot water bottle.

“You feeling a bit better now?”

“Yeah. Stomach still hurts a lot though, and I’m tired. Banner said he thinks I’ll be better by the morning”

“Let’s hope he’s right” he kissed Loki on the nose. “I’ll check on you around 7, ok? Shout if you need anything before then”

-

Peter gathered all his new stuff and spent the rest of the afternoon in his room, talking to Ned on skype and sorting out everything for the trip. The more he sorted, and the more he talked about it, the more excited he became.

“I still can’t believe you’re going on holiday with Iron Man” Ned said. “Your life is the coolest thing ever”

“Hey, it’s not that cool! Well, ok, some of it is pretty cool. I mean, I’m living with The Tony Stark, and an actual  _god_ , and we’re going on some mysterious super-long foreign holiday. I swear it doesn’t feel real”

“I am honestly just so jealous of you right now”

Peter thought for a moment. “Hey, are you free tomorrow? Why don’t you come over?”

“What, really? Wait, but won’t Mr Stark mind?” 

“I’ll find a way to make him agree. Just for a couple of hours, y’know?”

Ned was trying not to bubble over with excitement. “Yes! Get the permission, and I’ll be there. Wait, does this mean I get to meet Loki?”

“Sure? He should be around” 

Peter grinned. This could be good.

-

Despite everything, Peter had reservations about asking Tony. He waited until they’d nearly finished dinner before saying anything.

“Hey, uh, Mr Stark? Can I ask you something?”

Tony looked at him, suddenly nervous, and nodded.

Peter swallowed. “Can I have my friend Ned come over tomorrow? Just for a couple of hours?”

Tony was relieved that it wasn’t something big. “Sure, as long as you both behave”

“We will, Mr Stark, I promise! So I can really have him over?”

“Sure”

Peter was thrilled. “Thank you!”

He couldn’t wait. He definitely had a cool set up here, and he knew Ned would just love it.

*


	23. Another Fragile Edge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ned comes round for a visit. Peter is glad to finally see a friend again, but it doesn't go 100% to plan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another mini chapter I'm afraid (so my notes on the last chapter have proven a lie!)
> 
> Also I had Absolutely No Idea how to write Ned, so apologies for that

-

Peter told Ned to meet him at the cafe with the blue curtains and broken neon sign. They didn’t stop. Ned was buzzing at the prospect of seeing Tony’s house, and of finally getting the chance to meet him - and Loki. He’d been told a lot about both of them. 

-

Peter was a little nervous about the visit. He felt like he hadn’t seen Ned for months. Still, he pushed his reservations down and gladly took Ned back to the Loki/Tony household. 

“Woah” Even the front hall seemed amazing to Ned. “I can’t believe you’ve been living in luxury all summer so far”

“Well, it hasn’t  _all_ been luxury” Peter rubbed the back of his neck, closing the front door. “Do you want a drink? We’ve got loads in the kitchen”

-

Ned watched Peter. He was so comfortable with it all, like he’d lived there forever. It was so different to Peter’s little flat with May - almost an opposite - but Peter still seemed to fit in here just as well. They went into the kitchen, and found Tony there. 

“Hey, kiddo” Tony smiled at Peter, and turned to the other boy. “You must be Ned”

Ned merely nodded, unable to speak, amazed to be in the presence of the legendary genius billionaire philanthropist he knew so much about. Peter gave him a nudge.

“Don’t just  _stare_ at him”

Tony just laughed. “Good to meet you too”

Peter rolled his eyes. “Hey, Mr Stark, is Loki about?”

“He’s still a bit under the weather. Let him be” 

“Aww, ok” he looked at his friend. “Sorry Ned”

“No, it’s fine” having found his tongue, he turned to Tony. “Thank you for letting me come round, Mr Stark. You have a wonderful house”

Tony smiled at him. “No problem. Why don’t you two go down to the workshop for a bit, keep yourselves occupied. I’m pretty busy up here”

“You’re letting us in your own workshop?!” Ned said in awe.

“It’s amazing, Ned, you’ll love it! I’ve got a whole bunch of stuff to show you!” Peter said eagerly, grabbing him by the wrist and dragging him from the kitchen.

He felt it was best they didn’t crowd Tony.

-

Ned let Peter drag him down the corridor, round the corner, through one door, and another, down a flight of stairs, and finally through the door into Tony’s lab and workshop. It was sleek and modern and there were blueprints and diagrams all over the walls, various projects left in progress on the workbenches, bits and bobs of Iron Man suits knocking about, and more equipment than Ned had ever seen in his life. This was incredible.

-

The boys quickly got absorbed in the workshop. Ned was excited to try new tech and equipment, and Peter was happy settling down and doing some more work on his current project. They stuck the radio on and worked contentedly side by side, soon losing track of time.

Peter’s hunger eventually made itself known, and he checked the time, surprised to find that it had just gone one in the afternoon. 

“Woah, we’ve been down here for a good three hours” he said, setting his tools down and stretching one arm over the other. “We should probably go and get something to eat”

“Yeah, I’m hungry too. I didn’t realise we’d been down here so long. You’re so lucky: I don’t think I’d ever leave if I had access to this place all the time!”

“It’s a shame Mr Stark is busy. He’s got a load of cool stuff he could’ve showed you”

“Cooler than all this?” he gestured round them. “I think I’d die”

Peter smiled slightly. “Come on; lets go back upstairs. See what we can salvage for lunch”

-

Ned followed Peter out of the door, up the stairs, through the two doors, round the corner, down the corridor, and into the kitchen. Peter didn’t feel much like cooking, and after a quick look in the cupboards, he turned to Ned and suggested they order a pizza. 

“Well, you’d better order one for me as well if you do” a soft voice sounded from the doorway.

The boys turned round quick. Peter’s face lit up, and Ned appeared starstruck and amazed. Loki leant against the door frame, somehow looking quite perfect in a simple outfit of black jeans, a loose-fitting white t-shirt, and slippers. Peter bounded up to him, resisting the urge to hug him.

“Hey, Mr Loki! Are you feeling better now? Are you still ill?”

“I’m getting there. Who’s your friend?”

“Huh? Oh!” Peter bounded back to Ned, grabbing him. “This is Ned”

“I see” he raised an eyebrow.

“You were right” Ned said, looking at Loki. “He is amazing” 

“Shh!”

“I see our Peter’s a reliable source then” Loki said, leaving the doorway and approaching them. 

He held a hand out to Ned, who quickly came to his senses and accepted the handshake. 

“It’s so good to meet you. Oh my god, I can’t believe I’m meeting the god of mischief! Peter’s told me loads about you. I’ve seen you in the papers and stuff, but you’re still exactly like I imagined you. Peter said you were cute, a-”

“ _Oh_ -kay, you’ve said enough!” Peter jumped in front of Ned, putting an end to the handshake and hissing at him to shut up.

Loki seemed amused. “It’s good to meet you too”

He left the boys to squabble and put the kettle on. Ned was finding it hard to take his eyes of Loki. He ignored Peter, pushing past and going over to Loki.

“You can do magic tricks, right? Can you show me something?”

Loki nodded towards the sugar bowl. “Pass me the sugar” 

Ned did so, setting it down on the unit near Loki and taking the lid off. As he did so, Something flew out at him, and he shrieked, dropping the lid and stumbling back at quite a speed, bumping into Peter and knocking them both to the floor in the process. Peter struggled to a sitting position, and his eyes widened as he laid eyes on a large black snake on the kitchen floor before them, almost blending in on the checker-board tiles. It reared up, swaying, looking at them, it’s tongue flicking between its sharp teeth, and slowly started toward them. Peter panicked, but instinctively pushed in front of Ned, ready to protect him - and Loki burst out laughing.

“Your faces!” 

Peter looked at him, heart still pounding. He looked back at the snake, risking a grab at it - and his hand went straight through it. Peter scowled and struggled to his feet, giving Loki a shove.

“That wasn’t funny! What do you think you were doing?”

“Ow! Hey, careful” Loki was still laughing, although it was hurting his stomach. “Your friend wanted to see a trick”

He looked at Ned, waved a hand, and the snake disappeared. Ned regained his composure and got to his feet.

“That was a good trick. Got any more?”

“Don’t encourage him” Peter glared at Loki. “Don’t let yourself  _be_ encouraged”

Loki shrugged. “What’s that behind you?”

Peter looked round - and jumped violently when he found himself face-to-face with himself. The clone mirrored him, copying his every move. 

“Loki!” Peter squealed, looking between him and the clone fretfully. 

“What, do you want a second?” another Peter appeared. “Or a third? Or a fourth? How about a fifth?”

Another one appeared each time, and soon Peter found himself faced with an army of himself. He hadn’t come face to face with Loki’s tricks and illusions much at all during his stay, and this was horribly unnerving. At first they just copied everything he did, and then one crossed his arms, looking at Ned.

“What’s his problem?”

It spoke with his voice, used his mannerisms. It  _was_ him - but at the same time, it really, really  _wasn’t_. Ned’s face was the picture of confused delight.

“Multiple Peter’s! This is seriously cool” he went to touch the one nearest to him, and it blurred where his hand touched, and the illusion reacted independently. He drew back. “Woah”

Peter looked from clone to clone, at the way they were talking and moving, seemingly  _living_ , completely independently - and found himself backing away. 

“This isn’t funny”

“Oh c’mon, this is hilarious!” one of the clones said.

“What, don’t you like us?” another said, and they all closed in on him. 

Peter backed away a few paces, but stopped, finding himself surrounded. Tears filled his eyes. What was this? Why was he so scared? Why couldn’t he find it funny like Loki and Ned? 

The illusions of himself kept talking, clamouring, and soon the tears in Peter’s eyes made them blur before him. 

“Stop it!” he shouted. “Please, Mr Loki, please stop it!”

Loki laughed - but then he saw the tears spilling down the boys cheeks, and his heart sank. The illusions vanished, and Peter stood stock-still for a few seconds, but then he let out a choked sob and started crying properly, covering his face with his hands. Loki and Ned exchanged a shocked look.

“Peter?” Ned said, worried, keeping his distance, not quite sure what to do. 

“Peter? Hey, it was just a little joke. There’s nothing to cry about” Loki said, going to take hold of him but stopping at the last second, suddenly quite scared himself.

“What’s all this shouting about?” Tony came into the kitchen - and stopped dead when he saw Peter. “Kid? Are you ok?”

Tony came over, and Peter let him pull him into a hug. Tony held him tight, and he looked at Loki and Ned.

“What’s happened here?”

Loki stayed quiet, but the severity in his voice intimidated Ned.

“We were just messing about, Mr Stark. Loki was showing us some of his magic. Peter just got upset. I don’t really know” he looked at Peter, his heart thudding. 

Tony looked at Loki. “What did you do?”

Loki still said nothing. Tony looked back at Ned. Ned swallowed.

“He made a load of fake Peter’s”

“Oh Loki, for heavens sake! No wonder he’s upset!” he gave Peter a squeeze. 

“I never meant to frighten him” Loki said. He rested a hand on Peter’s head. “I’m sorry I scared you”

Peter pulled away from Tony. He cleared his throat and shoved Loki hard in the stomach. Loki gasped a little - it hurt a  _lot_ , but he hid it very well. 

“Don’t ever do that again, ok!?”

Loki nodded. “Cross my heart. Sorry”

“I’ll forgive you. You don’t scare me” he stuck his tongue out at Loki.

Loki did the same, and then pulled him close and kissed his cheek hard, both of them laughing. Tony turned to Ned with an exasperated expression.

“Run while you’ve still got the chance. These two are impossible” 

Ned smiled awkwardly, and looked back at Loki and Peter, who were hugging and laughing, while Loki tickled Peter’s stomach and kissed his cheek.

“So… he’s not sad anymore?”

“I wouldn’t even try to understand them if I were you” Tony said. “Nothing makes much sense where these two are concerned”

Peter finally pulled away from Loki, looking at Ned.

“Ready for that pizza?”

Ned had near enough forgotten about that. “Oh, uh, sure”

“What do you want?” he addressed Loki. “And you?”

Loki waved a hand dismissively. “I’m not hungry: I wasn’t being serious earlier. I just came in here for a cup of tea”

He turned and switched the kettle back on, getting his mug out and setting to. 

Ned looked at Peter. “Are you ok? You were really crying for a minute there”

“I’m fine” Peter insisted. “I just got a bit… yeah”

Ned wasn’t reassured. “I’ve never seen you like that before.

“Ned, it’s nothing. It was just an - I don’t know - an emotional blip. Don’t keep going on about it”

Ned was still worried, but he shut his mouth. It wasn’t worth an argument.

-

Peter climbed up onto one of the stools at the breakfast bar, getting out his phone. Ned joined him, looking over his shoulder while they went through the online menu. 

Tony went up behind Loki, winding his arms round his waist.

“Hey sweetheart. How are you doing today?”

“Not great” Loki said, setting the kettle back on its stand. “My stomach is pretty bad. Paracetamol won’t touch it and Banner said I’m not allowed any NSAIDs until I’ve finished this course of antibiotics. 

Tony sighed. “Poor old Loki. Where’s your hot water bottle? You should use that”

“It’s in my room. I meant to bring it”

“I’ll sort it for you in a bit” Tony turned him round so they were facing each other, holding to his hips. “You’ll be feeling a lot better tomorrow. I think Banner was overestimating the strength of those pills. I don’t suppose you’ve taken your other meds today?”

Loki shook his head.

“Never mind. Back on them tomorrow though, ok?” 

Loki nodded.

“Good man” he pulled him closer, stroking his hair for a moment and resting his hand on the back of his head. “You haven’t had much luck with your health recently. My poor darling. My lovely lolly..”

Ned looked up and turned round in his seat - and discovered Loki and Tony locked in an embrace, kissing softly and slowly, and deeply. 

“Oh my god” 

Peter looked at him, and then looked round - and blushed fiercely. 

“They’re always doing this” he groaned, putting his phone down and standing up. 

“Hey, don’t disturb them!” Ned said in a furious whisper. “They’re in love”

“I don’t care”

Peter snuck up to them, undetected, and jumped on Tony’s back, breaking them apart.

“Woah! Hey, what are you doing?” Tony grabbed Peter’s arm, keeping him from tightening his grip.

“Stop acting like a couple in front of my friend!”

“Peter, we  _are_ a couple”

“You know what I mean” Peter grumbled, struggling to keep himself on Tony’s back.

Loki grinned. “Oh, I see: he’s jealous. Don’t you think, Tony, my darling? I think he wants a kiss too”

“Ooh, is that so~?” Tony forced Peter off his back, turning to him. 

Peter looked at them. “Uh-oh”

He made a run for it, but Tony was a step ahead, and grabbed hold of him, pulling him close, holding his head still and kissing him long and hard on the cheek. Peter squeaked and whined and struggled indignantly. 

“Gaah! Stop it! Ned, help!”

Ned wasn’t comfortable jumping in, but he stood up and moved forward a few steps. He couldn’t help laughing - and Peter wasn’t too happy about that. Loki was watching with equal amounts of amusement. Tony finally released him, and Peter stepped back, scrubbing his cheek furiously with the back of his hand. Tony laughed at him.

“You asked for it. Go on” he turned Peter round, pushing him in Ned’s direction. “I thought you two were ordering a takeaway”

Loki finished making his tea. “That’s enough excitement for one day, I think”

He ruffled Peter’s hair on his way out of the kitchen. It was amazing how tired he was after just that short time out of bed.

-

As much as he enjoyed spending time with him again, Peter was relieved when Ned left. The rest of the visit went by without incident, and Tony even found time to show Ned more of the workshop. They had quite the enjoyable afternoon.

Peter flopped down on the kitchen floor. Tony raised an eyebrow, looking down at him.

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah… Thanks for letting me have Ned round”

“Any time, kiddo. He’d be welcome” 

“Thanks” Peter closed his eyes. “I’m exhausted”

“Well, then please find somewhere else to rest - preferably somewhere where you’re not at so much risk of getting trodden on”

“I’m fine here” 

Tony gave him a little nudge with his foot. “That wasn’t a suggestion” 

Peter opened his eyes, sighing heavily. He hauled himself to his feet. 

“I don’t know why I’m so tired”

“Go to sleep, kid” 

-

Peter went to Loki’s room. He appeared to be asleep, but when Peter crawled into bed with him, Loki put an arm round him and pulled him close. Peter could feel the heat from the hot water bottle against his stomach.

“Has your friend gone?”

“Yeah, only just. I’m tired”

“So am I”

“Are you feeling any better?”

“A little. I think I need to sleep it off” Loki sighed, cuddling closer to him. “So zip it”

Peter did. He snuggled against Loki’s chest, and soon the sound of his heartbeat lulled him to sleep.

*


	24. Despite My Growing Fears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything is planned, and everything is packed and ready to go. All that's left is to travel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to just quickly apologise for the severe drop in quality that chapter 23 showed. Hopefully this one is better
> 
> Although sorry again, because this is another short chapter, and 25 may well be too

-

Loki was feeling much better the next morning, and set to work doing his own holiday prep. Peter stayed at his side for much of the time, comparing his own methods and helping pick outfits for him. This was a long process, as Loki had quite the hefty wardrobe. He appreciated Peter’s input: he found it amusing.

Loki steadily recovered, much to the relief of both himself and Tony. They’d both silently feared that another bought of illness may spoil the holiday.

-

“Right” Tony slapped his knees and stood up. “Come on, you two: bed time”

Peter checked the time. “It’s only seven o’ clock though”

“Yes, and it’ll take a good half an hour of arguing to get you to agree, and another half an hour to get you to settle” Tony said. “We’ve got an early start in the morning”

“What time are we leaving again?” Loki asked. 

“Well, we’re flying at six, so ideally we need to be at the airport for around five, ideally earlier. So I want to be leaving here no later than four” 

Peter whined. “That’s so early: I’ll never get out of bed!”

“You will if you have an early night. Everything is planned: there’s no changing it now” Tony held a hand out to Loki, pulling him to his feet and kissing him. “Sort out the last of your stuff, and then get some rest” 

Loki looked down at Peter, who remained on the floor. “Come on sweetie. You’ll regret it if you don’t”

Peter sighed and stood up. “I can’t believe we’re actually going! Wait, are you actually going to tell us  _where_ we’re going?”

Tony ruffled his hair. “Go to your room. I’ll be with you shortly”

Peter didn’t push it, suddenly all fluttery inside with the excitement of it all. He wasn’t a bit tired, and highly doubted this ‘early night’ would go to plan.

-

Loki was almost as excited as Peter was, but he tried not to show it. He shoved the rest of his stuff in his case, leaving out only the things he’d need in the morning. He crawled into bed, snuggling down but leaving the lamp on. He knew Tony would probably join him before long.

-

Tony humoured Peter, standing in the doorway and watching him jump around and babble like a kid at Christmas. He’d succeeded in getting into his night stuff before Tony had joined him, and since he’d already finished fully packing, there was nothing more to do but get excited. 

“Peter” Tony said eventually, grabbing him by the shoulders. “Time to settle down”

Peter didn’t want to push his luck or risk annoying him, so he tried very hard to suppress his excitement. He filled his water jug and set it on his bedside table so he wouldn’t have an excuse to get up again, and got into bed.

“Lie down now” Tony said, turning and drawing the curtains.

Peter did as he was asked. “I can’t believe you still won’t tell us where we’re going”

“It’s a surprise: I’ve been saying this ever since I told you we were going away” Tony pulled the covers up over him properly. “Try to sleep. Tomorrow is going to be a long day. Goodnight, kid”

“Goodnight, Mr Stark”

Tony turned off the light and closed the bedroom door behind him. He left the landing light on and went to Loki’s room.

-

Tony sat down on the edge of the bed and gave Loki’s shoulder a squeeze.

“That’s the kid settled”

“There’s no way he’ll sleep through the night”

“Mm, I know” Tony agreed. “What about you? Are you going to sleep through?”

“I don’t know. Hopefully. I feel like I’m tired enough”

“Suppose we’ll see” Tony said, giving him a kiss on the cheek. “Did you get a lecture from your brother when you rang him?”

“He wasn’t too bad. He still insisted I stay in touch. I’ll let him know when we get there, but I’m not about to start giving him daily event summaries. He’s doing my head in enough here: I don’t need it ruining our break”

Tony lay down on the bed and hugged Loki close. “Don’t let him get to you. I think it’ll do us all some good to leave our worries locked up here while we go away”

“Easier said than done”

“You’ll be fine” he gave him a kiss and stood up again. “Right, I’m gonna get my head down. Goodnight, lolly”

“Goodnight”

-

Peter managed to sleep for a little bit, but woke up again around 10pm, and couldn’t settle. He tried for a while, tossing and turning and getting annoyed at himself for still being awake. Eventually, he climbed out of bed and snuck out of his room. The landing light had been switched off, so he guessed he wasn’t at risk of bumping into Tony.

He knocked on Loki’s door and opened it.

“Mr Loki? Are you awake?” he whispered into the dark.

Loki sat up, turning the lamp on. “What’s up? Can’t sleep?”

Peter shook his head.

“Come over here then” Loki sighed, pulling the covers back so Peter could slip in beside him.

Peter cuddled close to him. “Surely he’s told you where we’re going?”

“Nope. I’m as in the dark about this as you are”

“I suppose he’ll tell us in the morning… Aargh, I can’t believe we’re gonna be leaving so early! It’ll still be practically nighttime” 

“I’m sure you’ll survive” Loki said, though he wasn’t too happy about it either. 

They were both quiet for a while. Loki gave Peter a squeeze.

“You should go back to your own room: you don’t want to get into trouble. You shouldn’t really be out of bed”

“Yeah, I know, I know. I feel like a little kid again: too excited to sleep! I just want to be  _there_ already - wherever ‘there’ is”

“Tony has done very well to keep it secret for so long. It is a complete mystery. I don’t even have any certain guesses. I was sure he’d’ve cracked long before this”

“I can’t stop thinking. We went shopping the other day, got a lot of stuff, a lot of outdoor stuff. So, we’ve gotta be going somewhere outdoorsy. Maybe Switzerland? There’s mountains there. But apparently South Africa is good for walking. So that’s another one”

Loki nodded slowly. “See, the thing is,  _every_ country has got some areas that are good for walking and outdoor stuff. It doesn’t really narrow down the options”

“I haven’t got anything else to go off! The lists didn’t give me any clues” Peter pouted. “I asked May, and she wouldn’t tell me”

“Thor wouldn’t tell me either. How annoying: they’re not even going and they’ve been given more information that we have”

“ _So_  not cool” Peter leant against Loki properly. “What time is it?”

“Nearly half eleven. You really should go back to bed now. We’re supposed to leave the house at four, so you’ll need to be up by about three”

“I’m not tired: I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep”

“You’ll have to try” he nudged him. “Bed. Now”

Peter sighed heavily, but got up anyway. “Goodnight, Mr Loki”

“Goodnight”

-

Peter went back to bed, making a little nest to curl up in. His thoughts were still going a mile a minute, but eventually they slowed. The dark room was silent aside from the faint ticking of the clock on the far wall. It was well past midnight now, and he was just starting to nod off…

 

“Peter? Time to wake up now, kiddo” Tony gave him a little shake.

Peter whined, trying to pull a cushion over his head. Tony laughed and wouldn’t let him.

“Come on, come on, get a move on”

“It’s too early” Peter whined. “I’d only just dropped off”

“You can sleep again in the car” he seized the boy under the arms and sat him up, forcing a glass of water into his hand. “Get ready. Make sure you’ve got everything you need. Grab something to eat if you can stomach it”

Peter could barely take in what he was saying. He sipped the glass of water, trying to wake himself up. Tony ruffled his hair and left him to it. Peter watched after him with bleary eyes. Typical that he’d been wide awake when he had to go to bed, and tired now that he needed to get up.

-

Peter stumbled into the kitchen, where he found Loki with a mug of tea, looking just as tired as he felt.

“Hey…”

Loki was fighting to keep his eyes open. “Are you having breakfast?”

“No. How anyone can eat this early in the morning in beyond me. My stomach is definitely still asleep” 

-

Tony ushered the other two down to the garage while he did one last walk around with his checklist, turning everyone off and picking up the odd object here and there that he’d already guessed would be missed. He was meticulous, making deadly sure that nothing was missed. Once satisfied, he locked up properly and went down to the garage with the last of the luggage.

Loki and Peter had completed a successful game of car-boot-tetris, aided heavily by using one of the cars with the biggest boot capacity. Tony shoved the last few bits into the car, bar the bag he kept on his shoulder, and closed the boot.

“Right” he gave Loki and Peter a quick squeeze. “We’ll be about an hour to the airport. Try to get your heads down”

He checked his watch. Four o’ clock exactly.

-

Peter took the middle seat in the back so he could cuddle up against Loki.His phone buzzed. It was May.

_Have a safe flight! x_

Peter smiled, sending a quick thank you in response. Tony must have told her what time they’d be leaving. He rested his head against Loki’s chest. Utterly exhausted, it was only a matter of minutes before they were both fast asleep.

-

Peter awoke to Tony shaking him. He could hear the rush of turbines in the distance, of lots of people talking, and bright lights in the dark night. He whined and pushed Tony’s hand away, tears pricking his eyes. He was so tired.

“We should let him sleep. I’ll carry him” he heard Loki say.

He was vaguely aware of himself being picked up, and the glare of lights hit his eyes as he was lifted from the car, but he was asleep again within seconds.

-

Peter awoke again, but kept his eyes closed. Everything sounded blurry. He could hear people talking - Tony and Loki, and some voices he didn’t recognise. He was aware of the lights around them. He could feel the cold wind on his skin. 

The wind stopped, and he felt warm all of a sudden. The sound of a heavy door closing made him jump slightly, and his eyes snapped open. Just the door was enough to tell him they must be on the jet now. Tony smiled and ruffled his hair gently. Peter’s eyes roamed the new scene - the sleek, stylish design of the plane, the dark sky visible through the windows, the unfamiliar beeping, the plane door… He looked up at Loki.

“Have you ever seen Wallace and Gromit?”

“Yes” Loki said, making the connection. “This feels like when they get in the rocket, doesn’t it?”

“There you are” Tony said. “That’s the first half hour of the flight sorted” 

Peter twitched, and Loki set him down on his feet. He took a proper look at the interior of the plane. It was so obviously Tony’s. He was still not quite awake, and was just getting his bearings when there was a grinding sound beneath his feet, and he startled. Tony saw his face.

“We’re not setting off just yet” he said, sitting down. “Soon though. We’ve done the briefing already, so the lights will show us progress” 

Peter nodded, sitting down beside him and resting his head on his shoulder. 

“I can’t really remember what take offs are like” 

Loki joined them. “Take offs are good. It’s the landings that make me nervous”

“Landings are fine” Tony said. “Take offs always give me that ‘oh God is this thing ever going to leave the ground?’ feeling” 

“I’m kinda scared”

“Don’t be” Loki squeezed his hand. “You’ll be fine once we’re airborne” 

Peter closed his eyes. His heart was beating hard. He wasn’t sure whether it was excitement or nerves now.

-

There was a dull dinging sound, and Peter opened his eyes, sitting up straight.

“Here we go” 

Peter copied them and fastened his seatbelt. Tony reached over and tightened it for him.

“You’re such a dad sometimes” Loki said, raising an eyebrow.

“Oh, ok, Mr ‘I must carry the sleeping kid in my arms for the better part of an hour’ Odinson”

Loki rolled his eyes, amused, and in too good a mood to have a go at him for using his surname. “He’s definitely your son”

“Do I get a say in this?” Peter asked.

“Of course not” 

“Loki, shut it”

Loki did - but mainly because he heard the plane coming to life. Peter gripped the arm of his chair, unnerved by the clunking and whirring. Tony ruffled his hair.

“Don’t look so scared, kiddo” 

“Oh, I’m not scared” Peter said, but he was holding so tight that his knuckles had gone white. 

Loki took his free hand and held it tight. Peter clung to him gratefully. Tony was looking towards a nearby window, and Loki was looking out one on the other side. Peter looked between the two of them, and fixed his gaze on the illuminated seatbelt sign. He felt silly. After everything he’d done in his life, an aeroplane should be the last thing to get his nerves going, and yet…

As the plane started down the runway, Peter couldn’t help thinking how  _wrong_ it felt. Of course he knew why the run up was part of it, but he still thought it must look odd - it certainly felt it. He glanced out of the window at the dusky sky - and the plane picked up speed. Tony’s ‘will this ever get off the ground?’ notion suddenly made much more sense. He couldn’t believe he’d completely forgotten how aeroplanes felt. Berlin hadn’t really been  _that_ long ago. But, a lot had happened since then.

The speed seemed to push him back in his seat, and he held Loki’s hand tight, keeping his eye on the window now. It all felt so weird - and soon the outside seemed to curve, and that was it - they were off the ground. He looked out of Tony’s window instead, watching as the runway lights grew further and further away, left behind as they ventured up into the clouds. 

The plane soon levelled out - and Peter laughed. Loki looked at him.

“Not so bad after all, eh?”

Peter grinned at him, letting go of his hand and flopping in his chair. Not so bad at all.

*


	25. Get Over Your Hill And See What You Find There

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being so high up in the air can be strange, especially for extended periods of time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments/questions/reviews greatly received!
> 
> (Also please let me know if the mood has been set correctly! In planning it always seems to work, but putting across atmosphere in writing always seems dreadfully difficult!)

-

Peter looked out of the window until civilisation as he knew it faded from sight, left far below. The seat belt light turned off, and once the others did, he slowly undid his seat belt and got up again, having a little wander over to the other side of the plane and seeing if the view was any different. It wasn’t. 

“Are you two going to watch that film then?” 

Peter shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe” 

“Well, do whatever you like, as long as you don’t disturb me” Tony said, going over and flopping down on one of the sofas. “I’m driving when we land, so I could do with the rest” 

He put a pillow under his head and closed his eyes. Loki went and lay on top of him, and Tony held onto him and turned onto his side, cuddling up against him and soon falling asleep. Peter watched them for a little while, half wishing the sofa was big enough for him too. He tried not to feel left out. He looked round the jet. It was like nothing he’d ever seen before, with plush seats and sofas, a soft thick carpet, a small kitchenette, a big telly, charging ports, tables, and all sorts of other home comforts. He wanted to have a proper look at everything - but he was still so tired. It was still only about 6.30am, although it didn’t really feel like it. Tony had left his shoulder bag on one of the units. Peter rifled through it, finding a thin fleece blanket and Loki’s pig, and he took them over to one of the other sofas. He curled up on his side, wrapped up in the blanket while the pig served as a makeshift pillow. The soft sounds of the plane flying through the sky acted as a soothing white noise, and it wasn’t long before Peter fell asleep again.

- 

Peter woke up a couple of hours later. He looked over at the other sofa, and saw that Tony was still fast asleep, but Loki was awake, scrolling on his phone. Loki sensed himself being watched, and looked up, making eye contact with Peter. He set the phone down and got up, careful not to disturb Tony. Peter didn’t move. Loki knelt down on the floor in front of him. 

“You’ve taken my pig” 

“He makes a good cushion” 

“I know. Do you want to go back to sleep?” 

“No, I’m ok now. I’m hungry though. Have we got anything to eat?” 

Loki stood up, going over to the kitchenette and opening the cupboards. “What do you fancy?” 

Peter sat up, pulling the blanket back round himself. “I don’t know. I’d be happy with just cereal, to be honest” 

He got up, keeping the pig in his arms, and went over to him. He was surprised at how much stuff was in the cupboards. 

“I- I don’t suppose we’ve got any tea?” 

Loki switched the kettle on and took down a couple of tin mugs from the cupboard. Peter looked at them. 

“Moomins!” 

Loki smiled. “Moomins. They’re lovely mugs, don’t you think?” 

Peter nodded, picking them up and having a proper look at the pictures. He held up the navy one depicting Moomintroll and Snorkmaiden by the campfire. 

“Can I use this one?” 

“If you’d like. Here, put them down now: kettles nearly boiled” 

Peter did as he was asked. He was happy to see they’d brought the chai tea with them: he’d developed quite a taste for it. He was impressed by the little fridge too. He now understood what Tony meant when he’d said you sometimes forgot you were flying while on the jet: it definitely felt more like a little hotel suite than a plane. 

-

Loki sat back, looking at the picture of Moomin’s in a boat on his own mug. Peter sat beside him, pig under one arm, leaning his back against his side.

“Shall we watch that film now?”

“Sure, if you’d like” Loki answered, turning the telly on and flicking through the Roku menu until he found it. “I love this: it’s definitely my favourite Wallace and Gromit one”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. It’s such a classic: it’s so charming. It’s the little details that make it”

Peter smiled up at him. “I love it when you like human things. I swear you get cuter every day”

“Don’t get carried away” Loki said, but he put an arm round his chest and held him close. 

They both got lost in the film. They were quiet, aside a few laughs and comments about how nice the cheese looked and how scary the robot was. 

-

Loki switched the telly off once the credits started rolling.

“Have we got a pack of cards anywhere?” Peter asked.

“Ah, you want to make a tower?” Loki said. “I think there’s some in that drawer over there”

Peter set his empty mug down and left the pig on the sofa while he went and found the pack of cards. He settled on the floor and begun making his tower of cards. Loki sat down on the floor to talk to him. They were quiet at first, but as the conversation progressed, they grew louder, joking and mucking about together, making quite a racket.

A book collided with the side of Loki’s head, and he flinched at the impact. It hurt a lot, and his eyes smarted.

“What was that for?!” he looked up at Tony, who stood with the heavy book in his hand, looking less than impressed.

“I asked you to be quiet and let me rest”

“Well, sorry, but there’s no need to whack me one”

“Isn’t there?” he said, and smacked him with the book again, just to prove a point. 

“OW! Tony!”

“Be quiet” Tony looked at Peter. “The same goes for you, Mister”

He gave Peter a gentle tap with the book. He barely touched him, but Peter still blinked a bit. He looked over at Loki, who rubbing his head and looking pretty sorry for himself. 

“Keep the noise down,  _please_ ” Tony said, going back over to the sofa.

“Are we nearly there yet?” Peter asked.

Tony checked his watch. “We’re not yet half way. We’ve still got a while to go, kiddo”

He lay down and pulled a cushion over his face, blocking them out. Peter turned to Loki, only to find that he’d retreated to the back sofa. Peter swallowed. There’d definitely been a mood shift.

-

Peter tidied up and then went over to the back sofa. Loki was on his side, facing the back of the sofa, his pig over his face.

“Mr Loki? Are you ok?” 

“I’m fine” Loki mumbled. 

Peter didn’t know what else to say. He clambered onto the sofa, squeezing into the gap between Loki and the back of the sofa, wriggling under the mans arm. Loki sighed, taking the pig from his face and holding it, and Peter, under his arm. 

“You shouldn’t lie to me. I’m just a kid: I’m very impressionable”

Loki couldn’t help laughing. “You’re a weird kid alright. Maybe that’s why we get on so well”

“Maybe, or maybe it’s the opposites thing. Y’know, young and old, human and god, sweet and… not”

“Did you just call me old?”

“Well, you’re like, a thousand years old. That  _is_ old, even if you don’t look it. By human standards, anyway. But yeah, even if you  _weren’t_  a god, just going off looks, still older than me”

“Ok, ok, I get it. And hold on a moment; who ever said I wasn’t sweet? And more to the point, who ever said you  _were_?”

“What are you saying? I’m sweet! Kinda”

“You’re many things, Peter, but you’re not sweet. Not all the time, anyway: just sometimes. It’s not your most defining personality trait” Loki said.

“Which is?”

“Stubbornness”

Peter was surprised. “Stubbornness?”

“Yes. And persistence. You’re very like Tony, in that respect. And you’re clever. Maybe that’s another reason you fit in so well with us”

Peter decided to be flattered. “I like it with you and Mr Stark, y’know. I was pretty nervous at first, especially after when we first met…”

“Well, perhaps jumping you with a training session wasn’t the best way to make a first impression” Loki admitted. “I really wasn’t going to stab you, I hope you know that”

“I know. You said right back then. I believed you. I still do. It was still scary though. You  _do_ still scare me sometimes, but so does Mr Stark”

“Really? Why?”

Peter shrugged. “I don’t know. I don’t like it when you two get angry or start arguing. And there was that whole thing where you went to stay with your brother and Mr Stark went all funny. That was pretty scary”

Loki looked at him sadly. “I didn’t realise we scared you”

“Well, ok, maybe ‘scared’ is too strong a word. That night, that one I mentioned? I really did get scared then. And I got scared that night I got into trouble for drinking and smoking. But that was proper fear, not little fear”

“You’ve lost me”

“Well, it’s a different kind of fear. Like, you know how there’s a difference between being scared about a dentist appointment and being scared because you nearly fell down the stairs? Nervous! That’s the word I was looking for. I do get nervous when you two argue. I’m glad you don’t do it much”

Loki stroked Peter’s hair. “You don’t have to be scared, and you certainly don’t have to be nervous. Disregard our spats for a moment: does Tony make you nervous?”

“Not any more. I know him so much better now. I think he’s great. I know what I can get away with and when I need to watch myself. I’m comfortable with him. He’s kinda like family now…”

“You two are so far in the father-and-son zone, it’s almost embarrassing” Loki teased. “What about me? Do I make you nervous?”

Peter rested his forehead against Loki’s chest so he didn’t have to look at him. “Yeah. But mainly because- well, because… Because I like you” 

“I know” Loki sat up, pulling Peter onto his lap so they were facing each other. 

“But, yknow, aside from that, you don’t make me nervous. I’m comfortable with you too. I never really expected to be. Ned loves it, thinks its cool”

“Thinks what’s cool?”

“Well, you know,  _us_. Being friends with you. Messing about with you. Being close to you…” he paused, thinking of their wrestling matches and cuddle sessions and their trips to the shops. “You know I love you”

“I love you too. You’ve grown to mean such a lot to me while you’ve been with us”

Peter nodded, touching his cheekbone gently. One side of his face was still rather red. “Does it still hurt?”

“It’s fine” Loki said. Peter gave him a look. “Ok, it still hurts a little bit”

Peter knelt up, one hand on Loki’s shoulder, and he planted a series of kisses over his sore cheek. 

“What are you up to, kiddo?”

Peter pulled back for a moment, and kissed him firmly on the lips. 

“Better?”

Loki burst out laughing, and Peter quickly covered his mouth with his hand.

“Shh! We’ll wake Mr Stark again” 

“Sod it; he’ll cope” 

Loki pinned Peter down on his back on the sofa. Peter squeaked, trying to stay quiet. He didn’t want Tony getting grumpy at them again. He looked up at Loki.

“I think it’s about time someone made a fuss of  _you_ for a change”

“Mr Stark’s always fussing over me. You saw all the new stuff he bought me”

“I was thinking of a different sort of fussing”

A sudden image of being pulled close and kissed deeply flashed through Peter’s mind, and he blushed at the thought. The reality was of course much more chaste. Loki rubbed his nose against Peter’s for a moment, and started kissing all over his face. Peter giggled, living up to his claim of being sweet. He couldn’t help basking in the attention and appreciating the feel of Loki’s body against his own. He kept trying to think of Loki as a father figure, but his crush was still going strong and this ambition wasn’t seeing any kind of success just yet. He felt Loki’s hand on his hip, and the kissing stopped. Loki smiled down at him.

“You’ve gone all red”

Peter just stuck his tongue out at him. Loki grinned, slipping his hand under Peter’s shirt and tickling his stomach. Peter shrieked, grabbing at Loki’s hand.

“Don’t! Don’t, I’m ticklish!”

“I know” Loki said, continuing.

Peter shrieked again - and suddenly remembered Tony. He craned his head to look, thankfully finding him asleep. Still, he was bubbling over with laughter now, and was forced to cover his mouth with his hand to stop himself from being too loud.

“Mr Loki, stop it! We’re gonna wake Mr Stark!”

They did indeed wake him - but he was in a much better mood this time. He went over to them.

“Are you torturing our little guest?”

“Perhaps” Loki answered, not taking his eyes off the funny creature collapsed in a fit of giggles beneath him. 

“Do you need a hand?”

Not waiting for a reply, he grabbed Peter’s wrists, pinning them above his head and tickling under his arms. Peter shrieked, trying to pull free.

“Stop! This isn’t fair; I’m outnumbered!” 

Loki and Tony exchanged a mischievous look, and both continued until the boy was weak and helpless with laughter.

-

Peter was greatly relieved to be released. He continued to giggle weakly for a good thirty seconds afterwards, and they both laughed at him. 

“You’re a funny thing” Loki said, ruffling his hair. 

“Have you had anything to eat, kiddo?”

Peter nodded. “Yeah, I had something before we watched the film”

“Good. Can’t have you going hungry” Tony looked at Loki. “And yourself?”

“I’m not hungry”

“You should have something anyway”

“Oh Tony, don’t start”

Tony didn’t push it. “Why don’t we stick something on the telly? Pass the time a bit”

Peter sat up. “What do you wanna watch?”

“I don’t know… Hey, how about the one with the evil penguin?”

“What, Feathers Mcgraw?” Loki said. “I think you’ll find he’s actually a chicken”

“He’s also the scariest villain on earth” Peter said, laughing. 

“It’s the fucking trousers that creep me out” Loki said, wrinkling his nose.

Tony gave him a tap. “Hey, what have I told you about swearing in front of the kid?”

Loki merely rolled his eyes. He felt Tony was being hypocritical. 

-

Tony had something to eat while they settled to watch the film. Peter sat on Loki’s lap, squeaking and shuddering in exaggerated fear whenever the penguin was on screen. Loki joined in on the charade, holding Peter tight and claiming he felt threatened.

Tony watched them fondly, quite enjoying their little game. He knew there was a level of sincerity to their claims (“ _I’m terrified of this penguin and I don’t care who knows it_ ”), but mostly he was just happy to see how close they were. He loved Loki with every fibre of his being, and Peter was very quickly gaining the same level of devotion from him - not that he’d ever admit it. He was overcome with a feeling of utter contentment as he sat there, half watching the film, and half watching his funny little family.

-

“Right, well, I’m suitably scared to death” Peter said, grabbing the remote and turning the telly off. “So, what now?”

“Diamond heist?” Loki suggested.

Peter gave him a look. “I’m being serious”

“So am I”

“You two are ridiculous” Tony said, going over to the kitchenette. 

“How long have we been in the air for?” Peter asked.

Tony checked his watch. “Around five hours now”

“Woah, really? That’s mad” 

“Lolly, why don’t you get your book out and read to him for a bit?” Tony suggested.

Loki got up, finding Tony’s bag and digging out  _Anne of Green Gables_. 

“Where did we get up to?”

Peter thought for a moment. “We’d just finished chapter fourteen”

It had been quite a while since they’d read together. Loki sat back on the sofa, and Peter climbed into his lap again, wrapping the fleece blanket round his legs and settling back against his chest. Loki opened the book, cleared his throat, and begun to read:

“‘What a splendid day!’ said Anne, drawing a long breath. ‘Isn’t it good just to be alive on a day like this? I pity the people who aren’t born yet for missing it. They may have good days, of course, but they can never have this one. And it’s splendider still to have such a lovely way to go to school by, isn’t it?’”

-

“‘Miss Barry was a kindred spirit, after all’, Anne confided to Marilla. ‘You wouldn’t think so to look at her, but she is. You don’t find it right out at first, as in Matthew’s case, but after a while you come to see it. Kindred spirits are not so scarce as I used to think. It’s splendid to find out there are so many of them in the world’”

Loki set the book down on the arm of the sofa and kissed Peter on the cheek.

“That’ll do for now”

“Aww” Peter whined, disappointment, but accepted it. 

“You ought to do audio books, darling” Tony said, glancing up from his phone. “You’ve got a good reading voice: I never knew that about you”

“Well, you learn something new every day” Loki said. 

He pushed Peter off his lap and went to sit next to Tony, cuddling up against him. Peter decided to interfere, and plonked himself down in the middle of them. Tony smiled, wrapping the blanket round him better and holding both of them close against himself.

-

Loki and Peter both fell asleep again. Tony eventually got up to sort some things, leaving them curled up in a little huddle like a couple of little aardvarks. 

The day was getting on. They’d flown many miles, passing over water and landmasses unknown, passing through different countries and timezones - different worlds than the one they knew. 

The eighth hour was approaching. A notice was passed to him, and he smiled to himself. He gave Loki and Peter a little shake.

“Wake up now, darlings”

They did, blinking a bit and leaning against each other as they looked up at him. Tony smiled at them.

“Get up now” he said gently. “We’ll be landing soon”

Peter and Loki looked at each other, and got up, hurrying over to the window, peering out. It was dusky, seemingly early evening, which felt very strange indeed, considering it could be no later than about 2pm in New York. They could see a city, or a town, all bright lights and buildings and roads as far as the eye could see. Well, not quite: there was definitely some greenery in the distance. It looked so normal - but so different too. 

Soon, an airport came into view. They knew they’d soon have to sit and put their belts back on, so they made the most of the view they had now, still at a loss. Loki had his arms round Peter. Peter looked up at him, his expression asking if Loki knew where they were. Loki looked at Tony, so Peter did too. Tony was looking very pleased with himself. He grinned at them.

“Welcome to England”

*


	26. The Fairest Sun I've Ever Seen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first full day of the holiday is underway. In true style, tiredness causes a bit of conflict, but the wonder of a new place is a good distraction as they settle in

-

Peter knelt up on the back seat of the hire car, pressed up against the window to see as much as possible.

“Peter, put your belt on” Tony said. 

Peter did as he was told, not taking his eyes off the passing view. 

“So, Manchester? What is there in Manchester?” he asked. “Big hotels?”

“We’re not staying in Manchester: it was just the most accessible place to land” Tony told him. “We’ve got a bit of a drive before we get to where we’re staying”

He handed Loki a box of travel pills.

“I took some this morning” Loki said.

“Well, take another one, just to be on the safe side”

Peter peered up at the sky. England. He’d never once considered the possibility that they’d be going to  _England_. It felt so strange. His phone had kicked in to the timezone change. He adjusted his watch to match it. They’d arrived at 7pm, GMT. Five hours ahead of home.

-

Peter went quiet for a while, taking it all in. 

“Either of you two hungry? We’re not really gonna have time to cook when we get to where we’re staying. Might be worth grabbing a bite”

“Ok” Peter nodded, still looking out the window. “What can we get that’s properly English at this time?”

“Kebab” Loki said.

“Kebabs aren’t English”

“They’re part of the culture though”

“Yeah, hangover culture” Tony cut in. “We’ll seek out traditional stuff some other time. Just look out for the golden arches: that’ll do for tonight. That ok with both of you?”

Peter made a vague noise of agreement. Loki didn’t respond. He wasn’t hungry. 

“Loki?” Tony pressed him. “That ok with you?”

Loki shrugged. “I’m not really hungry”

“Oh, don’t start!”

“I’m not  _starting_ anything” Loki grumbled. “It’s all the travel: it’s made me feel funny” 

Tony sighed. “Alright, I get it. Still, you’ll need to try to eat something: it’s been a good 10 hours since you had breakfast, and I know you didn’t eat on the flight”

“Well, you know what I like…” he suddenly sat up straight, looking panicked. 

Tony looked at him in the rear view mirror. “You alright there, honey?”

“I left my pig on the jet!”

Tony reached into the bag in the passenger foot well, pulling out Loki’s pig and handing it over.

“For all your attachment to it, you never do a good job of remembering it” 

Loki held the pig against his chest, resting his nose against it’s snout. He could feel himself being watched, and looked over at Peter.

“What? I’m allowed a comfort blanket”

“How long have you had it?”

“Since I moved in with Tony” 

Peter nodded, looking back out the window - and spotted a familiar gleam in the near distance.

“GOLDEN ARCHES!”

Tony jumped slightly, but was in a good mood and laughed it off, simply reaching back and giving Peter a sharp tap on the leg.

“Not so loud next time, kiddo” 

-

They all felt a bit more energised once they’d had something to eat. They were parked up in the customer car park, and once they’d finished eating, Loki got out for a cigarette. Peter got out too, having a little wander and looking at the license plates and the familiar-but-not-familiar building and menus. 

“Don’t you go wandering off” said Tony, who was leaning against the car with a coffee.

Peter went back over to the car. “Is the air different here? Don’t you think it’s different? Or is it just because we’ve been inside for so long?”

“Don’t start another game of twenty questions. Please” Loki sighed, glancing at him. 

“Hey, Mr Loki?”

“What did I just say?”

“Fine, I’ll ask Mr Stark” Peter turned to Tony. “Why is he English?”

Tony raised an eyebrow. “What?”

“Why is he English? Y’know, his accent and the way he speaks and acts and stuff. Why is he English?”

Tony shook his head. “Haven’t the foggiest. He gets their humour better than I do as well”

“You get a lot of it” Loki said, looking off into the distance.

“Yeah, but only because I was basically raised by a couple of English people. You didn’t have any of Earth’s influences, so god knows why you’re so connected to it”

“It’s a mystery, then: just one of those things” Peter concluded.

Loki smiled. A mystery indeed.

-

It was all very exciting until they merged onto the M6.

“230 miles” Loki said, surprising the rest of the car, as he hadn’t said a word since finishing his cigarette a good hour prior. 

“What?”

“The M6. It’s 230 miles long” 

Peter nodded, finally sitting back properly in his seat. “Are we nearly there?”

“Still at least another hour to go, pet. Probably longer, especially if the traffic is bad” Tony answered.

Peter checked his watch. 8.30pm. 

-

Loki and Peter both nodded off. Tony didn’t mind: he quite enjoyed the long roads and the soft sounds of the car breaking the silence. Every so often he’d check on them in the rear view mirror. They were leant against their own doors, Loki with his pig under his head, Peter with his jacket under his, almost perfect mirror images of each other. Tony smiled to himself. He loved his funny little family.

-

Loki and Peter woke up almost simultaneously.

“Hey, you two” Tony said gently. “Not too much longer to go now”

Peter rubbed his eyes. He looked out the front window, but it was dark now, and the headlights only really illuminated the road markings, not the surroundings. He was a bit disappointed: he’d quite fancied watching the sunset. It took him a minute to realise they were no longer on the motorway: it was much quieter, the roads more winding. He grumbled to himself, leaning against the car door and closing his eyes.

“Hey, don’t you go back to sleep just yet” Tony said, reaching back and giving his knee a little shake. 

Peter whined, opening his eyes and slapping Tony’s hand away.

“Peter! Don’t you get like that with  _me_ , young man”

“Sorry” Peter was just as surprised as Tony was. “I’m just tired”

“Even so, please try to stay awake a little longer: I won’t carry you inside. I’m not sure Loki would either” he glanced back at them. “Loki?”

Loki still had his head on his pig, and he looked every bit as annoyed as Peter. 

“What? Are you feeling all fed up too?”

Loki grumbled. 

“I know, it’s been a long day” he said. “You’ll both feel better after a good nights sleep”

He wasn’t really feeling the fatigue himself. He had to stop himself from laughing at their grumpiness. Peter was fed up and irritated from the tiredness, and Loki was much the same. He complained silently to himself. What was he doing here? He wanted to be back home, curled up in his bed with the silk covers, a book in one hand and a mug of tea in the other. He didn’t want to be stuck in a car in almost total darkness, far away from the only place he’d ever really thought of as home. He almost wished they hadn’t bothered.

-

Peter fought with himself and managed to stay awake - just. A light went on, and he looked up, blinking a bit, and found that Tony had pulled onto a private drive in front of a large house. He parked up and stopped the engine. 

“Here we are” he said, unplugging his seatbelt. “Come on, let’s get the boot unloaded”

He grabbed his bag from the footwell and climbed out of the car, forcing the other two to do the same. Peter made his way round to the boot, his eyes fixed on the house. He couldn’t really see it properly in the dark. Tony put an arm round his shoulders, giving him a quick squeeze. Peter leant into him, turning and burying his face in his chest for a moment.

“Tired…” 

“I know, kiddo. We won’t bother unpacking tonight, but let’s get all this stuff inside. Then you can go to bed”

-

They unloaded the car, being a bit lazy about it and wandering off to the toilet and for a glass of water between trips back outside. They left most of it in the hallway, while Tony locked up behind them. Loki and Peter were too tired to take in the surroundings properly. 

“Right, it’s a three bed. Do I have to assign rooms, or do you two want to kill each other for the best one?”

They recovered a bit of energy to see the bedrooms and then fight it out on the landing. Loki won. Peter acted annoyed, but he didn’t really mind: all the rooms were good. He got second pick, across the landing from Loki, while Tony took the middle bedroom. 

They took their own cases to their rooms, and the tiredness hit all three of them. Tony gave up on his idea of giving them an itinerary for the next day. Loki was starting to veer off to one side, Peter looked like he might collapse, and they were both visibly fighting to keep their eyes open. Tony pulled them both close for a hug, and they all retired to their own rooms. None bothered with pyjamas or washing: they merely stripped down and crawled into bed, falling asleep mere seconds after their heads hit their pillows.

-

It was light when Peter woke up. He pulled a blanket round himself and crawled out of bed, rubbing his eyes. He went over to the window and pulled back the curtains. All elements of tiredness seemed to disappear, and his mouth fell open. He turned on his heel and ran across the hallway to Loki’s room, pushing the door open and giving Loki a shake.

“Mr Loki! Mr Loki, wake up!” 

“I’m awake, I’m awake! Stop shaking me”

“Sorry” Peter stepped back. 

Loki sat up. He’d found his dressing gown at some point during the night. He pulled it back round himself properly.

“What’s up?”

“You need to look out the window! Look out the window!”

Loki stood up and drew back the curtains.

“Oh wow” 

Peter stood beside him, hands on the windowsill, staring out over the fields and dry stone walls and the mountains in the not-too-far distance. He’d never seen anything like it.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?”

Peter and Loki looked over their shoulders at Tony, who came over and put his arms round them.

“So… where are we?”

“The Lake District. Cumbria” Tony answered. “What do you think, Lolly?”

Loki looked out of the window, at the blue sky and the sheep in the fields. It was so beautiful, so serene…

“It’s wonderful…” 

Tony kissed him on the cheek and gave them both a squeeze. “Get dressed, you two, and then come downstairs for breakfast” 

“Aww, but I’m not finished looking yet!” Peter whined.

“You’ll have time enough for admiring the view. Now, get washed and dressed, come downstairs, have breakfast, and then we’ll head out. We’ve got plans!”

-

Peter didn’t eat much at breakfast, and Tony got a little worried. 

“Are you alright? You’re not feeling ill, are you?” he asked, feeling Peter’s forehead.

“I’m fine, I’m just excited, yknow?”

“You’re a bit warm”

“Leave him alone, darling” Loki said, pulling Tony close for a kiss. “You worry too much”

Tony kissed him firmly. “I’m just checking~”

“So” Loki said, keeping his arms round Tony’s waist. “What’s the plan for today, baby?”

“I thought we’d take it easy today. We need to get some food in, so we’re going to head to a little town where there’s some cool looking artisan shops and a big supermarket. So we can see some stuff and get a food shop. And then there’s somewhere I’d like to take you later on. You’ll have to bring your camera”

“Well, of course. After I’ve spent all that money on an SD card, it’d be a shame to waste it” he kissed Tony on the nose. “Are you going to be my model? You’d make a good model”

“I know. You’d be a better one though”

“Stop flirting and lets  _go_!” Peter whined, grabbing at Loki’s arm. “Let’s  _go_!”

Tony laughed at him. “Not just yet, kiddo. Give us a chance to finish our drinks”

“So where are we going today, huh? Huh, where are we going? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? H-”

“Stop the broken record impression and go and get your shoes” Tony said, ruffling his hair. 

“Only if you do the same!” 

He ran to find his shoes anyway. Loki shook his head fondly.

“He’s a funny kid” 

“He’s a good one” Tony kissed him again. “We’d better neck these and get our  _own_ shoes on: I have a feeling his patience is going to break”

Loki nodded. “I quite agree” he grabbed his tea and downed the rest of it. “I wish we’d remembered my mug”

“Never mind. Keep an eye out and if you see one you really like, we’ll get it for you. Holiday mug”

“Sounds good to me” he gave Tony one more kiss and released him from the hug. “I’ll go and get my shoes”

“Don’t forget your travel pills”

-

Peter was too interested in taking in the scenery to make proper conversation in the car. He was mostly quiet for a lot of the journey. 

“Llama’s Pyjamas!” he said suddenly. “That B&B is called Llama’s Pyjamas”

“Fabulous, I love it already” Tony said. “Just another ten minutes till we’re there”

“Till we’re where?”

“Penrith” 

“Penrith?”

“Penrith. There’s supposed to be some good shops, and then we’ll go to the supermarket before we head back to the house” Tony said. 

“Ooh, what kinda shops?”

“I don’t know; I’ve never been before. Just don’t be can-I-’aving every two seconds” 

-

They parked up and walked down into the centre of the town. It was a bright, mild day, and all three were in a good mood. Loki and Tony strolled along hand in hand while Peter bounded ten steps ahead, mesmerised by this new town, turning his head this way and that to take in as much as possible. Loki leant his head closer to Tony’s.

“What’s with the pigeon impression?”

“Leave him alone” Tony said, but he grinned.

Peter heard them laughing and glanced back at them momentarily, but went back to admiring the new surroundings. 

-

Loki grabbed Peter by the shoulders.

“Say ‘woah’ one more time, and I will tape your mouth shut”

Tony laughed at him. “Oh, leave him alone: it’s just high spirits” 

“He’s said it at every shop”

“Not  _every_ shop” Peter said. “But can you blame me? I mean, look at this place!”

He gestured wildly, and Loki had to grab his wrist so stop him from smacking a passer-by in the face. 

“A bit different from the concrete jungle, eh?” Tony said.

Peter nodded. “Uh-huh. Hey, what’s this?”

“Looks like some sort of shopping arcade. Looks a bit dodgy” 

“Can we go in anyway?”

Tony nodded. “Sure”

-

Tony’s preconception was proved wrong as soon as they saw the prices outside the children’s clothing shop at the entrance. Loki stopped for a while, rubbing his bottom lip and looking at all the clothes outside and those that could be seen through the window.

“What are you looking at baby stuff for?” Peter asked, curling his lip. 

“He likes babies” Tony said quietly, giving Loki’s hand a squeeze. “Let’s move on, honey”

Loki nodded slowly, letting Tony guide him onwards. 

“As if you like babies!” Peter laughed. “Imagine you as-”

“Peter, don’t be insensitive” Tony interrupted him sharply. 

He said it with such severity that Peter immediately shut his mouth. He turned his head away - and spotted something he quite liked. He went over to the shop window, looking at the display of expensive shirts and shoes and jackets and cufflinks. 

“Hey, Mr Loki, Mr Stark, come and look at this!” 

They went over to him, looking into the shop window. 

“Ooh wow. These are  _much_ nicer than that shop we passed earlier” Tony said. “Let’s have a little look in, shall we?”

Loki was all too happy with that. Peter followed them in, although he felt a little out of place. The men in the shop were dressed in the same finery they were selling, and greeted them when they walked in, but let them browse uninterrupted. Peter stuck by Tony’s side, looking at shirts and jackets with him while Loki looked at tie and cufflink sets on the other side. The shop seemed terribly crowded, Peter thought, with it’s vast collection of tweed and wool and whatever else, all with price tags enough to make the average person wince. 

Peter lost interest quite quickly. He saw Loki talking quietly to the man by the till, but chose not to say anything to Tony. He kept his eyes on him, but he couldn’t see what he was buying, and whatever it was was quickly put into his shoulder bag, so there was no way to sneak a peak either. 

-

The rest of the small shopping arcade wasn’t so exciting, so they u-turned and headed back out onto the main street, soon stumbling across a delicatessen.

“Woah, this looks fancy!” Peter said, looking up at the sign. “James and John Graham…”

“Established 1793″ Tony said. “Looks traditional”

“Are we gonna stand here all day or are we going to have a look?” Loki asked, smiling at Tony. 

Tony gestured. “After you, my dear”

Peter and Tony were visibly more impressed than Loki. They spent a long time looking at everything, with Peter periodically grabbing something else to show Loki.

“Hey, hey, look at this!” Peter said for at least the twentieth time. “Chinese gunpowder tea”

“Oh, weird” Loki said. “I think I’ll stick with what I’ve got. Here, what do you think of this?”

He showed Peter a little bottle of Kendal Mint Cake Liqueur. 

“Looks pretty! Woah, it’s so bright! You should get it” Peter said, grinning. “What’s Kendal Mint Cake?”

“Uuh. It’s basically just mint flavoured sugar” Loki said. “It’s supposed to be good if you go walking”

“Oh. Oh wait, I should’ve got my walking stuff out today!”

“Same, but I don’t suppose it matters too much: we’ll have plenty of time. Tony said we’re on holiday for three weeks” 

“Yeah… Sounds like hard work, all those mountains" 

"I think I’ll stay on the ground if he suggests Helvellyn or Scarfell Pike” Loki said. “I’m not so resilient as I used to be: I prefer taking it easy" 

"I’m not sure I fancy the idea of dragging myself up a mountain every day either” Peter said. “Although I bet the views at the top are pretty cool" 

"Yes, but they’re just as good from down here" 

"We’ve only seen a little bit though. I’m looking forward to seeing more” Peter said. “Hey, I know Mr Stark said not to be can-I-’aving, but there’s some good looking biscuits in here…" 

Loki smiled at him. "We’ll say they’re to share. Go and choose some: my treat. Go and grab yourself a drink too" 

"Woah, really? Thank you!" 

He went to choose a couple of boxes while Loki decided on a couple more mini bottles and a selection of Kendal Mint Cake, partly for Peter’s sake. Peter came back over, and was distracted by the chocolates and cheeses displayed on the middle counter. 

"Woah, can we get some of this stuff?" 

"I think you’ve got enough treats for now. Let’s go and pay for these" 

- 

Tony said they could explore Penrith further at a later date. They made their way back up to the supermarket. As they were getting near, Peter noticed something he’d somehow missed the first time round. 

"Antique centre! Hey, Mr Loki, let’s have a look!" 

"Not right now" 

"Aww,  _please_ ” he clung to Loki’s arm. “Please please please please please please please-" 

"Shut up! Tony, make him stop!" 

Tony laughed at them, and put a hand on Peter’s shoulder. "Ok, kiddo, if you’re quiet, we’ll have a little look. It’s not like we’re in a rush" 

Peter stopped chanting and grinned triumphantly. Loki grabbed him firmly by the wrist before he could go running off. Peter looked at him, brow furrowed. 

"What are you doing?" 

"I’m not paying for your mistakes if you go barging in there like a little elephant and break some priceless antique" 

Tony laughed at him. "Leave the kid alone! He’s not going to break anything”

“What makes you so sure?" 

Tony detached Loki’s hand from Peter’s wrist. "He’ll be careful. Won’t you, Pete?" 

Peter nodded. 

"See? Come on. Might find something interesting" 

They entered the courtyard, and Tony was immediately distracted by the old vehicles and mechanic equipment outside, and wandered over for a proper look. Loki followed Peter in through the main entrance. It was strange and cluttered like every antique centre, but seemed to be sectioned into little ‘rooms’ within the warehouse-type building. Peter could feel Loki keeping a close eye on him, so initially he made a great show of keeping his hands behind his back. This didn’t last long. He picked up a small faded plastic box of old photo slides, taking a few out to have a proper look. 

"Woah, hey, Mr Loki, look at these” he showed Loki a few of the slides. “Looks like someone’s old holiday photos. I wonder how they ended up here" 

"Probably a death with next of kin that didn’t really care” Loki guessed. “They’re interesting though, aren’t they? There’s another box there" 

Peter set the first box down and had a look through the other one. He couldn’t tell if they were the same people as the pictures in the first one. 

"These are so cool. I kinda want them" 

"What would you do with them? They’d just end up sat on a cabinet or at the bottom of a cupboard collecting dust” Loki said. “They’re only worth buying if you work in a museum" 

"I guess you’re right” Peter set the box down carefully. “Do you like antiques?”

Loki shrugged. “I like  _some_ antiques. But as you’ve already seen, the most antiqued things in my home are the inhabitants" 

"Do you want more antiques?" 

"I don’t know. Maybe. I suppose I  _have_  always liked old tea sets. I’d love a proper full royal Albert tea set” he sounded wistful. 

“How much are they?" 

"It depends where you look, since there’s lots of knock-offs, and they’re not all antique: they’re still in production, I’m pretty sure. Usually around the 250 mark for a proper set" 

"Ouch” his idea of tracking one down and surprising him with it went out the window. “That’s expensive" 

"I know” Loki said mournfully. 

Peter frowned. “Why are you always so funny about spending money? You wouldn’t buy one of those Zippo lighters you told me about, you won’t buy yourself the tea set. I mean, it’s not like you can’t afford it. It’d barely make a dent in Mr Stark’s fortune. I mean, I’ve looked it up, and a million seconds is about 11 days, and a billion seconds is about 31 years. That’s an  _insane_  amount of money. You should treat yourself if you’ve got the means to" 

"Tony earnt that money" 

"Well, yeah, but he gives you money, doesn’t he?" 

Loki nodded slowly. "Yes, he gives me money…" 

"Why don’t you use it then?" 

"I do use it. Some of it. Just because I’m not blowing thousands on diamonds and speedboats, doesn’t mean I don’t spend any money" 

"Well, what  _do_  you spend your money on? Aside from cigarettes" 

"Whatever I need” Loki said simply. 

“That’s not very specific”  

“It’s also none of your business. Stop being so nosey" 

"How can I? It’s in my name" 

Loki gave his nose a tweak. "Stop. Don’t you remember what happened to Mr Nosey?" 

Peter looked at him, rubbing his sore nose. "You like the Mr Men as well? Oh my god. What Mr Man are you?" 

"Depends who you ask" 

"What about Mr Stark?" 

"He’s a mix between Mr Funny, Mr Clever, and Mr Brave” Loki answered. 

“Cute. What about me?" 

"Mr Nosey, obviously. I’ve already said that" 

"Ok, ok. So back on the subject of money-" 

"One more financial question, and I will smack the nose clean off your face”

Peter huffed. “Fine. I’m going to find Mr Stark" 

- 

Peter found Tony in the back warehouse, deep in conversation with a member of staff. He approached cautiously, not wanting to interrupt, but Tony seemed pleased to see him.

"Ah, here he is” he held an arm out to Peter. “He’s a bit of a whizz at this too. Still finding his feet, still a bit more on the sciencey side, but a pretty clever kid" 

Peter soon got drawn deep into the conversation too. He quite enjoyed it, having Tony show off about him and have a proper chat about it. The man showed him all sorts of things that he wasn’t quite familiar with, so it was an interesting talk all round. 

- 

Eventually they were forced to tear themselves away and continue up the street to the supermarket. Peter felt that Loki might be upset with him, so he stayed close to Tony and talked to him instead. 

"Have you had a think about what meals you want?” Tony asked. “I don’t want to be eating out three times a day, really" 

"Oh, I don’t really mind” Peter shrugged. “You choose. But I do wanna try a bunch of English stuff. Can I borrow your phone? What are some traditional home cooked English dishes?" 

Tony laughed and handed him his phone. "Knock yourself out" 

It took Peter a matter of seconds to find a Wikipedia page listing some meals.

"Ok, some of these sound gross” Peter said, wrinkling his nose at the thought of jellied eels and liver. “But some of it looks good. Aww, pasties! We passed that bakery earlier: you should’ve let me stop” He pouted, scrolling through the list. “Hey, Mr Loki, help me choose" 

"Why?” he said, taking the phone from him. “Look, if you want to eat what they eat here, look at what they have in the shops and on cafe and pub menus, not this list. No one eats half this stuff anymore" 

"How would you know? Maybe everyone here still puts fish heads poking out of their pies" 

Loki gave him an exasperated look, and turned to Tony with a pained one.

"Please say this supermarket has a cafe" 

"Well, we’ll see in a minute” Tony said as they approached the entrance. “Oh, yeah, they have. Do you wanna sit and have a drink while we do the shopping?”

“Yes. Your son is starting to do my head in" 

"Well you’ve been doing my head in all morning!” Peter snapped back, pouting and folding his arms over his chest. 

“Stop bickering” Tony said. “You can go and have a sit down for a while while we sort this, ok darling?" 

"Thank you. Come and get me when you’re done" 

Loki was glad to be shot of them. 

Tony shook his head and turned to Peter. "I think we’ll need more than a basket”

“Yeah, ok” Peter looked round, soon spotting the trolleys. “I’ll grab one of those”

-

“Don’t you think it’s weird?" 

"What?" 

"This. Yknow, this is just normal and boring for everyone else here. But it’s all new and different and exciting for us” Peter said. 

“Always good to try something new. I think we should get Loki a little treat: he seems pretty fed up" 

"Aww just leave him” Peter said bitterly. “It’s not our fault he’s a spoilsport sourpuss" 

Tony raised an eyebrow. "Have you two had a falling out?" 

Peter ignored him, pretending to look at the pick and mix breads. He was starting to feel pretty fed up too. Tony ruffled his hair. 

"How do you like these?" 

Peter turned to the fridge Tony was surveying.

"Oh woah, these look cool! Can we get some?" 

"Sure. 2 for £2. I’d get a bit of a selection if I were you" 

Peter spent a while looking at all the different options, finally going for choux buns, fresh cream éclairs, and fresh cream donuts. 

"Good selection. You get first pick when we’re back at the house, ok?" 

"OK!” Peter grinned. 

Tony smiled. “There, that’s cheered you up" 

Peter stuck his tongue out at him.

- 

Tony enjoyed looking round a new supermarket just as much as Peter did, but he tried not to let it show. He did, however, give in to Peter’s clamouring for this, that and everything, and ended up with a trolley which was quite a bit fuller than he’d anticipated. 

"Wait, wait! Mr Stark! They’ve got Kinder eggs! I’ve always wanted to try these!”

Tony sighed a little, if only for show.. “Ok, put them in the trolley" 

"How many? Can I get five? I want five" 

Tony laughed at him. "Sure. Here, you’re starting to bankrupt me a bit here: we’d better go and pay" 

Peter nodded without protest. Their shop had put him in a good mood.

- 

Loki was in a better mood too when they met up with him, although he raised an eyebrow when he saw the trolley. 

"You know, I’ll be honest: I didn’t expect you to buy enough food to feed a small country" 

"Couldn’t resist” Tony grinned. “And  _I’ll_ be honest; it’s mainly treats for the kid”

Loki nodded. “I’ve got something for him too" 

Peter took the envelope Loki offered him. 

"What’s this?" 

"Why don’t you open it and find out?" 

Peter did so, and was surprised at what he found: a bundle of twenty pound notes, totalling two hundred pounds. 

"Woah! Thank you!” he was admittedly quite amazed by the generosity. 

Loki smiled slightly. “Holiday money. This way you don’t have to ask every time you see something you want" 

"Wow… Are you sure this is ok? It’s a lot of money" 

"Positive" 

Tony gave Peter a nudge. "Put it away and help get these bags into the boot”

Peter shoved the envelope in his pocket and did as he was asked. £200! He felt like he could go crazy, have a proper shopping spree. He’d be able to buy anything, and he’d be able to get May a really good holiday present too, not to mention Ned. This was amazing. He really was getting spoilt.

-

Peter cuddled up against Loki in the car on the way back to the holiday home. 

“Sorry for being all insensitive with you earlier”

Loki nodded, giving him a hug. “Thanks. Sorry I got snappy with you”

Tony watched them in his rear-view mirror. He couldn’t help minding that they were so hot and cold with each other sometimes.

-

Peter made himself useful and helped unload the shopping. Tony was right: a lot of it was treats for Peter, so much so that Tony assigned him his own cupboard to keep his things separate from the communal food. 

“You should probably start policing all those snacks” Loki said, rearranging the bottles in the fridge. “I love a binge as much as the next person, but he’s going to make himself sick if you let him have free reign of all that”

“I am here, you know” Peter said. 

“He’ll be fine” Tony said. “He’s not going to make himself sick”

Loki wasn’t convinced. “Ok, well when he is - and I say when with conviction here - it’s gonna be you staying up with him”

“I’m not gonna make myself sick!”

“ _I’m_ getting sick of this topic of conversation” Tony said. “What do you want for lunch?”

“Did you buy any Philadelphia?”

“Yes”

“Yeah”

Peter quirked an eyebrow, but Loki paid him no mind and headed out into the living room to have a look at the shelf of DVDs.

“Peter? How about you?”

“Yeah…”

He followed Loki. Tony sighed heavily. ‘ _He’ll get what he’s given then_ ’ he thought.

-

Peter went and stood beside Loki, peering at the DVDs.

“You wanna watch a film while we have lunch?”

Loki nodded slowly. “Maybe. They’ve got quite a lot here”

“What are you thinking?”

Loki shrugged. “I’m not sure. You know my DVDs, the ones my brother got me? They’ve got some of those”

Peter looked over the DVDs. “Ooh, they’ve got Coraline! Have you ever seen it? It’s creepy, but I think you’d like it”

“I don’t think so” he took the box down from the shelf, reading the summary on the back. “May as well give this one a go”

“Ok, good!” Peter took the DVD from him and knelt down to work out the DVD player.

“Oh, are you two watching a film then?” Tony asked, coming into the room and setting a couple of plates down on a nearby coffee table.

“Thought it’d be a good thing to do” Loki said.

“I’ll leave you to it. I’m gonna eat outside, just to make a change” Tony said. “Have you got your cigs on you?”

“Yeah?”

“Mind if I pinch one?”

“Since when did  _you_ smoke?” Peter frowned.

“I fancy one sometimes” Tony said.

Loki handed him his cigarettes and lighter.

“Thanks hun. I’ll join you in a bit” 

Loki took one of the plates and took a seat on the sofa. Peter got the DVD set up, grabbed the remote and the other plate, and flopped down on the sofa with Loki.

“Uhh, do you know what’s in this?”

“Philadelphia” Loki said, glancing at his identical plate. “Same as me” 

“Huh, ok” he pressed play on the remote. “You’ll like this one” 

“Best be quiet now, then”

-

Something about the opening and it’s soundtrack set Loki on edge. He’d grown to like stop-motion, and the style of this was something different, so he found it quite interesting, if a little unsettling.

The soundtrack invoked something in him. He finished eating and put his plate aside, glued to the screen. He could see why Peter had guessed he’d like it. He barely even noticed when Tony later came and joined them. He couldn’t quite figure out his emotions while watching. He couldn’t help but relate to it - it felt familiar: the neglect, the manipulation, the strange tunnel, the need to run away and escape, the way something seemingly so good turned so bad so quickly, the solidarity found in the most unlikely places… There was something so lonely about it. He loved the cinematography though. It was so unique in style, and the colour themes were so important to the story: the way the characters lived in colour in a grey world in the real house, and how they lived in grey in a colourful world in the Other Mother’s house. The atmospheric change between the two settings felt drastic. There was always something mildly unsettling about the other world, even before it all went wrong. Maybe it was the buttons. Eyes hold so much feeling: take them away, and there’s no real emotion..

-

“Well, that was suitably disturbing” Tony said, standing up as the credits rolled. “Even more so than the first time I saw it” 

He went to turn the DVD off, and Peter shifted closer to Loki, kneeling beside him.

“So what did you think, huh? You liked it, right? Right?”

Loki slowly turned his head to look at the boy. “That was wild”

Peter laughed at him. “It’s great, don’t you think?”

“I think” Tony said, putting the DVD back on the shelf. “That I read something somewhere that said that it’s something that scares adults, but kids see as an adventure”

“I’d say that’s about right” Loki said, resting his head in his hand. 

“Right, are you two gonna get your shoes on?”

Peter looked up. “Why?” 

“There’s somewhere I want to take you. I said that this morning”

“Oh! Ok!” he sprang up from the sofa and ran to the corridor to find his shoes.

Tony sat down beside Loki and gave him a hug. “Bring your camera”

Loki pulled away from him and went upstairs to find the bridge camera he’d found in the cupboard at home. He hadn’t really used it yet. He double checked the SD card, made sure he had spare batteries, and slung the camera case over his shoulder. 

-

Tony parked up. The car park was small, just a patch of gravel really, and empty. Peter couldn’t help feeling sceptical about it, but got out the car without saying anything. Loki adjusted the camera case, looking at the National Trust sign.

“Aira Force…” he read.

“Thought we’d be better coming off-peak. Apparently it gets pretty busy here” Tony said, linking arms with Loki. “Watch your step; ground might be rough”

“Oh, I don’t think I need to worry~” Loki said, kissing Tony on the cheek. 

Peter rolled his eyes at them and made for the dirt steps down from the car park. It was uneven ground, and it took a bit of concentration to navigate. The dirt track was surrounded by trees, just like any old forest. Still, as he continued round, the sound of running water hit his ears, and he stopped for a moment. He shook his head slightly, carried on a little further, and found himself face to face with a cascade of water, tearing down rough rocky edges.

“Woah!” he leant against the wooden safety barrier, looking down into the pool below. “Woah..!”

He heard the whir and click of a camera, and looked over his shoulder. He grinned.

“Look at this! You gotta come and look!”

Tony smiled. “This is just a tiny part of it. It gets even better from here on out”

*


	27. The Wonder Of It All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holidays antics ensue. Peter goes into full child mode, and the family dynamic continues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the recent delays in updating. I am very busy and very tired.
> 
> I am aiming to have this work completed by the end of August

- 

Peter soon found himself getting very comfortable with the Lake District. Tony and Loki bickered a bit because Tony gave in to Peter’s every will, letting him gorge himself on as many sweets as he wanted, and Loki was still convinced the boy would make himself sick. Other than that, they were very happy and lovey-dovey with each other. Peter also discovered the comfort of walking gear, although the curve of his walking boots was unfamiliar and took a bit of getting used to, especially when going over cattle grids. The walking gear was a favourite of all three. Peter couldn’t help staring the first morning he saw Loki dressed like a walker. He looked so soft and comfortable and happy in his reddish boots, navy walking trousers, and soft black high-neck fleece, the half zip done up partway so much of his neck and some of the top of his chest remained exposed. There was something so beautiful about it. 

Tony certainly thought so too. Their anniversary was fast approaching and the holiday had put them in a good mood already. Tony humoured Loki in his newfound photography hobby, and spoilt him silly in every other way. He spoilt Peter too, and so did Loki. 

 - 

Loki stayed outside while Peter and Tony had a quick look in the National Trust shop. He kept looking over at the shed by the wall. 

“We should do the boat trip” Loki said when the other two joined him. 

“What boat trip?” Peter asked. 

Loki nodded towards the shed. “That one across Derwentwater" 

"Maybe later, chick” Tony said. “The kid wants to have a look round the shops”

Loki nodded easily. “Ok. Can we try to find that collectors shop again? You know, it was the one that was closed" 

"The one with the sign for a Harry Potter section? With the Camberwick Green statues in the window?” Tony nodded. “Sure thing" 

Peter slipped his hand into Loki’s. "I looked online and it said there’s a fancy chocolate shop in the town centre. Can we find that too?" 

"You’ve had far too much chocolate already this week” Loki said. He looked back over at the water. They’d stumbled across this area quite by mistake, and he quite wanted to stay and have a proper look. He sighed. “Let’s go shopping then”

- 

Loki quite enjoyed seeing another new place. In a few short days they’d gotten well acquainted with Penrith, and explored Ambleside and Glenridding (Peter and Loki refused Tony’s suggestion of conquering Helvellyn). Keswick was new and different - definitely more on the touristy side like Ambleside was. They found the town centre easily enough, and soon stumbled across the chocolate shop Peter had mentioned. He looked in awe at the fancy black exterior and the extravagant displays in the windows. He tugged at Loki’s hand.

“Let’s look! Come on, come on, let’s look! I’m totally getting stuff for May from here" 

"Stop being a pest, Peter” Tony said. He pulled a twenty pound note from his pocket and handed it to him. “Go wild" 

Loki gave Tony a disapproving look as Peter ran inside. 

"What’s that face for?" 

"Look, I’m all for spoiling the kid, but I really don’t think you should keep buying him so many sweets. He’s going to get sick" 

"Oh, he’s fine, honey. It’s something new and different for him - may as well let him make the most of it" 

"I stand by what I said: I’m not going to stay up all night with him when he ends up being sick. He’s not used to it: it’s going to take its toll sooner or later" 

"You worry too much” he gave Loki’s hand a tug, making him follow him into the shop. “Lighten up" 

"I don’t need to ‘lighten up’. I think you need to be stricter" 

"Why? He’s enjoying himself. I don’t want to upset him" 

"He’ll be more upset if he gets ill and ends up in bed missing a few days of the holiday" 

"Loki, stop it. He’s  _fine_. Let him be a kid. And anyway” Tony said, surveying a selection of interesting jelly sweets. “You haven’t exactly been on a healthy eating kick this holiday either" 

"That’s completely beside the point” Loki said loftily. 

Tony shook his head and rolled his eyes. “Whatever you say, honey" 

Loki decided to ignore him. There was some interesting stuff in this shop, and it made for a good distraction. He wandered off on his own for a bit - and Peter suddenly popped up and made him jump. 

"Hey, watch it! Where did you spring from?” he noticed the armful of chocolates the boy was carrying, and winced. “And what on earth have you got there?”

“Look, Mr Loki, this stuff is absolutely _essential_. I mean, who  _doesn’t_  need spicy jelly sweets and chocolate penknives?" 

” _You_  don’t" Loki said. “Put some of that stuff back: it’s far too much" 

"Hey, Mr Stark said I can spend my holiday money on whatever I like, and I want to buy this. So I will" 

"Not if I have anything to do with it. You’ll rot your teeth. Put something back”

Peter clutched his haul protectively. “I’m gonna share it" 

"You’ve got a bulging cupboard back at the house as it is. Put something back” Loki repeated. 

“Oh leave the kid alone” Tony said, coming over. He laughed when he saw how much Peter was holding. “You’re going to drop all that if you’re not careful. Get yourself over to the till" 

Peter didn’t need to be asked twice. Tony tried to side up to Loki, but Loki wouldn’t let him. 

"I wish you wouldn’t undermine me like that" 

"I wasn’t undermining you" 

"You were a bit" 

"No I wasn’t. Don’t be so sensitive. I don’t know why it bothers you so much”

Loki turned away and pretended to be interested in a display of fudge gift boxes. Tony scowled, grabbing Loki’s hand. 

“Don’t you go getting all sulky on me” he said, lowering his voice. “I won’t have you spoiling this" 

"I’m not  _spoiling_  anything!” Loki retaliated, a little louder than he intended. He looked apologetically at the lady he’d startled and turned back to Tony, quieter now. “Don’t start bitching at me. I’m allowed to be concerned" 

"Stop whining and choose yourself something nice" 

"No thanks” he pulled his hand away. “Watching the kid is enough to put me off sweets for a week" 

Tony sighed irritably and gave Loki a sharp tap on the leg. "You’re starting to do my head in. Just shut up about the kid. He’s not doing anyone any harm" 

Loki shut up and sulked. He was irritated by Peter, and by Tony’s lax attitude, and he didn’t appreciate being smacked. His good mood had quickly turned sour.

- 

Loki stayed a few steps behind the other two, pretending to look in shop windows. He grumbled to himself as he saw Peter going into another sweet shop. He waited outside, and Tony handed him his sunglasses. 

"Put these on. Your angry eyes are unsettling" 

Loki wasn’t thrilled by this comment, but he put the sunglasses on anyway. He looked over towards the other side of the street, pretending not to care. Peter came back out of the shop, and tugged at Loki’s arm. Loki looked down at his little smiling face. 

"This is for you!” he grinned, holding a clear plastic cup with chocolate sauce round the inside and cream and sprinkles on top out to him. “It’s peach flavoured!" 

Loki couldn’t help but soften as he looked at the boy. He was such a good kid, and his intentions were kind. Loki accepted the cup. 

"Thank you" 

The milkshake was surprisingly good.

- 

Loki’s mood lifted. He held Tony’s hand while they explored the shops Keswick had to offer. He even bought Peter a little bag of pastel alphabet sweets from a little shop they found. 

"They’re for on the boat trip” Loki said firmly. 

Soon after that, they found the shop Loki had mentioned earlier that day, and luckily it was open this time.

“Oooh, let’s have a look in, shall we?” he said, wandering inside without awaiting a response. 

Peter looked around. It was a lot bigger inside than it looked, with high ceilings and loads of displays. It all seemed to be antiques and collectables. Loki was taking his time looking at things. Peter wandered off, skimming the aisles - and spotted a few big cabinets full of statues. His eyes widened, and he ran back over to Loki, grabbing his arm. 

“Mr Loki, Mr Loki! You’ve gotta come and look at this! You’ll love it!" 

Loki let Peter drag him over to the cases near the back of the right hand side of the shop. 

"Oh wow” he pulled his wallet out of his pocket. “Hey Tony, can I borrow some cash?" 

Tony followed, and as he laid eyes on the case full of Betty Boop collectable statues, he laughed awkwardly. 

"No way. There’s no way you’re lugging one of those back with us" 

"Well, I can go and put it in the car before we go on the boat” Loki said. “Hey, Peter, which one do you like best?" 

"Loki, no” Tony said, carefully taking his wallet from him. “Not today" 

Loki looked at the cabinet longingly. "I can still stay and look for a bit, can’t I?" 

"Sure. Knock yourself out”

Peter looked up at him. “I stand by what I said when you bought the lighter”

“Even so, choose a favourite”

Peter looked over the display, struggling. He didn’t really like any of them. He supposed he could see the appeal, but they didn’t really do anything for him. He saw the wistful look in Loki’s eyes, and wished he had enough to buy him one - but they were big, and he doubted he’d be able to do it discreetly even if he  _did_ have the money.

“I don’t mind this one” Peter said, pointing to one of Betty clad in a blue dress, leaning against a lamppost.

“Oh, cute! I think it’s an actual lamp too” Loki said, kneeling down to get a better look.

Peter knelt down beside him, looking at him more than the statue.

“You really like it, don’t you?”

Loki nodded, tearing his eyes away and looking up at Tony. “Oh Tony, darling, please let me get one”

“Certainly not! I’ve already told you no”

“But they’re so nice! Please? Y’know we’ve got something coming up soon. Something that people tend to buy each other presents for~”

Tony knew what he was getting at. “I won’t be guilt-tripped by you. The answer’s no… Don’t  _look_ at me like that! Crocodile tears won’t change my mind”

Loki looked up at him, tears pricking his eyes. Tony skirted round them and escaped the situation by going over to the back of the shop to look at things there. Loki sighed.

“Well, it was worth a try”

“For what it’s worth, I’d let you have one”

“Thanks, sweetie” Loki gave him a quick hug. “I really do like the lamp”

“What other ones do you like? Have you got a favourite?”

Loki stood up, helping Peter to his feet too. “That one, of her in the yellow bath. It’s so cute. I think it would look good in my en suite at home. And I like the one of her on the scooter”

Peter nodded, cuddling up to him. “Hey, Mr Loki?”

“Hm?”

“I really love you”

Loki nodded. He knew.

-

Tony grew bored and made a big show of hugging Loki from behind and nuzzling into his back and complaining he was taking too long, and eventually Loki gave in to his little game and they started their way back to the waterfront. 

“So” Loki said, just as the theatre came into view. “What  _are_ you getting me for our anniversary”

“None of your business” Tony said. “You’ll find out on the day”

“Can I at least have a hint?”

“You’ll like it”

Loki raised his eyebrows. “That’s not exactly a hint”

“Well it’s as good as you’re gonna get. Now, are we doing this boat trip or not?”

-

Loki just about managed to grab Peter before he went toppling off the pier and into the water. He looked at Tony.

“We need to get this kid some baby reins” 

Tony just laughed at them. 

-

Peter insisted Loki sit outside with him on the boat, right up at the front. Loki humoured him, taking the opportunity to get his camera out and take some photos. Peter made quite a good candid model. After a while, Peter stood up, tugging at Loki’s hand.

“Let’s Titanic! C’mon, we’re at the front; let’s Titanic”

“I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about”

Peter rolled his eyes, rushing to the very front of the boat, his hands up on the side. Loki grabbed hold of him.

“Careful! My god, you’re going to give me a heart attack one of these days! Be sensible, please: there’s no way I’m jumping in after you if you fall in”

Peter grinned. Loki’s hands were tight on his hips. “I’m not gonna fall in”

“See that you don’t” he rested his chin on top of Peter’s head. 

It was a warm, bright day, the sun shining and sparkling on the waves. Peter held his head high and closed his eyes, basking in the heat of the sun, feeling the wind in his hair and the water from the lake splashing his skin. He looked up at Loki. The lake was reflected in his sunglasses. He wasn’t as pale as usual; with a flush in his cheeks. His t-shirt was loose, and the silver chain round his neck could be seen. It caught the sun, as did the hoops in his ears. Peter felt his heart speed up as he looked at him. He looked so beautiful, so happy. Peter turned round, and Loki stepped backwards, a little relieved, and returned to his place on the bench. Peter sat on his lap and hugged him tight, winding his arms round his neck, breathing in his familiar scent. Loki squeezed him back, but his grip loosened when Tony joined them on the bench.

“You ok, kiddo?”

Peter stopped hugging Loki, and nodded at Tony. “I’m good”

“Good” he sat down beside Loki and kissed him hard. “We’re getting off at the next stop, ok? Have a little walk, climb trees, skim stones~”

“Sounds good to me” Peter said, sliding off Loki’s lap. “I’ve never been able to skim stones”

“I can’t do it either” Loki said. 

“I’ll teach you” Tony said. “It’s a good little party trick”

Loki kissed him again. “Oh, by the way; I don’t suppose you’ve got my bottle, have you?”

“In my bag” Tony said. “I won’t let you get dehydrated”

-

They spent a good hour at their stop-off point. Tony taught Peter the proper way to skim stones while Loki wandered off with his camera. They joined up a little while later and had a walk along the stones by the water, nibbling on the chalky alphabet sweets Loki had bought Peter. None of them really liked them, but they ate them anyway, because it seemed to add to the atmosphere. 

-

Loki was starting to feel pretty tired and hungry when they docked back at Keswick. They went for another little walk, stumbling through a little garden, and coming across a mini golf course. 

“Ooh, lets play! Hey kid, wanna play crazy golf?”

“I’ve never played it before” 

“It’s good fun. Me and Pepper have done it a few times” Tony said. “Let’s go down to that kiosk and get the clubs”

Loki and Peter hung back a bit.

“Hey, Mr Loki? Does it feel weird when Mr Stark talks about Ms Potts?”

Loki shook his head. “No. They’re best friends, near enough, and I’m good friends with Pepper too”

“Well, yeah, but like, didn’t you kinda steal him from her?”

Loki burst out laughing. “You’re a funny one” he shook his head. “No. Tony and Pepper weren’t in a relationship when me and Tony got together. I think they were ‘take a break’, as they say. So basically broken up but not because of a lack of feelings… She’s always been good about it. There’s no bad blood between any of us”

“So, how did she react?”

Loki shrugged slowly. “I’m not too sure. We weren’t friends right back at the start: I hadn’t even met her. But Tony said they talked about it, and she gave him her full support. She’s not the bitter type”

“Don’t you ever get paranoid that they’ll want to get back together?”

“Sorry,  _who’s_ the paranoid one?” he raised an eyebrow at him. “No. She’s not the interfering kind, and Tony’s not the cheating kind. I’m surprised you’d even think it”

“I don’t think it. I don’t really know Ms Potts very well. And Mr Stark is too devoted. I can’t really imagine him with anyone other than you”

Loki smiled and kissed him on the cheek. He liked that.

“Hey, where’s my kiss?”

Loki took the club Tony offered him. “You don’t get one”

“I see” 

Loki laughed, pulling Tony close and kissing him hard. Tony forced the other two clubs on Peter and held Loki tight, deepening the kiss. Peter stood awkwardly for a moment, not sure where to look. He turned round - and smacked into someone passing by.

“I-I’m sorry! Sorry, I didn’t see you there”

The boy he’d bumped into merely grinned. “No worries” He looked behind Peter. “Hey, what’s it like having two dads?”

Peter glanced back at Loki and Tony over his shoulder briefly. “It’s really easy to get stuck in a loop of; ‘go ask your father’” 

The boy laughed. “Not the answer I was expecting! Have fun with that. See you”

The boy jogged off to rejoin his friends, and Peter looked after him for a moment. He jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder. 

“Woah. It’s just me” Tony said. “Ready to get started? Winner chooses what we have for tea” 

-

Peter was surprised at how difficult he found the course. He got stuck on the first hole.

“Shit, what the fuck! How are you two so good at this?!”

“Hey, enough of the swearing, young man” Tony said, but he didn’t sound too bothered by it. “You’re holding the club wrong. Here”

He put his hands over Peter’s, showing him how to hold the club properly. Loki smiled fondly, leaning on his own club. He couldn’t help feeling good about the boy from earlier thinking he was Peter’s dad. Tony certainly  _acted_ the dad very well, and it was very endearing to see. In a way, it made him love him even more.

-

Peter won. In truth, the grown-ups had let him win, but only by a few points so as not to make it obvious.

Peter crowed triumphantly. “That means I get to pick what we eat tonight, right?”

“Yeah yeah, you can pick”

“Hurry up about it, though: I’m starving” Loki said. 

Peter thought for a minute. “I know, I know! Can we go and get chips and then sit by the water?”

It wasn’t the option Tony had expected. “Sounds good to me. Loki?”

“Sounds perfect”

-

It really did feel perfect. Peter finally gave in to Loki’s insistent suggestion of having Vimto with his chips, and he soon understood that suggestion. They sat on the slope by the boat trip kiosk, warily watching the swans and ducks at their feet. The evening sun was still warm, and very bright. Peter wished he had some sunglasses. Maybe he’d have to buy some. 

“Hey, Peter?”

Peter looked up.

“I was wondering. Do you mind being alone at the house for an hour or so tonight?”

“Um…”

“Just so me and Loki can go out for a drink. We won’t stay out late. You can sit and watch a DVD or something for a bit”

Peter swallowed. “Can’t I come too?”

“Pubs at night aren’t the best place for a kid” Tony said. “Plus, me and Loki were wanting a little bit of time to ourselves. It’s nothing against you”

“Oooh! Oh right, sure” Peter nodded. “Sure, that’s fine”

Tony smiled. “Thanks, kiddo”

“There is a condition though” he said, screwing up his empty takeaway wrappers.

“Oh? And what would that be?”

“I want another bag of flying saucers”

-

Peter settled down in front of the telly back at the house, a big armful of sweets on the seat next to him, and a couple of bottles of drink on the little table beside the sofa. He made a little nest in the sofa cushions and flicked through the telly channels, soon leaving on an old sketch show. Loki and Tony gave him a quick hug and told him to be good. They left the number for the pub they were going to in case he needed them urgently, and they left.

Peter was starting to appreciate the humour of the sketch show. He recognised some of it, although he was certain he hadn’t actually seen any of it before. Eventually he concluded Loki must have had it on in the background at some point when he was around. 

-

Peter all but cleared out his cupboard that night. He’d given the chocolate he’d bought for May to Tony so he wouldn’t be tempted, but he had such a haul in the kitchen that he barely thought of it. He finished the armload of food he’d taken through to the living room with him (including the bag of flying saucers he’d bargained Tony for), and wandered out to the kitchen. Loki had a stock of flavoured custard pots in the fridge, so he helped himself to a couple of those, leaning against the kitchen counter and reading the instructions by the oven while he ate them. He rinsed the pots and threw them in the recycling, and returned to the fridge. He’d recently had his eyes opened to the wonder of sesame seed breadsticks with cream cheese, and finished off the half pot and packet of each, respectively. He was surprised that he was still hungry, considering everything he’d had already. The freezer didn’t hold anything that wouldn’t take preparation of at least twenty minutes, so he went for the communal cupboard. The Kendal mint cake box Loki had bought on the first day of the holiday remained untouched in the cupboard. It was tempting, but he happened upon a family sized bag of NikNaks, and those were infinitely more tempting. He munched on them as he looked through the other cupboards, and returned to the fridge. He moved a few things aside, and found a single Cartmel’s Sticky Toffee Pudding. They’d had some a couple of days ago, and it had been incredible. Peter put the bag of crisps down on the side, licking his fingers as he read the heating instructions on the back of the pudding. He found there was still some double cream in the fridge. Now this would certainly hit the spot.

-

Peter flopped back on the sofa, feeling full to the brim, and pretty sick too. He’d forgotten just how rich those puddings were. They’d had portions from a family sized one the other day, not the single serve ones. He rather thought they were made for two people, but he didn’t feel like dragging himself to the recycling bin to check the portion size. Come to think of it, he hadn’t known about that pudding until he’d found it. He hoped it had belonged to Tony, who would just sigh and laugh it off. He feared Loki would get angry with him if it were his.

He stopped focusing on the telly. It sounded distant, and he wasn’t sure what was on now. He found the remote and turned the set off. He checked the time. It was nearly ten o’ clock. Loki and Tony had broken their promise, it seemed. But just as he thought it, he heard the front door opening, and the two men laughing together. They came into the living room, both a bit pink from the cold night air, looking down at him.

“Hey kiddo. Been having a binge, have we?” Tony said, looking at the mountain of sweet wrappers. “You’ve made a bit of a mess. Never mind; we’ll sort it in the morning. You’d better be heading off to bed now” 

“Do I have to?”

“Yes”

-

Peter dragged himself to his room and slowly got into his pyjamas. He could hear Loki and Tony talking and laughing while they locked up downstairs and came up onto the landing. He waited until they’d both gone to bed before going to the bathroom. He wasn’t feeling great. As soon as he put his toothbrush in his mouth, his gag reflex kicked in, and he had to stop lest he was sick. ‘ _Bit of a waste of toothpaste_ ’ he thought to himself as he rinsed his brush and set it back in its place. Still, he didn’t want to risk upsetting his stomach. He sat down on the edge of the bath, head in his hands. Perhaps he’d gone overboard. 

-

Loki put his book down as he heard the creak of floorboards, and his bedroom door opened.

“Peter?”

“Can I sleep in here tonight? I don’t feel well”

Loki looked at him, concerned, and held the covers up. Peter crawled into bed with him, laying on his back. Loki tucked him in and lay down beside him. His brow furrowed, and he raised his head, looking down at the boy.

“Have you been sick?”

Peter paused, quivering. “Well… Maybe a little bit”

Loki sighed. “I told you you’ve been eating too many sweets”

“Are you going to tell Mr Stark?” Peter asked weakly.

“Uh, yes, definitely! I  _told_ him this would happen, but he was adamant it wouldn’t” he saw the look on Peter’s face. “Wait here, sweetie”

“Don’t go”

“I won’t be a minute”

Loki returned a couple of minutes later, armed with a large plastic bowl which he set down on the floor by the bed, a glass of iced water, and a cold flannel. He sat Peter up and helped him take a drink, and then let him lie back down. He climbed back into bed with him, dabbing his hot, sweaty face with the flannel.

“That’ll teach you not to be so indulgent” Loki said, not unkindly. “Now you’ve been sick once, hopefully you won’t be again, but the bowl is there if you are. You stay with me. Maybe you just need to sleep it off now, and you’ll feel better in the morning” 

He held him close and let Peter cuddle up with his pig. Peter rested his head against Loki’s chest, rubbing the soft inside of the pigs ear. Loki wrapped him up in the quilt, and stroked his hair gently until he fell asleep.

*


	28. Whispered Notes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony isn’t happy about being proved wrong. Peter bounces back in time for the anniversary.

-

Peter fell asleep for a while, but woke up again at around 2am. He felt hot and dizzy, and sick. Truly, dreadfully sick. He took a series of slow, deep breaths. He could feel the warm weight of Loki’s arm round him. He whined quietly, rolling onto his front.

“Peter? Are you awake?”

Peter whined again. His stomach was gurgling painfully. Loki turned the lamp on and sat up, helping Peter to sit and lean against him. He handed Peter the bowl. Peter closed his eyes, breathing deeply.

“There’s no benefit in trying to hold it back” Loki said. “If you need to be sick, just be sick” 

Peter bent his head, gripping the bowl with both hands. He felt awful. The nausea was rising in his throat by the second. He coughed, and Loki rubbed his back - and that was all it took. He was badly sick. It was horrible, but it did make him feel just a little bit better. 

“Loki? Are you alright?” A voice sounded, and the bedroom door opened. Tony looked surprised. “Oh”

Loki glared at him. “I told you so”

Tony drooped. “You silly kid”

He came over to the bed, giving Peter’s shoulder a squeeze.

“I told you this would happen” Loki said. “And you didn’t listen. And now here we are! This is your doing”

“Oh Loki, can’t we leave the bitching till later?” 

Loki didn’t look happy. “Make yourself useful and sort the bowl while I get the kid settled”

Tony did as he was asked. Loki wiped Peter’s mouth and gave him a drink.

“How are you feeling?”

“Not great”

“Didn’t think so” he took the glass from him. “Here, lie down now”

Peter did so. He was tired. Sleep sounded like a good idea. He cuddled up with the pig while Loki stroked his hair, and he soon fell asleep. Tony came back into the room and set the clean bowl down by the bed.

“Is he asleep?”

Loki nodded, not looking at him.

“You don’t really blame  _me_ for this, do you?”

Loki looked up. “You know what, I do blame you, as it so happens. I told you this would happen, and you didn’t listen. I must have said it fifty times or more: let the kid have free reign of all those sweets, give in every time he asks for something, and he’ll end up making himself sick. And here we are: a sick kid. After you  _insisted_ he’d be fine. Go away, Tony”

“I thought you said you wouldn’t look after him”

“He came to me, what was I supposed to do? Tell him to go and deal with it himself?”

“Loki, you’re being ridiculous”

Loki nodded. “Oh yeah sure, turn it on me, that’s fine. Sorry, I forgot that everything is always my fault. I’ll remember next time”

“Oh Loki, give it a rest! Look, I can take care of the kid if you want”

“He wanted me”

Tony climbed into bed beside Peter. “Fine, if you’re going to be silly, I’m going to stay in here with him too. That alright with you?”

Loki lay down and turned his back on him.

- 

Peter was feeling a lot better in the morning. He was still feeling a bit shaky and ropey, but he no longer felt sick. Loki was still asleep, but Tony was awake now.

“Hey kiddo. How are you feeling?" 

"Better” Peter nodded. “I’m sorry" 

"Come on kiddo, let’s get you back to your own room" 

"What time is it?" 

Tony checked his watch. "Nearly ten o’ clock" 

"Oh. I think I’ll get up now then" 

"Ok. Let’s go downstairs then. Let Loki sleep”

- 

Peter sat sipping his tea and nibbling his buttered toast while Tony made himself a coffee. He seemed angry. 

“Mr Stark?” Peter said nervously. “Am I in trouble?" 

Tony turned to him. "No, but I think  _I_  am. I hate it when Loki proves me wrong. He’s very good at rubbing it in, always has been" 

Peter set his mug down. "I didn’t mean for anyone to get angry. I was just hungry last night. I guess I went overboard. I think it was the pudding that did it" 

Tony looked at him. "Not the Cartmel one?" 

Peter nodded. 

Tony sighed. "Well, you  _are_  going to be in trouble when Loki finds out about that”

“I didn’t really think…" 

"Maybe we should start limiting your intake of sweets now” Tony said. “We don’t need a repeat of last night" 

"I don’t think I’ll ever be able to eat sticky toffee pudding again after that” Peter said. “I won’t go overboard again" 

"I’ll make sure of it" 

"Aww, you’re not  _really_  gonna start limiting my sweets, are you?" 

"Damn right I am! As much as I don’t want to give Loki the satisfaction, he was definitely right about this one. You’ve had your freedom, and look where it got you. No, you can still have sweets, but only when I say so" 

"But-" 

"But nothing. Now, I’ve tidied up the mess you made last night, but only because you’ve been poorly. Let’s try to be sensible for a while, ok?" 

Peter had no choice but to agree. 

- 

They took it easy that day. Tony thought going out in the car ran the risk of Peter being sick again, and decided it was better to stay in. Tony was happy with that. He settled Peter down in front of the telly with a bottle of water, and as it was another warm day, he went and sat out in the garden with his book. 

Peter was feeling fed up. Loki had come downstairs and as predicted, he’d been pretty annoyed that Peter had stolen his pudding, and he’d given him a smack. It hadn’t really hurt, so he just got annoyed instead of upset, and Tony told both of them off for starting an argument. It wasn’t a great start to the day. Loki had made himself a drink and went back to his room, and Peter stayed on the sofa watching daytime telly.

- 

Peter fell asleep for a bit. When he woke up, he turned the telly off and went out to the garden. He was surprised to find Loki curled up on the bench with Tony, considering their argument earlier on. They both smiled when they saw him.

"Hey kiddo, we were just talking about you” Tony said. “Why don’t you go for a walk around the village with Loki?" 

"Umm…" 

"Fresh air will do you good” Loki said, giving Tony a quick kiss and standing up. “Get your shoes on" 

He seemed to be in a much better mood, so Peter agreed. 

- 

The fresh air did make Peter feel better. He stopped feeling quite so ropey as they walked along. They stopped and sat down by the water by the bridge, leaning up against the bank. Loki had held Peter’s hand for most of the walk down, and he was happy now, sat watching the gentle flow of the water and listening to it’s gentle sound. 

"Hey, Mr Loki?” Peter said, leaning against him and resting his head on his shoulder. “Can I ask you something serious?" 

"Go ahead" 

"Are you and Mr Stark having a baby?" 

Loki was surprised. "I’m sorry?" 

"I won’t tell anyone. I mean, I’ve seen you looking at all that baby stuff, and I heard you asking that lady with the nice giraffe pram where she got it, so I’ve just kinda connected the dots, y’know? But I’ll stay quiet. I understand that you probably want to keep it secret right now, especially with the press and stuff”

“Peter. Peter, sweetheart, no. No, you’ve got the wrong end of the stick. We’re not having a baby" 

"Are you sure? You’re not lying so I won’t tell anyone?" 

"Of course I’m sure! And no, I’m not lying. Tony and I aren’t having a baby" 

Peter swallowed. "But you do want one? Don’t you think you and Mr Stark would make cute kids?" 

"I think you’re missing a fundamental part of biology there" 

"Well, three person babies are a thing now, y’know. I read about them online. They use both mens’ DNA in the surrogate parent, and that way it’s biologically everyone’s" 

"We’re not having a baby" 

"You like babies though. Don’t you want one?" 

Loki nodded slightly. "I try not to think about it" 

"What do you mean?" 

Loki was quiet for a while, watching the water. Peter was just starting to think he wasn’t going to reply when he spoke: 

"About eighteen months ago, I got really broody. I mean, to the extent where I was making nursery mood boards and bookmarking pages from parenting websites. I know, ridiculous. It was pretty bad" 

Peter could feel his heart beating harder. "Did you ever tell Mr Stark?" 

Loki nodded slowly. "It took me quite a while to pluck up the courage to do so. You know when you get really anxious, and you can feel your heart beating in your throat? It was like that. But I just came out with it, said I wanted a baby… He said no" 

Peter’s heart thumped harder still. "He’d make such a good dad though”

“I know” he was starting to feel choked up. “I knew it was going to be a no as soon as I’d said it. I tried to show him what I had on my laptop but he barely glanced at it" 

"Did you get upset?" 

Loki pressed his lips together for a moment. "I wanted it so much. It hurt so badly, being told no. I tried to deny it at first, tried bargaining with him. I said if he just offered financial support, I’d do everything else. I was serious too. But Tony said it wasn’t fair to bring a child into a house where only one person wanted it. I didn’t want to hear him. He had to grab hold of me and make me listen. I remember being able to feel my pulse under his fingers while he looked me in the eye and told me the answer was no. I lost it a little bit. Tony just held me. I never expected it to hurt that much-" 

He reached up and wiped his eyes with the heel of his hands, and it was only then that Peter realised he was crying. 

"H-hey, please don’t cry! I’m sorry, I never meant to upset you!” he threw himself at Loki and hugged him tight. “It’s ok" 

Loki held him close. "I’m sorry. I came to terms with it a long time ago. But I do still get upset about it sometimes" 

"It’s ok. You’re ok" 

Loki swallowed hard. "It was stupid of me to think I’d be a good parent anyway. I mean, I haven’t got a good example to go off. My birth father left me for dead, and the less said about the man who took me, the better. I can barely look after myself. What hope would I have at raising a baby? Tony had a lot of valid reasons for saying no. Maybe it’s just as well we’re not in the position to have a one" 

Peter held him tighter, fighting back his own tears. "For what it’s worth, I think you’d be a great dad" 

Loki smiled tearfully. "Thank you" 

Peter pulled back and kissed him hard. "Please don’t cry. I hate it when you’re upset" 

Loki took a deep breath and wiped his eyes again. "There. I’m not crying any more" 

"Good” Peter nodded. “I’m sorry I ate your pudding" 

"I’m sorry I hit you" 

"Sorry I kept you up last night" 

"Don’t be. You needed looking after" 

Peter shrugged. "Mr Stark said he’s gonna limit my sweets now" 

"Probably for the best” he kissed him on the nose. “Now, can I ask  _you_  something serious?" 

"Sure?" 

"Do you think you could occupy yourself for an hour or two tomorrow night? Like, just explore the village a bit?”

Peter quirked an eyebrow. “Why?”

“Well. It is our anniversary tomorrow, after all”

“Oh!” Peter felt himself blushing as the realisation hit him. “Oh yeah. Um. Ok. Sure”

“Thank you” 

Peter rested his forehead against Loki’s chest, sighing sadly. Loki misunderstood the reason for his sigh.

“Still feeling poorly? Maybe we should head back now”

Peter flopped against him properly. “I’m fine here”

-

Eventually they did return to the house. It was early evening, and Tony was busy in the kitchen. 

“Hey darlings. Nice walk?”

Loki nodded, noting the change in his voice. “Have you been drinking, my dear?”

“Well, I may have had a couple of glasses” he admitted. 

Loki hugged him from behind, resting his chin on his shoulder. “Are you going to tell me what my present is now~?”

“Certainly not! You’ll have to wait until the morning”

“Spoilsport” he kissed him on the cheek. “Can we go back to the waterfall tomorrow?”

“Of course. I don’t feel like going anywhere busy. Although, I was thinking about that pub we went to in Penrith. You liked that. Maybe we could have something to eat there tomorrow?”

“If you’d like to, my darling” he went to kiss his cheek again, but Tony turned his head so he caught him on the lips.

Loki laughed, turning him round and pulling him close for a proper kiss. Peter shifted awkwardly. He didn’t feel like hanging about while they were sucking face, so he went upstairs to his room. He pulled the box out from under his bed, having another good look at Loki’s present. He felt he’d done quite well keeping it secret. He hoped he’d like it.

-

Peter went to bed early that night. Tony had fixed him a light tea, which was all well and good, but he’d slapped Peter’s hand away when he went to get something sweet afterwards. They bickered about it, and Loki got annoyed and told him he had to learn to do as he was told. It put him in a sour mood. Tony ruffled his hair and told him he’d better stick with savoury stuff for a while. Tony and Loki curled up together on the sofa together to watch a film. Peter couldn’t help feeling horrendously jealous as he watched Tony kissing Loki’s face and stroking his hair and holding him close, and seeing the look of total adoration in Loki’s eyes as he looked at Tony. Peter said he was tired and wanted an early night, and they said goodnight and let him go, not really paying attention to him. Peter had flopped on his bed and grumbled to himself until he fell asleep.

-

Peter burst into Tony’s room in the morning.

“HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!!”

Loki and Tony laughed at him. They’d been up for a while now, already fed and washed and dressed, but still lounging in bed. Peter climbed up onto Tony’s side of the bed, struggling with the large white box he was carrying.

“Happy anniversary!”

“Thanks kiddo” Tony ruffled his hair. “Now, I think I know what’s in that box~”

Peter nodded eagerly. “Yep! Now we finally get to open it!” he pushed the box over to Loki. “This is for you! Mr Stark paid, but I chose everything! Well, I had a bit of help, but it’s mostly me!”

“Aww, sweetheart, you didn’t have to get me anything!”

“Well, I did anyway, so you’d better open it!”

Loki sat up. He looked at Tony, who grinned at him. He pushed the lid back from the box, and found a load of smaller parcels inside, all different sizes and shapes. He reached for the biggest first, but Peter grabbed it and pulled it out of his reach.

“No, you gotta do this one last! Here, I’ll tell you what order to open everything”

Loki laughed and decided to humour him. “Direct away, my dear”

Peter did, and Loki obeyed. Tony and Peter exchanged thrilled, proud looks as they watched Loki discover a pair of suit trousers, a white button up shirt, and and amazing black fitted blazer.

“I haven’t had a new suit in ages” Loki said, rubbing the stitching of the blazer’s lapel with his thumb. 

“It’s nice, right?” Peter grinned. “Here, open this one next. And then this one-”

He lined the remaining parcels up in the order he wanted them to be opened. These were quite a lot smaller, and Loki was intrigued. He picked up the first one, and opened it to find an enamel pin of Betty Boop in her signature red dress. He laughed slightly, set it down carefully, and moved on. He uncovered a pair of white socks, a bright red tie and pocket square, a thin white belt, and a beautiful pair of scarlet satin cufflinks. 

He spent a long time looking at everything, so deeply touched and flattered that he couldn’t speak. He felt he could cry. Tony touched his cheek gently.

“You’ve gone all pink~”

“…I don’t know what to say”

“Here, you can open this one now!” Peter said.

Loki carefully put his presents in a neat pile, and took the last box from Peter. He pulled off the wrapping paper and found a shoebox. He glanced up for a moment. He lifted the lid from the shoebox, and was greeted by a pair of leather crocodile print shoes, red and shining - and his mind raced back to that day looking in the shop window with Peter. It felt like years ago. He looked at the shoes, and covered his face with his hands.

Tony laughed. “Come here, you soppy git”

He put an arm round his shoulders and hugged him tight. Loki let his hands drop, and he picked up one shoe, running his fingers over the leather. He looked up at Peter through watering eyes, but when he went to speak, he could only laugh. Tony laughed too.

“S-so, do you like them?” 

Loki held an arm out to Peter, pulling him into the hug and kissing his cheek hard. He managed to recover his voice just enough to say thank you, and promptly burst out laughing again, burying his face in Peter’s neck. 

“You appear to have broken him” Tony said, squeezing them both. “Well, at least now you know what you’re going to be wearing today”

Loki lifted his head, let go of Peter, and all but launched himself at Tony, kissing him roughly. Tony was all too happy to return it, pulling him closer still. Tony pulled back for a moment.

“Go and have breakfast, kiddo. We’re gonna get Loki into his new gear”

-

Peter waited anxiously in the kitchen, tapping his fingers on the table. He heard footsteps, and his face lit up when he saw Loki and Tony. He jumped up from his seat, rushing over to them.

“Look at you!” he laughed. “You look amazing!” 

He looked him over, making him turn round so he could see him from all angles, thrilled to bits to see how well his outfit concept had come together. 

“Oh wow, we’ve gotta take pictures of this!” Peter said, taking his phone out. “Come on, you gotta pose for me!”

Loki laughed, and so did Tony. He gave Loki a nudge.

“Better to stand somewhere brighter” he said. “We need better lighting if you’re going into modelling mode. 

“I don’t know. It’s not really my thing”

Tony and Peter badgered him, pushing him into better lighting, over by the deep windowsill. Loki shuffled in his crocodile shoes, not quite looking at them.

“This is silly”

“You look great! I want pics of this. Ned’s gonna love it!” Peter held his phone up, adjusting the camera. “Please! Pose”

Loki rubbed the back of his neck nervously, raising his head and looking over at them. 

“Hold that pose!”

Peter got excited, and Loki acted like he wasn’t enjoying the attention. Tony took on the role of director, making him stand this way and that, hold his head a little higher, hook his thumb in his belt. He prompted him to utilise the windowsill itself, offering him suggestions which may have been unnecessary:- it soon became clear that Loki knew exactly what he was doing. Tony had used him as a model a lot in the past, although not always in such chaste ways. He relished the excited look on Peter’s face. 

“You’re so good at this!” 

Peter grinned, rather thinking Loki should go professional. He looked amazing.

-

Tony plugged his music player in when they got into the car. 

“Darling, do we have to?”

“Hey, I’ve got a whole load of your music on here” Tony said, clicking into a playlist titled ‘Lolly’. “And I know just the song to listen to, given the circumstances”

Loki was sat up front for a change, and he looked at Tony skeptically. Tony grinned at him, scrolling through the songs and selecting one. Loki gave him a look as the song started playing, and Peter sat up straight.

“I know this one!” he said. “It’s Crocodile Shoes!”

“That’s right, kiddo”

Loki looked down at his own crocodile shoes. They were so different to all his other shoes, and he adored them. He smiled to himself. He felt every bit as good as he looked. 

-

They went to Penrith. Peter was happy to play third wheel while Loki and Tony stayed hand in hand, talking quietly together. They revisited the pub they’d discovered a few days prior and enjoyed a meal there. From there it was back in the car, and they went onwards for another walk round Aira Force. Peter took the opportunity to get his phone camera out again, succeeding in taking many good pictures of his subjects and surroundings. 

Upon their return to the house, Loki was starting to slow down, obviously pretty tired. Peter said he was going for a walk round the village, and left him alone with Tony.

-

Peter returned to the holiday home just under two hours later. The house was quiet, and upon venturing upstairs, he found Tony’s bedroom door ajar, with no tie on the handle. Still, Peter knocked on the door before entering.

“Hey, kiddo” Tony said gently.

Loki was fast asleep in his arms, wearing just his silky dressing gown. Tony was also in his dressing gown.

“It’s raining” Peter said dumbly, at a loss of anything else to say.

“I noticed” Tony said, running his fingers through Loki’s hair. “I’m sure it will clear up later. How was your walk?”

Peter shrugged slightly. “It was ok. There’s a cute little gift shop in the village. I had a little look in there. I read about the bridge and then just sat by the water for a bit. It was nice. Until it started raining”

“As I said, it’ll stop” his voice was soft. 

Peter nodded, looking at Loki. “Is he ok?”

“Just tired” he carefully lay Loki down properly, and slipped out of bed, tying his dressing gown. “Hey, why don’t we spend a little time together while he’s sleeping? Go downstairs. I’ll get dressed and join you in a minute”

-

Loki stopped in the doorway of the living room.

“Aww, now isn’t this lovely~?”

Peter and Tony were cuddled up on the sofa together, and they looked up at him.

“Hey gorgeous. Are you joining us?” 

“I’m not sure there’s room”

“There is” Tony said, sitting up and pulling Peter onto his lap. He patted the sofa beside him. “Come on”

Loki sat down and snuggled up against his side, wrapping his arms round both of them and resting his head on Tony’s shoulder. 

“I love you”

Tony kissed him. “I love you too”

Loki closed his eyes. “Can we go for a walk? I know it’s getting on a bit now, but I’d enjoy it”

“Of course, darling. Where do you want to go?”

Loki shrugged slightly. “Oh, just down to the water and back. It’s still warm and bright out there”

“Why don’t you go and get dressed then? Get that lovely new suit back on. I’ll get mine on again too” 

Loki nodded, lifting his head and giving Tony a kiss. He liked that idea. Sometimes it was good to get all dressed up.

-

The evening sun was hot, but a cool breeze swept through the village, keeping it from being too warm. The three walked down to the bridge, standing for a moment and watching the flow of the water. Loki had photographed it many times, but since he’d left the camera at the house this time, he could simply enjoy the moment without thinking about shot composure. 

They went down to the waters edge. Despite the weather, they were the only people there, and this suited them just fine. Tony watched Loki and Peter. They were deep in conversation. Peter was smiling up at Loki, and Loki had his arm round his shoulders. Tony followed two steps behind, watching them, listening to them talking, to the sounds of the stones under their feet and the rush of the water beside them. Loki looked so beautiful, so happy. The black, white, and red colour scheme suited him better than Tony had expected. He moved with such decorum. His new cufflinks caught the sun and glittered in the light - and so did his eyes. Tony put his hand in his pocket, gripping the contents in the palm of his hand so tight that it dug into his skin. He couldn’t take his eyes off Loki. His heart was thumping just watching him.

-

Tony stayed at Loki’s side as they started the walk back to the house. Loki was chatting and smiling, joking with Peter and being generally affectionate with him. He stopped for a moment, laughing, pushing his hair back with his fingers. Tony stared at him, at the way he stood so perfectly poised, at the happy gleam in his deep eyes, at the genuine smile on his face. He listened to the sound of his voice, to the affection and care in his words. He watched how he interacted with Peter, how he looked at the kid - and how he looked at  _him_. Tony closed his mouth, and opened it again.

“I really love you”

Loki stopped mid-sentence to look at him. “Well, I love you too”

“No, I mean I really,  _really_ , truly, love you” Tony said, stopping a foot in front of him. “I love you so much. You’re the most incredible person I know. You’re clever and kind and beautiful. You’re my best friend. You’re my everything”

Peter took another step back, very nearly falling into the road. No one noticed. Loki had his eyes glued on his boyfriend. He didn’t know what to say.

“Tony…”

Tony took Loki’s hand in both of his, kissing his knuckles. “I’m so lucky to have you. What ever did I do to deserve you?”

“What ever did  _I_ do to deserve  _you_?” Loki said, squeezing Tony’s hand. “You’ve always done your best by me. I don’t know what I’d do without you. I love you”

“I love you too. I love you so much. I love _this_ , this life we’ve built together. I want always to be with you” 

He reached into his pocket, keeping hold of Loki’s hand with his left one, and he knelt before him, bringing the little black velvet box out of his pocket. His heart was thumping so hard it hurt, and he could feel his pulse in his ears. He saw Loki’s eyes widen. He saw the somewhat puzzled look on his face. He took a deep breath, a choked feeling rising in his throat. He could feel himself shaking. The edges of his vision seemed blurry. It was like he was only capable of seeing who he was looking up at.

“Lolly, you mean everything to me. I want to prove to you just how much I love you. Loki”

He pushed the ring box open with his thumb. 

“Will you marry me?”

*


	29. The Leader of The Flock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With the Lake District behind them, the next part of their holiday can begin. The weather isn’t so good, but they’re happy anyway

-

Loki looked down at Tony. He could feel him shaking. His heart thumped in his chest. What was going on?

“Will you marry me?”

For a moment time stood still. Tony was looking up at him in nervous anticipation. The ring was glinting in the sunlight. Loki trembled, his pulse thudding in his ears. His vision blurred and he covered his mouth with his hand. Tony swallowed hard, terrified.

“…Yes”

Tony perked up. “Yes?”

“Yes. Yes! Tony,  _yes_ , yes of course I will!”

Tony stood up, shaking like mad. “You mean it? You want to?”

“Yes! Yes yes yes, my answer is yes”

Tony threw himself at Loki, hugging him and spinning him round, laughing and kissing his face. Loki burst into tears, holding him as tight as he could, stumbling over his feet, his eyes so blurred with tears that all he could see was the bright light of the evening sun. Tony moved his head back, looking Loki in the eye.

“Hey, I’m not that bad, am I?” he laughed. “You’re gonna set me off”

Loki laughed through his tears. Tony was crying now too, and he kissed Loki hard. He was shaking so much that their teeth and noses knocked, but it didn’t really matter. He was laughing and crying, not quite comprehending that this was really happening, but so deliriously happy that it was. He let go of Loki for a moment, taking the ring from the box and slipping it onto his ring finger. Loki looked at the neat silver, set with diamonds round the band. It was so beautiful, catching the sun. He couldn’t speak. Tony pulled him close once more, kissing him and holding him tight in still shaking hands. He never wanted to let go.

Peter watched them, mouth open. “D-did you two just get engaged?”

The two turned their heads to look at him. 

“You’re gonna get married” he covered his mouth with his hands for a second. “You’re getting married!”

He squeaked excitedly, jumping at them and throwing his arms about them, laughing and laughing, tears welling in his eyes. They hugged him back, all three laughing and crying and hugging. Loki kissed Tony again, tasting the salt from the tears on his lips, holding him as though he’d disappear if he let go. He felt light-headed, like he was in a dream. He couldn’t believe it. He couldn’t believe what was happening. 

‘ _I’m getting married_ ’ he thought. ‘ _I’m getting married!!!_ ’

-

Loki and Tony could think of nothing other than each other. They cuddled up on the sofa, so close to each other they almost merged into one. They had the telly on in the background but they weren’t paying attention. They rested their foreheads together, looking into each others eyes in pure contented admiration. 

Peter went up to his room. Tony had told him they’d be moving on soon, seeing a different part of the country. He decided this would be the opportune moment to sort out his things, as it gave the happy couple some time alone. He took his time, leaving out a few days worth of things and his essentials. He wasn’t sure when they’d be leaving this house. He didn’t really  _want_ to leave. He’d adored their holiday so far. Penrith was good, and they’d revisited Ambleside a few times and loved it there, but Keswick was definitely the favourite. The Peter Rabbit Shop had turned up some treats. They’d enjoyed long walks, thunder and lightning ice cream, and of course, eating regional dishes and countrywide classics. Loki had turned into an avid photographer, and quite a good one at that. Peter had grown very comfortable in his walking shoes, and Tony had shown his skills on the pennywhistle. The weather had been good, the location incredibly beautiful, and the memories made were sweet as honey (mostly).

There had been a few arguments, of course. Loki had called Thor to let him know they’d arrived safely, but had refused contact with him since. Peter had got a little funny about it, because he knew Thor had been reluctant about the holiday in the first place, and thought he would worry - and he liked talking to Thor, and wanted to stay in touch. They’d also had an argument because Loki had shunned his suggestion of buying a case of regional ales for him. Tony had made a very good peacemaker during these incidents, and they managed to move past them fairly easily. Other than that, their disagreements were relatively minor, with Loki and Tony whining about the same things they did at home. Peter had also gone sulky on Tony on more than one occasion, as he’d been very strict about bedtimes and telly consumption most nights. These were all arguments-in-passing: nothing monumental or eventful, just part of the daily routine.

-

Peter ventured back downstairs, suddenly hungry. He found Loki and Tony locked in a deep embrace, kissing slowly and deeply. They didn’t notice him. He watched them, his heart thumping. He’d always known they were in love, even before he’d met Loki. He’d seen the photos on Tony’s desk and phone, he’d heard all the stories, and it was obvious from very early on after meeting that Loki loved Tony just as much as he was loved. They were so different, yet so similar at the same time. They could communicate through looks and glances, and often interacted in predictable unity, their hands and lips finding each other easily, as though by magnetism. There was a way they looked at each other that said more than words ever could. They adored each other, and it was plain to see.

But  _marriage_. Peter had never once considered the possibility. But, truth be told, their relationship wasn’t always at the forefront of his mind. Recently he’d subconsciously denied its intensity. He knew that the concept of having a romantic relationship with Loki was nigh on impossible, no matter how much he loved him and how much he wanted it. That was another thing he’d always known. Loki belonged to Tony. And in turn, Tony belonged to him.

Now more than ever. 

Peter cleared his throat, and their kiss slowly ended and they looked up at him.

“Hey darling” Tony said gently. 

Loki leant against his chest, and Tony stroked his hair gently. 

“I’m sorry, I-I didn’t want to interrupt” he said, looking at his feet.

“You’re fine. What’s up? Hungry?”

Peter nodded.

“What do you fancy?”

“I’m not sure”

“Well, why don’t you go and have a little look through the cupboards?” Tony suggested. “We’ve got a bit of stuff that needs using up. We can’t take all of it with us to the next place: the fridge stuff wouldn’t survive the journey”

“Yeah… Um, I don’t know. Are- are you two eating?”

“We’ve had a little bite” Tony said. “I’ll cook for you”

Peter swallowed. “You know, I think I’ll just have some toast or something. I don’t really want a proper meal”

“Ok, well help yourself. Oh, and when you’re done, bring us the rest of that elderflower presse, would you?”

Peter nodded. “I can bring it now if you like”

“There’s no rush. Get yourself fed first”

They watched him go, and hugged each other tighter. Loki lifted his head.

“Can I take your last name?”

Tony smiled and kissed his nose. “I’d love you to, if that’s what you want”

“It is… I love you so much. This doesn’t feel real”

“I know. But it is. You’re my fiance now”

Loki smiled to himself. “That sounds so odd”

“But it’s what you are. I’m your fiance, and you are mine. And one day you’ll be my husband”

Loki blinked hard, trying not to cry again. He looked at the ring on his left hand. “I’ll have to get you a ring”

“There’s no rush”

“And we’ll have to tell people”

“Again, there’s no rush. But if we’re on form, the press will know before anyone else” he thought for a moment. “Everyone else can wait, I think. Correct me if I’m wrong. But there is someone I want to tell sooner rather than later”

“Pepper?”

Tony nodded. “Yeah. I think we should tell her. She’s one of our best friends, after all”

“That suits me fine. I want to enjoy the rest of our holiday before I have to start thinking about telling people and doing press releases”

“Me too. Let’s keep this here. It’s just you and me. Let’s wait until the morning to make that call. Tonight is just for us. I want to bask in this tonight, with just me and you”

“It’s just us” Loki said. “This evening is ours” 

- 

Peter just barely managed to finish his toast. Suddenly he wasn’t so hungry any more. He washed up his plate and found the bottle of elderflower presse and a couple of glasses, and took it to Loki and Tony in the living room. 

“Thanks kiddo” Tony said, taking them from him, passing one of the glasses to Loki. “Hey, where’s your glass?" 

"Um…" 

"Go and grab another glass” Tony said, filling Loki’s glass for him. “Let’s celebrate" 

"I don’t know, it’s kinda late" 

"It’s barely nine o'clock” Loki said. “Go on, get a glass" 

Peter did so reluctantly. Tony pulled him down onto the sofa with them, filling his glass. 

"Here’s to the next adventure" 

Peter couldn’t speak. He watched Loki and Tony talking, nursing his drink. He’d enjoyed this drink when they’d first opened it, but it didn’t seem to taste of anything now. After a while he set the glass down on the side table, still mostly full. 

"I think I’m gonna go to bed now”  

They stopped mid-conversation to look at him. 

“Still feeling a bit rough?" 

Peter nodded. It seemed appropriate enough to agree to. 

“Ok then kiddo. Goodnight" 

He let them hug him, but he couldn’t bring himself to hug them back. 

- 

Peter closed the bedroom door behind him. He leant against it, looking round the room until it blurred before his eyes. He sat down on the bed, staring at his shoes. His heart was thumping. He felt hot and sick and shaky. For a moment he thought maybe he  _was_  ill again, but when he suddenly found himself sobbing into his hands he realised he knew exactly what this was:- it was the same feeling he’d had the day he’d kissed Loki. 

He was furious with himself. He thought he’d come to terms with the impossibility of being with Loki, but his hurt proved otherwise. He felt like such a horrible person. Why couldn’t he just be  _happy_  for them? Didn’t people always say that if you really loved someone, you’d let them go? But Peter didn’t want to let go. He wanted to cling to the thread of hope he’d had and never let go. He wanted to go and tell Loki he didn’t want him to get married. He wanted to tell Tony that Thor would never let it happen. He wanted to shout and scream that it wasn’t fair. 

But he didn’t do any of these things. He just sat on the edge of the bed and cried helplessly. He found the Peter Rabbit toy Loki had bought him and held it tight against himself, using it to muffle his sobs and attempt to soothe himself. His shoulders and chest hurt from crying but he couldn’t seem to stop. It hurt entirely too much. 

- 

Tony closed Peter’s bedroom door behind him and sat down beside the boy, pulling him close. Peter dropped his cuddly toy in favour of burying his face in Tony’s chest. Tony held him tight, rubbing his back. He didn’t need to ask what was wrong:- he already knew. 

- 

Eventually Peter did quieten. Once he’d reached the gaspy trying-to-stop stage, he moved away from Tony, and soon stopped almost entirely. He held his toy Peter Rabbit in his hands, stroking its soft fur and sniffling. Tony kept rubbing his back. 

"Have you ever seen a puffin?" 

Peter was so confused by the question that he just stared at him, lip slightly curled. 

"I’ll take that as a no” Tony said. “We’re leaving the Lakes the day after tomorrow. A couple of days after that, you’ll have seen a puffin" 

Peter just looked at him. He was too drained for Tony’s riddles. He didn’t know how to respond.

“There’ll be seals as well. Oh, and you need to call your aunt at some point. The next place we’re staying doesn’t have WiFi, so you’ll need to let her know you won’t be so easily contactable” Peter didn’t respond. Tony ruffled his hair. “Get some rest, kiddo. Think about what you want to see again before we go”

-

Peter wasn’t feeling great the next day. Somehow he couldn’t bring himself out of his low mood. He found himself feeling very lonely. Loki sat up front, leaving Peter alone in the back of the car on the journeys. Loki and Tony hung off each others arms as they walked along, looking into each others eyes and talking and laughing together like they were the only people in the world. Peter shuffled along, scuffing his boots on the ground, grateful for the distraction of the scenery. The weather was still good, the sun bright, so he wore his new sunglasses. They did a good job of hiding the tears in his eyes. 

-

Tony stopped in the doorway of Peter’s room late that evening.

“Hey kiddo. Have you finished packing?”

Peter nodded. He’d only left out what he’d need in the morning, and his Peter Rabbit toy. 

“You’ve been very quiet today” Tony noted. When Peter didn’t respond, he knelt down on the floor beside him. “Do you want to talk?”

Peter shook his head. 

“Do you want a hug?”

Peter hesitated, and nodded. Tony pulled him close, holding him tight and stroking his hair. 

“‘m sorry…”

“It’s ok, kiddo, I get it”

They were quiet for quite some time. Eventually Peter spoke:

“What’s the plan for tomorrow?”

“Pack up the car, and vacate the house. Then we’re going to Grasmere again, because Loki’s been craving that gingerbread. And then it’s off to the next stop. It’ll take about two and a half hours to get there. It’ll probably be a case of tea and an early night, depending how we feel”

“Are we staying in another house?”

“It’s a cabin” Tony said. “It’s a bit secluded, but I thought that would be a good thing. It looks pleasant enough. We’ll be out quite a bit anyway, so it’s just a place to bed down really, same as this”

There was a knock on the door frame, causing them both to look up. Loki smiled at them.

“Fancy going down the pub? It is our last night, after all”

“Sure” Tony looked at Peter. “What about you, kiddo?”

“I don’t know…”

“Come on, it’ll be a laugh” Loki said. “You can have a J2O and a packet of skittles and we’ll teach you how to play pool”

“I’m tired”

“We won’t stay long” Loki said. “Come on; you’ll regret it if you don’t”

Peter knew he was probably right. He sighed heavily and pulled away from Tony, dragging himself to his feet. He supposed he had nothing better to do.

-

Peter cheered up a bit at the pub. He wasn’t especially good at pool - but neither was Loki. It didn’t really matter though. He’d stand and talk with Tony while it was Loki’s turn, and talk to Loki while it was Tony’s turn. After a while he opted out and sat watching them play against each other, drinking his J2O and eating his skittles. In the end, he quite enjoyed himself.

-

Peter looked out of the back window until the holiday home was out of sight. Packing up and leaving felt quite melancholy. He didn’t really want to leave.

They had a quick stop in Grasmere to pick up some gingerbread and then they were on their way. Tony had the ‘Lolly’ playlist on, and Peter stayed quiet, listening and watching out of the window. Eventually the familiar scenery he’d grown to know and love petered out, and the mountains were left behind. 

“I would have liked to have stayed longer” Loki said. 

“I know honey” Tony said, reaching over and squeezing his knee. “You’ll like the next place though. Have you taken your travel pills?”

“Yes, took them with the supplements this morning”

“Good man. You should be fine then. What time is it now? About 1? Probably shouldn’t have had that lie in. Ah well. We should reach base by about 4, 4.30. Then we’ll get settled and you two can fight over rooms again-”

“I’d rather just share with you”

Tony looked a little surprised. “Yeah? Ok, no problem. So we’ll get settled and then go and find something to eat. Ok?”

Loki nodded. “Whatever you think, darling. I’m not too fussed”

Tony gave his knee another quick squeeze and replaced his hand on the gear stick. “Ooh, turn the stereo up”

Loki did so, smiling when he realised what song it was. Oh yes, Tony had been very good on karaoke with this one. Tony sang along again now. There was something hugely catchy about this group.

 _Hey man, I don’t understand_  
We ain’t hardly bothering you,  
Say fag, you’re just a drag  
We ain’t nearly finished with you

 _There’s all this heat,_  
Out on the beat,  
Telling us we don’t belong  
  
It’s gonna be a long, hot, summer,  
From now on   


_-_

Loki gave Peter a shake, waking him up. Peter looked up at him, rubbing his eye with his fist.

“Hey there. We’re here now”

Peter let Loki help him out of the car. He was still half-asleep. It was cold now, and windy. He looked at the cabin they’d parked up by. Looking around, he could see many more cabins, and in the distance, some static caravans. As he looked up at the grey sky, it started to rain. Peter scowled. He wasn’t impressed. 

“Come on, Tony’s gonna kick off if you don’t come inside now”

Peter followed him up the steps and into the cabin. To the left was a door leading to a joint lounge/dining room/kitchen. Tony had unloaded the car and started setting up the cabin, turning the heater on and putting things away. He was just putting the kettle back on its pedestal when the other two joined him.

“Hey kiddo. Sorry to wake you, but I didn’t think it’d be fair leaving you in the car all night”

Peter didn’t smile. He heard Loki shutting the front door, and sensed him behind him.

“Did you lock the car?”

“Yep” Loki said, skirting round Peter and giving Tony the key. He shivered. “It’s not very warm in here”

“I’ve turned the heater on. It should warm up before too long”

“It better do” Peter grumbled.

Both men looked at him, eyebrows raised. They exchanged a look, and Loki turned to sort through one of the bags by the sink.

“Fancy a hot drink, kid?” Tony asked.

“We haven’t got any milk”

“We do now. I stopped off at a shop and grabbed a few bits. You were asleep. So. Drink?”

Peter shrugged and flopped down on one of the leather sofas, pulling the blanket from the back of it over himself. Tony lowered his voice, addressing Loki.

“Is he ok?”

“Hm?” Loki looked up. “Oh. I suppose so. I think he’s just tired. Probably hungry too”

“Well, we’ll head out for some food soon” Tony said. 

“It’s raining” Peter said from where he lay on the sofa.

“Hardly! It’s just spitting” Tony said. “It’ll’ve stopped by the time we’re ready to go out anyway”

“It doesn’t take long to put a pair of shoes on”

“We’re having a drink first” Tony said, throwing a Twix in the direction of the sofa. It landed hard on Peter’s chest. “Stop being grumpy”

Peter decided to make it his mission to stay grumpy for as long as humanly possible. He tensed slightly when he heard footsteps, but relaxed a little when Loki knelt down in front of him. He pushed the boys hair back from his forehead, looking him in the eye.

“What’s up, chick?”

Peter looked at him, feeling the weight of his hand on his head, and suddenly didn’t feel so much like being grumpy any more. Loki smiled at him, bringing his attention to the mug he was holding. 

“Why don’t you sit up, have a bit of this?”

Peter did as he was asked, accepting the mug when Loki offered it to him. Loki smiled, going over and turning the telly on. He handed Peter the remote.

“See if you can find anything good” 

He went back over to the kitchen. Peter scrolled through the channel list. It wasn’t Sky TV like the house in Pooley Bridge, so the selection was less, and seemingly more local. There didn’t seem to be much on, so he switched it off. Loki sat down beside him, mug in hand. He’d found a holiday mug, a little white one with Flopsy, Mopsy, and Cottontail on it. 

“Nothing good on?”

Peter shook his head.

“Never mind; we’ll be out soon anyway” Tony said, squeezing onto the sofa beside Loki. He also had a mug in his hand, but, unlike Loki, he was happy using the generic ones in the cabin.

“I have a question”

“That makes a change” Tony said, exchanging a look with Loki.

Peter decided to ignore this. “It’s about when you- when you get… married”

“Ok”

Peter looked down at his drink. “Can I come?”

Loki laughed, surprised at his question. “Sweetheart, of  _course_ you can! We were thinking about asking you to be ring bearer”

Peter looked up. “Really? You were gonna actually invite me?”

Tony laughed, reaching over and ruffling his hair. “You’re a funny kid”

“So- so what’s it gonna be like, huh? Is it gonna be like those ones that get in the papers? 16 page wedding in Hello magazine type thing? How many people are you going to invite? Have you decided on flowers? Have y-”

“Woah, woah, slow down, kiddo!” Tony laughed. “We only got engaged two days ago! We haven’t really had time to think about it”

“We’re definitely  _not_ have big press coverage. They do my head in as it is. I’m not having them ruining it by flashing cameras in our faces all day” Loki said. 

“Paps are a nightmare. Still, big weddings are supposed to be fun”

“Stressful, and expensive. And everyone’s eyes on you all day? No thanks”

“Since when have you shied away from attention?”

Loki shrugged slightly. “I don’t really like the big white wedding idea”

“Oh. Right”

Loki looked at him, suddenly guilty. “We can still have a big thing, if you want to”

“Well. I’m not sure. What do you think?”

Loki was quiet for a moment. “Just something small. Just the people we really like. I suppose you’ll have to think about a best man. I suppose I’d best ask my brother”

“How did he react to the news?” Peter interrupted. Loki and Tony looked at each other. “You haven’t told him?”

“Not yet. I’m waiting till we get back” Loki said. 

“Why?”

Loki shifted uncomfortably. Tony squeezed his hand.

“Thor isn’t exactly my biggest fan right now” Tony said, setting his empty mug down on the side table. “I’d rather not risk him having a bad reaction and ruining the rest of our trip”

Peter opened his mouth to speak, but suddenly remembered the conversation he’d had where Thor had told him he wished Loki and Tony weren’t together. He closed his mouth, nodding his understanding at the two. Loki had been so happy recently. He didn’t want to risk that changing either.

-

It wasn’t raining when they got in the car, and it was dry when they got out at the other end, although still rather cold.

“So, where are we?” Peter asked.

“Seahouses” Tony replied.

“Seahouses…” Loki repeated slowly. “Wait! Remember those nonsense ‘hints’ you gave me? One of them was seahorses. Was that a reference to this?”

Tony grinned at him. 

“Ooh you bastard. Right, you’ve got to tell me the answer to the other two now”

“Pitter-patter was a reference to Patterdale. You know, it was the village next to Glenridding? I’m not telling you the last one yet because it’ll give things away”

Loki huffed, but accepted it. “Fine. Now, what are we having for tea?”

Tony shrugged, although Loki thought he could see a knowing look in his eye. “Chippy?”

“Ooh, can we get scraps?” Peter chimed in, none the wiser. He’d developed quite the taste for chip shop food on this holiday, even though he’d only had it twice at this point. 

“Whatever you want, kiddo”

-

They had a wander round. Loki stopped a couple of times, but Tony insisted they keep walking. It wasn’t long before Tony himself stopped.

“I think you’ll like that one best” Tony said, pointing at a chip shop.

“Pinnacles?” Peter said, reading the sign.

Loki shrugged, wandering over to read the notice in the window. “Oh! Oh hey, this is good”

Peter pushed in front of him. “The Hairy Bikers Favourite Chippy… Who are the Hairy Bikers?”

“They’re a couple of amateur cooks on the telly. They’re very down to earth, very good to watch”

Peter looked at him doubtfully, and turned to Tony. Tony nodded.

“They’re not bad. Their shows are quite relaxing, so they’re good to watch if you want to unwind and stop thinking for a while” 

Peter looked back at the shop, through the window, reading the menu above the counter. 

“I think I know what I want”

“Good, so do I” Tony looked at Loki. “What about you, fella?”

Loki looked up, quickly deciding. “Chips, cheese, and gravy. I’ve never seen it up as a full choice on a menu before. And scraps”

“You’re so weird” Peter said.

“Hey, don’t knock it till you try it” Tony said easily. “You can wait outside if you want”

“Don’t forget the scraps!” Peter said.

“Stop shouting or you won’t get anything” Tony said. “You need to come in: you haven’t told me what you want”

-

They found some seats near the pier to eat. It was cold, but they soon warmed up with the help of a good meal. Peter was happy people-watching while Loki and Tony talked quietly together. He was too sleepy to join in properly anyway.

- 

Loki put the kettle on when they got back to the cabin. Tony put the heater on and flopped on the sofa, flicking through the channels.

“Ooh, Loki, look what’s on in a minute!”

Loki left the mugs and leant against the back of the sofa, peering at the telly, his face lighting up when he saw the listing. “Aw, no way, can we watch it?”

“Sure thing, honey. Better hurry up with those drinks” 

Loki quickly finished sorting the drinks and handed Tony and Peter theirs. He settled on the other sofa with his knees up, mug in hand.

“Wait, what’s on?” Peter asked, who had been too busy sorting his postcard collection to take notice.

“Best of British. It’s one of the Hairy Biker’s shows” Tony said. “You’ll probably like it if you give it a chance”

“Yeah, ok. Can I sit with you?”

“Sure”

“Not to be That Person, but can we be quiet while it’s on?” Loki said. “It’s starting now”

Peter nodded, climbing onto the sofa beside Tony, leaning against him. 

The programme wasn’t exactly what he’d expected, but he found he  _did_ like it. There was something relaxing about it, and it helped that he was in the warmth of the cabin, the rain pattering on the window, wrapped in a blanket under Tony’s arm. Loki also had a blanket round his shoulders, and he was glued to the screen. Peter imagined he could see the calm in his eyes. 

“Hey, Mr Stark?” Peter said quietly. “I can only understand, like 75% of what they’re saying. The other 25% is lost to me”

“Yeah, they have pretty strong accents, and I figure a lot of slang is used” Tony replied. “Here, let’s stay quiet, sweetheart: we don’t want to disturb Loki”

Tony held him close and rubbed his arm gently, and Peter relaxed into him. He kept watching the telly, and soon found his eyelids drooping. It wasn’t especially late, but it had been such a long day. It was hard to believe he’d woken up surrounded by mountains that morning. This felt very different to the Lake District, but he fancied it could still be good. He felt good now, contented. His head started to nod, the telly turning into nothing more than a blur of light in his vision, and he rested his eyes for a moment. He was done fighting it. He was happy to fall asleep now, full, and warm, and loved.

-

Peter laughed, grabbing at Loki’s arm to support himself as they walked away from the pier, feeling a little wobbly.

“That was amazing! Can we do that again some time? I didn’t even know they  _had_ dolphins here! I can’t believe how many they were! Ooh, oh, and the seals! Remember the little baby one? Hey, Mr Stark, can I have a pet seal? You’re a celebrity, basically, so you could probably get away with it”

Tony laughed at him. “Be real, kiddo: where would I get a seal from? And there’s no way I’d have one in my house, and I’m pretty sure aunt May would have something to say about you having a seal flopping about the flat”

Peter laughed at the image in his mind of a seal wobbling down the corridor in his block of flats. “Ah well, worth a shot!”

“You did pretty well steering the boat” Loki said. “Fancy a life at sea?”

“No. I don’t get travel sick, but that boat trip got to me a bit - it was way rougher than I thought! And anyway, I’m thinking of doing something sciencey”

“Work for Tony” he looked at him. “You’d give him a job, wouldn’t you?”

“Sure, he’s already cleverer than half my current staff” 

Peter beamed, hugging Loki. “Hey, do you wanna see that picture I got of you with the puffin?”

“In a bit, sweetie. It looks like it’s going to rain again”

“Aww, it’s been raining all week” Peter said. “Can we go and look in that shop opposite the chippy? It was closed yesterday”

-

Tony found Peter and Loki outside afterwards.

“Hey, Pete, I’ve got something for you”

“Yeah?”

“You said you wanted a pet seal” Tony said, producing a snowy white seal cuddly toy.

“Aww!” Peter took it from him with both hands. “I love it; it’s so cute! Aw, Mr Stark, thank you!”

Tony ruffled his hair. “Spoilt rotten, that’s what you are”

“And whose fault is that?” Loki smiled.

“It’s probably just as much your fault as it is mine” Tony said, pulling Loki close and kissing him. 

“Hey, if I’m so spoilt, can I-”

“I’m not buying you any more flying saucers” 

-

Tony flicked through a couple more pictures, stopping and showing the other two.

“This is one of the best ones” he said.

It was a photo from their trip to the Holy Island, of Peter and Loki working together to construct a tower of stones, very almost mirror-imaging each other.

“We never did find out why all those towers were there” Loki said.

“They were weird” Peter added. “Like, if all our records get wiped out and archaeologists have nothing to go on, what are they gonna think was going on?”

“God knows. It was weird all round” Tony said, flicking through a few more pictures. “I sent this one to May” He showed them one of their group selfies from the Farne Island boat trip earlier that day. “And I sent her that one of Loki giving you a piggy back”

“I wouldn’t really say it was a piggy back” Loki said, remembering how Peter had ambushed him and jumped on him without warning. “I swear I’ve got bruises from that one”

“Aww, poor baby”

Loki raised his eyebrows. “I _will_  destroy you”

“Good. It’s a cute picture though” he went back onto his camera roll, scrolling down the page. “We’ve all got some pretty good ones this holiday. We ought to actually get a whole load of these printed when we get back”

“I’ve got a couple I want framed” Loki said. 

Peter shifted, holding his seal tighter against himself. “I don’t want to go home”

Tony looked up. He set his phone aside. “Hey, don’t look so down about it. We’re not going back just yet. New place tomorrow! Focus on that instead”

Peter frowned. He wished they were still at the start of the holiday. He didn’t want this to end. 

“I take it you’re not feeling homesick then?” Loki said.

Peter shook his head. “I don’t really get homesick. Well, ok, I did a little bit when I first came to stay with you, and that night I wasn’t very well in the Lakes. But other than that, I haven’t. I’ve kept in touch with May a lot anyway, so I haven’t really had time to miss her… So, where are we going next?”

Tony tapped the side of his nose. Peter scowled. 

“It’ll take about two and a half hours to get there. That’s all you need to know” Tony said.

“But Mr Staaaaaaaark!”

“Hey, don’t you go whining at me! Look, when we’re about an hour away, I’ll give you the booking reference for where we’re staying. I’ve got it printed out”

Peter glared at him. Loki laughed, ruffling his hair.

“Alright, bed time. It’s late”

“But I’m not tired!”

“Tough, because I am, and I don’t want you keeping me up till all hours like you did last night”

“Hey, that was Mr Stark as well, not just me” Peter said defensively. 

“I know, and I was annoyed at him as well” Loki said. “Now stop arguing and go to bed”

Peter looked at Tony for help. 

“Better do as you’re told, kiddo” 

Peter sighed. “Alright, alright, I’m going, I’m going”

He went off to his little room. He hadn’t really packed yet, but he guessed he might get told off if he started clattering about now. He decided to leave it, and went off to the bathroom before returning to the bedroom and getting into his pyjamas. He took his time about it, and was only just climbing into bed when he heard Tony knock lightly and open the door. 

“Alright kiddo?” 

Peter nodded. “I know the weather hasn’t been great, but Northumberland has been good”

“It’s nice, isn’t it? Even in the rain”

Loki appeared in the doorway. “You forgot your water jug” 

He set it down on Peter’s bedside table, and sat down on the other bed. Tony joined him. 

“What’s up? Have you got something on your mind?”

Peter looked at him, and at both of them. Their hands had found each other, as they always did. Loki’s ring still looked out of place to him. 

“I don’t want the summer to end” he said, his eyes still on their hands. “It feels like I’ve been with you two forever, like I’m  _going_ to be with you forever. Y’know, it felt like summer was gonna go on forever when I first got to yours. But it’s not. I’ll be back at school in a few weeks”

“You’ll always be welcome at ours” Tony said. “Always. You can come and stay as often as you like. I mean it”

“Do you, though? Are you sure you won’t be sick of me by the end of the summer?”

“Peter, I could never be sick of you. Look, I’ve told you before, but I’ll tell you again: I let you stay this summer not just to help out your aunt, but also because I wanted to spend more time with you. You - you’re a good kid. You’re smart, you’re kind, you’re good company…”

“What Tony is  _trying_ to say” Loki said, throwing Tony a look. “Is that he loves you”

Peter looked at them properly. “That makes the thought of leaving even harder”

“You’ll be glad to be home once you get there” Loki said. “But like Tony said; you’ll always be welcome at ours”

Peter didn’t know what else to say. Tony moved over and gave him a hug. 

“See you in the morning, kiddo” he ruffled his hair and went off to the bathroom.

“Here, lay down now” Loki said.

Peter did as he was asked. He let Loki pull the covers up over him, tucking his Peter Rabbit toy on one side, and his new seal toy on the other. Peter looked at him -  _really_ looked at him - and realised for the first time  _how_ Loki was looking at him: it was the same way Tony looked at him when he was fussing over him. He saw him as a kid, but more than that, he saw him almost as a son. 

Loki kissed Peter on the nose, and knelt by the side of the bed, stroking the boys hair.

“The end of the summer doesn’t mean the end of this” Loki said. “You can’t escape that easily”

Peter swallowed hard, his heart thumping. “I’ll come and help you plan the wedding”

Loki smiled. “Thanks. I really would like it if you kept visiting. I could read to you a bit more?”

Peter nodded. They’d nearly finished Anne of Green Gables. “I’d like that”

“You make sure you set something up. Pin Tony down. He’d do anything for you, so take advantage of that a little bit. Call it a chance to get help with your schoolwork” he stopped, drawing his hand back. “I’m going to miss you when you go home”

“I’m gonna miss you too”

They looked at each other for a moment in silence. They would have continued longer had they not been interrupted by Tony’s voice calling Loki to come to bed. Loki sighed, resting his forehead against Peter’s for a moment.

“Goodnight, sweetheart. See you in the morning”

“For the next adventure” 

Loki nodded, smiling slightly. “For the next adventure”

*


	30. Called To Be A Rock (For Those Below)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With rainy Northumberland behind them, it’s on to the next location. This gives them time and space to think, to reflect, and to feel

-

Loki woke up early. The room was still mostly dark, any light from outside being largely blocked by the curtains. The dim glow of the hallway nightlight could be seen glowing under the door. Loki turned his head, looking at Tony, who was fast asleep next to him. He carefully sat up and climbed out of bed as quietly as he could so as not to disturb him. He went out to the hallway, and pushed open Peter’s door. The boy was also fast asleep, snuggled up with his cuddly toys, the bed covers in disarray. It was a cold night, so Loki carefully tucked the quilt back round him properly before leaving him to sleep. 

Loki went over to the kitchen. It all felt so oddly settled. It wasn’t quite  _silent_  - the faint buzz of the fridge and the gurgling of the boiler, along with the sounds of owls hooting outside could be heard - but it still felt strangely quiet. Unreal. 

- 

Loki sat on the cabin steps. He could see a few light on in cabins and static caravans in the distance. Although more than likely on for the sake of a child, he decided to interpret it as a kind of reassurance that he wasn’t the only person awake. He leant against the railing, dragging on his cigarette and trying to pretend that he wasn’t shivering. 

- 

There’s no pretending that he wasn’t surprised when he heard the cabin door open behind him. 

“So this is where you got to” Tony said, leaning on the door frame. 

Loki looked at him over his shoulder, flashing him a slight smile. Tony fancied it was a sad one. 

“Come back inside, darling: it’s far too cold out here" 

Loki turned his head away, going back to his cigarette. Tony knelt down behind him, winding his arms round him. 

"You’re frozen solid. You’ll catch your death" 

"I’m fine" 

"Don’t say that. Come on, you need to come back inside" 

"Tony, honestly, I’m fine. I couldn’t sleep and I just fancied a cig before coming back to bed" 

"Finish your smoke, then. Please" 

Loki heard the concern in his voice. He sighed, took another drag, and stubbed out his cigarette. It was nearly finished anyway. 

"Alright, I’ll come back inside now, so stop giving me that look" 

Loki stood up and went back to the bedroom while Tony locked up again. Loki let Tony fuss over him, sorting him a hot drink and wrapping him in a blanket and rubbing his arms. 

"Let’s get your warmed up, my little Loki iced lolly" 

"How am I supposed to drink my tea if you keep kissing my face like that?" 

"I’m just warming you up” Tony said, but he stopped anyway. “Drink your tea then. I suppose the steam will help too" 

"You worry too much" 

"You give me too much to worry _about_ " 

"How does my going out for a smoke give you cause to worry?" 

"It’s four in the morning” Tony said quietly. “This is what you do when you’re about to have a downfall…" 

Loki lowered his mug. "I’m not about to have a downfall. I promise. I’m doing well. I’m happy now. I’m not underwater. Please don’t doubt my sincerity" 

Tony put an arm round his shoulders and leant his head against Loki’s. "Ok. I believe you" 

"Thank you”

-

Tony went to wake Peter up in the morning. 

“Come on, kiddo, time to get up”

Peter whined, pulling the pillow over his head. “Nooo, it’s too early!”

Tony sighed heavily. “Alright, fine, because I’m in a good mood, you can have  _one_ more hour, ok? And then I will drag you from this bed by the ankles if I have to”

Peter didn’t respond: he’d already fallen back asleep. 

-

Loki and Tony went out for a walk for an hour. When they returned, Tony went to try Peter again, with little success. 

“You’re being silly now. You need to get up and pack your stuff. Time is of the essence, you know”

Peter whined quietly. He didn’t want to get up. Loki came into the room.

“Seems there’s only one thing for it” he said, and he tugged the quilt away from Peter, grabbed the boy under the arms, and hauled him out of bed. 

“Ow! Hey, put me down!” Peter protested, kicking in mid-air.

Loki laughed. “Bless! Isn’t he cute?”

“Shut up! Put me  _down_!” 

Tony’s mood lifted and he laughed too. “Your face, Peter! Dearie me, come on Lolly, put him down now: you’ve made him cross”

Loki did so. “Go and get yourself sorted. Anything you haven’t packed within the hour gets left behind, ok?”

“No! That’s not ok at all!” Peter said indignantly, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“Get a wiggle on, young man” Tony said, ruffling his hair. “Breakfast, wash, pack. That’s simple enough, isn’t it?”

Peter glared at them. Tony laughed, looking at Loki.

“Look how cross he is! You can hardly take it seriously”

Peter gave them both a shove. “Get out, I gotta get dressed! Go away!”

The two men laughed and decided to humour him.

-

Tony didn’t appreciate Peter slamming about the cabin. He’d packed (loudly), had breakfast (messily), and was now pacing about (heavily). He seemed angry, and was being generally unhelpful. 

“Peter, can you  _please_ , just sit down and be quiet”

“Why should I?” Peter shot back. 

Tony gave him a look. “You’re on thin ice, young man”

Peter pouted, kicking at the side of the sofa.

“Peter! You’re asking for a good smacking”

Peter stopped, looking over at him. “You’d never hit me”

“No” Loki said, appearing behind him. “But I would”

And he did. Hard. It seemed to have the desired effect, as Peter suddenly went very quiet, and didn’t protest when Tony pushed him down into the armchair and told him to stay put until they were ready to go. 

-

Peter couldn’t help feeling like a little kid who had just been put on the naughty step. He tried not to look at Loki and Tony while they finished packing up the house and double checking everything. They were fast, efficient, and it wasn’t long before they were ready to go. Peter had grown attached to the cabin, and he hadn’t been given any clues as to the next location, so he didn’t real like the idea of leaving. He didn’t have a choice though, and was soon bundled into the back of the car. He looked at the empty seat beside him where Loki had sat every journey until the engagement. It was hard not to feel lonely. 

-

Peter awoke to the fuzzy sounds of the motorway. 

“Hey sleepyhead. How are you doing?”

Peter sat up slowly, rubbing his eyes. “Are we there yet?”

“Not quite. It’ll be about another hour, maybe more. We’re gonna stop at a supermarket and grab some stuff”

He handed him a bottle of water and a folded sheet of paper. Peter took them from him, taking a few mouthfuls of water and unfolding the paper. It was a booking summary. Peter read it over.

“Hey, Mr Stark?”

“Yeah?”

“You know how you’re a billionaire?”

“Yes..?”

“Why are we staying in a hostel?”

Tony looked at him in his rear-view mirror. “It was the best place I could find. The location is great, and it’s big, which is definitely a bonus where you two are concerned”

“It says it’s grade one listed”

“Exactly. It’s fancy. Ish. Look, it’s got character, it’s right above the town, and it’s next to the abbey. Like everywhere else, it’s just somewhere to bed down. It’ll be good, I promise”

“Hey, Mr Loki, what do you think of this?”

“He’s asleep, pet. Don’t disturb him” 

Peter was quiet for a little while.

“Hey, Mr Stark?”

“Yes, Peter?”

“I- I’m sorry about this morning. I think I was just overtired” 

Tony nodded. “Thanks kiddo. I thought as much”

He reached back and gave Peter’s hand a squeeze. Peter held onto him. 

“Thank you…”

“What for?”

“For everything. You didn’t have to do any of this” 

“I wanted to”

Peter swallowed. He couldn’t think of anything else to say.

-

Loki woke up a few minutes before Tony parked up. 

“Right, I think we should get checked in, throw our stuff down, and then go and explore. What do you think?”

Loki shrugged slightly. “I think we’re better off getting settled a bit first. I need to get my bearings”

“Alright chick. Ok, let’s go”

-

Peter stayed close at Tony’s side. It felt very different here. It wasn’t especially warm, but it wasn’t as cold as Northumberland had been. Reception was right inside the front door, which was a relief, as it meant they could get in quickly.

“Hey, are you checking in?” The receptionist asked. 

Tony nodded. “Yeah, we made a booking under the name of Stark”

The receptionist found the right form, and set it on the desk. 

“Ok, so firstly, have you got a car with you?”

“Yeah, it’s in your car park”

“Right, so can I get your vehicle registration here - or just the make and colour if you can’t remember - your signature here, the names of the people with you, and some ID for anyone over 18″

Peter wriggled under Tony’s arm, reading over the form as he filled it in. 

“Ok” the receptionist said, checking their ID and looking over the form. “Were you wanting to book any meals with us?”

“Ooh, can we get breakfast? Is it like a proper full English?” Peter cut in before anyone else had a chance to say anything.

“Peter” Tony said. “You know how we just went and spent a good fifty quid on food in a supermarket? Why do you think we did that?”

“Uuuh”

Tony looked at the receptionist. “We’re self-catering. Thanks though”

“But dad-!”

“Better do as your parents say” the receptionist laughed. “Ok, so, you’re all paid up, so you don’t need to worry about that. So, this is for you-”

Peter didn’t really pay attention to the talk about room numbers and check out times and directions. He’d suddenly realised he’d called Tony ‘dad’, and he was absolutely mortified with himself. 

“- Anything else you need, there’ll be someone here for most of the evening” 

“Thank you” Tony said, taking the key cards.

“Um, sorry” Loki said, pulling a little black leather notebook out of his pocket. “You’ve got a stamp, haven’t you?”

Peter stopped being embarrassed just long enough to have a closer look and question them about hostel stamps. 

-

They went and dropped their foodstuffs off in self-catering before going up to their room. They’d been given a seven bed room, so there was plenty of space. No sooner had they closed the door behind them that Tony decided to address earlier events. 

“So, it’s dad now, is it?”

Peter flushed bright red. “It was a slip of the tongue! It doesn’t  _mean_ anything! Shut up!”

Tony laughed, putting an arm round his shoulders and ruffling his hair with his free hand.

“Don’t look so embarrassed. It was cute. If anything, I’m flattered by it”

Peter turned his head away. “It was a one-off”

Loki laughed. “So, if he’s dad, what does that make me?”

Peter looked at him. “You’re just Loki. You can’t be anything other than that”

“Oh. And why not?”

‘ _Because I still fancy you_ ’ Peter thought, but he didn’t say it.

“You just can’t”

“Oooohhhh!” Loki burst out laughing. 

Peter rolled his eyes. “You’re mad”

“That’s me, mad as a box of frogs” Loki grinned. “Me and my good friend there”

Peter looked behind him, and shrieked to see a Loki clone there.

“Don’t  _do_ that!”

Loki waved his hand, and the illusion disappeared. Tony left Peter in favour of grabbing hold of Loki.

“How many times have  _I_ asked you not to do that?”

Loki pulled away, taking a step back and gesturing at him. “Fight me”

“Gladly”

Tony pounced at him, and they started a mega wrestle on the double bed. Peter left them to it. He went round the corner to the bunk beds, choosing the corner one and unpacking a few things from his case before shoving it under the bed. The beds were right by a big window, and since it was a clear day, you could see for miles. Peter looked out of the window, but Loki and Tony weren’t quiet fighters, and it was quite distracting, so he watched them instead for a while. He sometimes worried they’d hurt each other, as they didn’t seem to hold back. He’d always viewed Tony as being the one in charge in their relationship, but whenever he saw Loki show his strength, he wasn’t quite so sure.

Their wrestle soon seemed to turn into something else, and Peter grabbed a pillow and hit them with it.

“Hey, I’m still here, you know! Young eyes and all that” 

“Woah, hey, no need to get violent!” Loki said, moving off Tony and sitting back on his heels. 

“So, what do you two want to do?” Tony asked, snatching the pillow from Peter and hitting him with it.

Peter shrugged. “We could always explore this place before we go out" 

"Sure. Put your shoes back on then” Tony said. 

“But we’re inside" 

"Hey” Loki cut in firmly. “Do as your father says" 

"Shut  _up_!!" 

Loki rolled his eyes, climbing off the bed. "Let’s go for a wander then" 

Tony stood up too. "Right. Peter, shoes" 

Peter grumbled but did as he was told. 

- 

The journey took its toll on Tony. They sat in the Georgian lounge, and Loki read more of Anne of Green Gables to Peter while Tony dozed in an armchair. It wasn’t especially warm inside, so Peter was grateful to be snuggled up to Loki. The hostel was grand, very old in style but well maintained. It was comfortable. Peter liked the grand staircase and the fact that when going from room to room, half of it seemed to be historic, and half of it seemed to be modern, like walking through timezones. It was nothing like he’d expected it to be.

- 

Tony woke up to find Peter and Loki asleep. He rubbed his eyes, yawning. He felt he could sleep for the rest of the day, but he didn’t want to waste it. He forced himself to stand up, and went over to the other two, giving them a little shake. They both jumped awake, startled.

"Sorry. Come on, let’s go for a walk" 

"I’m tired” Peter whined. 

“A bit of cold fresh air will do you the world of good. Up you get" 

Loki stood up, and since he was on his lap, Peter had no choice but to do the same. 

- 

"I bet there isn’t actually 199 steps” Peter said. 

“Why would it be called the 199 steps then?” Loki said. 

“As a gimmick? I don’t know. I’m gonna count them" 

Tony stayed beside the boy, counting too. They quite enjoyed it, although Peter kept losing count and had to keep running back and recounting. Loki shook his head and sighed at them, but he secretly counted as well. Once they reached the bottom, Peter looked quite pleased with himself. 

"199! There actually are as many as it says" 

"That’s right, kiddo. Don’t stop now: there’s lots for you to look at here" 

"Wait, Mr Stark?" 

"What happened to ‘dad’?" 

Peter scowled at him. "What’s this place called again?" 

"Whitby” Tony said.

“I’ve cracked the last of your nonsense clues” Loki said. “Abigail was a reference to Whitby Abbey, wasn’t it?" 

"Got it in one, fella. I think you’ll like it here. There’s some places within driving distance that I want to take you to while we’re here. You’ll like those too" 

"What are they called?” Peter asked. 

“Robin Hoods Bay and Staithes are two I’m definitely taking you to. I thought we might go to Scarborough too: Loki likes tacky seaside towns. Staithes looks amazing though. I think we can get some good pictures there. Plus apparently there’s a shop in Robin Hoods Bay where you can buy an espresso cup of melted chocolate. That’ll be right up your street. You’d have one as well, would you Loki? Loki?" 

Tony stopped, realising he’d lost track of his fiance. He quickly found him, going over and taking his hand. "Don’t wander off like that, lolly" 

"I was distracted" 

“Still, try not to get yourself lost”

Loki raised an eyebrow. “You’re babying the wrong person here”

“I’m just looking out for you. Come on”

-

They explored the streets of Whitby, losing track of time. Soon most shops began to close, and they were starting to tire.

“I think we need to get something to eat” Tony said. “Just a snack before we go up those steps again”

“Aren’t we having anything proper?” Peter said.

“We’ve got stuff up at the hostel, remember?”

Loki stopped outside a chip shop they were passing.

“Loki, did you not hear what I just said?”

“Hm? Hey, have you ever had a deep fried mars bar?”

“What?” Peter looked at him. “That’s a Scottish thing, right?”

“They’ve got them here. You’ve got to try one. Mars bars are so much better this way. Tony?”

Tony put a hand up. “No thanks. I think I’ll just wait till we get back up the steps if that’s the only snack option you can think of”

“Well, I’m having one. Peter?”

Peter nodded. He supposed it was good to try new things, even if it was something as weird and deep fried chocolate.

-

“You’ll never guess what I fancy” Peter said, leaning against the kitchen unit by the oven.

“What do you fancy?” Tony asked, setting the saucepan on the hob.

“Another deep fried mars bar. It was so good. You should’ve had one. I want another one”

“Maybe tomorrow” Tony said. “We’ll see. Go and set the table” 

-

Peter sat back in his chair, looking round the kitchen at the green kettles and toasters and the boxes and bags on the shelves. It felt weird, having people milling about doing their own thing - but good, too. It was nice co-existing. 

“Sorry this isn’t the most romantic setting” Loki said, catching Peter’s attention. “But I got you something today”

Tony looked at him. “Oh?”

Loki produced a ring box, which he handed to Tony. Tony opened it, and Peter knelt up in his chair to get a better look.

“Woah, is that Whitby jet?? Wow, I saw those: they were super expensive!”

Loki didn’t respond. He was watching Tony nervously. Tony finally looked up, his eyes watering. 

“It’s beautiful” he hugged Loki tight, burying his face in his shoulder. “I love it. Thank you” He raised his head and kissed him hard. “Thank you”

“Sit back now” Loki said.

Tony did so, and Loki took the ring box from him, taking Tony’s hand in his and slipping the ring onto his finger. Suddenly it felt even more real. 

-

The three stood halfway down the 199 steps, leaning against the railing, watching over the harbour and the lights of the town. It was late now, quiet, a breeze ruffling their hair. All the sound around them was distant, speaking stories of people living vibrant evenings, embracing socialisation. It was easy to feel disconnected from it all, standing up above the town.

“It really is the simple things” Loki said quietly. 

Peter looked up at him.

“Where would we be without little moments like this?” Tony said.

Peter turned his head, looking up at him instead. Tony looked down at him, placing a hand on his shoulder and giving it a squeeze. 

“Are little things really the most important?”

Tony smiled slightly. “Think about the summer. When have you been at your happiest? Give me some examples”

Peter thought for a moment. “Down in the lab, working quietly at the bench with you”

Tony nodded. “When else?”

“Sitting in the reading nook being read to. And watching DVDs together. And - and talking of the holiday, sitting on a wall with a takeaway or an ice cream, with the sun burning my back, looking out over the water” 

“And walking through Pooley Bridge, sitting and watching the water there?” Loki suggested. 

Peter turned to him. “Yeah. And that night there was the storm, and we had the lights off and sat on Mr Stark’s bed and watched the lightning out of the window”

“Or those quiet evenings listening to music while you sorted through your postcards?” 

Peter nodded. “Or back at home, when we’d all fall asleep together in the quilted blanket” 

“See?” Tony said. “You really do remember moments more than events”

Peter faced forward again, looking out over the barrier. “Some of the events were cool too though. Like that Go Ape thing we did. We’ve done a lot of stuff”

“We’ve nearly exhausted my first aid kit too” Tony said. “You two are laws unto yourselves. I don’t care how independent you like to think you are: you both need looking after”

“That’s what we’ve got you for” Loki said. “Although you need a bit of looking after yourself”

“I don’t mind. You two can lean on me as much as you need to” 

Peter rested his arms on the railing, thinking about everything. It had been a bit of a whirlwind summer. So much had happened. He felt like he’d been introduced to a completely different world. He was happy with his life with May. They were definitely friends as well as family. But there was something about being with Loki and Tony that he found somehow irresistible, and it was nothing to do with the money. Their lifestyle had seemed so foreign at first, but it was one he’d grown comfortable with, and embraced. Everything about their life was so different, right down to the music and the brands they used. They existed in a completely different way to him, and yet, he seemed to fit so well with them.

Peter looked at Loki. He thought about all the different ways he’d seen him: scary and threatening at first, followed by silent anger, and the pain he’d seen him in after the dagger incident, followed by the scariness of his illness afterwards. He’d seen him shout and cry and lash out, he’d seen him argue and seethe and grumble. But he’d also seen him smiling and laughing and joking, turning heads of people in the street and bringing out a different side to anyone he spoke to. He’d seen everything Natasha and Clint had told him about Loki be proved wrong as the days went on. He’d seen Loki open up to him. He’d become friends with him, he’d held him and comforted him when he was sad, he’d looked after him when he’d needed it, he’d read to him and wrestled with him and cooked with him and become a safe person, one Peter always felt like running to when he was down.   
He looked at him now, with his porcelain skin and high cheekbones. He looked at his slender form and his simple but perfect outfit, and the diamond ring on his finger. He was wonderful.

“I wish we could stay here forever” Peter said. 

Tony smiled slightly. “I do too”

Peter looked at Tony. He’d been a beloved mentor for a long time now, and a friend. This summer had only strengthened their bond. He felt more like family now. He’d held his hands and guided him through, teaching him science and technology, about life and relationships, and opening his eyes to a world of possibilities. He’d protected him and cared for him, making sure he never went hungry, making sure he had everything he could possibly need, offering him an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on. He’d taken on a paternal role, and he’d been good at it. Peter trusted him with his whole heart. He loved him. He’d defied and smashed every rumour, and he’d kept Peter safe. He’d definitely acted as the leader of the flock, but he was so much more than that.  
Peter looked at the way he was now, relaxed and happy, healthy-looking. He was brilliant. Peter knew he was being 100% genuine when he’d said he’d always be there for him. He didn’t doubt for a second that he’d always be a rock for him. 

Peter took his arms down from the railing. He shifted closer to Tony, and Loki moved over to them too. They put their arms round each other, encompassing the boy in their embrace. They held Peter’s hands, resting their heads together. Peter sighed happily, closing his eyes, feeling the wind on his face. Tony and Loki looked out over the horizon, at the birds silhouetted against the orange sunset sky. It was beautiful. Everything felt beautiful. They felt so close, they felt at peace, like everything was  _right_. 

This was exactly where they were supposed to be.

*

*

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's finally finished! For a long time I thought it'd never end!
> 
> This is an absolute massive shoutout to absolutely everyone who has got this far, who has read literally hundreds of thousands of words of my work, and stuck by it.  
> It is a thank you to everyone who has commented, everyone who has left kudos. I have, of course, got to name BleuTour for being my first commenter, and Lokislonelylady, who has been my most frequent commenter! To you two, and to everyone, I can't describe how much all the good comments and support I have received have meant to me.
> 
> If anyone has any questions at all, any cultural references they need explaining, any gaps they need filling in, please do not hesitate to ask.
> 
> And, since nobody guessed it, I can now say what the pop culture/film reference in chapter 9. The dialogue in the conversation Loki and Peter have about depression was mostly taken from the 2010 film Submarine, from a scene between Oliver Tate and his father.
> 
> Thank you everyone who got this far! You're all stars


End file.
